A rugged day.

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Couldn't sleep.  It was 85 up there.  I did rest, a bit.  The fan?  It was better with, than without.  But it was more like having boiling water moving around, than sitting in still boiling water.  Better, but not good.  I rested as long as I could.  Downstairs was in the mid 80s.

I did get an extension cord, and put it to use on the other ac.  I'm not sure it will do all that much good.  While it was 79, with one ac going, that was after it started to cool outside.  Last I looked, it was 74 out there.  Cooler than in here, so I opened things up.  It is still 85 in the front room.  Even with the machine and router turned off, mostly.

I may just try to go on up and to bed.  So tired.  Not in good shape.  A lot of things hurt, if that is just how things go, hot or cold, quite often.  Headache is becoming pretty bad.  Tylenol.  It might help, or at least allow sleep.  Hopefully it has cooled even more up there, with two going, and two fans.

Good night.

Have to crash.

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Or try.  Not sure I will be able to sleep.  Rather ill.  It is 82, at the least, pretty much everywhere.  Upstairs may be near 90.  I'll get heatsick, but I already am.

It is only 92 outdoors.  No wind, while I ducked out into that.  The ducks are doing swimmingly.  Rabbits?  Hmm... I best put out water bottles for them, and check them roughly.  I do worry about them.  But this isn't about feels, it is about a responsibility.  I am sure there water and good is good, so it will just be bottle distribution and a general welfare check.

Then I'll try to sleep.  If possible.  Later.

Rough.

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It is 80 everywhere, or hotter, in the house.  Outside is 94.  There is a reasonable wind, more a breeze, from the south.  For now.  I would, again, sleep if I could.  Too hot to think well.  Gaming?  I have been sitting at the machine, looking through information.  Just... blogs, reports, not sure I took in any information.  And it's hotter here by the machine.  Might turn it down and go game.

Or I may attempt to nap?  No, I have asked for some information, to try to sort out the heat around here.  Pricing on an extension cord and a standing fan.  I am not sure I have enough money to do that, but... maybe.  At least the cord?  Even those are rather expensive anymore.  As to fans?  Probably at least $35?

Sam demanded in, a bit ago.  I check, every few hours.  Usually she won't come in.  Not sure why, but she got stuck on the hot metal screen door.  Silly dot.  I had to help extricate her.  And she wasn't too happy about getting help.  She is rather independent, even when she is stuck.  Still, with a little help, I was able to free her without too much fuss... and avoid getting scratched.  Yea, she really tried.  If she let me know, very shortly after, that she was sorry.  I let her know that I understood.  I get grumpy too, in a bad stick, while too hot, and otherwise bothered.  We are like that, these days.  Pretty forgiving.

Perhaps another kefir.  I will be running out of those, soon.  Will have to figure out how to obtain a few bottles of milk, for the rest of the month, to just keep the kefir from going way too sour... or dying.  A gallon a week?  Or... something.  I don't quite know.  That and sparkling water.

Some don't like sparkling water.  I didn't, don't, but it is better, I think, than drinking gallons of tea, and I can't drink enough water.  My choices, at the volume, are slim.  Milk, as with tea, since I need the latter sweetened, both mess with diabetes too.  Limited choices.

On to gaming?  Until or unless I can nap.  Later.

Burning.

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Already 74, or higher.  When I started chores, it was that temp.  I took a shower first, thinking that might be a good plan.  Not so much.  Perhaps if I woke earlier yet, maybe.  But between the shower and chores, I am overheating badly.  It was 80, upstairs, when I woke.

Kefir, as usual, for breakfast.  Perhaps bacon and eggs later?  If I have any.  Now I have to sit, to cool.  I will be checking on an extension cord, soon.  To see if both ac's, upstairs, running together, can do a bit more than the nothing one does.  I am not optimistic.  But, optimism or other feelings has nothing to do with planning, staging, or end results.  Do, or do not.  And, from what happens, go from there.  It isn't over until you are dead.  Or... dead... and don't come back.  How about dead and buried?  I am almost surprised they didn't just bury me one of the times.  Not my call, I didn't have access to shovels.

At least I don't hurt, other than from heat, today.  Ribs are good, organs aren't whining or screaming.  Heart doesn't feel rough, yet.  I expect it to, heat and other stressors will cause the heart to become a problem.  I hear doctors and advertisements say high blood pressure is supposed to be painless.  And, I suppose it is, if it is the cause.  If the bad heart is the cause of the high blood pressure, then, yes, it can hurt.  I'm not even convinced that high blood pressure doesn't show up in the sensory.  Causing mood swings all on it's own, and exhaustion at some point.

Ah, missed my last group of medicines last night.  Starting early enough I should be able to jiggle it in.  It looks like I still have the new medicine.  But that will have to be increased, as bp isn't coming down enough.  It has, generally, lowered.  Often just ten points high on both scales, give or take... averaging.  My bp can be rather stubborn right at the end.

If I were useful to the economy, I could see where it would matter.  Not sure why they push so hard.  Just... relax.  They can't really care.  I can only do just so much.  Relax.  Still, I'll work with them.  Just an experiment, for them?  Or pushing pills?  I... don't know.  I don't trust anyone, including myself always, so...

At least I am clean, if I just sweated enough to require a shower soon again.  Tomorrow, if I wake early enough.  And a shave.  Didn't want to shave this morning.

I finally realized, I have a strange symptom.  Have had it for a year or two.  I thought it was the t-shirts, or else, I wore to bed.  So, recently, I stopped wearing anything, from time to time.  Nope.  Still itches.  Further, it itches during the day, too.  Just along the top of my chest.  It isn't a desperate itch, just an occasional call for a light scratching.  No marks, so I haven't been scratching too deeply at night.

I finally realized that it is a common thing, has nothing to do with clothing or the lack of said, or anything else I can figure.  It might be a slight side effect from one of my medicines.

Another thing I am realizing?  My feet... are not only not twelves, they aren't thirteens.  I don't even think they are fourteens.  Every time I have upshifted my shoe size, my feet have expanded into them.  Still growing?  I don't think so.  Or, that isn't all of it.  Allowed to bloom, with more room, they have simply done so.  I was probably a 14, wearing 13s, but now in 14s, I am probably a fifteen.  I can't wait until I have enough money to buy a pair of fifteens.  I am just hoping they aren't going on up to sixteens!  Ugh.

Well, that's the news and doings for today to now.  I may have to call my brother.  See how things are in his part of the world.  Hot AND Humid, would be my guess.  Have a great day.  And if you can't, suffer well and hold tight.

Finally cooling.

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I am hoping, when I go upstairs in a few, it will be good enough to sleep.  The fans will bring air, if nothing else.  Downstairs is 77 in the middle and front room, cooler in the back if that doesn't mean much.

The roast actually cooled very quickly.  I had a bit of it.  I didn't spice it, nor did I end up having veggies with it.  Not hungry for as hungry as I seem.  Still, it was pleasant to have meat rather than just kefir.

Yes, on to bed.  If I can sleep, grand.  It is almost 01:00, and still a bit too hot.  But it is what I have.  Good night.  I hope.

Still so hot.

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I opened things up as soon as it hit about 74 outside.  Fans are going, windows open, a door too.  There simply isn't any air movement out there, or it sure isn't helping.  Upstairs too, plus I turned the fan on the ac on.  The air conditioner doesn't seem to help, hopefully the fan will.  As well, I put the fans up there to pull air in, and near the windows, as near as possible.

It is still 82 in this front room, and the interior has heated rather than cooled.  Hmm, yes, by a degree, currently.  The rooms are 77 and 78, it's just near the computer that it is so warm.  Can't really figure out what to do.  Reading, looking at music, mostly just lost somewhere.

I may go, game for a bit longer?  Just to be in a cooler room.  I doubt if upstairs is cool enough to sleep yet.  Not sure I can sleep.  I'm not really awake, either.

Ah, I did put a roast in the instapot.  Not sure if it is ready yet.  Best to let those naturally vent, otherwise the roasts get rather dried out.  Or, in my experience, so far, to date.  Living in a highland desert is part of it, or makes it worse.  Though, not sure how quickly it will cool in this heat.  I am hungry though, so hoping it might be done sooner than later.

Bah!  It just finished cooking six minutes ago!  I thought it would have been an hour into cooling, if not cool.  I thought I set it up long ago!  Oh well.  It smells good, and really didn't heat the kitchen.  I'll... game, a bit.  A new update was released, and has been installed... I think.  Unless it downloaded and stopped there?  I never know, with these systems.  And, every time I sort it out, they change it.  They change everything, so I can't really keep up.  Bah!

Later, or good night if I can figure out sleep.  Would be back to bed now, if I only could.  

Gaming.

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I haven't been playing much lately.  Couldn't do too much else, so I played.  Not sure what I did.  Just... stayed awake, mostly.

That buzzing, alarm... kept going off, but just for a very short bit.  Not in that room, not in... ah.  A wired fire alarm.  Must be dying.  I hadn't even realized it was there, or forgot?  It finally started buzzing for long enough for me to find it.  In the master bedroom, on the ceiling, near the door.

But, when I found it?  It wouldn't stop.  It kept going.  I had to remove it from it's base, then unplug it from the harness.  I don't think I broke anything.  Ugh.  I'm not sure about it, but with all that, already set up, replacing it might be worth the effort, time, and money.  Not this month, broke.  But... assuming... some other things, yes.

At the worst, I will reinstall it, so they know what they are working with... if someone else wishes to replace it.  Houses are addictive though, I must admit.  I will, as soon as my mind is clear, attempt to figure out what make and model, if there exists a simple replacement, and find what that might cost, and where to obtain it.  Even if I am leaving, if I can, I would like to leave the place in as good of shape as possible.  This is a home, not... a financial instrument.

Heck, they might even have a co2 and fire alarm combo that would work on the same plug now.  Improve, if I can.  Always good.

Not feeling tired.  But not feeling anything.  I can't remember what I was going to do, or planned.  Food?  Hungry!  But... something.  I... I just don't know.  Too hot, I have nowhere to cool off.  Can't sleep through much of it.  Confused, lost, forgetful.  Meh... I've had worse.  Later.

Critters tended.

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Actually, some time back.  I just... forgot... forgot it was done and forgot to note it.  It is around 88 out there.  Still partly cloudy, for what it offers.  Even at this temperature, the house is an oven.  I didn't even get to gaming... I just... got lost.  Then again, heat or cold, that happens often.  I still don't understand that.  I fight it with everything I have, am, to no use.  I will fight, anyway, until I die.

I am hungry, too.  Kefir is... a food.  Mostly.  But it isn't a solid food.  The instapot is set back up, so I could make a roast or do a chicken, or parts, tonight.  I am thinking chicken.  Sam... loves chicken.  And I owe her.  So, chicken, I think.  A whole small chicken, put in frozen in this case.  A can of peas and maybe corn, in after it is done, but just left to cool together.  Nothing fancy, but... more solid.

I may pull a roast out, to thaw, for tomorrow while at it.  Definitely hungry.  But, then, I have been hungry for a while.  I have had a meal a day, actually two.  One of kefir, one of other food.  But... not eating enough, or often enough, or well enough often enough?  I'll try to fix that.  It could help me get to work?

Rabbits and ducks are looking pretty good.  I didn't put out water bottles, but could have.  I need a break, and today may be as cool as it gets for a while?  So I took a day off from that.  Still, I will and have checked in on them through the day, and will this evening as well.  I hope.

Chores, even when not truly needed, at least gives me a sort of purpose.  I can't do them well, on a regular schedule.  But trying to do them thrice daily gives me a very solid shot at doing them every day.  Usually three times, but not always, and when is another question.  It is as close to work as I can probably get... at least regular sort of work.  I get to feel all grown up by doing it.  And, in time, I may end up with some meat in the freezer for the efforts.  That, however, is secondary... for now.

I am almost awake.  I may game a bit.  If nothing else, that room is cooler.  A bit.  I'd like to do some house cleaning tonight.  Sorely needs it.  We'll see.  If I don't collapse into a pile of bones and skin soon, I may get to work.  Something keeps buzzing.  It isn't an alarm.  I can't seem to find it.  It... sort of has me worried, but I simply can't find it.

I wonder if they had a fire alarm, somewhere, in which there is some sort of long term battery, which is dying?  It is such an odd thing.  I'll... keeping trying to find it.  Leave a few doors open, where it might be coming from.  Could it be from under the house?  Later.

Sure gobbled sleep.

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When I finally could, I did.  It was down to 76 when I started, up there.  It was slightly overcast and 84 outside.  I hit it like a rock.  Burning.  Hot all the time.  I had the fans doing what they could.  It was right at 12:30 when I went down, I called the V.A. to at least leave a message.

No return from the V.A., but being a Friday, that isn't an absolute surprise.  Slightly unusual, but if someone was to take a vacation, or long weekend, Fridays and Mondays are king.  And in this weather, I might guess they have fewer visitors, on top of the whole coofid affair keeping the usuals away.  A good time to slip off to a cool fishing hole, or resort, or wherever seems better than in highland deserts, in high summer, with little or too much to do.

About four hours later I woke.  Just too hot, at 82 up there.  Outside is 90.  The front room here is 82, the center room is 76.  After I wake, I'll check rabbits again.  Food, water, who knows.  But they really don't go through as much of any of it as they do it milder and definitely cold weather.  They can easily handle the cold, but they do eat and drink madly.

My skin is burning, my eyes are dried out.  But at least the eyes don't feel like sandpaper on top of things.  Desiccated, too hot.  Not sure what to do.  At least I am not being crushed by a need for sleep I hadn't been able to obtain for a while there.  I'd like to game, but... I don't think I can focus.  I won't remember what I did, or what I am trying to do next.  I suppose I will check up on some posts others put out, see if anything makes sense.

I'll set an alarm, get to the rabbits in an hour or two?  Something like that.  Later.  

Trying to wake.

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So very tired.  I remember when I was drowning in sleep.  I couldn't stay awake to save my life, almost literally.  Sleeping, for the most part, for weeks and months at a time.  Waking up, and then having to decide if I thought I could catch up for a midterm or final in three engineering courses.  Crazily, sometimes I could.  Not easily.  Sometimes impressively.  

Now, these days, while I still often sleep a bit too much, compared to the average person, and rarely too little, I at least, usually, have some of a waking and sleeping cycle on every single day.  Usually.  Mostly.  Including today.  But I am so very absolutely squashed by exhaustion I wish, for just a bit, I could sleep more, for a day or three.

My heart does hurt.  It is tired.  Sore.  But more, every part of me is exhausted.  Even so, I keep trying to kick out, figure out how to get some work done, or at least try to wake up.  Gaming sometimes does that.  I have been playing this morning, but I'm... not... sure what I have done.  I can't remember anything.

I may go back upstairs and attempt to sleep again.  I did check the birds and bunnies.  All seemed well, if the rabbits will need extra this afternoon.  As well, I can run the ducks water, and perhaps check their food as well.  But I so need sleep.  I'm just not sure it will happen.

Someone is digging through new and old music.  Pain, dreams, odd notions of my possible natures.  But, new stuff too.  From times past, and fantasy, of course.  While I rarely forget, of the story, song, myth, and video I have presented, I don't always consciously remember.  Interesting to see the lines people draw, the dots they connect.  There is much there, ridiculous or credible, fanciful or reasonable, true or theory or philosophical.  I... watch you, some of you, take what I made, and attempt to make sense of it.  It is almost as... interesting to me as I may seem to be to you.

Cool morning, but a rough wake and sleep.

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A headache all night.  A strange one.  As if the center of my head were a lollipop, and that lollipop was being slowly crushed.  The headache wasn't as bas as many I have had, certainly no migraine.  It was just different.  As well, so very tired.  Even while sleeping I somehow wanted more sleep!  This heat is getting to me.

It did get down to 76, for a short bit, right before the sun came up.  It was 81 when I went to be, and 77 near me when I woke.  Then again, the temperature is only a degree difference in the summer, where it could be several degrees difference... between near me and the center of the room thermometers.  

And, yes, I put them both in the same places, and switched their locations, to see if that changed anything.  While not done to exhaustion, it was done often enough for me to believe their readings are prccise to each other.  Accuracy?  That would require other tools which could be zeroed to 0 and 212, at least, then measured against.  I do have one which might work that way, but am in no mood for such exactitude.

I haven't been able to find reasonably priced thermometers of any accuracy and precision for a while now.  I suppose, in scientific supplies?  But at what cost.  Electronic aren't trusted, especially if they have any send/receive capacity.  I honestly wonder how many of those are actually manipulated.  Nothing which can be connected, even if technically just for updates, can be trusted.  Software updates would be a perfect manipulation tool.  And, yes, it looks like they are still manipulating... from currency to weather readings.

It was 52 outside, when I checked, at around 07:30.

Ducks still have food, rabbits are in good order for now.  A few rabbits will need more water, possibly food, later today.  Cats have been fed.  I am having a kefir.  If I can get to some things, today, I will.  Not sure it is possible.  I suppose I could take tylenol, and hope that could get me through to starting.

Oh, and starting on my last week of the third month after restarting medication.  I have missed two days, if I am still not sure exactly how.  The most recent one was after the heat first hit, so I get that, if I still don't.  Like missing a baseball thrown right at you.  I just... I don't understand, didn't see it being missed.  Literally lost a day.  Still, for three months?  Not bad.  I have one more medicine dispenser set up.  But, in this next week, I'd like to fill the others back up.  If I had enough medicine, I have enough dispensers for four months, one month per set.  I'll set up what I have.  Oh... which reminds me, I need to call the doctor and tell him bp is still just ever so slightly elevated.  A tweak to the new medicine might help.  I can't take more carvedilol, it'll toast me, knock me right into the dirt... or more than it does... by a lot.

Now to wake up.  See if the tylenol and kefir will work some magic.  Later.

It is staying down around 90.

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Dropped a few degrees, last I checked, to get to 90.  Odd when 90 feels... nice.  Definitely nicer.  If only outside.  It has gotten to 81 in the front room.  The mid to upper 70's in the middle room.  It's as good as things get, for now.  It's a bit rough.  If I don't do anything to exacerbate it, it is manageable.  Usually.  Sometimes the skin, and more, feels hot, almost burning.

Sam wanted out.  For her, 90 is just about right.  In the mid 90's, often, she wants back in.  She gets so skinny in the summer though!  Ugh.  And, she is blind, or very close to it.  She really does well for being blind, and nearly deaf.  I have learned to be very, very, patient with her.  Her faculties are still good, extremely good.  But she doesn't always hear or see me, or food, or... other things.  I think she uses scent more than anything.

I figured it out the last time I fed her.  I brought her food, and just shuffled my hand as if it held her bowl  She went to where the bowl would be, if I had set it down.  I thought that might be just her not, immediately, paying attention... a knee-jerk reaction.  So, I did it again, several times, this time with her focused and watching directly.  She... can't see her bowl, or tell my hand from it.  She is blind, or nearly.  I think she can see movement, but not much else.  She amazes me.  I really have to be patient with her.  It is a terrible world to be so at the mercy of cruelty.  I know this as well.  At least I am not the only one.

Wind, from the south.  Not extremely heavy, or constant.  A good flow, from time to time, averaging well.  Perhaps enough to cool one, if sweating out there?  It sure beats dead air in this heat, assuming there is enough flow to draw sweat away.  I can't be sure, too hot for me to stay out there for that long.

I have been hoping to get to town the last few days.  I did, actually, the other day.  But I couldn't get to everything.  It was a short run.  As well, I keep hoping to get some branches sorted, and the lawn watered.  I may be able to get to the watering tonight, as I cool before bed.  And, branches, or to town, tomorrow.

I almost got to it today, but then started falling down.  Too tired.  But it was nicely cool for work this morning.  If tomorrow, or Saturday, is like that, there is a chance I can do some things.  Nothing fancy, probably not a lot of work.  But some, and a start.  By fall, or before, I may begin chopping wood.  A few logs a day.  My dad did that with his bad heart.  It does exhaust, but... that is the point.  Same with gathering, sorting, and storing other branches and twigs.

Groceries, is what I need, tomorrow.  And, perhaps, to make sure some bills are paid.  I should have just enough money to make it through the month.  Part of the reason I will hold off on groceries is that I am not sure how much, after bills, I have.  I... have food.  Frozen, canned, pork, chicken, beef, tuna, fruits, and veggies.  Not the best kind, always, for low carb.  But...  As I have said, I am storing for the apocalypse.  But mine has already come.

It can and probably will get worse.  So be it.  This isn't the kingdom I serve.

Had to sleep.

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It was 79 up there, when I crashed.  It was 81 when I was finally able to crawl back out of bed, escaping sleep.  Not feeling the best, but didn't have a choice.  I put the fan output, the little but stronger one, right on my feet.  Which made it, oddly, too cool at times, in spite of being too hot.

Downstairs it is 75, pretty much everywhere.  Cooler, but not exactly comfortable.  It seemed suspiciously cool, even at that temp.  A check outside explains why, it is 92 in the shade.  It'll be warmer later.  I'm in a bit of trouble.  As soon as it cools off, or tomorrow morning or evening, I will attempt to set the hammock up.  It won't be of any use in the day, but, maybe, will be good later.

Then again, I haven't ever actually slept in a hammock.  I'm not sure I can.  I am generally a side sleeper.  And, even with it being cooler out there, I have to think it will be like sleeping in a compression sack.  The materials seem as if they would be hot, right until they become frigid.  Out of the frying pan, into the meat grinder... sausage press... some such?

The ducks are being fed and watered.  I try to hit them, with short bursts, two to three times a day.  Fifteen minutes or so.  Though may have to skip some, from time to time.  I reset waterers right before I crashed.  I had fallen behind on those, with the heat being what it is.

Life is definitely getting rough.  It could have been, has been, this hot earlier in the summer, even late spring.  It has definitely been worse.  Sometimes there is more of a lead in, though to be honest, this year, I really didn't need it as much as I have in the past.  Acclimatization?  Or just slightly better health?  I can't say for certain.

The switch isn't so bad, and I can handle the heat slightly better.  But it is busting my chops pretty violently.  I am running a mild fever, or that is the feel to it.  Along with other flu-like symptoms, minus nasal issue, coughing (other than dry, from being parched), and such.  Makes me wonder, does the flu cause the fever or the fever cause... at least... the other symptoms?  Come to think of it, when I crack the fever, I... that is the hard turning point.  I'm not sure how to crack this fever, light as it is, without functioning ac.

A shower might help.  But I am so weak.  Not sure I can do a shower, or right quite yet.  I still have to put bottles out for the rabbits.  I dread going out, but then, 92 with a bit of a wind out of the south isn't too bad.  It just adds to the slight sense of a fever.  Later.  

Chores were quite good, to be honest.

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I couldn't go very fast.  But I was able to do it all consecutively.  Merely needing to return to put the bottles back in the freezer, pick up the other waterers, or such.  It took... a while.  Not moving fast, but moving steady.  The birds continue to eat large volumes, the rabbits continue to eat very little.

I am learning that everything I thought I knew about the rabbits was wrong.  But not... perfectly.  Some of the males are actually female, and the opposite.  But half and half.  Half were correctly sexed, half weren't, and they were all mixed.  I put one male in with another, since he was being attacked.  It... looks like those were both females.  But... they had been in with four males before?  Never mind.  But... it really isn't making sense.

No, I haven't named them.  But I do know them.  These I hadn't named because they are, more or less, on the cull list.  I simply can't tell the difference.  I may have to check, now that they are older.  I hadn't checked them all, and with the error rate of previous sexing, perhaps I only did see females... or... males?  Bleh.  As well, now I know some which are beyond any doubt female.  And know a few males.

It was 65 outside when I came in.  I shut it all down, closed everything up.  It is up to 71 in this front room at 09:15.  Given that it does cool, I may take some risks with the upstairs.  Today I will leave it closed up.  If tomorrow is similar, and today it gets hot down here, I may open a few windows upstairs, with a fan or two going, to see if that allows heat to exit.  Like a chimney... only, without direct air interchange access.

How these houses work is only going to be known by trial and error.  With the branch gone, I've got to do more figuring.  If yesterday is as good as it gets, I am in serious trouble.  That heat could kill me.  Good for some, not how things are supposed to work.  Life isn't so much a required thing, but it is a gift, and a responsibility.  After taking it seriously, losing totally, and beginning sorting again, I am back to taking it seriously.

Neither is torturous living something I feel a need to acquire.  I already suffer, often.  No need to add to it.  And, if I can limit the suffering, I will.  Otherwise I will do as I must.  I'd love to nap, and could down here.  I simply don't have a place, a spot, where it is cool, to sleep.  If I could sort out the house, and if I were staying, a recliner might be a way to go for such a thing.  A hammock wouldn't be bad, either.  But figuring out how to install a hammock which can handle nearly three hundred pounds, and a cat or two, would require a bit more mechanical physics than I am really up to these days, perhaps ever.

Sleep would be so wonderful, in the high 60s and low 70s down here.  Ugh.

Oh, kefir.  The cats fed first though.  Litter too.  Then wash up, kefir, and... I don't know.  Later.

Pretty rough this morning.

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Not the worst of days.  The feeling have having been smacked across the midriff with a 2 x 4 several days ago remains.  The place in the center of the chest, where the ribs meet, is also tender.  Rolled a lot last night.  Cool enough to sleep, mostly, but not very comfortable.  It's a rough time, for many reasons, lately.

I measured the window, in the spare bedroom, which might be used to install a larger air conditioner.  It is fairly large, at 35" wide by 48" tall.  Not sure how big a 12k or 16k air conditioner is, but they are rather large.  Not sure about all that, but... will find out soon.  Put in for a quote on a larger window, just to get a general feel.  Money, money, money.

In a bit, a few calls.  I closed down the upstairs, leaving one fan on low.  Just... because.  It had dropped a degree with me being gone, and the east side closed when I woke.  It warms up there first.  So, I have captured as much cool as that will get.  Enjoying the cool down here, this morning, for as long as it lasts.

About time to feed the ducks.  And, being this cool, I may check the rabbits too.  Just add water bottles later.  It will be getting rough out there again, today.  I'll be looking for a second extension cord, for upstairs.  Perhaps see what happens up there, and then see if two air conditioners does any better.  It may simply be too much for what can be put in up there.

Hmm... perhaps a kefir breakfast, to start things off.  On to that then it.  Later.

The upstairs simply will not cool.

.

.

Ac wasn't as good as open windows, both with two fans going to boot.  That was a single ac, of either type.  Technically, the temperature was pretty much the same, with ac as with open windows, but the open windows felt much cooler.  The temperature did not drop all night, once it got down to 78.

As I remember it, there was another thing I did up there.  A large vent in the floor allowed air transfer.  But... how to work that best?  Last year I closed it off, when trying to cool the upstairs.  Or the year, or some various general 'year', before.  It seemed successful.

So, this morning, I went looking for the packing I had put in there last year, and found it.  I removed it in the winter, to, perhaps, get some heat up there.  I think it partly worked.  How flow really works in the house is a whole different thing.  Without the overhanging branch, it is rather rough.

If I had the money, I would put a flow baffle fan vent on the side of the roof, and make sure the vents in the gables (is it) are clear, open, and working.  That might help some, as well.  More money would be spent on whole house ac.  It is impossibly hot in here, or has been to date.  This is a problem.

Outside, at the moment, is 50.  Upstairs is 78, the main is 71, and this front room is 66.  It is just about 07:00.  Will see what is possible in maintaining the cool, now with the upstairs shut off.  Not a lot of hope.  But at least, in spite of the heat up there, I am not heatsick this morning.

As soon as I can more fully wake, out to chores.  I am looking forward to seeing the next batches of chicks.  Two batches at some point in hatching.  Later.

About bedtime.

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.

Right at 62, and twenty to one.  Outdoors.  It is still 80 in this front room, but the mid 70's elsewhere, or lower.  Mostly open, hoping it cools.

With gas paid, I now have to negotiate two bills, maybe three, more.  As well, I still have to see about mortgage.  But they have been not answering my calls, putting me on long waits, and then hanging up about when they say they should be answering.  I may have to try to find a... mortgage company that is honest, and has trustworthy employees.

Burned out, from not being able to sleep, and the heat.  Should be able to sleep tonight.  Hopefully it continues to cool.  It may already be cooler than it was all day, almost certainly.  And even cooler than with the ac on last night.  I have to find or purchase another shorter but heftier extension cord.  Not sure where the one up there went.

Good night.

Right at 84.

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.

At around 19:45~20:00, it hit 84.  It isn't going down fast.  And, that is about the temp inside and out, except this front room which was 88.  So, for a bit, I have opened things up.  It has dropped three degrees in this front room.  Horrible.  At least it isn't humid.

I'm not sure how to sort this out.  It is far too hot.  I will get rather ill if I don't find something that will cool even a room in the house.  The little air conditioners upstairs aren't very old.  They should still be working.  I think it may be simply that they are too small for the job, per.  I may try both, but I don't have a lot of hope even for that.

I can't get bigger air conditioners up there, the windows are simply too small.  Even figuring out how to install a larger air conditioner downstairs is a trick.  It might require pulling an old window, and creating a shelf and a wall in which insulation and trim could be installed.  Quite a task.  With the air conditioner having to be purchased and installed as well.

Tough times.  I'll sort things out.  Later.

Hoping it is cool upstairs.

.

.

I've been meaning to crash for a bit.  I just... kept... forgetting?  I did get the ducks more food and water.  Oh!  It's probably still running?

...

The heat must be getting to me.  After I turned off the water, I... got lost.  Went on upstairs.  The other ac doesn't do any better.  It was 80 upstairs, as well as 77 downstairs and 84 in the front room.  I 'got comfortable', set the fans to where they were optimal, and tried to rest.  No dice.  Far too hot.  Last I looked it was 92~94 outside.  That branch really did help.  Life is going to be miserable this summer.

I have gotten to where I can handle the heat of the day, through the day, mostly.  But this?  Unless I can figure out how to create a cooler place to sleep, I am in trouble.  Last night I made a mistake.  But that is when it cools off at night.  It won't be cooling off in the near future.  Yea, it is going to get tight.

It looks like I wiped out on medicine yesterday.  Or the day before?  I missed medicine.  I was sure I had taken it, but heat can through you.  Well, and I was busy with calls and other things.  Perhaps I just failed.  I was so sure I took them, though.

I told the judge my heart actually gets tired.  I think he thought I was being dramatic.  But, right now, it is tired.  It hurts right through my chest.  The heat?  Stress, which currently is from heat?  It hurts.  It is doing something odd in there, like trying to relax, but can't.  It isn't even beating all that fast, or hard.  It's more like it is trying to work, but can't.  Much like me.  BP is 143/102 with a pulse of 90.  The pulse and diastolic are a bit high, but not compared to my standards.  Just... heat stressed then.

I didn't mention I had quit tobacco, alcohol, and changed my diet as much as I am able.  I even found medicines that... work... or better... sometimes... and do my best to take what I trust, and can.  Even caffeine has been cut from massive doses, to a cup-a every other day or so.  It hasn't helped.  But... I have gone that path.  I have lost a hundred pounds, if before I came here, too.  I can't seem to lose any more.

Why bother.  I am pretty sure that was a wipe.  The law and all, is the law.  My neighbor thought it sounded positive.  I was pretty sure he just didn't want to see a grown man... whatever he fears seeing a grown man do.  I wouldn't have.  I... already know.  It's just a matter of figuring out how to get out of here without too much pain.  More pain.  And... sorting out where to go.

A lot of things to toss.  Or... just leave?  Not when high summer is hitting.  Not with animals.  I'll have to... sort some things out.  Yes, I already know.  The first clue was that no lawyer would take the case.  They knew something.  Surprised them that I got a judge in Chicago, but... I didn't do that.  I have no idea what happened with that.  Probably someone with some connections trying to... give me a chance?  I'll never know, not for sure.

Well, I'll... begin sorting, as able.  If money is back in order next month, I will get a smaller industrial dumpster, begin filling it.  Just get down to the suv, some camping gear, perhaps some of the food stores, and... away.  Though, I understand.  They will be pushing people out of everywhere but the worst of places.  And some of those are dangerous for a lot of reasons.  I will eventually lose the vehicle, be on foot.

I can't do rail lines.  Besides, they have shut a lot of those down.  Might well be killing freeriders.  The world has... become old school.  Except where they want the useless to go.  LA, San Fran, any big city, all even in better states are run by the left.  Traps, death traps, gotta be.  I can't afford rent and all, either.  And no one would rent to someone who just lost their house.  It's... a one way ticket.  I know it.  Next spring?  Yeah.  If it goes that way.  Just thinking out loud.

Rabbits and the other ac.

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.

Water bottles out to them.  It's only about 84 out there, or was... a while ago.  I am losing cohesion.  For some reason, it is very warm in here.  It's 81 in the computer room, which... is... understandable if very fast for as "cool" as it is out there.  I wonder if someone got in my house while I was in town.  Leaving the doors open.  Even the middle room is 78.  It really shouldn't be.

Anyway.  The rabbits are looking okay.  And, mostly, enjoy the water bottles.  No extra water for the ducks.  And I shut their food down, or other birds will eat it empty.  The ducklings are doing well, growing, bit by bit.  Still waiting on the indian runner, and Kay.  Kay is already on her second batch.  I have no idea when to expect what.  Only... wait.  Though I think the heat will actually do the hatching process a favor.  When she sits them, any of the ladies, it is most likely to cool them.

It about killed me to finish putting the bottles out.  With no cooling left to the house, even if it is a cooler day, I am burning out and up.  Little bits of effort cost greater amounts of pain, eat more energy, slow everything down... even a nap.  I had to push to get the other ac upstairs up and running.  The "smart one" doesn't seems to actually provide any cooling at this point.  The opposite, actually.  Never let ecologist activists present ideas for energy saving or application efficiency.  They don't know what they are doing, unless they mean to break other people's accounts without providing what they are paid to provide.

I'm letting it run up there.  Hoping it is the ac, not the simply physics of the thing.  But I think it is the ac.  The downstairs was cooler with just the windows open.  The other ac doesn't try to fix my wants according to energy savings, it just runs, cool to cold.  Will find out shortly.

Why the house is so hot?  I really think someone was in here, opened the place up while I was gone.  Yea, there are some who would do that.  It didn't do this yesterday, on a hotter day.  Later.

Paid.

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.

Not caught up, completely, but not going to be shut off.  After this is over, I will set up payments, automatically, through my bank... for early in the month.  They have started billing in the middle of the month.  Which, lately, means I am short by then.  So... get certain things paid, all by, say, the 10th, then I can consider other expenses.

Much of my other expenses are merely keeping enough toilet paper, food, and sundry on hand for when I can't shop, or forget, or go broke.  It is a trying program.  A cripple, jumping through hoops, blind and deaf, feeble and confused, or just plain not able to get up and do, go, think, remember.  I do my best.  Not great, but not bad... given the givens.

Now to do a bit more financial gymnastics in an attempt to keep the phone paid and working, and... electricity?  I... don't know where that is, currently.  But I... thought it was paid.  I just can't be sure.  One thing at a time.

The ducks were fed and watered before I headed to town to check on things.  The rabbits were also fed and watered, and their bottles pulled and recycled to the freezer.  It is about time to take out water bottles for them, hitting 84 or so(?) last time I checked.

I... just need a rest.  I hurt, I do.  As if I was busted across the gut with a 2 x 4.  Yea, I know what that feels like.  More like it happened a few days ago, and has healed up a bit.  But it... still hurts... and hurts my feelings in a way.  If nothing else, because it shouldn't hurt.  Life isn't fair.  What else can I tell you.  Still, not my problem at this point.  My problem is to figure out how to tend animals and myself even when I don't want to, don't think I can.  Pain is just the cost of doing business, and business is simply living.  And, eventually, dying.

I have done what I can.  If I can catch my wind, and the pain eases, I will get the rabbits bottles.  May do it anyway.  Then a nap, or sleep.  Later.

Up, showered, shaved, and...

.

.

I had to figure something out.  How to transfer an email address from a text message to an email, so as to kick the email to a new party.  Well, then put that email address into a contact.  Probably fumblingly, but done.

Then a shower and shave.  To prep for a visit with the judge.  Good?  Bad?  Was done online.  I explained as well as I could.  Life hurts, I don't have much choice, once I saw more.  I must suffer.  And I do.  Some days, even if having seen the light, I... still... wonder.  But I have made it this far.

It may not be in his hands, though.  Pay in, receive out, and so much for so much.  Still, while I agree life isn't fair, I was on this income for nearly thirty years when I got into a home and car.  Not that that means anything, but... it does, too.  Disabled?  Beyond a doubt.  But that may not mean anything.

I will find out... when I find out.  I laid it out, my best.  And the neighbor... backed me up, in his way.  All I could be is honest, if angry and ashamed from time to time.  Who likes admitting they are broken?  Ugh.  So exhausted.  Goes to show.  Ha!

I fed and watered critters.  I may get the girls, again, while I think about the day.  Can I do anything.  I need to do things, but am so... yes... tired.  Still, there is hope.  I brought the bottles in too.  I am hoping to be in shaped to put fresh bottles out in a bit, as soon as it hits the mid 80s?  Something like that... or noon?  Ugh, everything is approaching so fast, and I have other things to do.

Well... on with whatever.  I have done what I could, on the final appointed day and time.  The rest is up to them.  Oh, well, it looks like having medical limits on my drivers license actually was finally a plus, if still an annoyance.  I'd almost bet they regret doing that now.  But... medical bureaucrats can't have it both ways all the time.

Later.

Mistake.

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.

I was so tired when I went to bed.  I thought the ac would work.  So I just turned that on and went on to bed.  For whatever reason, it only got to 76.  I must have not done the right things with this stupid "smart" ac.  In any case, this morning is a bit rough.  For comparison, the downstairs is in the 68~71 range.  Outside is 55.  "Smart devices" aren't.  Miserable, almost heatsick this morning... or more... lightly heatsick.  I can handle warmer temps, into the 80's finally, without getting heatsick, if I am awake.  But when I sleep, 70~72 is about as high as I can get without that problem.  A fever sits my brow, eyelids, a light nausea, and an upset stomach.  It's a lot like the flu, but can be fixed, and quickly.  Pickle juice!  I think I have some on hand, and cool.

Today is the day for the hearing.  I have no doubts about the outcome, but will be involved anyway.  Every lawyer I got in touch with... the ones which didn't outright refuse the case for no good given reason, asked for information.  Then, none of them even went through the information before saying no.  So, I have no representation.

I can't even be sure they received the most recent medical.  No one is helping, or trying.  I get what this is about.  Still, it is what it is.  I am not sure if the refusal will be immediate, or in a written statement to arrive at their leisure.  It's just the way it goes, I guess.

A shower, and a shave.  The hearing is  too early for me to call the gas company, and figure out how to get them money quickly and easily.  Though I want to at least review my account, too, before deciding.  If there is money in there, again, somehow, then... maybe just through that account.  If it is low, then no.

The girls were fed.  I may get the ducks fed and watered after a shower and shave.  As well, grab the now warm bottles from the rabbits.  I changed most of their waterers yesterday, and filled most feed boxes, so they are probably still in good shape.  A few waterers, perhaps, and maybe a food box or two... a quick run, whenever I can get to it.

I am cutting water intake, probably at between one and two gallons a day.  Given the heat, I'm not sure I wish to trim that more.  Teeth were brushed, now I try to wake a bit before the shower and first set of chores.  Girls were fed, first thing, just a rare treat for them.  On to reading what you all, those who still speak, have to say.  Later.

Depending on who.

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.

Some said it got up to 104~105 where they were, others 98.  Brutal.  No matter which number.  Outside, the wind did help.  For those who worked out in it.

My nap was okay.  Started at 80, and by the time I woke was about 75?  Too hot, but too hot for me to stay awake, either.  Burned if you do, burned if you don't, without much choice.  It is to around 70, last I was able to look, outside.  Inside is still rather warm, if it just became reasonable to open up.

Crashing, again.  Not that I really woke all that well, but I was awake, technically.  Ugh.  Good night.

Didn't bother checking the temp.

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.

Hot.  Just... hot.  Cats fed.  Then water bottles out for the rabbits.  They seem to be doing okay, but... they really could die in this heat.  I don't know if I can keep up with water bottles, but I will try.  The rabbits in the outbuilding have it better.  The ones in open cages, all of their frozen water bottles had thawed, and were middling warm, though not hot.  Two of the water bottles in the outbuilding still had frozen chunks, about a third of their interior mass.  The other two were still at least cold, and probably had some ice.  I may need to freeze more bottles.

I didn't turn the ac on.  I'll just have to hope it works.  On up I go.  A nap, it is hoped.  An alarm set for about 19:00... in the hopes of be awake when it is time to open up the house.  Though, tonight?  It simply may not get cool enough, ever, to open up.  I could see it staying even in the high 70s or 80s... maybe not tonight?  But if it continues like this, yes, we will get there.  The house will become... unbearable.  Not sure what to do at that point.

I couldn't do much today.  The heat got to me a bit quickly.  And just doing chores bottomed out my capacity.  I'll see about a nap, if it's possible.  Later, or good night.

Right at 98.

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.

The wind, again, came up.  It is moving residual heat off.  A flaming wind, to anyone in the way of it, or anything.  I am sure it is scalping every bit of moisture off of everything in it's path, but it is keeping it from pushing over the hundred mark.  As... if a few points would matter.  Not sure the wind, at this point, is doing us a favor?

The rabbits are hanging in, so far.  The ducks are fine.  Rain, shine, hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, or whatnot, the ducks just don't care.  The rabbits... hanging in... just.  I really didn't want to refresh their bottles, but... yes.  I think I will.  After I cool just a bit from having done some rounds out there.  I was looking for Sam.

After I got in, Sam found me.  Hungry, she says.  All good, as long as she is in, or well.  I think it is finally too hot for her.  She has ways, and places, but with this wind, and this heat, there really isn't a place.  I'll feed the girls first, and neaten their litter as well.  HOT!

The water bottles will be all, though I may let the water run for the ducks while doing the bottles.  I do enjoy my critters.  As much as possible, I see them as friends.  Live off them?  Lived off my parents, siblings at times, taxpayers and others.  Not... exactly the same, but from the blood, toil, sweat... it's... similar.  And, they live off of me, as well.  More than friends, of a sort.  Family, in a small way.

Best get to it.  Ugh.  It's 83 in the front room, 76 in the middle room, and cooler in the back, by a bit... 72... 74 maybe.  Still, given the blast furnace that is the outside, not bad.  I'll turn the ac on upstairs, get the fans situated, then feed the cats and tend the rabbits.  Then a nap.  Good afternoon and day.

Murder hot out there.

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.

Just noon forty, and it is 97 outside.  At 79 inside, it's no picnic.  A side by side comparison makes inside get the vote.  The front room is mid 70's, not sure if 74 or 76, but in there.  Just walking out in there, though especially in the sun, really pounds one into the dirt.

Rabbits were fed and watered, what was needed.  They are eating far less, even drinking less.  Frozen bottles in with them.  If I can get to it, maybe a change of those this afternoon.  I haven't been handling them.  Just too hot.  Most of them now realize what the cold bottles are, and come to them.

The ducks were given another short drink, and food.  They, oddly, eat a lot more in the summer.  I don't quite get the difference.  Perhaps rabbits over heat so undereat, while the fat on the ducks allows them to compensate both for the heat and cold?  Or, maybe, the ducks find roots and such, in the spring?  And just lower their metabolism for winter?  Not exactly sure.  Though both types of ducks do it, so... it probably isn't a singular mechanics.  As the muscovys don't have the same sort of fat stores as the indian runners, and most other ducks.

Just because it walks, quacks, and otherwise acts like a duck, doesn't necessarily mean it is a duck?  Oh, oh!  But I get that one.  In any case, I sure enjoy watching the ducklings learn, play, eat, and grow.  I know some of them will end up on the dinner plate.  Another reason to enjoy their time in the sun.  Though I am sure some of them will go on to inflate the waddling of ducks.  Just a bit.  I want no more than two drakes of each type, if I don't mind six to eight hens of each type.

Yes, harsh out there.  Burning.  I am all but certain it will get to 100, and probably over.  Further, that is how it will be for... a while.  It did cool to the mid 50s, at least, last night.  But I am not sure that will be happening much anymore, in converse.  Hotter lows and highs.  I may lose some animals, just because that is how that happens.  Weather, and predation, do their thing.

I am feeling rather crushed.  It's the heat.  It makes it, to me, feel like I am in the grip of a giant, or huge snake.  The life is slowly being squeezed out of me.  Incrementally increased.  Right as soon as I think I am comfortable, it gets a bit worse.  Tunnel vision, vision closing in.  No stars being seen yet, but headed that way.  May have to turn on ac, get both fans focused, and hope that will work.  Adding the second ac if required... if able.  Bloody brutal.

Later.

People are so... different.

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.

I was recently speaking about dreams.  I have written about them here, long ago, probably lost in the texts of Doom.  A few quaint, to me, notions.

Have you dreamed a whole lifetime?  I have.  I spoke of a time I dreamed my life to forty years of age, roughly.  I didn't remember every last moment, but I dreamed I lived them.  I remembered as much of that life as I remember this life, if this life has been longer... and I have memory problems.  Still, the idea is similar.

He thought that was... odd.  The look, on his face, more than anything he said.

I told him I have dreamed of flying.  I used to have nightmares of falling.  They terrorized my childhood.  Sometimes leading to me falling out of a bunkbed?  Or was I pulled out, by someone or some thing?  I never knew.  But I did end up on the floor many times.  Who knows what happens, in the dark, as a child.

I learned to dream to prevent that horror.  I didn't mention that I learned  to fly through steel, bending four to six inch plates in my way.  Not pridefully, accidentally, at first.  I still avoided steel plates when possible, but sometimes I had no choice.

I told him I learned to change my dreams.  To alter them.  I am aware I am dreaming, pretty much always.  I didn't tell him that last part.  I did tell him that I started learning to control my dreams in order to change a specific group of dreams.  I didn't tell him which ones, but it was the ones in which some of my people die in combat.  Since I was... never in combat(?)... I... didn't want to dream about that.  Those are the only dreams I can't, yet, change.  I have learned to see more, if I'm not sure the new material is original.  As for true?  I... just wish I could change them.  I can't even stop those dreams, or not quickly.  At least, now, I know I am dreaming when they happen.

A slightly late wake-up.

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.

I set the alarm for 06:00.  Between this and that, I am just here at 07:00.  But the ducks have been fed and are being watered.  It didn't cool off a lot, in here.  The windows were open, fans going, if no ac.  It was 75 upstairs, if I read things right, though 68 to 70 downstairs.

I will probably try to rest in shifts, a nap in the afternoon, if I can.  And then a longer sleep later, if possible.  I can only try.  I won't always succeed.

With ducks soon to be done, I may get the rabbits while it is still cool.  Then take frozen bottles out for them later on.  Life in this heat is going to be miserable, no matter what.  But a few things can help.  Hmm... though... maybe watering them after it heats might be better?  While I don't have, can't afford, a mini fridge for their waterers, the house keeps them much cooler just by it's nature.

Yeah, I'll water them more around ten to noon.  Adding frozen bottles a bit after they get cool water, or at the same time if I am failing in the heat.

I best get medicine going.  I have forgotten about insulin for a while.  A few days.  I skipped a dose, of pills, too, but was able to make it up, being awake earlier yesterday.  The day before?

I also need to figure out how to get a bill paid today, and find out if mortgage was taken or not.  I may have to go through my bank, as the mortgage company seems to be hiding from me.  Not much else I can do.  So tired, still.  But... things to do.  I need to get a shower, if going in though.  I really need to get dishes going.  Not that many to do, but they are important ones.  Later.

Cooling nicely.

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The high today was well into the 90's.  I heard 98, though up or down a few points would be reasonable.  Not the heat, just the assumption.  I crashed at 16:30 or so, and woke at 19:30.  Couldn't sleep before, will be going back to bed at it nears 01:00.  It is down to 57.

I had hoped to get out and check the critters, but that isn't possible.  Too tired.

Things to do, during the daylight hours, tomorrow.  Good night.

Okay?

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.

No.  Still can't get through to the mortgage company.  The internet is brutally slow and wonky, though, too.  Might be a connection, or not.  Still, ss admin was at least contacted.  And my utility was contacted.  It looks like I might be able to figure out a few dollars until next month, just to make sure it isn't shut down.

So far, from what I am told, it hasn't been ordered, yet?  And, I am told, I am being given until Friday.  Now, if my bank is being fuzzy, I won't put the money in, hoping to get it out.  I will use some other method of payment, one they can't mess with, or as directly.  Someone could always loose the mail, or hack the transit.  And, at this point, I do wonder if that won't be attempted.

I am considering everything that is happening as an attack.  Too many things, all at once, on too many fronts.  This is on purpose.  Who or what org?  That is another thing.  I probably never will know.  Most likely government though.  One bureaucracy, or another, or several.  Yea, they can do it.  Do it all the time.  And, no longer rightly.

Oh, but the shower and shave were super.  Once, maybe twice, a week.  Close, not a baby's bottom close, but... closer than most razors can get.  I need to put something on, though, for the burn.

Wind is something fierce, again.  But this time hot, and from the south.  It was sticking at 90.  Just checked... the winds have died down, greatly.  And the bulb is climbing.  It jumped to 94 in what seemed like minutes, as soon as the wind quieted.  Ugh.  It's not even 13:30.  It's going to get hot.

Yes, the rabbits got their iced water bottles.  This time it looked like they were more interested than before.  Novelty to familiarity to need.

Bit by bit I am trying to sort out the financial problem.  Hopefully, by later today or tomorrow, it will be sorted.  One thing, problem, call, email, at a time.  Later.

Some.

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.

Got through to the ss admin, but mortgage is refusing to take my calls.  They have let it ring for ten to fifteen minutes, three times, to cancel the call.  I would like to call my bank, but don't have anything to work with.  Not sure, even if they answered, if a call to my bank would do any good.

The ducks and rabbits are managed.  The water bottles I put in the freezer yesterday did actually freeze.  As such, I have enough water bottles to deal with the critters.  Though one of the weaker bottles was chewed through.  So, there will be some attrition.

Since I am still up, just at noon, I will put out new frozen bottles.  They are fed and watered, but will check those things while at it.  It is right about the right time to put something cool out with and for them.  A bit more to do out there, as well.  It is getting hot, can feel it in spite of all else.  It is hitting 79 in here, in the front room.  Not sure about the rest or outdoors yet.

I contacted the man who put my refinance package together.  Left a message.  He got back to me.  Said they were having phone problems?  Said that they were past it.  Has connected me to their line again.  Will see... five minutes in, so far.  Not sure what all is wrong, but... I have some clues.

Ugh.  Wanted a nap.  Didn't get one.  Or yet.  Later.

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Nope.  It was 22 minutes.  I called back, they are now saying it would be 24 minutes.  They are simply, honestly, refusing to answer my call.  I emailed the fellow I spoke with earlier.  Letting him know more fully what my problem is.  Bleh.  Doing what I can do.

A nap already?

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Yeah, I'm sure thinking about it.  I have closed all but one last window downstairs.  Last time I looked, it was 55 out there still.  Odd.  But good.  Ducks and cats, food, water, litter, all managed.  I think I will feed and water rabbits before napping.  And, take a shower and shave.  Which... means... I won't be to bed for a while.  I hate sleeping even somewhat wet of head.

Still, to get there, I'll have to start.  Hmm, a shower first, actually.  Shave to follow.  I'll set up laundry before even that, so it is ready when I grab the bucket of feed and waterers to set the rabbits in good stead.  Oh, I will grab the water bottles out of the cages, while at it.  Otherwise they are as likely to chew holes in them as anything.

Then a bit of gaming as I crash.  Other things to do, desperate... but I can't remember.  So very tired.  Confused from exhaustion.  Well, I'll get to it.  Maybe I can remember when I wake.  Later.

When did I wake?

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It was after 03:00?  I think so.  Not yet 04:00?  Probably.  Took a while to wake, still not terribly awake.  But it has been a pleasant morning.  Some of the pain remains, but I've been able to drift it.  I only feel it when I remember, think about it, or twist or move so as to engage it.

It is two minutes to 07:00.  It is 49~50 outside.  I had the fans on for a bit, and windows and doors open.  It became too cool.  I turned off a fan, shut a few windows, but has some of it still going.  Trash was taken out, the last in the house, food stuffs, and then got it to the curb.  It looks like it isn't recycling today, by the neighbors' deposits.  I think I saw one recycling bin out, but... we all take turns being wrong.  :)  It might be recycling, but usually there are a majority of barrels for that, out, when it is.  Oh yes, I take turns being wrong myself.

The girls have been fed.  Oh, I might rush through their litter, and get a baggy of that out while at it.  Next I could set the ducks up.  Rabbits will wait.  They aren't very active early in the morning anyway.  Mornings, noon, and nights, and they are pretty much dormant.  Just a few hours, say brunch hours and when it starts cooling in the afternoon or evening, until dark, hours, they are more active.  Or, in the winter, when the sun is up and more when it is shining well, as long as it isn't too cold.  I like their office hours!

Done!  Well, ducks and litter.

Today?  A shower, a shave, something proper to eat, and... dishes plus the redo of the pants and other synthetics?  If possible.  Although I will shut the house down as soon as it hits 70ish out there.

It is quite good to see two batches of ducklings, and realize there are more on the way.  Of each kind, perhaps.  Eventually, I'll be having batches of rabbits too.  Not until this fall, but it'll work out.  I am still not sure where the second duck momma had her nest.  I followed her, lightly, several times.  Watched from inside the house.  Still never found it.  If I didn't want to push too hard, either.  Eventually I will find it.

A shower would be quite nice.  And a shave wouldn't be bad either.  Later.

Pain has many forms.

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Last night I was gifted with several sorts.  The body just hurt.  Ribs, both themselves and around them.  That tickle I used to get when doing wind sprints.  But the ghost sensations of when they were broken or bruised badly.  Kidneys, liver, and general internals.  At least my feet didn't hurt from swelling, and my left knee, which has for the first time I can remember locked up and become cranky a few times, isn't hurting that way anymore... for now.  No headache, backache, or stiff shoulders or back in general.  About a 40% loss, or 60% gain as I am trying to see it.

The other pain, though.  I was seeing all of the sins I had been sorely tempted to commit.  Things either someone else, or time, "robbed" me from performing.  This, by far, was worse.  To think what I can, and will, do.  Knowing better at the time, having thought I was better.  Being proven, again and again, to be... less.  Grateful, however, that I didn't.  Oh... the ones I did commit.  I've... already seen through much of that.  A larger portfolio, by far.  That took a week of suffering, over various dreams, to get through.  All of it?  Doubtful.  On either count.

Should I feel guilt, shame?  I think so.  I shouldn't be buried by it, but it should cause me to turn more frequently and remorsefully, hopefully, to God.  He already knows, He knows the full of it.  I can't, always, fully understand why He still loves, at least me.  All I can be is grateful, prayerful, honestly regretful, and vigilant.

I realize why the house got so hot, so quickly, yesterday.  I had forgotten the windows open upstairs.  When I go up there, though warm, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.  Did that cause it to heat up?  Or, at least earlier, was that keeping the place cooler?  ...How one might ask?  By giving the hot air a place to collect, and with air movement or wind, open windows by which to vacate.

I don't think so, or... not later on.  Perhaps the wind stopped though.  It may depend on wind/air flow (not always the same thing).  Because it remained quite cool until around noon, while it had already gotten at least into the 80's, iirc.  But, at some point, that failed and heat just flooded in.  I didn't have fans going up there either, though.  That could make a difference?

The only way to know would be to test days, having means of checking very local weather, from wind to general air flow, to temperature, to humidity, and maybe barometric pressures.  The only way I would do that is if I had an larger air conditioner in here, and could cool the place down on failures, for any reason.  I don't, so I won't.

Oh, I can get the upstairs to 72, but that is upstairs, and possibly not always.  But downstairs, once it gets hot?  That's... it, for a long time.  It'll be cooler than outside, but not too much cooler than the dirt, deeper down.  And, this front area doesn't have that luxury, but will still stay 10 to 20 below the outside.  Usually.  Though as the outside cools, there will be a temporary shift, as it takes the indoors a longer time to cool.  Windows, but all bit pain windows.  Nothing but the doors open, only one to the outside.

Hmm... trash day.  Recycling too?  I will get any final trash out.  Not worried about recycling.  It doesn't smell as bad in the heat, if at all really.  A new week.  Everything is open, getting some cool air in.  One fan broke.  Can't replace it this month.  Life can sure be mean.  Later.

They were looking healthy, if not exactly chipper?

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But, then, who does look chipper in the afternoon on a hot day.  Each got a bottle, plus one for Sam, just in case.  She may or may not want it, or use it, but it is there.  Same for the rabbits.  Though, I saw several go right to it.  First to investigate, then sticking around to see how this thing works.

I'm not sure how many I have frozen.  And I wanted to see how quickly they freeze.  So I refilled enough to replace what was used, and a few extra.  When I pull new ones out tomorrow, new old ones actually, I will see if the new new ones froze overnight.  One can hope.  If so, what I have will easily do.  I think I have enough for three days, before I put the fresh bottles in.  And, I did more than a single day, by three or four bottles.

I didn't bother checking the temp.  I was in a hurry to do what I was out there to do and then to get back in.  It is hot.  Ducks and rabbits and cats.  Sam is between 23 and 25, I'd say.  She could go at any time.  I think she really loves the heat though.  It's good to her old bones.  Still, I will do water and food as well as my old bones can.  One old fart to another.

Ugh.  I am thinking about taking a nap.  The heat just pulls it out of me.  I'll put the ac on, at least one fan, and see if I can squeeze a bit of sleep out of the hot onion of a day.  Oof, but it just hit me.  

Warming, as suspected.

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It was 92 last time I looked.  Now it is feeling rather uncomfortable out there.  I go out only to give Sam food or check her water.  Kibles this time, canned food next, treats from time to time.  Well, and check her water.  Plus it gives me a reason to get out.  Burning out there, again.

It is almost to 80 in this front room, but the low to mid 70s elsewhere.  I would guess it's mid to higher 70's upstairs.  When it heats back up, it really hits hard.  The trick is to step out just long enough to get a blast, but not long enough to get so hot I bring back a load of heat with me.  Get out just long enough to make the inside feel comfortable.

Until, say, 84, it was... nice... out there.  When it hit 86~88, it started being unpleasant.  When it went over 90 it totally stopped being fun.  It isn't even 15:00 yet, so there is room for it to get hotter, perhaps much hotter.

I did get my pants in earlier.  But one has to be rewashed.  A stupid bird pooped on it.  Stupid birds!  The rest are fine.  I found more synthetics.  Whites, but washing them in cold will allow me to wash them all together.  I really do like what the sun and wind do out there, if the birds would leave them alone.  That's the first bird problem I have had.

Rabbits, so far, seem okay.  I would guess, over time, their resistance will fade.  So far, though, they are doing well.  Hmm, best check them though.  This swing, from cool to this hot, might get to them quickly.  Actually, I will take out frozen bottles right now.  But a quick run, and to all of them.  One each.  Later.

Nearly ninety out there.

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It is 88, and it definitely feels like it.  It was that same temp when I started on rabbits, and hasn't changed since then or since perhaps an hour before when I was watching the ducks.  Though it may get hotter yet today.  I expect it, barring another anomaly.

Sam is out.  Once she gets used to it, she really likes the heat.  I just have to make sure she has water.  There is the duck pond, big and little.  But the ducks pollute those rather seriously.  Mostly just grit and dirt from their bills... which they use to dig for roots and critters.  Still, it looks rather awful.

I got trash together and out, some of it, yesterday.  Same with recycling.  Not sure how much more... I mean, there is a lot more I could put out, but... not... normal stuff.  From cooking and food prep.  I'm not sure if tomorrow is recycling, either.  If it is, some boxes could go.  Probably some in the trash too.  If I could get them broken down in time.

It is cooler in hear.  Just hitting 74 in this front room.  That will change in the next days and weeks, if weather becomes normal again.  It'll be hitting in the low 80s if it remains in the mid 90s or higher.  The rest of the house will stay around 76, without ac.  Possibly with it, at times.  And nights won't be getting cooler than, say, the mid 60s.   I really ought to get  the eyebolts put into the post, and see about setting up the hammock... to sleep out there from time to time.  I'm not sure I should leave it out.  A little practice and putting it up and taking it down would be easy, quick, I think.

I would have to wear shorts and a t, but that is usual anyway.  And I have a tarp, for over the top, which should provide some privacy, for all concerned.  And, it is behind the house.  It would take a lot of work to find a position by which to watch very closely.  And it would be an ugly, boring, viewing.

On to something.  Or, more likely, nothing.  I'm in a bit of a funk from almost everything having failed recently.  At least I have food.  And mortgage isn't actually due until August.  So if they took that, I should be able to get it back.  I did cancel, but... you know how that goes.  I have food and water, and perhaps a way to sleep where it is cooler, if I lose electricity too.

Later.

One part is back.

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Plus, other good news.

First, the first of the hens to have laid eggs, and gone broody, still has three chicks.  Getting bigger every day.  Still at risk of drowning, but I have done what I can to manage that.  The other hen still has four, last I saw.  Not sure if the indian runner will get her eggs to hatch.  She seems to be off more than on them.  Then again, maybe she knows what she is doing?

That... isn't new good news.  The new good news is that the first hen is back to setting a clutch!  Her little ones, it seems, are large enough that she pretty much let them go.  And they wander off, anyway.  If too, they have learned to stay closer in with the herd, if avoiding getting too close to some, especially Henry.  He's a mean sob.  Even with those which are technically his own.

All good.  Hopefully a few more than before will make it.  Though, too, I realize... the more successful they are at breeding, the more birds I will have to cull.  At least I can cull these for food.  Unlike drakes among the indian runners.  They just don't have enough meat on them.  Perhaps, though, I could render them?  I'll look.  I truly hate to waste.  Though, if the muscovy ducks taste as good as they are billed, I could probably eat a couple ducks a month.

As well, the internet is back, through my router.  Not sure if it was a technical thing, down for maintenance, or something else.  It got down to 45 last night.  At least the lowest I saw it.  But that usually doesn't cause a problem.  When it rains, the internet used to go down fairly often.  They, mostly, fixed that.  It seems more a problem later at night, often on weekends.  I think that is maintenance, as well as they shunt speeds and access at night.  Though probably not (or not just) the service provider.

I really think google to amazon to any site or service, if they are going down, or there is a risk from whatever they are fixing or adding or such, they try to do that first at night, then on weekends.  They don't always have a choice, but if they do, and usually they do, they hit those factors as well as they are able.  For me, for now, the internet is back.  Trying to post on the 'smart' phone is a pain.  This is much better.

It was 45 when I fed and watered the ducks.  At a quarter to nine, it was up to 64 or so.  Cool out there.  I'll have to figure out some of the rest of it tomorrow.  Something is really very off.  I may just have to kill the debit card.  Or change it, but never use it.  Have them check every use, by phone.  It is too dangerous, it seems, to have that, if I can have my account consumed without a red flag, or dozen, going off.  Later.

Problems everywhere.

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My account is nearly empty.  Gas hasn't been paid.  The internet is down.  Many other problems.  Not sure what happened.  Not even supposed to pay mortgage this month.  I reset it.  

I closed payments to it.  All I can guess is someone got into my account and stripped it.  And it is a weekend, so there is nothing I can do at the moment. 

I should have at least $900, what I pay on mortgage, and that is assuming I spent beyond my budget.  Not including $1400 which I was informed was incoming stimulus. 

As well, my phone had been set to bluetooth, with other accesses turned off.  Not something I did.  Had to sort that out to even get online.  Have to use the phone to post.  

Not sure if that is a payment problem too, or a temporary outage.  But it shouldn't be payment.  That gets paid quickly, early in the month.  Even so, it wouldn't be late, except for this month?

It is, or feels like, a major attack.  I really can't know what is happening until Monday.  Later.