Pain has many forms.

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Last night I was gifted with several sorts.  The body just hurt.  Ribs, both themselves and around them.  That tickle I used to get when doing wind sprints.  But the ghost sensations of when they were broken or bruised badly.  Kidneys, liver, and general internals.  At least my feet didn't hurt from swelling, and my left knee, which has for the first time I can remember locked up and become cranky a few times, isn't hurting that way anymore... for now.  No headache, backache, or stiff shoulders or back in general.  About a 40% loss, or 60% gain as I am trying to see it.

The other pain, though.  I was seeing all of the sins I had been sorely tempted to commit.  Things either someone else, or time, "robbed" me from performing.  This, by far, was worse.  To think what I can, and will, do.  Knowing better at the time, having thought I was better.  Being proven, again and again, to be... less.  Grateful, however, that I didn't.  Oh... the ones I did commit.  I've... already seen through much of that.  A larger portfolio, by far.  That took a week of suffering, over various dreams, to get through.  All of it?  Doubtful.  On either count.

Should I feel guilt, shame?  I think so.  I shouldn't be buried by it, but it should cause me to turn more frequently and remorsefully, hopefully, to God.  He already knows, He knows the full of it.  I can't, always, fully understand why He still loves, at least me.  All I can be is grateful, prayerful, honestly regretful, and vigilant.

I realize why the house got so hot, so quickly, yesterday.  I had forgotten the windows open upstairs.  When I go up there, though warm, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.  Did that cause it to heat up?  Or, at least earlier, was that keeping the place cooler?  ...How one might ask?  By giving the hot air a place to collect, and with air movement or wind, open windows by which to vacate.

I don't think so, or... not later on.  Perhaps the wind stopped though.  It may depend on wind/air flow (not always the same thing).  Because it remained quite cool until around noon, while it had already gotten at least into the 80's, iirc.  But, at some point, that failed and heat just flooded in.  I didn't have fans going up there either, though.  That could make a difference?

The only way to know would be to test days, having means of checking very local weather, from wind to general air flow, to temperature, to humidity, and maybe barometric pressures.  The only way I would do that is if I had an larger air conditioner in here, and could cool the place down on failures, for any reason.  I don't, so I won't.

Oh, I can get the upstairs to 72, but that is upstairs, and possibly not always.  But downstairs, once it gets hot?  That's... it, for a long time.  It'll be cooler than outside, but not too much cooler than the dirt, deeper down.  And, this front area doesn't have that luxury, but will still stay 10 to 20 below the outside.  Usually.  Though as the outside cools, there will be a temporary shift, as it takes the indoors a longer time to cool.  Windows, but all bit pain windows.  Nothing but the doors open, only one to the outside.

Hmm... trash day.  Recycling too?  I will get any final trash out.  Not worried about recycling.  It doesn't smell as bad in the heat, if at all really.  A new week.  Everything is open, getting some cool air in.  One fan broke.  Can't replace it this month.  Life can sure be mean.  Later.