Awake, a bit before my time.

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My friend's brother has returned.  He stopped to visit, and ask for an item.  He was hollering from downstairs, but with the ac, and having gone to bed at 04:00 or 05:00, I couldn't hear.  So, up the stairs he went.  Quite a surprise, but... okay.  No worries.  Good to see him, he's been out east all summer, working a pest control gig.  He just returned last Friday I believe.

While here, I showed him how the ducks, rabbits, and cats, are fed and watered, where the litter pans are, and where some of the food is.  As well, I showed him a rough short preview of how to do it, and some ideas on how to do it.  I should make a check list, and create some copies.  It makes it a lot easier, I think.

Anyway, up at a bit after noon.  It is now almost 13:00.  I had the ac off, when I went to bed, but needed to turn it on this morning, around 08:00.  Actually two minutes before.  I had set the alarms for 08:00 and 10:00, to try to cancel milk delivery for today.  I... am backlogged.  Need to get back to kefir, but... I've been dragging.  Anyway, woke in time to do that, before the alarm bothered me.  Shut them both off, turned on the ac, and went back to crashing.

Ducks and cats have been fed.  Ducks have been watered as well.  Rabbits will get tended in a bit.  And I'll grab a bucket of water and refresh the girls' water.  And, I have cheese sandwich makings.  Still not sure if I'm going back to bed or not.  I woke up racing, with a visitor a bit close.  No troubles, just... a bit of a... surprise.  Now that adrenalin is back down, may crash, or soon.  All good.

Later.

Bedtime.

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Dinner and a movie.  The movie didn't turn out well.  A random grab from amazon prime.  Those are very miss and sometimes hit.  It's something, a gamble I can't really lose, mostly.  I overcooked the brats, but not to the inedible stage.  Close.  Still, was tasty enough with 'live' sauerkraut.

Later, just now really, I had some of the salad, with fresh mushrooms in with it.  I had to look at a lot of dressings before I could find one which was... minimally sat.  Many had soy oil as their first ingredient!  The best I could find was canola oil.  It's not the best, but vastly better than soy.  As well, the rest of the ingredients, and there were fewer, seemed, mostly, better.

It was the Newman's Best... some such.  Profits go to charity, but charity has become more charlatan than even the government in general.  So, that... really isn't something.  Though, who knows, maybe they are careful with their charities, how they are run, and what they do.  Giving people a hand up is one thing, giving them a handout, forever, breaks people.  Unless, of course, they are broken.  I know that, I get that.

Strangely, it was less expensive than most other brands!  I didn't notice that until looking over all else, and accepting.  I was expecting a premium price.  It was quite reasonable.  There were only two flavors, italian and ranch.  After looking both over, I took both.  Hoping they weren't horrible tasting.

Nope, pretty good.  The best ever?  Good enough, and by plenty.  I do try to eat right, but the stores and manufacturers sure make it difficult.  I was about to return the salad and just walk.  I had put the nteenth type back, and was just about to literally walk away when I noticed this brand.  I generally have never given it a thought, thinking it was probably overpriced typical garbage.  I... was wrong.  Or, perhaps the price has come down as many others think similarly?  Whatever, it... was a more than fair price for a good quality, good tasting item.  As I said, I do try.

To bed even earlier, tonight.  I may let the cats up.  I just fed them, they should be in good humors.  Oh, and I fed and watered the ducks again, this evening.  I am making up, a bit, for being on and off, and missing a few days this week.  Plus, the young ones need lots of food.  Lots and lots of food, right now.  Still, two feedings a day will be mostly the usual.  Rain, sun, snow, or fog.

Good night.

Quite nice.

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With feed arranged, animals tended, and girl cats too...  With most tasks I am aware of handled...  Social contacts managed...  It took ALL week to get this far.  And I had to struggle through it.  Forgetting my phone, tiring before I could finish, always something.  But I was able to keep at it.

My heart is sore, tonight.  One thing I have been missing is medicine.  I'll... I'm... on that.  But my mind is at ease.  With things done, and getting doner.  Tomorrow I am hoping to dig into the boxes, tearing them down.  The, nearly, mostly, last batch.  There are still some which have come in, but those aren't necessarily empty or ready.  Still, this will be the culmination of a long effort.

If I do well, I may get the last of the empty boxes, after these get broken down, out here and themselves broken down.  then to begin a few other things.  Perhaps, next week, figuring out how to rent a apartment size bin, then filling it.  I have enough for a load, probably.  I thought it was around $30 a month, plus a $20 charge per pickup.  Not exactly sure, but I think it was about that.  I could get one or two loads out in the next week or two.  Then call it quits, with that, for the year.

Maybe.  If I can.  Bleh.

Oh, finally, a real, homecooked (mostly) meal.  Brats.  Cooking on the grill.  The grill has been lit, always takes a bit.  First to heat up.  Then to get it to pipe down.  Bratwursts?  They ought to be called bratbests.  I like them, anyway.  Those and some of the 'live' sauerkraut.  I would, eventually, like to make my own sauerkraut.  I suppose, then can it.  Not... pressure can, but more jar, and see if it stores?  The problem with big batches is that it has to go bad, or get stronger.  Would like to experiment with that though.  Just because.

It is 62 out there.  A rather nice night.  Pleasant, as I see things.  It, without opening up, is down to 76 in here, next to the computer, much cooler elsewhere.  But, I am enjoying it.  I am acclimating to the lower temps.  They wiped me out first.  And, if it jumps to the high 90s again, that will do me for!  Doubtful that would be around long, but it would wipe me out for a few days no matter, and at least.

Yea.  A good day.  I'll get back to gaming in a bit, after dinner.  May have to feed the girls again.  Ugh.  AND share some of one of my brats.  Brats!  Though only Sam eats that particular food, as with hamburger.  I think they take turns turning their noses up at various foods.  But Sam is a terrible beggar.  I have become strict about that.  NO!  Anyway.  Later.

Not bad.

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Not everything planned, but not bad.  Returned the package.  Running late, no shower, but... so be it.  Done.  Then on to shopping.  I haven't shopped this month, at the grocery store.  No wonder I was eating sardines.  I still have roasts, but who wants hot foods on hot days?  More cold cuts, mayo, this time they had a whole large salad, in a disposable container, for less than the components.  Fresh, at least store packaged.  I looked it over very carefully and then took it.

Oh, I had been missing butter.  It's been so long since I've used it.  Hot weather just... no.  Still, I have been wanting butter... for a bowl of popcorn, or to make keto bread.  This, that, and the other things.  As well, yogurt and cottage cheese.  Plain, regular fat, tasty.  This, that, and the other things.  Well done.

Then a meal on the way home.  I had intended to get the car cleaned, but the traffic was an absolute abomination!  I was stuck in a hundred mile long traffic jam!  At least it wasn't on the freeway, where I couldn't get off.  Though the side arteries were just about as bad, so no great relief there.  So I skipped the car wash.

Oh, but getting everything put up required Herculean effort.  I had to clear off the freezer, as the fridge freezer was full.  And I had to clear space in the fridge, from... stuff.  I haven't been drinking or using milk for kefir.  Which reminds me, no more milk for a while!  Ugh.

While I was doing that, I have the ducks another drink, and fed them while out there.  Twice a day, for now.  With the feed, maybe three times watering.  They really are using a lot of resources currently.  So be it.  Oh, I may have two drakes, in that first lot.  I wonder if the ratio, though, is skewed female.  I could see that.  They aren't monogamous, at all.  They aren't even totally one breed types.  Actually, I think the muscovy are.  Henry, the indian runner drake, isn't.  Though... I'm not sure, at times, if he would required a hen.  Poor bastard has it bad when he gets a wood on.

Earlier, I checked on a good friend, away working.  Sounds and looks like fun.  They even got to play with 'splosives.  Legally and else, but still, all good.  A day with boom, while keeping all limbs, digits, and else, is a good one.  Mostly.  I'm trying to... be more rightly social.  I'm... trying to more alive, more right.  It isn't that I don't want to be.  Often, I don't know what to do, these days.  Possibly never did.  As well, I... wasn't ever sure I was welcome to it.  Still, now, I will try.  Harder.  For... what it's worth.  This worked out.  Calling my mother has been working out.  Same with my brother.  Distant, still.  But... working out.

A very good day.  A bit warm out there, but have had much worse.  Running around didn't beat me down, if it did weary me.  A good type.  The type you... I... want, anyway.  I feel like, and did, do a few things.  And, have prepped to get back into cooking, and eating better.  Mostly on the grill.  But cold-cuts will do whenever, even on cheese slices, rather than bread.  Bread ever other, or third, day, cheese the other days.

All good.  All is well.  Live is, maybe, returning.  Oh, I've not been on medicines.  I best check some things.  And I need to get in for a blood test, and to pick up medicines... or check on them.  What a Derp.  What a maroon.  But I try.  And, some days, succeed.  Good afternoon, day, maybe night.  Amen.

Awake and already at it.

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Having feed sorted, to my liking, and in stock, makes the 'morning' much easier.  Whenever that 'morning' does begin.  In this case, it was 13:00, give or take some, nebulous, odious, number of minutes.  Which can't be named.  Because I don't know.  So shut up.  Anyway... up and at it.

It is already 80 out there.  It's sort of an ugly 80.  It feels warmer, and almost sticky?  Humidity is reading 44, so not bad if not great?  I don't know.  It's reading 70 in here, though has been nearly that all night after shutting the windows and doors.  Strange, but all good, too.

Cats, first.  Food and litter, then while tending the ducks, a bucket of fresh water in for them.  Then the ducks.  Oh those are hungry little quackadoodles.  Not so much the adults.  But the still growing, and definitely just started, little ones, eat like a whirlwind.  All good?  I can hope.

Only one drake in that first two batches, of which seven made it... so far.  The rest are hens, one might be a mule... a cross between the indian runners and muscovy.  I won't name those who are about to die.  And he is on the menu.  As is the cross.  They aren't fertile.  I may keep the rest of the hens.  The rest of the younglings are slated for dinner.  That's just the way it works.

I'll get the rabbits shortly.  Two of the waterers were clean empty.  Two which had been changed yesterday.  I'll gladly refill, just thought it was odd.  A few foods were down.  I checked as I was doing the ducks.  Pulled the waterers to be refilled.  As well, I open the bins, and leave them open, if they need food.  So, on my way through, I can just quickly load those up and take just a few waterers with me, knowing already what is needed.  I do that, especially if I know I'm taking a short break after ducks, and not able to push on through.

Overcast.  But is it clouds, or smoky haze?  Perhaps both.  Can't really see the mass all that clearly.  Perhaps thicker smoke, or maybe the smoke is blurring clouds.  Whatever, a bit darker out there.  So I was a bit surprised it was that warm.  All good though.  While the higher heat is trouble, I can handle this weather just fine, nowadays.  I remember when even 80 was brutal, too brutal.  I have acclimated.  It just took... nearly a decade.  It was last year when summers began making sense... mostly.

Have a great one.  If sleeping soon, dream well.  If working, work hard.  If loving?  Get busy.  *grins*  Later.

To bed a good deal earlier tonight.

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Cool, almost cold.  I am guessing I can turn the ac off tonight.  I had to close the windows.  I didn't check the outside temp, I had dressed down, to cool off, and never dressed more properly again.  But it must be rather cool, maybe cold, out there.  It is 66 in this front room, 67 near the computer.  The main house, last I looked, was 71.

I've been keeping up on cat litter, and feeding the girls well enough.  Not doing will with eating myself, but one meal a day, for now.  Usually.  Either that or two cans of sardines through the day.  And, with feed sorted and as I prefer finally, I should be back on track with the ducks and rabbits.

A shower, twice in a row...  To be honest, I'd like another shower tomorrow.  Then give it a break for a few days.  Just catching back up.  Perhaps, as it cools, to work?  I'd like to try.  Laundry was finished, the towels washed, then dried.  They might get a fluff in the morning, before I fold and put them up.

Gaming, for a bit.  I have things, in the game, well ordered at least.  Odd little game.  In it I have livestock.  chicken, lamb, pigs, and cattle.  As well, a farm so as to feed all the critters.  You... have to feed them, to encourage them to mate, then cull for food.  As well, mining and building a keep or house.  And more.  You can even go fishing, if I haven't gone yet.  Oh, and lumbering (cutting trees, replanting, and a few other things).  It's almost overwhelming.

Then, of course, you have crafting.  Making everything from armor to weapons, making a bed or portable firepit, and other things.  As well, since it is a game, enchanting to creating books of enchantments, and potions too.  It really is a bit much to try to figure out.

I kept looking for a way to duplicate items.  But it looks like yt vids are fiction.  If there is a way, I haven't see a working way.  It's just, at this point, easier to just mine, and hope.

But, yea, on to bed.  Early.  The cool has me tired.  Good night, or morning, and day.  

I was not sure.

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Just getting out was... nearly impossible.  Another shower, check.  Didn't bother with the hair.  Two days in a row is a bit much.  Even for the body, but it's... been a while.  So, all good.  Then time just in shorts and a t.  To allow the bod to dry before putting it in things which expound on any moisture trapped in there under things.

So slow.  Late.  But out.  I asked if it was too late to buy.  She said it wasn't.  So, I got enough for what used to be four months, but with chicks is proving to be half that, maybe less.  Still, it's... there.  No extra rabbit pellets.  I am hoping for September.  The wallet isn't empty, but it isn't all that full.  If mom gets out early, for good behavior?  I'll have to buy extra, in case.  They go through about two bags a month.  Here's, for once, pulling for her being on bad behavior.  :p  How did that song go?  Ah... 'Smokin' in the boys' room'.  That would be double jeopardy for her!

I forgot my phone, so couldn't return the amazon package.  But, then, I was too tired to shop.  So... I'll be going back in tomorrow.  Bleh.  I did get the car washed, and a meal.  It's not great food.  But, at this point, food is f'ing food.  I need food and am not doing well at cleaning up in order to then cook, if even then I might not have it in me to cook.

It isn't just the cleaning.  Or the cooking.  Or chores, the cats, showers, laundry, etc.  It is all of it.  It is too much.  I simply can't keep up.  Plus, toss in boxes to be broken down and taken out, a water heater still needing changed out, shopping, etc, etc, etc!  Ugh!  Ackh!  Grrrh!  And about a dozen others like those.  I keep trying, and failing.  I hope it's the thought that counts.  That I have.  Little else.

I did get their feed tank filled, mixing as I went.  Pellets are back on the menu, along with two grain mixes.  That seems to hold them longer.  Plus, it's three fifty pound bags, instead of two.  But, per feeding, the pellets seem to fill them for longer.  Their least favored, but they actually do seem to miss it when it isn't there.

I went a day without feeding them.  Was out!  I actually did have two bags of mixed grains, but wanted pellets with it, so they just had to go hungry a day.  It's... good for the constitution.  I'll feed them again, later tonight.  Rabbits were good, again.  And are restocked, filled up, and ready to tomorrow.  I do like my critters.  I hope some of them end up being tasty.  We will see.

Now I can... get back to gaming nirvana.  Tune out, shut off, go away... until... it is time to come back.  Be hail and of good spirit.  Or... not.  Some of it is choice.  Choose wisely.  I try, fail sometimes, but try.  As with all things.  Amen.

Awake, again.

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Late awake, if late down too.  It was well after six, nearly o' seven hundred?  Between those, when I went down.  It's almost fifteen hundred.  Cats fed, litter cleared.  A shower shortly.  Phone on, and checked.  Nothing new.  I need feed before doing chores.  So... I best hop in the shower and get going.

Mother called last night.  She was sounding coherent.  They had shocked her heart.  It took three times, she said.  But, finally, her electrical is back in trim.  She is still in the hospital, but is, again, looking to go to the nursing facility... short term.  Then, after recovering, to go home.

After speaking with my brother, and mother, I am planning on returning when she is out.  I want to be there the day, or even the day before if I have enough lead in information.  I can help, as I told her and him, but can't do it all.  She will have to be able to help herself, to a degree, even initially.  Then, over time, if she can take over, I will let her as I prepare to depart.  If she can't do it, we will have to make plans to put her in the nursing home permanently.

I have two weeks, if I push things a month.  That's it.  It's a sink or swim thing.  Technically, I may actually belong in a nursing home.  But no one will go that way, and I will take a long walk before I go that way.  I have a few more options than she does, for the moment.  Though I hope to get her set up there at her home.  We will see.

Laundry was reset and finished, save the towels.  I will use the towed again today, so twice? three times?  It'll live.  But after, it will go into the wash with the other and hand towel.  It won't go out on the line.  The smoky haze is thick out there.  While I can't smell it anymore, I am sure, in time, it will smell like it was smoked.  So... I'll not air dry things until the air clears.

Ugh.  It's been difficult to wake this morning.  So tired.  And, yet, wanting to wake and get going.  Things to do.  Critters to feed.  Places to visit.  On to brushing my teeth and showering.  Then drying just a bit, I hate suiting up wet.  Towel drying doesn't quite cut it.  Later.

Awake?

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Yes.  Actually, yes.  Brushed my teeth, then cleaned cat litter while I was at it.  I also gave the little fluff balls treats, to buy time to clear my head without begging while waking.  Probably.  They don't always take hints.  I'm not sure if it's because they are felines, or females.  Probably both.  Hey!  Don't blame me for nature.

It got cool last night, to 46 the coolest I saw.  Not sure if there was a morning dip or not.  Often happens.  But when the cool is from a system, that often stays fairly consistent.  That after having gotten up to ~87 yesterday afternoon.  I haven't checked this morning.

Feeding the girls, properly, soon.  Then a shower.  I'll trim the neck, but for now the budding beard is comfortable enough that I am leaving it.  The electric bill was ~ $100 to ~ $110 this month.  Given I was using two window ac's, often together and non-stop, that is an easy charge.  It is the only month I have had to do that.  The rest were in the $60 to $70 range, so far.  And I have had the ac's off for the last five days to week.  I do have one going again, as weather warms.  But I suspect that will be all, and the most, needed, from now on.

A few things today.  Maybe more.  Who knows, but some things for sure.  After waking, and getting going.  I turned the last load of laundry over, and it is... wait... not I didn't.  I decided to give what was in the dryer an half hour extra and warmer spin.  Then, when I go to shower, I'll do the last switch.  Clean clothes!  That is pretty much it, for laundry.  Though, after the shower, I will have two main battle towels and a hand towel, all white, to go in.  So, I will start those then.  If it looks to be dry out, I may put them on the clothes line, smoke in the air or no.

Well... that's it for a start.  Be well.  Good barely afternoon, and day otherwise.  Amen.  Why not make a greating and wellwish a prayer while one is at things?

Chores, finally.

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While at it, a second round of cat feeding, their litter again, and... a few other things.  Rather late.  I just... lost track.  Still, it was done.  I have two more bags of feed, I think, but need to restock.  The chicks are gobbling like mad.  And there are many.  All good.  Tomorrow, I hope, I'll get more feed.  I think I have two more bags of rabbit feed, but will check that as well.

I'll have sardines, again, tonight, a can or two.  I have some extremely rich stuff, literal cod liver, canned like sardines.  I can usually only eat half that can.  Rich.  Not too awful, once you get used to it.  It, like all liver, is quite good for you.  But, being seaborne as well, it has even extra properties.  Either live to eat, or eat to live, I guess.

Oh, I emailed an old friend.  Wasn't sure he was still around.  He was, and he emailed back, quite a letter.  He is now in the shoes I was in, when we first met.  Going back to school later in life.  It's a tricky thing, but now worries, or wonders.  He has health on his side, mostly.  I'm planning a response, with a few pieces of advice.  I know how to... come from behind.  If my heart had been being treated, I might have had a chance.  Who knows what else is wrong with me, that they aren't treating.  Really, really.

There are some other bits of news I found cheering.  And some not so.  As with all life, good and bad.  I am pleased, mostly.  And, should I ever drink again, even for a moment, it would be if we should ever meet in person again.  A last hurrah, or such.  Still, very glad I took the chance to write.  Sometimes it pays off.

Well... back to gaming.  Perhaps a can of sardines first.  I really am enjoying those.  Or should I go with another batch of beans?  Those were rather tasty.  Yes, I'll go with beans, cheese, and onion.  I just wish I had an easy meat to add.  No, sardines would not do.  I... like them room temp, but probably neither cold nor definitely not hot.  Or... my mind says "NO!".  Later.

Awake, or something like it.

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Weakly.  But trying to be at it quickly.  Cat litter.  Oh, that was a mess.  But cleared and reworked, with added litter material.  Feeding them, shortly.  A check outdoors, it is 84 which actually feels nice.  That at 14:49... a bit before but minutes, small change in numbers.  It is 74 down in this front room, starting off.  It got to 79, yesterday.  But... that actually felt okay.  As well, the rest of the house was much cooler, say between 72 and 74?  Give or take.

After cats, a sit.  Then chores.  I had a small pot of beans, with cheese and fresh diced onion.  It amazes me how long onion will last, sometimes.  Other times it seems to rot a few days out from the store.  I'm not sure I want to know why that does that.

I've got to have something else to eat, something more, today.  I'm not sure what to do about that though.  I watch Sam slip, as age consumes her.  She keeps a pretty good attitude.  She's a tough old bird.  But she is slowly fading.  Pushing twenty five years, maybe even on to twenty six.  A shadow, sleeping most of the time, begging for food constantly, even right after she ate.  Forgetful.  Still skinny as a rail, albeit.  I have great sympathy for her.  Then, I realize, it shouldn't be called sympathy.  It is empathy, and almost of an exact or worse condition.  That's... when it hits, hurts.  Less age than illness, but beginning to be both.  In cat years, Sam is reaching something between, say, 80 and 100 equivalent.

Ah.  To brush the teeth next, before a bit of gaming.  Then to chores in an hour or two.  I probably need something salty, cramps in my legs last night, calf in one, upper thigh on the other.  Odd mix.  I'm almost sure it is... hmm... an electrolyte drink might work as well.  As much as it recommends, for a few days running.  If it is still good.  I try to keep some of that around, for when... I do poorly with nutrition, or else.  I try to keep up, but sometimes I just can't.  Later.

I fell, hard.

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Everything is sort of... an unknown.  When did I last take medicine?  I have been living on sardines.  Hungry, and numb, enough, they are... just fine.  When I can remember to eat.  So troubled.  And, yet, I didn't just sleep.  For what good that did me.

I suspect I have learned much, if just in a stupid game.  How to... build a fence.  How to... grow vegetables, grain.  How to create a mechanical door, or make it function.  So many things.  Not that it helps at all in the real world.  If not sleeping is a very good thing.  My eyes, they burn, though, from not sleeping when I am in this condition.  I... prefer pain to numb or silence or even sleep.  I would have been asleep that whole last few days.

I... wanted to check on mom.  It's been a day, three?  She was supposed to call.  My phone, though, was... somewhere.  I looked, when I could remember.  It had to be in the house.  I used it here, certainly, recently.  Could it have been stolen again?  Finally, I found it.

A shower, and teeth brushed.  Not much, but a very good start.  Needed.

When I looked at it, I had to look at things many times.  Wasn't sure what to do about it, at first.  My brother had called... 75 times... the first time?  I... was almost sure what that meant.  I wasn't ready to face that.  I... had other things to do before I dealt with that?

When is the last time I fed the ducks, rabbits.  Watered?  Yesterday?  I hope.  So burned up, out.  I was afraid one might be dead, more?  When the world seems dark, it seems very dark.  Still, to it.  And to great relief.  None were even fully out of water.  A few were out of food, but... that's fine.  And I have six new ducklings.  I'm not sure who the mother is, or who sat them really.  As, I think, they are communally laying.  No more, however, it is getting too late in the season.  But, all good.  All were fine, healthy, happy, and... apparently, often enough, horney.  It is nearing the time to let the rabbits... do what rabbits do.

Well, and for the first day in some while, it is warm again.  I don't know what it got up to, but it was 78 out there just now.  Still cool, but this front room is about the same.  The main rooms are well cooler.  I may have to turn an ac on tonight.  That... actually helped.  The weather can shut me off as if it was my light switch.  Did, shut me off.  But it was restful.  Now to see if I can pick back up.

Then, the girls were fed.  I've been doing pretty good with them?  I think so.  They... remind me.  If they have become overly pushy.  Still, I try to keep them in bread and lap time.  Even when I don't know what I am doing, and don't feed myself.  They have also been consuming sardines and the au jus.  Odd birds, if you ask me.

Finally.  It was time.  I only saw the number of calls, at first.  So many!  But, thankfully, I saw a text had been sent, so reviewed it first.  To... brace myself for the worst...

Well, it... isn't a worst case scenario.  My mother did become ill, again.  Had to be admitted.  Back to the hospital.  She is being treated for several problems, and is likely to go back to the nursing facility.  Pulse very high, bp lower than liked.  Hmm, I don't like that.

Beside that, his father in law, with prostrate cancer, has had to be admitted.  That... may not be good at all.  They haven't been able to find a doctor, last I heard.  Neither in Vegas or where they live.  They found help in both places, easily, for the mil, with her own cancer.  Perhaps they don't prefer to treat men anymore?

I... was mad.  I called.  But I held back.  I was going to mince words with him, but... held my tongue.  He... started out a little angry, but the tone changed so quickly.  I learned the rest of it.  And know they are struggling with all of their parents going down, sort of, at once.  And now, two into the hospital.  He is shot, this is out of his league, as it is for all, and he is just breaking down.

I am glad I kept my mouth shut.  He... just needed to talk.  I was happy to listen.  And soothe, as able.  I assured him I will help.  I gave other words of comfort.  Suggesting taking one thing at a time.  Sweet nothings, really.  But, possibly, something for his mind to grab.  A focus, one of several were offered.  And prayers.  He was about to go and I told him I loved him.  He almost just went... but... said it back.  Tight times.  Good thing to say and hear.

So... there...  I can handle that.  I can handle more.  I will, in time, one way or another.  If I suspect in many ways.  It's good.  At least I am not, yet, going to plan a funeral.  Alone.  I'll... try to outlive her.  The one decent thing I can yet offer her.  I just... have to... now get my shit together.  I'm not sure when she will be out.  I think he wants me back now.  I don't think that will work.  I can't stay an indefinite time.  I have, maybe, two weeks.  Maybe, possibly, a month?  

That would best be spent with her at home.  Without my tech, and without her trying to have me do hard work, I can split the difference.  Cooking, with some help with dishes.  Washing clothing, if she will fold.  Splitting the difference.  Though, shopping for us.  We can make a list together.  And getting her out to her guy's house, to help there.  I don't mind.  Helping someone else is easier than helping myself.  Especially if they can help part way.

We will see.  But, okay.  Good afternoon and day, nearly night.

Ugh.

.

.

Not sure when I went to bed.  I know I looked at the clock sometime before bed, and it was ~03:20?  Now, how much longer I was awake, that I can't say.  Probably no more than an hour, but time can fly or crawl, not... always easy to gauge.  Odd how, as supposedly invariable time is, my perception of it can vary so.  I don't think I am alone in it.

I want to call mom.  But I think I need to give her time.  I worry about her greatly.  I'm not worried about my collapse, it happens.  I am worried about hers.  She hasn't ever failed like this.  And, I know from experience, it is a difficult thing.  It, all by itself, can be lethal.  I just... don't die well.  And, yet, hounding her will just chase her away from keeping in touch, make her secretive.  I've... when I first began falling, I did the same.  I have decades of experience in handling falling.  Noobs... have it something awful.

A shower, before long.  It is 13:02 as I sit, probably up no more than an quarter hour, or less.  Cats have been fed.  Ducks and rabbits, soon.  Probably attempt to do that all in one go.  As well, litter must be tended.  I am wrestling with... death?  Or the proximity of it I endure from time to time.

The game IS helping me.  It keeps me awake, thinking, engaging the world to within my capacity.  It forces me to learn, think, do psychically mechanical things, and engage theory and math, actually.  It, with my will so low, is eating me.  But I'd rather have a game eat me, than the pillow.  At least I am awake to feed the animals and... just... not be asleep.

I need to do a bit of shopping.  Grocery shopping.  Something I have, generally, been keeping on hand lately, is cold cuts, raw veggies, and cheeses.  And I recently got fresh eggs.  An easy fix.  Still have to clean, but... this is doable.  Or, as he suggest, use tin foil as a disposable bowl, within the ramekin.  Though one egg?  Seems a bit light.  Still, one would be better than nothing.  I've... gotta eat!