What a dark day.

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I eventually got to bed, probably shortly after that last post.  Very shortly.  The pain was coming and going before going to bed.  And after.  With intensity I just don't understand.  Quiet agony, writhing.  Mostly the old wound, but the knee, elbow for some unknown reason, even the closed and nearly closed roadrash areas.  

Everything hurt, off and on, sometimes in single servings powerful enough to buckle, cripple, me... for short bits.  Sometimes I could sleep for a while.  Sometimes all I could do is silently scream and just hold on.  What was I holding onto?  It was like trying to keep my body cohesive, together, as if squeezing, tightening, muscles and whatnot could help with the pain.

Almost made it?

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Dairy should be here shortly.  But I am absolutely fried.  I pushed as long as I could.  Now I absolutely must sleep, or try.

Hoping the pain doesn't return on the way up, or while tucking in.  For the moment I feel... absolutely numb.  Natural painkillers have kicked in.  Which is part of why I am crashing?  Oh, everything still hurts, down in there.  Like the knee, and the main wound site, but... the pain isn't going all the way to the brain.

Even the ribs aren't sneaking past, the pain, mostly.  Goodnight.

Rough.

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The heaviest of the pain is just now... settling.  Not even gone, not going, just... a little less.  The knee hurts too, twisted.  Don't know if spasms were twisting it, or what.  It's not as bad as the main pain, but is heavy enough to add a strong second dose of minor agony.  I haven't hurt this bad, in several places, in a while.

The new bandaging has given me some breathing room.  To be honest, that is what I'll be using, unless I can get something that soothes those ragged edges while bandaging they way they want it done.

That just wasn't going to happen.

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Beside the pain, rolling and tossing means I kept ending up on my bruise.  Once in a while, now, is fine.  But flipping and flopping like a fish on a line out of water was begging to really damage that?  Or at least make it feel more uncomfortable than it has to point.  No.

As to the pain?  I bandaged the area again.  Leaving everything else, the packing and such, as is.  That... didn't work.  So I pulled that dressing, pulled the packing too, then reset it.  It is finally easing up, but even then just now, an hour later?  Or more?  Or less.  I just can't tell.  But it is getting better.

I've done what I can.

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The pain is ramping up again.  I sent a few texts, to sort things out.  I am becoming ill, on top of the increase in pain.  Exhausted too, somehow.

I had a few pieces of chicken.  Wanted coffee, but it just isn't... going to help.  I have to go to bed.  My chest hurts, now, too.  From shrinking in pain?  Something.  Holding my breath too long?  Hopefully, sleep will be available, and will help.

I just can't stay up any longer.  Good day and goodnight.

Yes, still hurts.

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Instead of being a steady, horrifying, rolling, thundering, pulsing yet static as well, group of pains and little horrors, it's just, mostly, a slow rolling aching with an underlying sense of having been on fire.  It's not a good one.  It certainly was worse, it has definitely been better.  Still silent screaming, or thereabouts, from time to time.  The ache will just cut right through any ability to restrain.  Better, thought hoping for much better, and sooner than later.  I'm taking more painpills.

Strangely, it isn't just the main, old, wound.  But that is the most powerful center for pain.  The wrist hurts a bit, and the knee hurts more, in both places.  Not sure what is up with this today.

More silent screaming.

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Getting the bandages off was easy enough.  Even clearing the big wound of the honey packing went pretty good.  Washing it out a couple of times?  All good.  Putting the stuff back in, for whatever reason, is causing levels of agony I can't well describe.

No, no compression.  Wool socks.  But without wool socks, that wound gets cold, and hurts even worse.  No, have to have to wool socks, but can't do anything else.  I am hoping, within the hour, that the pain will subside.  Currently, it is waves of absolutely horrible pain.

Ah! The wound area cleaner arrived.

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Packets, like alcohol squares.  Only no alcohol.  It really cleans the area, the skin, so that the bandaging sticks, but without being as painful to remove.  I only had enough to use it for the old wound.  And, that... was mostly okay.  The hand and knee wounds aren't as serious.

It still stings to remove the bandaging, and doing it twice a day usually means I need to start the removal process in different areas, day to day.  Still will continue that, but am hoping the removal will be easier.  And, for the old wound site, I may try to use one of these for when lifting off the bandage.  That one in on for days at a time, and really sticks.  Once it gets going, it usually, mostly, comes off okay.  I'm just looking for a little easier way.

Dreams?

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Oh, aye.  Not... all of them will be all that exciting.  Or... not the first one.

While the first dream wasn't exactly on this type, it did involve various general and specific slide rules.  I just liked this vid.  I don't remember all of the dream, but it involved naval navigation, from the view of a submarine, plus general mathematic calculations, and some volume, titration, and other calculations.  Why would I dream of that?  Because... I like these things.

When did I go to bed?

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Long after I intended, that is all I am sure.  Several hours, four, six, hours after planned.  I just couldn't go to bed.  I kept thinking about changing the bandaging.  And... the more I thought of it, the more I got caught in some kind of loop.  I feared even touching it, yet my mind was pushing me to just get to it.  And... in that loop, I got stuck.

Fine.  Now, I never did mess with the main wound.  But I did the little wounds as I was crawling in to bed.  And, this morning as I was getting out.  The smallest one, on the knee, had a dime, half dime maybe, sized scab.  I was sure it was time for that to come off.  In retrospect, probably not so much.  But it's done.

Good, good.

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Wasn't sure if it was Friday, this morning, or Saturday.  Up too many double days in a row, but with a few not?  I mean, most of this week, I awoke on one day, and went to bed on another.  But not all days.  So... being certain isn't a surety.  All good.

No, I didn't get a shower in.  Just... too tired.  And afraid, of redoing the patch.  Just... not yet.  Wow, just from thinking about it (?), I got as if a shock through it.  It doesn't want to be touched.  I don't want to touch it.  But... I will.  Probably when I wake, later in the day.

No, go ahead.

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Tell me what you really think.

A bit of humor to start?  Sort of?  As... close as it gets?  *wink*

Not just a nap.

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Had hoped.  It just...  I woke, several times.  Could not crawl out of bed.  I tried, pushed, pulled.  Just... no.  Even now, I'm not sure I am up.  I did want to feed Sassy.  She has been patient.  I try to do fair by her.

Dreaming of women, again.  But this time, the... proximity alarm would have gone off.  Wow.  Drowning in flowers?  Something like that.  I sucked my thumb later than most.  It... was a nervous tic thing.  I am guessing, this is that's replacement?  Well, not just nervous.  If in pain, when unsure, lots of things.  Sex... just replaced that roll.  And, yes, I'm in pain, still.

A good morning.

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But it's over.  No great pain.  No struggles.  Haven't had a shower yet.  Medicine was taken.  Food was eaten.  Blood sugar is, was 182 fasting.  Not the best, but lower than the mid to lower-mid 200s.  The coffee trick is helping.  But, really, the breading is going to keep blood sugar elevated.  If too, pain will.  I can count on over 200, no matter what else, if I have so much pain I silently scream.  Yesterday, the day before.  Surprised they didn't hit into the 300s.  Or did they?

Two pieces of chicken, and two tablespoons of slaw, makes for a perfect meal.  Two to three times a day.  Just enough to kick healing into high gear, satisfy my simple hungers, and keep everything... moving.  I may add a gallon of milk, per week, for the next two weeks.

Dreams.

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Women.  All night.  No, not sex.  Damnit!  But... just missed by >.< that much?  I slept with women all night.  Though, I have to admit, that wasn't bad either.  Such strange creatures.  Playful, painful, loving, angry, needy, disinterested, you never know if what is being presented is real, believed by her to be real, or a ploy.  We... ployed... all night.

Life can be so good, even when... you can't quite get what you are sure you want?

Sleeping awake.

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I tried to push through.  To put something together, for another post.  Midnight?  I must have slept for hours, and hours.  Or... just... been a blink that side of awareness?  Not sure.

Dreaming of women.  Pretty much just... how most guys dream of them.  I even tried to avoid it.  When I suggest I am celibate, that's not... because I can't.  It's because I don't want to... be otherwise.  So, it perturbs me when I dream of their form, feel, scent, and such.  Annoying.  And... yet not.

Looking for tea.

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Things in the basket, will be reviewed later.  Some things were just not right, too expensive, with carbs, or... with other problems.  Some things are a maybe.  Though, really, I'm in no rush.  I get, or used to get, a better tea catalogue.  I'll wait a while for it, and... if one doesn't arrive, go looking for the company.

Not... anything... exactly right.  I found hibiscus, in raw form, give or take.  It wouldn't make a good tea, with my wants, by itself.  But, in a reasonable oolong, or white tea?  It might really do well.  Not sure it would do well with black or green tea, really.  Though, with other aromatic florals and herbals?  Trying to avoid fruits, even flavoring.  That probably means it has sugars in it.

Better.

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Just... on the other side.  Just on a smoother less painful track.  Still slightly fevered, mostly I think a remnant of the pain.  I'd like to take the wool socks off.  But I know, as soon as I do that, the wound will be attacked by the cold, and thrum and ache as if freshly hit, or opened, or such.  While... that is wonderful, for masochists?  I... just don't happen to be a masochist.  Nor sadist, just not to my taste.

I can suffer it, when needed, sometimes.  It... takes a few days, to get to it, to get over the last bit so as to move on to more.  But I... did get it unpacked, then at least covered, until I could finally clean and repack it.  I... was surprised I wimped out so harshly this time.  But the pain was just a bit beyond my ability to... work through.  Or... quickly.  I got through it.

Awake, in fever and pain.

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The electric blanket was still on.  I thought it would help with the pain.  I think I simply aggravated the wound site too much, with immediate compression.  At some point, the thick wool sock on that foot had been taken off.  Though I can't remember if that happened right before waking or even if just shortly after falling asleep.  I do know I fell asleep in an expedited hurry.

I slept well, if not long?  It was after thirteen, but not even close to fourteen hundred, maybe a quarter after.  Up at, give or take seventeen to thirty after.

What a trip.

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Time has just... gone.  Two, three hours?  I... just can't be sure.  The pain is still there.  But I can't feel it.  Wow.  So high.  It wasn't the painpills.  It's some natural agents blunting everything.  Unlike with narcotics, the natural stuff doesn't make me feel... hungover, out of sorts, just... numb... and a little groggy.

I think I'll try to go on to bed.  I had more food earlier, but couldn't eat now if I wanted.  Not nauseous still, or anything like that.  Not sure I'd remember to swallow the food.  Wow.  Nice.  should sleep well.  And dream well.  Women on my mind.  Fifteen years of celibacy, bad enough health I should have been down decades ago, and I still think about women?  Yeah.

God... made some of us... differently.  Goodnight.

Improving?

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I went with it open, save the bandaging, for just a bit.  But the cold was making it ache.  Not... quite as bad, but ache, hurt, a lot.  So, thick wool socks on.  Helping?  Slowly.  Oh my word, that was absolute agony.  Now it's just simple agony?  I'm hoping the painpills do a bit more.

In either case, as soon as I think I can sleep, I'll go on up.  Probably turn the electric blanket on, just to give me a little extra warmth, right off the bat.

Silent screams.

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The shower was easier than I thought.  Even washing the wounds.  No problems.  Binding the knee, cleaning the old wound with saline and sterile gauze, both went well.  Packing the old wound with the honey poultice and adding the packing bandage went really well.  I thought that part would hurt.

Now... putting compression socks back on?  Silent screams.  That was finished ten minutes ago, and it's still as if I poured some gas in, and lit it.  I... will give it more time to settle, next time.  But I did need compression.  My legs are bloating, and I'm adding a good deal of water weight again.  But... I... can let the bandage and honey goo settle a bit first, next time.  Oh my word.

Just couldn't sleep.

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It's almost a quarter to seven.  Still not really quite ready for bed.  Keep hoping I can get that shower in, clean out the wound.  I have the real bandaging off, and got the honey poultice out.  And I have a smaller patch bandage on, for the moment.  But I really need to wash that out and redo that with the good stuff, the right bandaging, and such.  It just... hurts... a lot... to tinker with that.

I didn't nearly pass out messing with it.  Actually, I... really nearly did.  Why?  Not sure.  But it was harder, this time.  Maybe I wimped out, maybe this was different in some way, or... something else?  But... the hope is to get the shower in today, wash that out, and wash the other wounds.  Plus just clean up.  Then pack the wound back up.

More chicken.

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Drumsticks, again.  But from a different deli, town.  These drumsticks are huge!  Must have been the biggest lesbian hens around.  Probably stole the supply from KFC?  Seriously, I have never seen drumsticks this big.

Now, to be honest?  I liked the skinnier ones.  Perhaps because one of the finest spices remained, no matter how much was eaten off the bone... hunger.  Yes, hunger is a spice.

Teacher gave me her imprimatur.

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Eh, musical in form.  But... twice, recently.  I think she liked the output.

Oh?  Fine.  Here.

Sleep was very good.

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I finally slept as I needed.  Longer?  I... just don't remember.  A few texts woke me, in the early afternoon.  But, okay.  I wouldn't have been awaken by them if I wasn't ready.  Something about more chicken.  Oh, that stuff is helping.  I'll tell you, even if it isn't perfect food, more if it is higher in protein, with some good fat... or even bad probably in this case, while healing it is absolutely a good thing.

That bruise has, I would say, gone to a third of what it was a week ago?  Or am I just... imagining it?  I... will find out when I go in.  They measured the thing, the first time they saw it.  And I would guess that was at, or nearly at, peak size.  As well, the 'flat tire' around my waist, from weight loss?  Was full of blood.  It looked like a storm, going over an equator.  Dark, lots of it, probably a six inch band, give or take depending.  All of that is gone.  Even the bruising on top of the bump is pretty much gone, mostly.

I knew that had a...

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certain... ring to it?  Well, and some others popped.

I had to listen to it first.  Then, not only did it make sense, but all the followers songs and vids.  Right, right, I... get it.

Hungry, but...

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Just can't get to things, not quite yet.  Food is coming, but not until tomorrow.  After frequent days of not eating, while trying to heal, it was getting complicated.  Oh, sure, I can make it.  For days, even weeks.  I did.  Until the brisket, then chicken, I had gone five or six days with nothing.  Well, fatted coffee, one a day.  Can't do too much of that without else.  It's just too much.

Then I remembered.  Brisket!  I had put a third, maybe a quarter, of what was brought, into the freezer.  I had chowed down the rest.  I had to thaw it, then warm it a bit more.  But it worked well.  I am amazed at how well that came out of the freezer.  One, probably pound, piece?  There are two more slices that thick, if I cut it.  Maybe in a bit.  Rich.  A bit... much, at the moment.  But it will cover me through the rest of today, and should I happen to have craving tomorrow.

I was wondering if that was real.

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I ended up being awake very late.  Between the aches, pain, joint problems, and such?  I just couldn't get to sleep.  Or... not bed sleep.  Not even always chair sleep.  But... some... sort of sleep.  It was hard.  Couldn't be awake, couldn't actually sleep.  Some foggy strange place between, where dreams and reality mixed into some strange place.

I'll... review it.  If it looks too... too much, I'll pull it.  Or not.  It was just a dream, I think, if I can't remember what it was about.  Some... woman.  Oh... and some vids popped that... yeah.  Yes indeed.  Things I had forgotten.

What a dream.

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I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep.  Down here, sitting in my chair.  How long was I asleep?  Dreams can be fast, but doesn't the body need to feel secure, in order to dream?  When I woke, I definitely didn't feel secure.  So... maybe not.

A woman.  A question.  I sort of liked her, in... that way.  Not really reciprocated.  No matter.  That is the way it usually is.  Though not always until it is too late, for her?  Odd how that can often work.

I'm not a believer.

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Did our leaders know Pearl Harbor was going to be attacked, and allow it to happen?

For me, that isn't the question.  To me?  I am positive they knew, and allowed, and could have intervened.

My questions?  Were they right?  By warning Pearl Harbor commands, or allowing them to act on the warnings?  They would have let the Japanese know, or begin suspecting, we had cracked their codes.  Or... even more.  That we had moles in their government, possibly their Emperor himself, or those acting on his direct command, given protection.

Before going on to bed...

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I decided to replace the glasses which were damaged in the accident.  I may be able to fix them.  But?  But, they were a lessor pair of glasses.  I wasn't sure, when they were ordered, if they would work.  Having had problems with progressive lenses before.

Now, in that order, I went with a larger size lens (though you can never tell, until they are in hand) and a medium weight lens.  Dropping to the lowest weight lenses added about a hundred dollars.  Which, I don't know about you, but... it's... a lot of money for me.

Maybe on back to bed.

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I had hoped to get a shower in.  But I don't think so.  I am just not ready.  And... pains and aches and such are back.  Why?  I can't say.  It doesn't even make sense.  It is, really, as good a day as I have had in a while.  I have been being careful... when getting up, when feeding Sassy, and doing other things.

I have been keeping efforts to a reasonable minimum.  Only doing a new task once every half hour to hour.  Sitting up, staying covered and warm.  Doing everything I can to make life easier.  It just doesn't matter.

Sleep helped.

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A reset, to how I felt before tinkering with the bandage.  A bite to eat, coffee, water, to restart the day... into midafternoon.  Things still ache.  And most of what hurt before.  But all at a low rumble, and often all can be ignored.  Just noticed when something gets bumped, jostled, or flares up a bit.

A shower, sometime later?  I hope so.  But I'm not in a hurry.  Coffee, through the next hour or two.

I had been feeling better?

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The aches, joints, and things, had all gotten down to a low roar.  I could mostly ignore them.  Good enough to get up, I thought.  I figured if I snuck downstairs, and just... had some coffee, relaxed, read, listened, I'd... find a nice little piece of morning.

Things were going swimmingly.  I took my time getting up.  Noooo need to rush, and bumble, bump, or twist something.  Slow and easy.  Nice.  Ah... I made it up onto my bench perch.  Found my underlayers.  Decided to bandage the knee, looks like I lost that during the night.  Slow and easy.