Dishes and more.

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Love it when a bit more gets done.  Dishes, a final wash, rinse, drying, and putting away.  The plants were looking a bit sad, so into the shower.  A nice slightly warm shower, then I'll leave them curtained in for an overnight sauna.  They always love that.  Cat litter was tended if I keep up on that well enough, if it still smells wrong too often anyway.  Finally, I changed the bedding.  I will be setting my linen closet up in the shorter run.  I have three quilts, a dozen various blankets, and three winter sheet sets.  I am going for weekly sheet changes, perhaps every other week, and monthly to quarterly 'other' change-outs.  Oh, yeah, quite nice.

I am back in the market for pillows.  One clue?  Don't go cheap.  Some of that is dangerous even for an adult.  Though I don't think down or feather is the way either, not just for cost, but I have spent small fortunes and not found comfort.  Still looking, seems  to be hit or miss, but better overall odds somewhere closer to a lower middle.  Then again, when you have a big form the world simply doesn't fit.  A humbling thing for those born with extra built in features resistant to how God would have it?  I take it that way.  Gladly since that is my intended direction.  And it could be worse.  Actually I have it too good.  I just can't do much about it, not without a correct crutch.

Hmm?  Right.  That is it for work.  Tonight... or this wake cycle.  Early morning can also be considered late night, is that not so?  I do have the trash consolidation plan mapped. The checkbook is ready.  The paperwork is located.  A shave, with the trimmer might be done yet so another shower and wet double edge shave will happen more easily tomorrow.  Restarted?  I... never know.  So tired lately, even awake, I can't always remember what I wrote while I am writing it.  I... think I meant it.  If I offend?  Wait until I am better, able to fully wake.  Oh, right.  To thank me.  *rictus grin*

Good night.  Again?  Off my damn porch!

Awake.

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Slow.  Woke a bit ago.  Split about whether to go back to sleep or figure out how to get busy.  I believe I will give the dishes a final wash shortly either way.  If I can keep going, I'll change bedding, get the trash and recycling ready, the consider paperwork and the bill.  That may all get split into two parts, or not.

I have actually been off enough I haven't been able to game.  Not enough focus.  It's becoming more difficult to wake and stay awake.  Yeah, dishes then back to bed... saw my shadow.  Later.

How nice.

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Dishes.  One wash, then set aside so a shower could happen.  Almost forgot.  No shave but the shower was greatly enjoyed.  When I say 'we', sometimes that is even more literal, even when not.  You have to go guru to fully understand.  Not saying I am good as gurus go, or some hermits, merely that I can be every bit as divested of fleshly concerns.  In an half hour I will fill the dishes for another wash.  I won't finish them, but this minor success should help with that.  And another shower.  No meal out, but I was able to kick something out.  Hopefully, if I continue, a meal out is in the very near cards.

I even struck upon the starter fluid for another of my... hopefully thoughtful... myth posts.  Not sure I can pull it together and off?  It's in my craw so I will try to smoke it cold.  See what I did there?  That is a preview.  Now get off my damn porch!  Unless you have a pipe.  :p

Good night.  Or such.

Incredible sleep.

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Sometimes a few hours, usually a full eight, with twelve hours balancing the few hours to form a rough bell curve if charted as blind data points.  While once in a great while I wake sore, I haven't needed painpills.  The aches end quickly.  This last time might be an exception.  I hold off taking anything for as long as possible.  I hate pills.

I haven't gotten to anything.  I keep trying tricks, ploys, system standards and emergency configs, it just doesn't work.  I will try higher heat, painpills, the promise of food, and just the satisfaction of success this time.  I really don't have much else.  If I can get a few things sorted I can just go to sleep as wanted, or needed.  These times used to fix diabetes.

So much for the gum though.  I think all of them are soy based.  I'll use them up but not resupply.  Research on this device is a pain.  Still, for the moment it is what I have.  One type will justbe tossed.  It tastes like that aquatic smell common to medium to large rivers and lakes.  Nasty.  I tried four brands, most claimed no soy.

The goal is dishes, a shave and shower, and a meal.  I am done with eggs.  I have tried generic of several sorts, store brands, uncaged and on into organic brands.  Either eggs have gone bad through feed, they are all selling really old (or very fresh?) eggs, or my system can no longer tolerate eggs.  Something is wrong.  It's the only food that is problematic so I am suspecting suppliers.  It's been that way for a while.  I am just, finally, surrendering to reality.  Chinese feed?  Too large of farms?  What I simply can't say.  I'll miss eggs, not the upset I get no matter the cost.

They really are turning America into China/Russia.  Just surrender, get used to poisonous food, no rule of law, and a government that hates you, bringing foreigners in to replace you, even socially and religiously (or irreligiously).  How many of you even get it.  With the Flakes flaking out... Not sure if that will work, or for certain if that will end up better.  Still it is a vector of change which has... potential.  If Reagan had such a movement?  Some say he did, I had my doubts even then.

Later.

Such strange patterns.

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A few vids.  New to me, some of them.  Wanted to ignore, some have too much drawing power.  That, and in spite of being new to me, kept populating.  Not in my viewed area, which makes there recurring pops even stranger.  Did I make a right call about the wrong one?  Or did my correct call wound, to her as if to slay?

Sore from sleeping.

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Not much choice.  The plan is still a go, bits of effort between crashes.  A few things were set up but failed.  I started again a bit ago.  Dishes were set to a hot fresh soak.  I am waiting for them to cool enough and for me to wake more fully.  If I can get that done, a shower and good shave.  I might use the trimmers shortly, first... makes a close razor shave much easier and better.  I've turned the heat up a bit extra hoping that might help.

After that a shower and shave, turning the heat way down, letting my hair dry, then crashing again.  The next chance, depending on the time, I'll hit either some paperwork and the bill or get in to town for some minor shopping.  Not sure if I can work every wake period, but that is the goal, at the very least until I have the major priorities managed.  Muscles and bones are a bit out.  Anacin, by the handful, until I finish.

Dark dreams.  Happily just of monsters.  They sometimes mistake me for one of you.  Have you ever seen the look of horror on a monster's face?  If so, you are welcome, potentially.  I really enjoy these sorts.  Even so, from what I have learned from Father, best to just do what is good, leaving off the well of hunger far before drowning in it.  Some hungers cannot be sated, will end in the living death, no matter the intent.  Still, I can enjoy their terror when they see truly.  *grins*

It isn't perfect.

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Sleeping so often has some drawbacks.  It is, after several cycles, allowing me to nearly reach full wakefulness for some of the portion of the time I can remain awake.  The advantage tops the problems for now.  It is sort of like my waking moments are split into a bell curve, or graph of a thrown object.  Sometimes true full wakefulness is skewed closer to one edge or the other, if it averages well enough to the central third if I don't push or pull.  I haven't been able to employ that, but it took a bit for me to adjust and begin planning on the fly.

Dishes, a shower, paperwork and a bill, maybe some shopping and research.  Not even close to a single waking event.  It might take a week to get all of that, though success can feed on itself.  I can't rightly say.  I am hoping a few days.  The opposite of a success loop might occur too, based on exhaustion.  Tick.  Tock.

A dream.  In it I finally meet her.  No dating, in one sense.  Proximity, helping each other out, talking.  In time both of us seem right about it so I ask.  She accepts.  Stressful, even in a dream.  I felt like I was drowning from time to time, from after asking until even after the marriage.  It stirred my reflexes less and less over time.  It was better than not, she being a good patient woman.

I realized she wasn't quite ready for a whole home.  And lovely as she was, I wasn't ready for 24/7 facetime.  Women... always with fear, thinking, wondering, doubts, and moods.  Sure, me, right?  I am weaksauce by comparison.  No, a promise is a promise, by law and spirit.  But solutions are possible.

Sleep, lots of it.

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Not shying away from it.  If my body seems to want or need sleep, as soon as I realize it, I let it happen.  I have had three full sleep cycles with four to six hours of rather poor wake time between.  I can't seem to reach a full waking state before beginning the return to sleep.  I have tried a few tricks, they aren't working.  I am about to go for a fourth in less than two days.

I have some needs, charcoal and garlic bulbs.  While I am not a general user of "organics", there are times when they might come in handy.  In this, to start growing my own.  California "non-organic" garlic might do as well.  If I can find both I will compare.  I found the problem with most 'fresh' garlic, often "organic" too.  It is from China.  Bleached, chemically treated so as not to sprout, raised in raw sewage, often including human feces, and stored for extended periods to boot.  It does taste weaker.  The government is either weaponizing the food industry against us, corrupted, more, or all of the above.  While I don't abide "organic" (even if there was something to it (there isn't), when it goes corporate, often Chinese, any good is buried in human feces, high prices, and other lies), very limited specific short term uses are in order.

What for?  Not for eating, save potentially short term, but back to one small new food production operation.  Something, hopefully, along with figuring out horseradish and jer. artichokes, to get me off my butt.  I'm praying, along with a few other things needing done, that I can get to it.  Yeah, we'll see.  Here is a vid, if you think fresh homegrown garlic might be worth some small investment in off your butt juice, aka elbow grease, with twice the odor!  :P

Hmm?

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Oh, right?

Sleep called.

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I Couldn't resist.  Up a few hours, six?  I am not sure.  The need never hit.  It was more like never waking.  Dragging my feet, hoping to wake, gain traction into the day, was all that kept me awake that long.  I have slept nearly a full extra sleep cycle.  If my senses are correct, I may end up back in bed shortly.  Fighting it has a time and place.  When it is this strong, as with a riptide, there isn't positive choice.

No worries, a bit of this, adjustments as possible, and sometimes I can do really well.  How long I'll crash varies greatly year to year based upon unknown factors.  If, probably when, it gets bad enough, without a woman to help track, I can get a bit lost in it.  Worse, lately, at the beginning and exhausting end of the dark and cold.  There have been nearly whole winters lost, though long ago.  I have been considering attempting something close to a regulated hibernation for the future, to save on things.  Not sure, possible, this year or next, or not.  I wish the extra sleep felt good.  It just doesn't.  The more I sleep the more tired I feel.  I don't have a choice.

Sam was out today.  Letting her in she seemed upset.  I didn't check that time.  The next time she seemed really out of sorts.  I did look that time.  The horses were closer?  After a few oddities, I am all but sure it is the horses.  I went out, even approached them to show her that they are safe.  Got to admit, they have serious attitude.  Not exactly perfectly hostile, simply rigidly exclusive, not interested in interaction, and they seem to be willful.  Not sure, without the electric fence, how far they would push it.  Yeah, I get it.  Maybe I am no longer used to horses, but I think these two have paired to the exclusion of human or other animal interaction.  Not friendly.  Hopefully not too ornery.  I hope the owners get along with them better.

Hmm... Not much else.  Just, for now, to find a way to remain awake, for a while anyway.  Later?

Slight fall/winter depression sets in.

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A typical occasional human feature.  As fall gets deeper or more darker, my days begin slipping due to it becoming darker and cooler, then activies reduce from those things. It happens most years, the reduction in function and the blues.  The best way through is to get a grip as soon as possible, with efforts aimed at a stable level of function and as stable a sleep and wake cycle as possible.  Attitude, a good one, a humble but resolute and flexible one, is required.  If I can't do this now, do that, or what can be done.  If sleep is tumbling, beginning to eat the stretch of daylight hours, starve or over-feed it.  If you fail, again, repeatedly, keep at it.  If that fails to the point of exhaustion?  Take a break.

Normal, a bit more potent for those of us hardest hit by change.  My weakness to change and willingness to bend rather than fracture (finally, after decades of other) has, if not improved my fragility, improved my tolerance to failure I can no longer simply alter.  I've learned my limits and how best to manage.  Plus, mostly, how to get back to a good attitude as quickly as possible, as the first step.  The blues will happen, be dispelled, return, on through the dark.  A bit of a game.  I'm heading down.  Buckle up, look for possitives, aim at daylight, keep up on food, or when too much for else, just hold on.  It's a mild dose at the moment.  I will fight it.

Later.

As the world turns.

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The more it stays the same.  Notions.  He will do what must be done with but word.  He will do far more than I.  What I do will be done by you.  For good or ill, in action or defense, perhaps then on to offense with His grace.  As above so below, as before so again, but I repeat myself.  It was once claimed that the future isn't what it used to be.  I promise, alpha and omega, that it is.