Ugh.

.

.

Not sure when I went to bed.  I know I looked at the clock sometime before bed, and it was ~03:20?  Now, how much longer I was awake, that I can't say.  Probably no more than an hour, but time can fly or crawl, not... always easy to gauge.  Odd how, as supposedly invariable time is, my perception of it can vary so.  I don't think I am alone in it.

I want to call mom.  But I think I need to give her time.  I worry about her greatly.  I'm not worried about my collapse, it happens.  I am worried about hers.  She hasn't ever failed like this.  And, I know from experience, it is a difficult thing.  It, all by itself, can be lethal.  I just... don't die well.  And, yet, hounding her will just chase her away from keeping in touch, make her secretive.  I've... when I first began falling, I did the same.  I have decades of experience in handling falling.  Noobs... have it something awful.

A shower, before long.  It is 13:02 as I sit, probably up no more than an quarter hour, or less.  Cats have been fed.  Ducks and rabbits, soon.  Probably attempt to do that all in one go.  As well, litter must be tended.  I am wrestling with... death?  Or the proximity of it I endure from time to time.

The game IS helping me.  It keeps me awake, thinking, engaging the world to within my capacity.  It forces me to learn, think, do psychically mechanical things, and engage theory and math, actually.  It, with my will so low, is eating me.  But I'd rather have a game eat me, than the pillow.  At least I am awake to feed the animals and... just... not be asleep.

I need to do a bit of shopping.  Grocery shopping.  Something I have, generally, been keeping on hand lately, is cold cuts, raw veggies, and cheeses.  And I recently got fresh eggs.  An easy fix.  Still have to clean, but... this is doable.  Or, as he suggest, use tin foil as a disposable bowl, within the ramekin.  Though one egg?  Seems a bit light.  Still, one would be better than nothing.  I've... gotta eat!

Someone viewed this recently, as if leaving... a hint, or clue.  And, I thank you.  You know who you are.  I don't.  Though I have... a few suspicions.  A human guardian angel?  I think I have several, who try to help a dying old man... not have to suffer quite so.  Not... easy to watch.  But little things, reminders, can help.  Hmm, I bet I have at least cheese left.  That, and an egg or two?  Sure.  I'll... eat... soon.

The water should be ready.  Coffee?  Tea?  Something.  The upstairs was up to 72 this 'morning'.  It's 71 in this front room, probably that throughout the house.  I did have a fan on, upstairs.  Turned another one on.  Though I think I dreamed hot.  I kept waking to have to kick my feet out.  Some dreams create more heat.  I don't remember dreaming, but must have.  Not every night, rarely, but it happens.

Well, on to reading, with writing managed.  Good day.