I fell, hard.

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Everything is sort of... an unknown.  When did I last take medicine?  I have been living on sardines.  Hungry, and numb, enough, they are... just fine.  When I can remember to eat.  So troubled.  And, yet, I didn't just sleep.  For what good that did me.

I suspect I have learned much, if just in a stupid game.  How to... build a fence.  How to... grow vegetables, grain.  How to create a mechanical door, or make it function.  So many things.  Not that it helps at all in the real world.  If not sleeping is a very good thing.  My eyes, they burn, though, from not sleeping when I am in this condition.  I... prefer pain to numb or silence or even sleep.  I would have been asleep that whole last few days.

I... wanted to check on mom.  It's been a day, three?  She was supposed to call.  My phone, though, was... somewhere.  I looked, when I could remember.  It had to be in the house.  I used it here, certainly, recently.  Could it have been stolen again?  Finally, I found it.

A shower, and teeth brushed.  Not much, but a very good start.  Needed.

When I looked at it, I had to look at things many times.  Wasn't sure what to do about it, at first.  My brother had called... 75 times... the first time?  I... was almost sure what that meant.  I wasn't ready to face that.  I... had other things to do before I dealt with that?

When is the last time I fed the ducks, rabbits.  Watered?  Yesterday?  I hope.  So burned up, out.  I was afraid one might be dead, more?  When the world seems dark, it seems very dark.  Still, to it.  And to great relief.  None were even fully out of water.  A few were out of food, but... that's fine.  And I have six new ducklings.  I'm not sure who the mother is, or who sat them really.  As, I think, they are communally laying.  No more, however, it is getting too late in the season.  But, all good.  All were fine, healthy, happy, and... apparently, often enough, horney.  It is nearing the time to let the rabbits... do what rabbits do.

Well, and for the first day in some while, it is warm again.  I don't know what it got up to, but it was 78 out there just now.  Still cool, but this front room is about the same.  The main rooms are well cooler.  I may have to turn an ac on tonight.  That... actually helped.  The weather can shut me off as if it was my light switch.  Did, shut me off.  But it was restful.  Now to see if I can pick back up.

Then, the girls were fed.  I've been doing pretty good with them?  I think so.  They... remind me.  If they have become overly pushy.  Still, I try to keep them in bread and lap time.  Even when I don't know what I am doing, and don't feed myself.  They have also been consuming sardines and the au jus.  Odd birds, if you ask me.

Finally.  It was time.  I only saw the number of calls, at first.  So many!  But, thankfully, I saw a text had been sent, so reviewed it first.  To... brace myself for the worst...

Well, it... isn't a worst case scenario.  My mother did become ill, again.  Had to be admitted.  Back to the hospital.  She is being treated for several problems, and is likely to go back to the nursing facility.  Pulse very high, bp lower than liked.  Hmm, I don't like that.

Beside that, his father in law, with prostrate cancer, has had to be admitted.  That... may not be good at all.  They haven't been able to find a doctor, last I heard.  Neither in Vegas or where they live.  They found help in both places, easily, for the mil, with her own cancer.  Perhaps they don't prefer to treat men anymore?

I... was mad.  I called.  But I held back.  I was going to mince words with him, but... held my tongue.  He... started out a little angry, but the tone changed so quickly.  I learned the rest of it.  And know they are struggling with all of their parents going down, sort of, at once.  And now, two into the hospital.  He is shot, this is out of his league, as it is for all, and he is just breaking down.

I am glad I kept my mouth shut.  He... just needed to talk.  I was happy to listen.  And soothe, as able.  I assured him I will help.  I gave other words of comfort.  Suggesting taking one thing at a time.  Sweet nothings, really.  But, possibly, something for his mind to grab.  A focus, one of several were offered.  And prayers.  He was about to go and I told him I loved him.  He almost just went... but... said it back.  Tight times.  Good thing to say and hear.

So... there...  I can handle that.  I can handle more.  I will, in time, one way or another.  If I suspect in many ways.  It's good.  At least I am not, yet, going to plan a funeral.  Alone.  I'll... try to outlive her.  The one decent thing I can yet offer her.  I just... have to... now get my shit together.  I'm not sure when she will be out.  I think he wants me back now.  I don't think that will work.  I can't stay an indefinite time.  I have, maybe, two weeks.  Maybe, possibly, a month?  

That would best be spent with her at home.  Without my tech, and without her trying to have me do hard work, I can split the difference.  Cooking, with some help with dishes.  Washing clothing, if she will fold.  Splitting the difference.  Though, shopping for us.  We can make a list together.  And getting her out to her guy's house, to help there.  I don't mind.  Helping someone else is easier than helping myself.  Especially if they can help part way.

We will see.  But, okay.  Good afternoon and day, nearly night.