No nap.

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I'm not completely sure what all happened.  Though I did get the brats cooked, and a few eaten.  Food.  Almost any food is good when you haven't really eaten in a while.

I'll open up the upstairs and, maybe, get a shower taken.  Then get the towels into the washing machine, if I won't wash them until tomorrow.  Too late to hang them out.

One more meals for the girls, plus perhaps a couple more brats for me.  I cooked two packages, so have many left.

Nothing fancy.  But I should be getting to bed early... earlier... plus be fed and maybe clean.  Actually, of late, that is fancy.  Good night.

So tired!

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Wait, sleepy, actually.  I have tried to do physical work, but couldn't quite make sense of it.  The internet and yt were tried next.  I'd fall asleep while watching something... anything... new or old, liked or unknown.  Though the new stuff on yt is almost beyond dull.  I tried to play a game, to... wake or stay awake.  I kept nodding off.

No, something... too hot?  Not hotter than usual, probably cooler.  Last I checked, it was still at 80 out there.  Which, for this month, and day, and without a weather system in, is pretty good.  Probably residuals from the cooling recently.  It is 84 in here, in the front room, and 76 in the main room?  Or so.  Probably up into the low to mid 80's upstairs.

If I am to nap, I will have to turn both ac's on, and have the fans pushing the cool air at me.  I do have brats thawing, but it will take a while.  My leg really hurts.  I bruised it good.  And rolling while sleeping, even with the patch... it gets bumped.  Plus that girls seem to really enjoy tickling my sore places.

No shower, yet.  Too sleepy.  Yea, I think I will go on up and see about a nap.  Hopefully I will wake before too long, or wake early when it is cool.  Ugh, but I really would like to stay up until it is cool enough to partially open.  Hmm... I'll... see.  I'll write at you later, a bit later, or much later.

No clues.

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Not sure when I went to bed.  Chores are done, including rabbits, at 14:00, shortly after waking... whenever it was that I woke.  I woke this morning, to heat.  couldn't do more than drag myself over to the closest ac, turn it on, hope that might help, and go back to bed.  It was 79 then, got to 75, so... it did work.

It is 79 now, with the machine on since I woke, 80 outside... which isn't bad for this time of day.  Ducks and rabbits seemed happy.  Fed, watered, and spoken with, they seem satisfied.  Cats next, soon.  but I had to sit.  A good first run though.  But, soon, feeding and watering the girls, plus tending their litter.  I did that last night... or this morning... before sleep.  But you know how fast that piles up if you don't keep on top of it.  At least this new litter completely clumps and stays clumped.

Kefir, shortly, or perhaps right now?  Yea.  I love the magic of the internet.  Done!  Plus medicine.  I keep the filled dispensers in the basement.  Actually, that was it.  I best call for refills.  Kefir and some water.  Not really up to more.  Though I think I'll thaw bratwursts for grilling tonight.  Soon.  Done, done, done.  Now I can sit with a clean conscience.  No choice anyway.

The hope, today, is to open the kitchen back up a bit, and get a shower in.  Maybe, as well, wash the various towels and bath sheets from the bathroom.  Hmm, I think I best clean the washing machine first.  Some things sat in there a little long.  No green fuzz, but it smells a bit stale.

Other than that, just figuring out how to wake, stay as cool as possible, and sort out the achy body.  Tylenol?  I have to admit, it hasn't been working well.  I may have to go back to aspirin.  Or at least for a while.  I only usually use them once a week, or more often every other week.  So I'm not too worried.  Usually.

On to looking around the web.  Can't believe much, but, sometimes... fact and fiction collide.  Later.

Completely lost.

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I realized a bit ago that I... hadn't done anything.  I had been sitting at the computer for many hours.  What I was doing is anybody's guess.  I decided to get on the ps4 and play a game.  I... did a few things in there, but was falling asleep.  So...  I gave that up.  It's about bedtime.  I'll just go on up stairs and sleep.

A pleasant headache going.  I write that half in jest, but only half.  It is a milder headache.  A rare thing.  I can handle this fairly easily.  So tired, a bit confused.  It has been a cooler day, but not all that cool.  The house, now, stays fairly warm... 75 or higher.  And, yes, that is a bit of a problem.

A cooler day, but it didn't cool the house much.  Still, it made chores much easier.  And, if I had been more on my toes, I would have been out there in it more often.  Just... for the fresh air and having a cool day, with sunlight and everything.  It's just not always easy to do even the simple things.  I seem to be crashing.

I may not be able to do a thing, for who knows how long.  But I can pray.  And I do, will.  You will be in there, generally or specifically.  You'd be surprised who I pray for, possibly why.  Even if you hate my guts.  Actually, especially you.  I... feel sorry for you.  Even if you deserve to hate, it's... a hell of a burden.  I do feel bad for giving you that reason, or perceived reason.  I probably can't change anything, either.  So... I will pray, that you may release your burden.

Good night.

Vinegars.

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Yes, that project is still ongoing.  Every day, or every few, I have worked with them.  There is, sometimes, white growth which has to be removed.  As noted, adding fluid, to allow that to overflow out, is better than trying to spoon it out.  Though, a spoon also helps.  Not sure if it is going to work out.

A thing I have learned, is that when the fruit was put in, it generally sank.  As the probiotics and else broke the fruit down, it would rise.  That is what would allow for negative growth.  So, the trick is to pull the fruit as it rises.  As well as to rinse any growth up and out, and spoon anything that doesn't leave that way.

A bit of a trick, and learning curve.  Most of the fruit is gone.  Though I probably should strain the jars, as some of them contain fluid which is too dark to see through.  After that, I then let them sit for ten days.  They are all about ready for that final stage.

I have been sampling along the way.  To be honest, they taste rather weak.  I am not absolutely convinced that these will end up strong enough.  Though, who knows.

I also need to get more dried fruit, for bottling the water kefir.  And clean the swing-top bottles, for a second fermentation.  Though, I believe, I need to reset that kefir.  What is in there is a bit old.  But it has grown well.  I may set it up, let it go a day, then put it in the fridge, to slow the growth... until I have the rest of the process ready.  Then, redo it one more time for fresher water based kefir.

The heat is, as the cold does, slowing me down.  It is 81 in here, at 16:03, which is cooler than usual.  It is 68, but looks to have warmed to 68, not dropped to it.  And, we did get rain.  How much I can't say.  But it wasn't enough to leave puddles up front.  Still, any free water, this time of year, is a great blessing.

This is more like August weather, when we begin to get clouds and rain.  Some might try to link it to spring, but it was just too hot for too long.  And this isn't actually cold, just cool.  Though it may be something splintered off from the tropical storm they had down south recently.  Just... odd, that, again, it would come up this way.

I'll try to get things sorted and going in a bit.  I'm going to play a game, for a bit.  See if that can help me wake up a bit more.  I did get cat litter sorted and the girls a bit more food.  Sam is outside, enjoying the world.  Mostly just sleeping out there.  Then again, I may end up napping, then doing work when I wake.  Before or after gaming.  Just... can't... get going.  Later.

Rough.

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.

Nothing in particular.  Just everything in general.  Tired, still.  Sleepy, if I can sleep, even.  The wound on my leg hurts, sometimes sharply.  And the cats like bumping it.  Even in a bandage, it is still raw.  I slept well.  I had the windows open until it warmed a bit this morning.  Then I shut the windows and turned on one ac.

I think... no, I did go to bed at about a quarter after two.  It just took me a while to settle in for sleep.  It was a good time, though, much earlier than recent bedtimes.  I did drift, a bit, into insomnia, but kept my eye on the target.  Missed by a bit, but didn't lose out completely.

I think I woke around noon?  After, maybe up to an half hour after.  I got to chores immediately, all of them.  Birds, bunnies, and cats... if I still need to hit litter.  I redid litter completely last night, and am impressed with the new cat litter.  It doesn't leave bad, smelly, unclumping, bits in the bottom.  While I abused it, by not tending it rightly, what hadn't clumped was still good, even to smelling fresh.  It's a bit pricier, but that aspect will pay for itself.

No news from my mother.  I am guessing she did go in, or it is planned.  It may just be taking a while.  Though, too, maybe the whole thing is called off and she was discharged.  Though I think I would have heard by now.  Which... actually makes me a bit... worried.  Another prayer, for as it may go.  Death is certainly not the hope, but it is a peace... at least for her.  Still, I think there is a good decade or two in the old girl.  Besides, how can we race to the grave if she has won!  :)  I will make a few calls after this post.

Two hours have passed since I woke.  Not sure how.  Storm clouds were rolling in.  Rain, more rain?  Maybe.  Or not.  But it is keeping it cooler out there.  Last I looked it was 75.  The bunnies are looking good.  Still, have a month or two more of high summer.  While we are getting a cool day, I don't expect those this time of year.  These, two in a row, this early, is almost a miracle.  Well, one is a miracle.  Two?  They are close together, probably from the same system.  So...  Then again, we had one earlier in the month.  Miracle, or the beginning of severe events.  *rumble*  It might gift us more than thunder, or not.  But it is helping the world be slightly cooler.

....Mom called.  They aren't going to do it.  She has to get the okay from a cardiologist before they will proceed.  So, going home.  I suggested, while getting the polyp, to also have them get the stick out, too.  She asked what stick, before it hit her.  At least she chuckled.  A little mirth goes a long way.

Well... today?  If it rains, I won't mess with the twigs, assuming I can get to anything.  But I might do something in the house.  I need to begin working, clearing, cleaning.  But I have been so tired.  The heat is messing with me.  Oh, and I seem to have lost track of diabetes.  Always something...  Always, losing track.  Sleep, food, this medicine, that, or all meds... always losing track.  Still, I... keep trying.  I do.  I do my absolute best.  So... maybe... hopefully... to work today.

Later.

A cool day.

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The temp is coming up.  The highest I have seen it is just now, at 74.  Couldn't get to anything, tired.  Need to get sleep arranged back to nights.  Hoping to get out tomorrow, and pick up sticks.  I have something to put the wood in now.  Smaller branches and twigs, really, will go in there.

Though whether I pick sticks up, or branches and get them in their place first, I'm not sure.  Though, perhaps, I will do a bit of each as I am hitting areas rather than specific jobs.  Plus, mixing the jobs means less bending for one, if more weight involved.  So mixing work types could work out better than trying a single sort of work until it is done.

I tried to get in touch, to see if tonight is definitely on or not, and about some other details.  No return yet.  But, yeah.  He works from 07:00 to 19:00 frequently, for now, before getting to this part.  He's not always free to text.  Might not even keep his phone on him?  Some work might well preclude that, so as not to destroy it.

I called my mother, she didn't answer.  I didn't leave a message, because she would know.  She called me back a bit ago.  They actually have her in ICU.  For that pulse.  They are used to it with me, or have other issues, but don't bother when my pulse is that high.  Tomorrow, she hopes.  We will see.

I could have told her my brother had relayed the story, but I wanted to hear her take, and to let her say it.  We can get ignored, sometimes.  I try not to do that.  Plus, maybe he hadn't gotten something exactly right, or she didn't.  Which I would eventually sort out.  Lives aren't just physics of space and time, they are stories.  Subjective due to our faults, but also through our individuality.  I want to be a part of her story, and my brothers.  I can't do much, but I can listen to their lives.

She sounded good.  But she has fear.  Not just about this.  Life, and the future, and death, and pain, weigh on her mind.  I hear it, from time to time.  Just... listening... is what I can do.  Actively, with her.  A short talk, but enough.  I'll pray for her rest, and calm, and that tomorrow will see this finished.  Amen.

Well, on to... something.  I wanted to play a game, but was too tired.  So I sat and... drifted.  It was either just drift, or go on back to sleep.  Gee, I think I should have taken a nap!  Too late now, I think.  Bleh.  Later.

Strange day.

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I went to bed at 04:00, perhaps as much as half past.  I just couldn't sleep.  too warm.  It had gotten to 58 out there, but was staying in the high 70s, even low 80s in this front room.  And the leg.  It was hurting, from the scrape and bruising it took.  I was... a bit afraid.  I finally though to bandage it, but... I was afraid of that too.  So... I didn't sleep.

I finally went and found a bandage.  I didn't clean it.  I just... covered.  Actually just that really helped.  As long as I don't get an infection, it will work, mostly.  Though, I realized, it isn't just the pie scrape, but cut along the leg, say four to six inches of a gouge on down to another little be larger skin loss patch, about an inch or two in diameter?  Something.  Weird way that did...

I got a call, from my brother, letting me know my mother has had her surgery delayed.  She couldn't sleep last night, and her pulse is to 140.  They are going to do a few things for her, to clear that, then try tomorrow?  Maybe later today.  My guess is they don't have a lot of people coming in, lately.  I woke up, before the call, and prayed for her... about when her surgery should have been.  No, no alarms, just a... strange sense.  Then went on back to sleep.  My brother called a few hours later.

I woke to a strange day.  The clouds from yesterday... not the same ones of course, but the same system?  Anyway, they remained.  Heavier, and more complete.  It is 62 out there?  And it has rained?  Very peculiar weather.  Sure could use the cool though.  Quite pleased with that.  Ha!  But, I think we got more rain that I could possibly have watered last night, so it's all good on that end.

Woke with a migraine.  Should have gone to bed earlier.  Go vapor-locked into insomnia, and with the fear of the leg, and not being able to sort that out, I got stuck like a bird flying in a hurricane.  Afraid to land, afraid to fly, couldn't see where to go.  So... I flew, until I couldn't, more or less.

I will probably take tylenol, if I can remember.  Then, hopefully, do some stick pickup out there.  And open up the house to let some of that cool in.  I had closed everything down, since I wasn't sure I'd be able to wake in time to shut the house up this morning, and I was right.  But, 62?  Raining?  And June 24th?  Whatever.  I'll take it.

Man, it's spooky out there.

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I got out.  Needed to make a run.  Couldn't water tonight, anyway.  The roads were nearly empty.  But, of the cars that were out?  Half seemed drunk, or... something.  Driving 50 in a 60~65 zone.  But, not just on the highway.  There were several in town coasting about ten miles below the speed limit.  Two had their brights on and couldn't be convinced to turn them off.

Weaving drivers, even one which was going very slow.  At least half of the drivers out there were... something is wrong.  I got angry, the first time or two.  Then I realized I had no time for emotion.  I needed to watch myself, and traffic, very closely.  I had a few come pretty far into my lane.  It was a very strange night.

Drinking?  They... usually are right on that.  Heck, it seems the local cops know what you drank, how much, and when better than most of those who drink.  They have run every drunk driver to ground, dried up the pool.  Drugs?  There may be summer college?  But there wouldn't be many.  And they are generally more dedicated if they have that.  Ah, the coof not-vaxxes?  Yea, that may well be it.

Wow.  That was really eye opening.  I am going to be very attentive... more than usual by far... whenever I go out from now on.  That was as spooky an experience as I have had since I used to read or watch horror, when far younger, late into the night, alone.

Oh, earlier, while showing how solid the wood was, and being shown that it can be worked, I part of a log dropped and  took all the skin off a four inch by two inch pizza wedge slice of my lower leg.  It weighs so much, that wood.  And even the bark is hard as nails.  I am sure, now, that the branch was yanked down... it didn't fall.  Nothing punky in there at all.  But I also know, at least the size broken apart today, can be worked.  But with great effort.  The lad thought he'd just show me.  Spent an half hour, even in good health and youth, being taken by a middling log.  It may just have been the wood they were after.  That will burn forever.

But that... didn't just skin the part, it bruised it deeply.  Hurts like the dickens.

I'll try to get to bed soon.  I have the windows open, a few fans going.  But it is only 65 or so out there still.  And the smells.  My trash out there, but also animal.  When it gets this hot, for this long, smells are... special.  Worse, by far, in the city.  Even smaller ones like Logan.  But not exactly pretty out here.

Finally.

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I did get through to the mortgage company.  As suspected, the monkey who took my call not only didn't stop the payment, he didn't record that I had called.  They weren't happy that I noted the problem.  I wasn't happy with the problem.  Even if I had checked on time, it would have been too late to cancel the payment at that point.

It is supposed to be returning, with some other money, in this next week.  Though... who knows.  Doesn't everyone say that, to whoever they owe?  One can hope.  I may check today.  It would be good to get that into my account, to cover any problems, pay any bills, and sort things out.

I didn't even mention that I have been calling them for quite some time.  If I suspect they know that part.  Their minority hires were unhappy with what I write, and had blocked access for some time.  Oddly, I must of threaded the needle this time.  I got an English speaker, in any case, this time.  Bleh.

Later.

Even overcast.

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Despite it pretty much being lightly, but fully, overcast, it is still 90 out there.  As mentioned before, if the clouds break, it could climb much higher, quickly.  I got to the rabbits.  They are looking good.  Feed, water, some minor attention, and always a bit of talking.  Even though I felt like my knees were going to buckle.

Was it the heat?  Am I tired from slightly overdoing and not getting enough sleep, or food?  I don't know.  I just know a minor breeze might have knocked me down, or so it seemed.  No worries, I'd just get up and get going again, when I could.  I don't get to die.  At least, one way or another, dream or real, I have lived... a beautiful life.  If beauty isn't always what some think it is.  I have seen and done, gone to limits and then some, known, tested, and discovered enough to know to realize I know nothing.  And suspect the smartest people out there have finally realized just the same.  

Every true discovery, at this point, simply testifies to our ignorance, not our knowledge.  Only small people cling to the notion that we know, or even probably can know.  We either choose the moral, the true, the beautiful, and life, or... we deny that for some digital code that would magically make us all the same.  Seek truth and be humbled by it so as to worship it and the rest of it, ignorantly.  Or... seek to own something, as an ant could own a human, and be crushed by it sooner or later.  Amen.

No worries.  I wrestled, as any giant ant would, with this... thing... the aspect of which I sought as truth.  With, and at, and often, to this day.  A laughter which at once caused great troubles, but which now offers great mirth.  As any son, when his father laughs for the child's great efforts or attempts to emulate.  Wearing shoes I can't even, yet, see clearly.  As with Christ's sandals.  Somehow, though, also expected to don such items and be a man.  I pray you get there.

Not much else, but I plan on watering the side yard tonight.  And, then, hopefully, getting to bed earlier.  As soon as it is mostly dark enough... and likely to stay that way, I'll get that to start.  I think I only have one area to hit.  Though, then, I will set up the sprinkler up front, for it's next hit.  If I will be hitting the areas more frequently, I will be hitting them for shorter, much shorter, periods.  About fifteen minutes a section, three times a week.  If I can keep up.

Tomorrow I am hoping to gather midsized log lengths and get them back to an area where they will be stacked.  And begin going through what is already back there, stacking that on cinder blocks.  I am hoping I can get to it early, while still cool.  A few hours out there is all I expect.  But, maybe, several such efforts every other day?

Pinned, but planning, trying, figuring things out.  I may be stuck, for the rest of my life.  But even that won't keep me from planning my escape.  Later.

Up around noon.

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.

I had to wake earlier.  It was getting hot up there.  Windows and fans, last night.  Too tired, and not really needing to, start the ac or ac's.  I think it got down to 75, which is as cool as ac can do anyway.  I tried to wake at 07:00 and after, but couldn't get going until after 08:00.  Had to set the alarm, and hope it would work.  I was exhausted still.

It took a couple of snooze buttons past to get me out, and up, but it did eventually work.  Everything was shut up and I was back to bed as quickly as possible.  I did notice it was overcast.  I did put feed out for the ducks, but didn't water or do rabbits.  It was already up to 65, in spite of being overcast.  Bah!  Then I went back to bed so fast and hard I don't remember much until a bit ago.

Even then, I really didn't want to get up.  I feel like that time I fell down the steps recently, for no good reason.  My chest hurts, but broadly... muscle and bone, as if it has taken a bit of a beating.  My feet hurt as if they had been swollen too.  Swelling is mostly not a thing anymore, mostly.  I still have days, moments.  But between less fluid intake, probably less salt, and all else, it's doing better.  Oh, and wearing shoes most of the day helps.  Just slip-ons, for now.  If always with socks.  But, yes, it helps.

By the by...  I had heard that size fifteen feet are exactly a foot long, as in twelve inches.  So... I measured my feet.  Okay, that might be why my feet have hurt.  Then again, finding the right sized shoes has always been difficult.  As I told my friend, finding twelves was very hard, thirteens were worse, and they simply didn't make bigger shoes.  So, yes, wearing 12s and 13s for fifty years because finding bigger was beyond my means or not available?  That will hurt the feet.  Oh, I probably already wrote about this.  Still, I... do have a size 15 foot.  I do, however, have very small hands for my size.  So it goes.

Tylenol.  Because it really does hurt.  Perhaps too much fizzy water?  I may try to figure out how to mix that up a bit.  Bottle some regular water.  If that might not be it at all.

The V.A. doesn't seem to be calling back.  I haven't been able to get through to mortgage.  It's like everybody just stopped dealing with people.  I'll begin again, today.  As well, I am doing prayers for my mother and her upcoming surgery.  It is what I can do.  And, if I hear things about you, I target you too, though you get hit in the family, friends, and enemies list in any case.  I don't bother asking for relief, anymore.  Much as why I don't seek help for every problem with medical, either.  They can't seem to even help control my health, assuming I am able to follow their orders.  Not that I quit, all of it, but... I have certainly backed down and out.  It's more of a mess, with overlapping problems.  I'd like them to calm the f' down, and let me... relax.  It might be death, but shoving everything to get a few points, or a bit more or less of this and that, as I am zeroing, is... well... rude.  Just let it be, to a degree.  You have failed for decades, don't pretend to care now.  My eyes are going tunnel vision, often these days, though that might just be the heat.  Still, it's... got me wondering.  Relax.  Have a smoke or whatever gets you through.  Chill.

I'll set the alarm for two hours, then hopefully be in shape to get the rabbits.  It is 80 out there, at noon.  At least there is that.  But it can get hot in a second, as soon as the clouds evaporate or move off.  Odd for it to be overcast, but I'll take it.  Doesn't look like we will get rain, more it doesn't feel it.  But, you never know.  Good afternoon and day.

---------

Well, they called back finally, the VA.  They will still have to decide what to do, but at least I know they know what I know, roughly.  It's just running slightly high, bp.  But it is, usually, out of the very high to extremely high runs.  Mostly.  Then again, if you walked into a hospital, with even my current bp, and hadn't had high bp before?  They'd send you to the ER.  Doing what I can.  Haven't missed very many medicine doses for almost three months now.  Two whole days, if those were from exhaustion, and simply out of my control.  The rest were just late, but taken.

Not quite 02:00.

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Two areas watered pretty much covers the back yard.  I have the side yard, a part of it, but not tonight.  I am tired, doubled.  I merely need to turn the water off and go on to bed.  Earlier than yesterday by at least two hours.  I'll take that to the bank any day.

The house hasn't cooled off all that much.  But, between being so tired, and acclimatizing to it, perhaps, I am ready to sleep and should sleep well.  No ac, I just don't want to fiddle with all that.  Too tired.  I hope I don't get heatsick for it, but... I... am too tired.

Chastity is back in full effect.  I have wanted to do other, but I speak to two who I abide well.  Sometimes I am... a bit cross about it.  But, I... as a child... try to argue for my way.  I say, but prayer doesn't work.  And, I'll be honest, it doesn't always.  But, then, I have relented, and at least offered prayer a chance.  And it has been working.  How long?  There is, in some things, only now.  And, to point, prayer, now, has been successful.

Good night.

Done by midnight.

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.

Now to get the last of the lawn watering done?  Most of it.  I have the sprinkler going, will need to move it at least once, probably twice.  It is 60 out there, just now.

I am tired.  But pushed it the last two days, if sleeping earlier just didn't work out, either of the last two days.  Not from lack of trying.  Even so, I am less heatsick that I have been.  Not mostly just very tired, exhausted really.  Sleepy now, finally.  Tomorrow I don't go with.  So, if there is anywhere else I could water, probably the side yard, I may do so then, but earlier, with the ac going so that I can sleep early.

I may not even turn to the ac on tonight.  Not that it is all that much cooler, but I may be getting used to it, a bit.  From time to time it will still break me down.  And I will have to use the ac.  But, when I can go without I will.

I do need something to eat.  Sardines?  Popcorn?  It has to be easy.  Maybe some fruit packs in with the kefir?  That would be the easiest, but... not the most filling.  Then again, sardines aren't exactly filling.  Neither is popcorn, mostly.  I'll be up until around 03:00, to get the watering done... 02:00... somewhere in there.

Not sure I'll be up to posting again though.  Later or good night.

Well, it's... been a day.

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Another check on the critters.  All doing well.  It looks like the muscovys are cooking up a huge batch of eggs, collectively.  And taking turns sitting them.  All good.  The three elder ducklings are really looking to be doing well.  Even the minis are becoming a little more... human.  Twice, or three times, their original size.

The rabbits do look a little worn, from the heat.  Not a lot I can do about it.  I can't remember how hot it got, but it is down to 87 just now.  I tried something that seemed to work before, long jonhs under my shorts.  It really seemed to work, so...  And?  I think it does.  It might depend on materials, these are synthetics.  A nice army green.  I have some grey, black, army type brown, and a few others, I think.  Probably not the black, but the others will do just fine.  Not the heavy duty ones, just the mid to light duty ones.  Hmm, I have some wool and silk blend.  I bet those would work.  Mid weight, dual layers of light really, and probably more breathable.  

It give something to catch sweat, and slow the evaporation process, I think.  Out here, in the highland desert, sweat often isn't even noticed.  It's often gone before you even know you did it.  Which means it doesn't have a chance to cool.  In Iowa, I could never get dry.  More moisture in the air, too much.  Wouldn't take the sweat.  It just sat and stank.

My mother called.  Her surgery is Thursday.  I will be keeping her in my prayers, several times a day.  Then a prayer while she is going in to surgery.  Then for several days after.  Currently, I can't do much more.  I honestly wish I had the cash to go be there, even just to surprise, see, and then head home in a few days.  I've got, or had, $37 in the account, and a bit of cash if that is for bills I'm not sure will cover.

Another night helping my neighbor stay awake during his night job, spraying mosquitoes.  I can't drive, for him, or for the job.  I really can't.  Just being a passenger crashes me out pretty roughly.  But, I have found out, that the way it works... it is cooler to go for a drive while the house cools, than sit around waiting for it to cool.  Yeah, so... even if I weren't doing a friend a favor, I'd be doing myself one.  Though... I could probably be sleeping... if I could sleep.  Bleh.

I would do more, if I could.  Just being available for a few hours a night isn't even always possible.  I lose it for a week or two, every once in a while.  And, it's just for a few hours a few days a week.  At least it makes me feel like I am doing something... anything.  And, I think it does help.  He is just getting the spray truck, after having worked from around 07:00 this morning.  Just hitting 19:37 now.  Crazy, but, okay.

Later.

A small bit.

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.

I didn't check to see the temp, but go out and gave the rabbits in the outbuilding more water.  Had to refill waterers, which was fine.  Then I fed the girls... cats.  Sam wanted to be fed outside.  I got her water as well.  I'll get her kibbles in a bit.  She doesn't eat all that much, but eats often, if she has her druthers.  Sassy prefers less frequency, greater amounts.  I do what I can.

I had to get cat food from the stores.  Found a mouse in the pail trap.  It was almost, but not, dead.  I didn't replace water down there.  Anyway, it was brought up, put in the large bin, gotten fresh water, though it will have to just live with the old food.  For now.  I don't get really all that familiar with them.  I have found them to be mean little things.  As well, Sam or Sassy, in time, will eventually sneak in for a bite.  Especially now that they know I don't mind.

It is 84 near the machine.  I am going to go play games, if I can.  If not, I may end up napping.  I pushed, yesterday, and will probably push again tonight.  I did check the other rabbits, on my way through, just... to make sure.  I do my best.  I just can't get to much else.  Later.

An afternoon rise.

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.

I wasn't able to be to bed until between 04:00 and 05:00.  The minutes?  I just... can't recall.  Terribly exhausted, but I finished the front, and part of the side lawn, watering.  Tonight I have the rest of the side, and back, lawn to water.  But that won't take as long, perhaps three runs?  Meh, I'll still be up rather late.

I woke right at 13:00.  It was 75 upstairs, 73 and 76 in the main rooms downstairs, and 93 outside.  About as good as it gets, currently.  Ducks and rabbits tended.  One rabbit, in the outbuilding, is slightly low on water.  I didn't think any of them would be, so I didn't have water with.  I'll get her fresh water soon.  Probably adding a new waterer to all of their cages.  Not out, just... low.

Ducks are doing well enough.  Chicks are growing fast.  All of the usual drama.  I may just let the indian runners fade.  I would like to keep a them, just not sure it is possible.  Not without extreme intervention which won't make sense.  Or penning them up, elsewhere, and keeping the two groups separate, which makes feeding and watering too complicated, on top of else, for me alone within my capacities and funds.  The hen is no longer sitting her eggs.  So that is done.

I keep trying to get through to the VA.  The live line, to my doctor, isn't being answered.  And messages don't seem to get through?  Or they are extremely busy, or gone.  I... have no idea.  Perhaps people have stopped visiting so they are shutting down, in whole or part, certain parts of the hospital?  Oh, and if they are still requiring masks, I need to change my appointment to a phone appointment.  No need to visit for hours of masked sitting.  Won't do it.

Later.

Smiles.

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.

At least I can dream.

I almost wish.

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.

I almost wish I was...

Watering.

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I had hoped to be able to go to bed earlier.  Realized if I don't water my lawn, before long I won't have one.  I've fallen behind on things, that is one of them.  Not sure it will make any kind of comeback, will just have to wait and see.  But, tonight, each quad of the front yard, and a portion of the western side yard, will get hit.  Just a bit.  Overwatering it won't help,

it is 58 out there, last I checked, probably ten minutes ago.  It is 77 upstairs and in this front room, except near the computer where it is still 80.  And 75 in the middle room.  Though, that was before I did a few things.  Ac's on upstairs, room separator opened between this and the middle room, plus a fan switched in direction.

Doing better, if still a bit heatsick.  I won't fix that until I can keep it cool enough to get enough sleep, then sleep long enough while it is cool, plus maybe have some morning time cool time to be awake?  Yes.  Probably.  But... not tonight.  Maybe not tomorrow.  As I really need to water the back and other half of the side lawn.

If I don't zone, and I will make great effort not to get lost in insomnia, I will be able to get to bed in a few hours.  Things should be cooler, then, too.  I will set the alarm for, say, ten and noon?  I could try for earlier, but pushing my sleep doesn't work well, after pushing being awake all day, which I have succeeded at, willingly or not.

Cats got a late night meal.  I need to hit their litter, badly.  I... am falling behind on everything.  Heatlocked, I'd call it.  It gets into my mind, to tend something, then my body simply fails.  I finally find a fresh breath, but forget what I had to do.  It's a difficult thing, sorting the world out.  The heat and cold add to the difficulty.  That is all there is here, or most places I guess?  Iowa was worse, but I did worse there.

Anyway... one thing at a time.  Do what I can, when I can.  And, tonight, since I can, it is the lawn.  The goal is three times a week, fifteen minutes an area.  Parts of my skin burn, wounds really aren't healing.  Not doing well.  I am handling the heat a bit better, but not very well.  Though I am not sure if anybody would.  It is just too hot.  Dry or not, just too hot.  Later, or good night.

I love stories, dreams, and the like.

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A few odd ones have shown up, unbidden.  I... do enjoy.  If you like them, based on the real, or supposedly unreal, perhaps these will give you a few moments of leisure.  Are there morals to stories?  Perhaps.  Though, just as often, perhaps not.  If they all try to say something, it is often missed here.

Then again, few stories are presented in their totality in moments.  And few have time, or interest, in longer exposures... especially if things go where one doesn't wish to go.  Still, here, a few, short and spare enough so that I enjoy.  So I share, as an afternoon gift.

Too hot, if only 83 here by the machine.  May try to game a bit.  It should be cooler out there.  Some perrier, or the other kind?  Or another shot of kefir?  I really do love that stuff.  Not sure I can game.  It's just too hot, probably even in there.  I can try.

Enjoy, or not.  Later.

Phone died.

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So... in to deal with payments.  Not sure what all went wrong, but it went very badly wrong.  My phone bill is supposed to be paid on the second.  Until I paid utilities, I had ~$250 in the account?  Which was the 16th? or such?  I may have to kill my debit card.  It looks like money is being just yanked out, somehow.  Being robbed blind, and doubled up on.

It's just the way it will have to go.  Can't trust digital transactions.  Can't keep up on the account, am being lied to and stolen from on every front.  Probably, at this point, government approved.  Definitely corporate.  Evil.  No other way to see it.  And it isn't just this or that group.  It is, essentially, America's version of China's social credit issues.

Still, the phone is working.  I had been trying to call the VA about medicine, and bp.  Was expecting a call from them.  Then realized the phone was dead.  It was already afternoon.  Well into it.  I have to check electricity and... water/sewer/etc... And count my coin.  Maybe I can get things paid, maybe not.  It'll be close.

It is 86 out there, here.  In town it was probably hotter.  Something about where it is located makes Logan a fiery mess in the summer.  Actually, I think it is colder in the winter, to double down.  Liberals seem to love misery.  It is 80 in this room (82 near the machine, until it heats back up), and 76 in the front room.  Don't know about upstairs, but it was 79 last I checked, as I was leaving.

Oh, I also grabbed a couple of bags of rabbit feed.  No choice.  If I am out of duck feed, I don't think I am, I'll probably have to pick up more of that.  Maybe.  I might be able to just make it?  I think I have two bags, somewhere.  They haven't been taking that food, lately.  They steal whenever they are low, or don't like something I write?  Even my cat food and litter hasn't been disappearing.  If I have been more exacting about locking up.  But can't be perfect, need air.

Later.

Done.

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It is, was, 78 out there at... a while ago.  When I started chores, or when I finished?  Whatever.  Odd how food, water, or both can either be consumed swiftly, or not seemingly at all.  I keep checking the waterers, to make sure they flow.  Just in case.  All is good.  Even so, one day they drink next to nothing, eat nothing, then they will take it all in a day.  I don't begrudge, I just don't fully understand.  If needed, watering will happen three times a day.  Food I would cut them to a portion, but no real need.

I may have found out why the indian runner isn't hatching out.  And, I may find a solution.  I think the other ducks are eating her eggs.  So... so, I may have to figure out fencing around her little area.  Putting food and water in there for her, making it big enough that she can walk around just a bit, but closing it off... or at least making it too small for the bigger drakes to get in, or for more than one of even the smaller ducks to get in at a time.  This would allow her to be defensive.

I like the idea, but to do it without chasing her off the nest?  Well, and to get to it.  In this heat, and any time really, doing this is very difficult.  Just being awake is a trick, at this time.  It is already up to 78 inside, if more in this front room near the machine.  Not doing well.

Still, I am planning, hoping, for some work today.  Moving a few of the larger limbs.  And, today or tomorrow, beginning to pull the cut down smaller branches, off the pile they are in, setting up cinder blocks, and restacking those, and others.  Perhaps putting a few t-posts in, on either side, to allow a higher, more stable, stack.

In order to do the latter, I will have to pull t-posts.  Which... might give me some of the material for a protected duck nesting area.  And it has chicken fencing on it, so that would work for filler, along with the t-posts... if I can just... sleep, cool, and relax enough to get into shape to work.  Then be up early enough to do it before it gets too hot.  Bleh... plans, goals, will see.

Later.

Later than hoped.

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Aye.  But earlier than practical.  To bed past 00:00.  How much later?  Maybe an hour.  Maybe three.  I was in a heat fog, can't be sure even if what I saw, remember, is correct.  Though I am think between 00:00 and 01:00.  Though, too, when sleep would fall is another matter.

Heatlocked into staying up very late, without a nap.  Not sure even what I did yesterday.  Mostly.  I couldn't game, I remember that.  I think, other than chores, I mostly just... sat.  I'm not even certain I did much viewing on the internet.  Some, but... it didn't really make sense.

I set the alarms for 06:00 and 08:00.  I ended up shutting both off, after a few snoozes.  I think I actually did wake up ten to twenty minutes after I shut the 08:00 alarm down at about 08:20?  Yeah.  But I did wake... sometime after the 06:00 alarm, to shut everything down downstairs.  Windows.  It was nicely cool, remains cool.  For a very short time.

I am heatsick, even now.  I think it is improving, and should I go to sleep more rightly, it will get better.  The upstairs got to 75, with the fans and both ac's, which is still a bit warm.  I can sleep in it, but... just.  Now, if I could get to sleep, say, by 21:00.  Then be up by 05:00 to 07:00, and enjoy the cool downstairs, I might be able to recover.  That is asking a lot from someone who can't sleep or wake regularly, certainly not for long.  

But... it's a plan.  It's... all I've got.  On the good side, I am sleeping nights, though I am not sure I have a choice.  I think my body seeks the path of least resistance, and my conscious mind is just a bump on it's ass, along for the ride.  I don't get a lot of say, after attempting to kill the flesh a few too many times.  It is self-aware, and not too keen on dying.  Interesting situations we find ourselves in, at times.

Chores, after I wake.  But before too long.  I best set an alarm.  I don't want to be messing around, out there, when it gets too hot.  It was 65 at last check, but rises fairly quickly.  By 10:30 it is hoped.  Alarm set, if I can remain aware, I'll get out before then.  Chest hurts again today.  Just the chest though.  Shoulder blade and bloat are no issue at the moment.  A tired heart, it's what it feels like.  

I think the bloat may have been from too little kefir, after getting used to larger doses.  I started consuming some, each day, again.  That has helped.  Odd that too little kefir, or a sudden stop, would cause bloat?  Whatever.  I like the stuff.  I don't mind a few oddities as volume of consumption is adjusted.  I don't mind a reminder that I am missing something, in my diet, either.  Good stuff.

Later.

Never did get to sleep.

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.

I... just sat here.  I had things I wanted to do.  Plans, even, of what to start, how to get to things.  I went through hunger, a few times.  I had a kefir or two.  Some perrier.  Maybe a handful of nuts, pecans I think.  I... tried to game.  I just couldn't stay awake... interested.

I think I mostly just... looked and listened to the internet offerings.  Still hurt, but if I didn't move, I could forget, for a while.  It has to be nearing bedtime?  The temp, outside, is around 68... if I read correctly.  Cooler than inside, but it has been that since... that one post, where I suggested it was 74 out there.

I did get caught up on medicine, finally.  Yes, I missed my catchup from yesterday, by forgetting to take the final bedtime medicine, as I had the day before.  Not today.  Oh, and... I thought I had missed some of the things being dug up or inferred.  I won't play them all, but... an interesting mix.

Probably just an old fan, kicking around, looking for something, sensing something.  But they made sense to me.  Not... just for, or about, me.  Yea, sure, there is some of that.  But they seem to be putting together a notion of their own, possibly having nothing to do with me at all?  Who knows.  I just... recognized patterns, and felt... something was being... explored.  Perhaps my notes on the topic, and figuring it more surely through the music.  Doesn't mean they agree, or disagree.  Only... maybe... looking the story over?  I... I really don't every know for sure.  Could just be the ai spitting out really old, odd, or... something... music.  Still, it makes a sort of sense to me.  

Here you go, with some of them.  Later.

Who is stabbing my cortex?

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.

Someone is hitting a lot of keys... literally, and new and old.

A sampling.  Be careful where you dig.

Burning and hurting.

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.

Chores, ducks got food and more water, rabbits were offered frozen bottles, and cats were fed.  Kefir is being eaten for... lunch, late breakfast, something.  I am going slow with it, hoping to make the last two bottles last as long as possible.  There may be couch-cushion money around here somewhere... for more milk if that runs out or goes bad.

It was 88 when I was out and around, checking before I started.  Not extremely hot, but it was only noon thirty.  A lot of day and sun to heat up more.

Whether I took tylenol before or not, I am taking it now.  Something between heartburn, left should blade pain as if it had been extended too long, and bloat in there, I'd say.  Well, those are the sensations which come to mind.  Persistent and toilsome.  I'll also check for aspirin, in case I think things are going sideways.  Well, and tired.

I set the upstairs up for a nap.  I am not sure it can cool it off, much, during the day.  I will find out shortly.  A nap is a duty, when in this sort of shape.  Pushing through would lead to greater exhaustion, greater illness, and who knows what else.  Some just believe, if I am that bad off, I should just die.  Odd how few of those would do so.  Atheist doctors are much more prone to advocate assisted suicide, even use it questionably (on top of it being immoral at the start, I mean).  But are the least likely to seek it.  Odd that.

I am hoping, between naps and sleep, I will figure out how to get back to things, even in this heat.  It is 83 in the hottest part of this room.  Taking a nap will keep the electronics from heating it up more.  Yes, I would get to work, but I need sleep.  Or so I say.  I think it is possible, if I have a way out of the heat from time to time.  Probably should have a place to warm up in the winter, too.  My problem with that, is I love the cold.

I'll finish the kefir, then go on up.  Good day, afternoon, or whichever it is for you.

Chores finished.

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.

They really do have a little party when water and food is put out.  From the girls to the bunnies to ducks to chicks, everyone acts as if it is the fourth of July... or how it was once celebrated.  Sometimes, even if merely truly a servant, it is good to be king.  I am sure, for an honest king, it is more as shepherd, flocksman, or such, than what people think it is.

I could have any of their heads, on a spike or spit.  I could starve them, give them no water, or elsewise be harsh.  And, in spite of not doing those things, I will eventually spend their offspring as coin of the empire.  Not in battles, but to eat.  There are... similarities.  As well, should I treat them harshly, they might well seek a better life... if they could escape.

Something feels really off today.  Did I sleep so hard I didn't roll?  Stomach is just wrong.  No great worries, I have had that before.  A cross between bloat, and a twisted internal.  Enough to hurt more than just what is wrong in there.  The bother is, I can't remember if I took tylenol or not.  So... won't take more, just in case.

Nearing ten, it is nearing 80.  It is looking to be another hot one.  Sam is enjoying outside, for the while.  I'll try to check on her a bit more often.  As soon as I can, I am actually hoping to do a bit of work out there.  Today?  Tomorrow?  Sometime this week?  I may need a few more full sleeps to get in order.  The stomach stuff I would try to work over.  But the extra exhaustion I can't quite manage at the moment.  Yes, even the heart is sore, hurts.  I think from lack of sleep plus overheating.

I am hoping, if I need a nap soon, that the ac's will work.  At least enough to allow a rest, or nap.  Later.

It worked, a bit.

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.

Two air conditioners seem to have cooled it off up there.  If, then, only after it was to 72~74, and the sun was setting.  I'm not sure how much it will do during the day.  It only, even then, brought it down to 76.  But, with the fans, that was... almost pleasant.

I can't be sure when I went to bed.  If I had to guess, I'd say 21:00, plus or minus an half hour.  Waking, probably, about 06:00, within the same constraints.  But I didn't do more than shut the house down.  It is in the mid 70's, as I wake, down here.  Back to bed though.  It has been some time since I was able to sleep more than four to six hours.  I desperately needed sleep.

Still, going back to bed, I couldn't get back to sleep.  I had turned the ac off, later last night too, but I'm not sure when?  At ~06:00, or  earlier?  I know I left the windows open after.  No, I... think I closed the windows upstairs at ~06:00.  Not sure when I turned the ac off.

---------

I dreamed.  A long trek up a mountain, with a group.  Cross country.  There were six experienced and two of us noobs, a gal and myself.  We got talked into it.  We weren't told the rest of the story upfront, however, and found ourselves (us noobs) in a bit of a jam.

There was a place to stay, if you got up and couldn't make the trek back.  But there was no other way down, at that hour, except to ski down.  The next day, you could either ski down, or even wait for a bus which would take you down.  The crew, once we got there, talked us into going along with them, back.

The trek back, because it was circuitous, would take five hours (for experienced skiers).  The only seriously dangerous part would be a switchback, down a cliff.  The switchbacks weren't too daft, but the cliff face was severe.  A fall off the edge, or a failure to stop at the turn, would be fatal.

We decided to go, but I required a promise to spend extra time, along the way, teaching us noobs how to break, slow, steer.  And I made them keep that promise.  And we did make it, albeit in six to six and an half hours.  And we became much better skiers for it.  I still have a belief that the other six had a deadpool going (as in a bet on who is going to die, perhaps when as well).  I get the feeling that had done this before, and had "lost" noobs.  It was only my forethought to ask about risks, and my demand and command that they uptrain us on the way, that prevented one or both of our deaths.

---------

Oh, but the cold.  It was quite good to dream of being in that.  Imagine, 76 being cool enough to trigger such a dream.  Yeah, it's hot here.  Too hot.  Hopefully, now, I will have a place to sleep or rest from time to time.  Though, to be honest, even that temperature will... does... cause slight heartsickness when sleeping in it.  I may acclimate to it, but not last night.  Still, it's as good as I have had in weeks?  Pretty much.  I have two more windows, up there, which would accept an ac.  Not sure that would help, but... might try it, when I have to money to try it.

I'll get the ducks and rabbits in a bit.  I tossed food out for the really little ones, and they were eating like crazy.  Mom has finally realized, when I toss feed, I am trying to do them a favor.  She is still a bit leery.  I toss it to the side, but...  I have had to teach each mother this.  Or try.  

The first batch of chicklettes is nearing the size of a smaller chicken.  They have a different type of feather, from adults and from the younger chicks.  They still look half formed, but... getting there.  The smallest ducklings look more like miniature ducks than chicks. They are all growing at the same pace, within each group, so that telling if there are males or females is currently impossible.  I will be very glad when Henrietta, the indian runner hen, finishes with her brood.  She is right by the door, and at the very least, gives me stinkeye every time I go out to feed and tend.  It was HER choice where to set!

Well, feeling rough today.  Kidneys, ribs, headache.  But the sleep, a decent, restful, cooler, sleep, makes all that just... something else.  I'll hit tylenol.  Forgot the last two times I was going to take them.  So... yes.  Tylenol.  And, if I can, I might work on gathering branches and/or twigs.  If I overheat to sickness, I'll take a shower, turn on ac, and... see how well it works as I crash or maybe rest.  Later.