.
.
I think I struck a nerve here, with the people I am staying with. My statement was not aimed at them at all, but at limousine liberals. They do sail, or have. My comment regarding something about not being able to sail, more of that last (or, shut the ____ up). Although it might have been the whole of the article. However, it is a rather cold night here. Not for my part, I really have no worries about differences. So, I am guessing they read here. They either took that as a personal attack or the whole thing as a slight.
I suspect others read here too. Behind enough systems, I cannot see them. I have noticed that others also have strange reactions, sometimes strangers (locals), sometimes people with whom I share an association. There were some other comments which lead me to believe they have read back quite a bit.
I am not sure if they, whoever reads here, realizes that some fact, some fiction, some thinking without connection, and other types of writing occur here, but it does. This is a journal, a fiction novel of sorts, and a place to let my mind roam and explore... possibilities. Some related to real life, some wholly imaginative scenarios.
I suppose reading here for absolute fact is like seeing a branch in calm wind and assuming that it is always straight and rigid, that it will always be attached to the tree, and probably some other suppositions which are not always or even fundamentally true. And I have a huge imaginative reservoir and many real and unreal to me and others questions for the world, myself, others, and God. Most people have such "straight" lives, they cannot imagine my life, thoughts, nor understand my writing. But then, I am not actually writing for others. I certainly do not advertise, make known, or otherwise invite. Those who are here are just that, and stay, comment, read, or go quite on their own. I suppose the rest have no clue I exist and no interest about me, here, or what I write, think, or believe. All good.
Anyway...
Neck is still a bit tweaky, the back feels better, the hand is still problematically cranky, and I may be getting a fever and some other stuff. I did, finally, start the antibiotics if perhaps a wee late. I will wash and freshly bandage the thing shortly.
I do not know when I will blog again though. They are letting me stay tonight, and tomorrow as I will not be able to sort out bedding while everything is being loaded over. But they want the machine out in the morning and me out Friday but a call to Comcast was unsuccessful in getting me set up there, or even having connection scheduled. The Indian I spoke with did not understand me well, I think, and said he could not find service in the area for me. But after speaking with the Post Office Mistess, I know Comcast serves the area (with cable internet, definitely high speed). Anyway, this is it for a bit.
Have a good life until then!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A rough one.
.
.
Sleeping through the night was not possible. I think it is just that there are too many things happening for me to settle well. Well, the neck, back, and finger are not helping either. I woke around midnight or 1:00 and was finally able to sleep again around 4:00 or 5:00. My memory is not good without rest, and I was neither really awake or asleep all night anyway.
My appointment with the chiropractor today was the first thing on my list. I barely dragged my bones out of bed to shower and dress. A little late, but there was a great deal of paperwork to fill out first anyway. Next came testing and x-rays. I did surprise the doctor with my hand grip. It was 144 ft/lb (or whatever measure they use). I did not tell him I could squeeze harder even today or that today I was just not into doing stupid pet tricks... tired, sore, and distracted... Of course, if I had squeezed harder, I would have started to hurt my fingers. I am just not up for more pain right now, of any kind.
Just doing the minor things to check flexibility, I became nauseous. A bit of time on some relaxation table though, helped. Then some adjustments. He suggested that he usually does not do adjustments right away, but that he would be gone, to a conference, the following day. I am to go back Friday and then Monday. It seems a bit much, but then I do not count how many stitches or bandages or wipes a traditional doc uses, so I will go with it for now. My neck really is and was giving me fits and was not improving (or getting worse). My lower back is either a bit numb or throbs. Whatever. I figure that I will give this about 2 weeks and then recover as I may after that.
Sometimes I wonder about these things. Am I just being a big baby? Even with my finger, am I being too sensitive? Of course, then I bump it or stretch it too much doing something and the reality hits me. Same with the neck, I crane too far to do my usual head-on-a-swivel and ACKH! No, they are real. I suppose that goes back to my worry that I am not really "ill" in the other aspect. Too many shrinks and doctors who dither between coddling and blaming me, I suppose. And my natural proclivity to strive, succeed, work (and belief in work?), and whatever. I just cannot believe that I cannot somehow simply stand, walk, and go do whatever I want!
Ah well. I will try to stay awake the full day in order to sleep well tonight. Perhaps I will grab my friend and head to my home town, check on the cat, see about setting up cable, find out about utilities, and maybe let him go out shooting. Handguns and rifles do not sound fun to handle with a back, neck, and hand all out of whack. Still, I might just enjoy watching someone else put a few downwind. Yes, I might indeed.
I have nothing else actually slated for today. Those things listed above are optional, if they would be very nice. Tomorrow is the moving day. I will be meeting them at a parking area, we will consolidate, and then head to the storage facility. I really cannot help yet, and for more reasons than just the finger. Hmmm, you know, just in case, I ought to buy some smelling salts. Thanks for that, Jean! I knew I forgot something. And as c rickety and awful as I am feeling, it might come in handy sooner than later. Ugh... my new candy?
Bah, it's still all a gas! Have a good day.
.
Sleeping through the night was not possible. I think it is just that there are too many things happening for me to settle well. Well, the neck, back, and finger are not helping either. I woke around midnight or 1:00 and was finally able to sleep again around 4:00 or 5:00. My memory is not good without rest, and I was neither really awake or asleep all night anyway.
My appointment with the chiropractor today was the first thing on my list. I barely dragged my bones out of bed to shower and dress. A little late, but there was a great deal of paperwork to fill out first anyway. Next came testing and x-rays. I did surprise the doctor with my hand grip. It was 144 ft/lb (or whatever measure they use). I did not tell him I could squeeze harder even today or that today I was just not into doing stupid pet tricks... tired, sore, and distracted... Of course, if I had squeezed harder, I would have started to hurt my fingers. I am just not up for more pain right now, of any kind.
Just doing the minor things to check flexibility, I became nauseous. A bit of time on some relaxation table though, helped. Then some adjustments. He suggested that he usually does not do adjustments right away, but that he would be gone, to a conference, the following day. I am to go back Friday and then Monday. It seems a bit much, but then I do not count how many stitches or bandages or wipes a traditional doc uses, so I will go with it for now. My neck really is and was giving me fits and was not improving (or getting worse). My lower back is either a bit numb or throbs. Whatever. I figure that I will give this about 2 weeks and then recover as I may after that.
Sometimes I wonder about these things. Am I just being a big baby? Even with my finger, am I being too sensitive? Of course, then I bump it or stretch it too much doing something and the reality hits me. Same with the neck, I crane too far to do my usual head-on-a-swivel and ACKH! No, they are real. I suppose that goes back to my worry that I am not really "ill" in the other aspect. Too many shrinks and doctors who dither between coddling and blaming me, I suppose. And my natural proclivity to strive, succeed, work (and belief in work?), and whatever. I just cannot believe that I cannot somehow simply stand, walk, and go do whatever I want!
Ah well. I will try to stay awake the full day in order to sleep well tonight. Perhaps I will grab my friend and head to my home town, check on the cat, see about setting up cable, find out about utilities, and maybe let him go out shooting. Handguns and rifles do not sound fun to handle with a back, neck, and hand all out of whack. Still, I might just enjoy watching someone else put a few downwind. Yes, I might indeed.
I have nothing else actually slated for today. Those things listed above are optional, if they would be very nice. Tomorrow is the moving day. I will be meeting them at a parking area, we will consolidate, and then head to the storage facility. I really cannot help yet, and for more reasons than just the finger. Hmmm, you know, just in case, I ought to buy some smelling salts. Thanks for that, Jean! I knew I forgot something. And as c rickety and awful as I am feeling, it might come in handy sooner than later. Ugh... my new candy?
Bah, it's still all a gas! Have a good day.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
An interesting notion.
.
.
Having lived next door to a small but growing family in Iowa, I was allowed a little insight into children, their roles in the family, and some solid adult participation. With parents who do their best, and want the best, for their children, as really good role models. I am sure it was not perfect. I saw the parents weary, become flustered, and I saw them get through it. I watched the children go through everything from supplication to rebellion, and find their place in the end. And all things happening at the various levels of the participants, in cycles, as each grew. And, yes, it strengthened my notion about having a family.
Here, now, I live with a couple. They are quite attached to each other. They too have their highs and lows, good and bad, if these are more muted they certainly exist. They have come to compliment each other as if there was no other way they even know how to exist. Of course, sometimes they do their own things. But, and to my great surprise, these times are small and mostly merely by exterior need or happenstance and not by choice or the 'need' for space. It is a wonderful thing to observe. And, I do try to neither merely "observe" (or spy) nor intrude. Though sometimes I have questions, asked as tastefully as I may.
It seems as if God keeps showing me what possibilities there are, and how good and bad they can be. And yes, I can see around corners (through steel, concrete, wood, cloth, sinew, bone, and right to a soul, at times). I see the losses, I see the difficulties, I do not miss much. I do think the cost is well worth the gain. I do not want my friend's family or the Mr.'s Mrs. Not that they are bad, only that they could never be mine. But I think I would like to follow in their footsteps. I think they are all miles ahead. And I would like to think that I might be able to create my own little world with a wife, and then with children.
Yes, I think so. I do not know how to cross those rivers, climb those mountains, or get over into those paths. And I really do not think there is any one way. I think I simply have to head in that direction, work and maybe push myself and situations a bit, and between will and fate, I will find myself on the other bank of this river of life, not quite sure how I got there. It is as magical and yet as mundane as all that. God's will? Who can know. For me specifically? He knows, I do not. But, I think so, I do.
This came to me and I wanted to put it out or I would be mulling it ALL NIGHT!
Good night.
.
Having lived next door to a small but growing family in Iowa, I was allowed a little insight into children, their roles in the family, and some solid adult participation. With parents who do their best, and want the best, for their children, as really good role models. I am sure it was not perfect. I saw the parents weary, become flustered, and I saw them get through it. I watched the children go through everything from supplication to rebellion, and find their place in the end. And all things happening at the various levels of the participants, in cycles, as each grew. And, yes, it strengthened my notion about having a family.
Here, now, I live with a couple. They are quite attached to each other. They too have their highs and lows, good and bad, if these are more muted they certainly exist. They have come to compliment each other as if there was no other way they even know how to exist. Of course, sometimes they do their own things. But, and to my great surprise, these times are small and mostly merely by exterior need or happenstance and not by choice or the 'need' for space. It is a wonderful thing to observe. And, I do try to neither merely "observe" (or spy) nor intrude. Though sometimes I have questions, asked as tastefully as I may.
It seems as if God keeps showing me what possibilities there are, and how good and bad they can be. And yes, I can see around corners (through steel, concrete, wood, cloth, sinew, bone, and right to a soul, at times). I see the losses, I see the difficulties, I do not miss much. I do think the cost is well worth the gain. I do not want my friend's family or the Mr.'s Mrs. Not that they are bad, only that they could never be mine. But I think I would like to follow in their footsteps. I think they are all miles ahead. And I would like to think that I might be able to create my own little world with a wife, and then with children.
Yes, I think so. I do not know how to cross those rivers, climb those mountains, or get over into those paths. And I really do not think there is any one way. I think I simply have to head in that direction, work and maybe push myself and situations a bit, and between will and fate, I will find myself on the other bank of this river of life, not quite sure how I got there. It is as magical and yet as mundane as all that. God's will? Who can know. For me specifically? He knows, I do not. But, I think so, I do.
This came to me and I wanted to put it out or I would be mulling it ALL NIGHT!
Good night.
I stopped in to Lowe's.
.
.
Kitchen cabinets, several types of flooring, and a few other things to look at were on the list. They have so much and there is so much more in other places. But in looking I am informed that what looks like a complete sale is actually only part of the sale. Some things I had considered, some things had been overlooked. Sub-flooring for the tile, for example, had been on the list. That would be less than $300. The tiles could run from $200 to $600 (and up, but I am discussing what caught my eye). Cabinets were from $150 per linear foot, with some added benefits. However, I had not considered trim, kick plates, etc. for that. Hardwood flooring was more like $4 to $9 per square foot, plus much more complex installation. Thankfully I have less than 100 square foot, more like 60 I think, in the dining area off the kitchen. But it all adds up and fast.
One of the men I spoke with had really good information. I was, to say the least, impressed with the full range of his assistance. He, like me, is middle class, likes certain things, and figures out how to get them. I looked at some impressive marble tile. It is on sale at less than 1/3rd what that material generally costs. Marble? Me? Maybe... seriously. It is not 58 cents per square feet as the least expensive material is, more like 3 times that, but... Marble, and beautiful marble.
Okay, after coming out of candy land, my head is spinning. The second man I spoke with offered me a manual within which are instructions for measuring and diagramming the kitchen (and off room as well, or I am going too), so that their experts can look it over and optimize material use, considering measurements, a potential kitchen island, appliances, outlets, floor levels (so it is all flat, level, even), and some other considerations. Yes, my head is spinning.
Something else I am looking into... water rights and a possible well. That whole process, especially here, is nearly insane. I have heard that dealing with the office that deals with that is a good way to go loopy. Obtaining the services of a licensed water engineer is probably the way to go. Though, as with anything, there are no guarantees. Getting a license to drill means obtaining underground water rights. Those rights only offer, if done correctly, a permit to drill. It seems, from what I have seen, that these rights and the process to the license seem to be priced at about $4k. Drilling, from what I have heard, costs around $12 a foot, including good surface to water piping, though that seems too cheap? Of course, that does not include pump, wind/sun/other power source and hookups, or piping to the house and wherever else one would want the water. Nor does it guarantee the water drilled too, if found at all, would be usable, healthy, tasty, or anything.
Yes, projects. Yes, work, money, design, thought, and a lot of hope. But this is what I have. If I were not doing these things, and more (think re-roofing the chicken coop, cleaning out the stables (little ones, goat sized), rabbit cages or even possibly barrel warrens, and typical upkeep), what would I be doing with my time and money? Games? Blogging? I think I can still do those. College? We will see, but keeping busy in off (and even "on") times is important. So much to do. A world to rework!
Oh, and though it is my home and my acreage, it is not. I am merely a caretaker who has been given responsibility for this place. I cannot own it. If I did, when I die, I would take it with me would I not? So, as a man who has stepped up to the plate of responsibility, it behooves me to do my best. Ah, the trick is to do it reasonably, financially soundly, within my health limitations (with the hope that I can stretch the borders of that), and sanely... Ugh. But it is a joy. I see things, great and small, in my mind. I hope to see some of those things fruit.
Good night:)
.
Kitchen cabinets, several types of flooring, and a few other things to look at were on the list. They have so much and there is so much more in other places. But in looking I am informed that what looks like a complete sale is actually only part of the sale. Some things I had considered, some things had been overlooked. Sub-flooring for the tile, for example, had been on the list. That would be less than $300. The tiles could run from $200 to $600 (and up, but I am discussing what caught my eye). Cabinets were from $150 per linear foot, with some added benefits. However, I had not considered trim, kick plates, etc. for that. Hardwood flooring was more like $4 to $9 per square foot, plus much more complex installation. Thankfully I have less than 100 square foot, more like 60 I think, in the dining area off the kitchen. But it all adds up and fast.
One of the men I spoke with had really good information. I was, to say the least, impressed with the full range of his assistance. He, like me, is middle class, likes certain things, and figures out how to get them. I looked at some impressive marble tile. It is on sale at less than 1/3rd what that material generally costs. Marble? Me? Maybe... seriously. It is not 58 cents per square feet as the least expensive material is, more like 3 times that, but... Marble, and beautiful marble.
Okay, after coming out of candy land, my head is spinning. The second man I spoke with offered me a manual within which are instructions for measuring and diagramming the kitchen (and off room as well, or I am going too), so that their experts can look it over and optimize material use, considering measurements, a potential kitchen island, appliances, outlets, floor levels (so it is all flat, level, even), and some other considerations. Yes, my head is spinning.
Something else I am looking into... water rights and a possible well. That whole process, especially here, is nearly insane. I have heard that dealing with the office that deals with that is a good way to go loopy. Obtaining the services of a licensed water engineer is probably the way to go. Though, as with anything, there are no guarantees. Getting a license to drill means obtaining underground water rights. Those rights only offer, if done correctly, a permit to drill. It seems, from what I have seen, that these rights and the process to the license seem to be priced at about $4k. Drilling, from what I have heard, costs around $12 a foot, including good surface to water piping, though that seems too cheap? Of course, that does not include pump, wind/sun/other power source and hookups, or piping to the house and wherever else one would want the water. Nor does it guarantee the water drilled too, if found at all, would be usable, healthy, tasty, or anything.
Yes, projects. Yes, work, money, design, thought, and a lot of hope. But this is what I have. If I were not doing these things, and more (think re-roofing the chicken coop, cleaning out the stables (little ones, goat sized), rabbit cages or even possibly barrel warrens, and typical upkeep), what would I be doing with my time and money? Games? Blogging? I think I can still do those. College? We will see, but keeping busy in off (and even "on") times is important. So much to do. A world to rework!
Oh, and though it is my home and my acreage, it is not. I am merely a caretaker who has been given responsibility for this place. I cannot own it. If I did, when I die, I would take it with me would I not? So, as a man who has stepped up to the plate of responsibility, it behooves me to do my best. Ah, the trick is to do it reasonably, financially soundly, within my health limitations (with the hope that I can stretch the borders of that), and sanely... Ugh. But it is a joy. I see things, great and small, in my mind. I hope to see some of those things fruit.
Good night:)
Done, done, scheduled, done, much better, ongoing but wel...
.
.
So much to do! Everything, I think, has been hit on. Some things are completed, quite a number of events are scheduled, and my hand is in a much better way.
I received the quote for repairs today. I was a bit surprised at how low it was actually, coming in at slightly over $700. After some discussion, repairs are planned for Monday morning. An all day event it seems. All good by me. Next, I got the oil change and checkup done today, if I was 15 minutes late. While I was waiting, I strolled to a nearby bookstore, an event I used to do much more frequently.
With the queerification of book stores, and art in general, the dearth of good modern writing, and all the other jazz, I had lost interest. I saw, again, why I no longer go upon entering the place. Still, I looked around. Ignoring feminist vampires and queer super heroes, I headed to a section of books related to classic high art. Printed in China, the first book said. Moving on, I noticed a section about Utah. Something might be there. I first fingered and let my eyes discover some of a book about canoeing and kayaking on Utah flat waters, or was it broader to include even some whitewater? That is not my thing, or yet, still I lingered. Then I moved on. Some history of towns and areas in the state. Interesting to be sure. And in time, something to pursue as leisure time arrives. Maps, of course, took some of my attention. And then I found one, then another, book on my list.
The hitchhiker's guide to Utah! Well, not quite. The first book I saw was a hikers guide to Uintah area. That is not far off, so I scrolled over the cover and sipped some of the pages. Interesting, close, but too far for regular visits and too limited in scope. Perhaps there was some other book there, something more general and yet more specific in some ways. At first it looked like there were simply two of the books I was holding, but a second look identified the other tome to be missing Uintah and simply having Utah listed. A brief look let me know this was the book for me. The guide even indexed the various trails according to interest, such as canyons, flowers, geology, and more importantly experience and capacity of the hiker(s)! I now have a guide for, perhaps weekly?, excursions.
After this, a trip to my home town to set up my mail service. So much like where I was raised. The small little post office, the kindly lady behind the counter, and a friendly greeting. After some greeting, introductions, and some minor chatter, we got to work. She even found a box high enough that I do not need to bend at all. We set the thing up, filled out a change of address card mostly (I still need to complete that and turn it in), and ID and some signatures, a transfer of keys, and the deal is set. I still need to take in closing papers in order to verify my name to the given address. She made sure to let me know to have my mail addressed to the post box and NOT my street address. Having come from just such an arrangement growing up, I assured her I would do so. Though I suggested that there would still be material coming in from financiers and such to the street address as I had no address but that up to this point. Though, I also suggested I would ameliorate the situation as soon as possible. Uhrm, I did not use that term. I think she would have looked at me a bit askance, then started thinking of me as a "funny guy" sort... or worse. Ha!
After that, a mostly pleasant drive back to my current abode. I think I missed the call from the representative of the Knights of Columbus, but I still do not have the name and address of the storage unit. Being a little tired though, I decided instead to research chiropractic clinics. I found little of use online, so I went by when the doctor (clinician?) was licensed, preferring middle over old or young. Oh Noes! He's ageist! Pshah... Right! I have set up an appointment for 10:00 am in the morning.
Now, to get that address and the name of my storage company. I think I can do that online as well. I do not know the number, however. That is no problem as I know where it is in the complex and I will need to be with them as it is keypad restricted and I will not give that out. As well, it might simply be easier to meet somewhere where people can park, we can take just a few vehicles including the hauling truck, and proceed that way. A big lot, like one Wal-Mart has, far from the store, should do? Yes, I think so. There simply is not good parking at where I am staying or at the storage facility.
And finally, my hand... Oh my what a splint and good bandaging does to help and prevent extra pain! I may not be genius, but I can be practical. Though the pencils would have worked, these bamboo slats are perfect. They are strong and yet flexible, perfect for splints, and with an added natural curve that surrounds the finger as well. Of course, I have the Mr. here to thank for that particular stroke of genius. I have a top and bottom one. I think that was my problem yesterday. PAIN! I could not feel all of it but it was quietly digging into my life and psyche. PAIN! It was there, and is still here. But my head is now above the threshold, not down below in animal land.
Well, it is getting done. One job after the next, one project at a time, even on top of being incapacitated and disabled, it is going like clockwork, if not the timing and way I intended. I am off to, maybe?, feed my face... Oh, after finding the address to the storage shed. They will want that anyway, even if my meet and consolidate plan goes forward.
Have a great day!
.
So much to do! Everything, I think, has been hit on. Some things are completed, quite a number of events are scheduled, and my hand is in a much better way.
I received the quote for repairs today. I was a bit surprised at how low it was actually, coming in at slightly over $700. After some discussion, repairs are planned for Monday morning. An all day event it seems. All good by me. Next, I got the oil change and checkup done today, if I was 15 minutes late. While I was waiting, I strolled to a nearby bookstore, an event I used to do much more frequently.
With the queerification of book stores, and art in general, the dearth of good modern writing, and all the other jazz, I had lost interest. I saw, again, why I no longer go upon entering the place. Still, I looked around. Ignoring feminist vampires and queer super heroes, I headed to a section of books related to classic high art. Printed in China, the first book said. Moving on, I noticed a section about Utah. Something might be there. I first fingered and let my eyes discover some of a book about canoeing and kayaking on Utah flat waters, or was it broader to include even some whitewater? That is not my thing, or yet, still I lingered. Then I moved on. Some history of towns and areas in the state. Interesting to be sure. And in time, something to pursue as leisure time arrives. Maps, of course, took some of my attention. And then I found one, then another, book on my list.
The hitchhiker's guide to Utah! Well, not quite. The first book I saw was a hikers guide to Uintah area. That is not far off, so I scrolled over the cover and sipped some of the pages. Interesting, close, but too far for regular visits and too limited in scope. Perhaps there was some other book there, something more general and yet more specific in some ways. At first it looked like there were simply two of the books I was holding, but a second look identified the other tome to be missing Uintah and simply having Utah listed. A brief look let me know this was the book for me. The guide even indexed the various trails according to interest, such as canyons, flowers, geology, and more importantly experience and capacity of the hiker(s)! I now have a guide for, perhaps weekly?, excursions.
After this, a trip to my home town to set up my mail service. So much like where I was raised. The small little post office, the kindly lady behind the counter, and a friendly greeting. After some greeting, introductions, and some minor chatter, we got to work. She even found a box high enough that I do not need to bend at all. We set the thing up, filled out a change of address card mostly (I still need to complete that and turn it in), and ID and some signatures, a transfer of keys, and the deal is set. I still need to take in closing papers in order to verify my name to the given address. She made sure to let me know to have my mail addressed to the post box and NOT my street address. Having come from just such an arrangement growing up, I assured her I would do so. Though I suggested that there would still be material coming in from financiers and such to the street address as I had no address but that up to this point. Though, I also suggested I would ameliorate the situation as soon as possible. Uhrm, I did not use that term. I think she would have looked at me a bit askance, then started thinking of me as a "funny guy" sort... or worse. Ha!
After that, a mostly pleasant drive back to my current abode. I think I missed the call from the representative of the Knights of Columbus, but I still do not have the name and address of the storage unit. Being a little tired though, I decided instead to research chiropractic clinics. I found little of use online, so I went by when the doctor (clinician?) was licensed, preferring middle over old or young. Oh Noes! He's ageist! Pshah... Right! I have set up an appointment for 10:00 am in the morning.
Now, to get that address and the name of my storage company. I think I can do that online as well. I do not know the number, however. That is no problem as I know where it is in the complex and I will need to be with them as it is keypad restricted and I will not give that out. As well, it might simply be easier to meet somewhere where people can park, we can take just a few vehicles including the hauling truck, and proceed that way. A big lot, like one Wal-Mart has, far from the store, should do? Yes, I think so. There simply is not good parking at where I am staying or at the storage facility.
And finally, my hand... Oh my what a splint and good bandaging does to help and prevent extra pain! I may not be genius, but I can be practical. Though the pencils would have worked, these bamboo slats are perfect. They are strong and yet flexible, perfect for splints, and with an added natural curve that surrounds the finger as well. Of course, I have the Mr. here to thank for that particular stroke of genius. I have a top and bottom one. I think that was my problem yesterday. PAIN! I could not feel all of it but it was quietly digging into my life and psyche. PAIN! It was there, and is still here. But my head is now above the threshold, not down below in animal land.
Well, it is getting done. One job after the next, one project at a time, even on top of being incapacitated and disabled, it is going like clockwork, if not the timing and way I intended. I am off to, maybe?, feed my face... Oh, after finding the address to the storage shed. They will want that anyway, even if my meet and consolidate plan goes forward.
Have a great day!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Urhm, I do apologize.
.
.
The swearing and edited swearing is not how I want things to go. I will not edit out, I will live with my mistakes. Getting a little hot under the collar about a dozen things is not a reason. Physical trauma shock is a reason, but I do not think I am quite there, if I have hovered near there a time or two today. Packing the finger will help, though I do not think that was my problem. Then again, I am not sure what my problem was. I know it's been building and worsening for days though.
In any case, there it is. An apology for course language. I will do my best to mind my words better in the future. Sleep well.
.
The swearing and edited swearing is not how I want things to go. I will not edit out, I will live with my mistakes. Getting a little hot under the collar about a dozen things is not a reason. Physical trauma shock is a reason, but I do not think I am quite there, if I have hovered near there a time or two today. Packing the finger will help, though I do not think that was my problem. Then again, I am not sure what my problem was. I know it's been building and worsening for days though.
In any case, there it is. An apology for course language. I will do my best to mind my words better in the future. Sleep well.
Go figure.
.
.
The bandaid will not work. I am going to need to go to Walgreen and ask what might help. My finger needs more support, like it or not, for some time. That or I am going to have to get used to pain every time I move quickly, use the other three fingers on that hand, or handle just about anything. I will simply have to see what they have and what they recommend. I will not say I nearly severed the finger, I will say I nearly severed the flesh on the bottom half of it and that the doctor finished the job making sure I had not cut nerves or tendons (though rightly I think).
I got busy and forgot I was writing this. Back!
Oh, one other thing, they did not even clean the wound. So, I bought hydrogen peroxide, and like the dressing, will do it myself. Thanks, doc. Give my regards to the V.A.! Anyway... Walgreens had finger splints, but for normal sized people. They all came right about exactly to the wound site. The man who was helping me look suggested popsicle sticks. Not knowing where I would get such a thing, I just bought a package of pencils.
I then drove to my home and checked on Sam. Sam, it seems, is the name of my cat. She is about 7 years old. I took food for myself, but will not eat in front of her for now. I did need to add food to her feeder but the water delivery is still good. Oddly, though I was sure I shut all the doors to bedrooms and the back room, specifically so she would not enter those areas, they were all wide open. I have closed them again and will know soon if someone has been in there. That will have to stop. And trust me, it will.
I took the auto in and an appraisal will be forthcoming in the morning. I also contacted someone at the Church who passed my information on to a member of the Knights (of Columbus), who then contacted me. I gave him what information I could and he suggested he will try to line up a group of gents to move sometime this week. I suggested that I would feel much better if I could offer a decent feed and offer some money, to the organization or church, and that I hoped he could consider what I could do. It is not payment, or pay, at all. It is merely being allowed to give at least a token thanks.
Tomorrow I have to take the Xterra into the garage for a (long overdue by the way) oil change and checkup. I could change the oil, but I really cannot do a checkup. And, with dealing with the spent oil, messing with the machine, and other things, this is simply easier. I have some doubts about how much I would save doing it myself either. If I were a competent grease monkey, maybe. I am not. Or yet. As well, I need to call some insurance agent (of some sort) back tomorrow. Though I spoke to mine today, and this other one is out of Des Moines, Iowa, so... Who knows, maybe the company's left and right hands are getting crossed. I also ran out of time to check on a chiropractor today. Another thing to do, of course.
I swear, I am doing more work not moving in than I would have if I had hauled everything... on a bicycle! So be it.
Oh, when I returned to where I am staying, I asked the Mr. if he happened to have a tool by which I could adjust the length of the pencils. Something for him to do and think about! He is a thinker and tinkerer too. Atheist, Catholic, Evangelical... it simply does not matter when it comes to devising, more so on the male side? Yeah. Anyway, he dropped the sitcom, set the book aside, and headed to the garage. I could see the wheels spinning. Pencils? He asked. Hmm, do think this would be... No, this! Bamboo, he said. And from their place in Hawaii. I looked. Strips about 3/4 of an inch to an inch wide and plenty long enough to cut for perfect fits. Nice! We did sight measurements, he cut, and then even sandpapered them to ensure they were safe. I suggested I had some pencils for sale, cheap! Then suggested even if he took the pencils, I probably owed him for the bamboo. Ha.
So, with the gauze, bandage material, hydrogen peroxide, self sticking tape, and these, I should be in good shape. I am more than a little disappointed in the hospital and the poor treatment I got there over some other, non-related health issue, one I was not even there about, though. Zealots really piss me off, especially when through their zealousness they fail to do their fundamental f%c)ing job! Ugh!
.
The bandaid will not work. I am going to need to go to Walgreen and ask what might help. My finger needs more support, like it or not, for some time. That or I am going to have to get used to pain every time I move quickly, use the other three fingers on that hand, or handle just about anything. I will simply have to see what they have and what they recommend. I will not say I nearly severed the finger, I will say I nearly severed the flesh on the bottom half of it and that the doctor finished the job making sure I had not cut nerves or tendons (though rightly I think).
I got busy and forgot I was writing this. Back!
Oh, one other thing, they did not even clean the wound. So, I bought hydrogen peroxide, and like the dressing, will do it myself. Thanks, doc. Give my regards to the V.A.! Anyway... Walgreens had finger splints, but for normal sized people. They all came right about exactly to the wound site. The man who was helping me look suggested popsicle sticks. Not knowing where I would get such a thing, I just bought a package of pencils.
I then drove to my home and checked on Sam. Sam, it seems, is the name of my cat. She is about 7 years old. I took food for myself, but will not eat in front of her for now. I did need to add food to her feeder but the water delivery is still good. Oddly, though I was sure I shut all the doors to bedrooms and the back room, specifically so she would not enter those areas, they were all wide open. I have closed them again and will know soon if someone has been in there. That will have to stop. And trust me, it will.
I took the auto in and an appraisal will be forthcoming in the morning. I also contacted someone at the Church who passed my information on to a member of the Knights (of Columbus), who then contacted me. I gave him what information I could and he suggested he will try to line up a group of gents to move sometime this week. I suggested that I would feel much better if I could offer a decent feed and offer some money, to the organization or church, and that I hoped he could consider what I could do. It is not payment, or pay, at all. It is merely being allowed to give at least a token thanks.
Tomorrow I have to take the Xterra into the garage for a (long overdue by the way) oil change and checkup. I could change the oil, but I really cannot do a checkup. And, with dealing with the spent oil, messing with the machine, and other things, this is simply easier. I have some doubts about how much I would save doing it myself either. If I were a competent grease monkey, maybe. I am not. Or yet. As well, I need to call some insurance agent (of some sort) back tomorrow. Though I spoke to mine today, and this other one is out of Des Moines, Iowa, so... Who knows, maybe the company's left and right hands are getting crossed. I also ran out of time to check on a chiropractor today. Another thing to do, of course.
I swear, I am doing more work not moving in than I would have if I had hauled everything... on a bicycle! So be it.
Oh, when I returned to where I am staying, I asked the Mr. if he happened to have a tool by which I could adjust the length of the pencils. Something for him to do and think about! He is a thinker and tinkerer too. Atheist, Catholic, Evangelical... it simply does not matter when it comes to devising, more so on the male side? Yeah. Anyway, he dropped the sitcom, set the book aside, and headed to the garage. I could see the wheels spinning. Pencils? He asked. Hmm, do think this would be... No, this! Bamboo, he said. And from their place in Hawaii. I looked. Strips about 3/4 of an inch to an inch wide and plenty long enough to cut for perfect fits. Nice! We did sight measurements, he cut, and then even sandpapered them to ensure they were safe. I suggested I had some pencils for sale, cheap! Then suggested even if he took the pencils, I probably owed him for the bamboo. Ha.
So, with the gauze, bandage material, hydrogen peroxide, self sticking tape, and these, I should be in good shape. I am more than a little disappointed in the hospital and the poor treatment I got there over some other, non-related health issue, one I was not even there about, though. Zealots really piss me off, especially when through their zealousness they fail to do their fundamental f%c)ing job! Ugh!
Oil, doom, and gloom.
.
.
Please, knock off the nonsense.
Is what is happening bad? Sure enough, and on many levels. And? First of all, about the only way to efficiently end the global need for energy is to kill about one third to ninety percent of the population. Which, of course, is on the menu. But abortion seems to be too little too late for many, so Bill Gates suggests that through "vaccines and medical care" he hopes to REDUCE the world population by 10% to 15%. That is, by the way, pretty close to a quote. Secondly, from what I have seen in the world, shit happens! Really, really. On a personal level and on up to a global level. Man made, act of nature, unknown... shit simply happens. And finally, from what I have seen, the worse the shit the better the outcome in the long run.
No, I do not recommend blowing another well. Neither do I suggest shutting down all rigs and closing drilling permit processes. What I recommend is doing what we can and simply understanding accidents happen. And blame? Best look in the mirror. Whoever you are, wherever you live, you are a party to this. It was your demand, acted upon by a third party, which caused this. You who are against drilling in relatively safe areas on land, where this would not be an issue, are even MORE guilty. You have forced companies to attempt to drill a MILE UNDER AN UNSTABLE BODY OF WATER. What the hell were you thinking? Or, were you simply not thinking, just following your own, if shared, teleprompter?
You want to go agrarian? Me too, but I am doing something about it. And, I am not trying to force the rest of the world to die off in order that those who remain can survive on the LESS EFFICIENT means of food and other production. You guys drive me nuts. Do what you want to do, then tune out the rest. Most of the "big" people, like Al Gore, live on a grotesque diet of your stupidity. Go get a clue.
The oil will eventually be stopped, the damage done will be managed, the government will claim a success it had nothing to do with (this particular rig received an Obama award last year, by the way), and even sea life will come back just fine, probably better than ever.
If you live on that coast, work in the fisheries there, or otherwise this is a very personal heartache, go ahead and vent. I can bite into that, sympathize, and try to understand. If this is not your livelihood or hometown, shut the hell up already. And really, if this merely puts yachting out for you, more of the same of that last.
Of course, to all you squeaker lefties, I do have some good news. Most of Britain's government retirement (and plush they are) funds are tied to BP, heavily. You, if you keep up your protests, lawsuits, and boycotts will more quickly destroy a socialist model. So, keep up the good work. Purely by accident of your own ignorance you are doing a world of good. You were not called useful idiots by accident. It is about time you get something right, if for the (as always regardless of the outcome) wrong reasons. Cheers.
.
Please, knock off the nonsense.
Is what is happening bad? Sure enough, and on many levels. And? First of all, about the only way to efficiently end the global need for energy is to kill about one third to ninety percent of the population. Which, of course, is on the menu. But abortion seems to be too little too late for many, so Bill Gates suggests that through "vaccines and medical care" he hopes to REDUCE the world population by 10% to 15%. That is, by the way, pretty close to a quote. Secondly, from what I have seen in the world, shit happens! Really, really. On a personal level and on up to a global level. Man made, act of nature, unknown... shit simply happens. And finally, from what I have seen, the worse the shit the better the outcome in the long run.
No, I do not recommend blowing another well. Neither do I suggest shutting down all rigs and closing drilling permit processes. What I recommend is doing what we can and simply understanding accidents happen. And blame? Best look in the mirror. Whoever you are, wherever you live, you are a party to this. It was your demand, acted upon by a third party, which caused this. You who are against drilling in relatively safe areas on land, where this would not be an issue, are even MORE guilty. You have forced companies to attempt to drill a MILE UNDER AN UNSTABLE BODY OF WATER. What the hell were you thinking? Or, were you simply not thinking, just following your own, if shared, teleprompter?
You want to go agrarian? Me too, but I am doing something about it. And, I am not trying to force the rest of the world to die off in order that those who remain can survive on the LESS EFFICIENT means of food and other production. You guys drive me nuts. Do what you want to do, then tune out the rest. Most of the "big" people, like Al Gore, live on a grotesque diet of your stupidity. Go get a clue.
The oil will eventually be stopped, the damage done will be managed, the government will claim a success it had nothing to do with (this particular rig received an Obama award last year, by the way), and even sea life will come back just fine, probably better than ever.
If you live on that coast, work in the fisheries there, or otherwise this is a very personal heartache, go ahead and vent. I can bite into that, sympathize, and try to understand. If this is not your livelihood or hometown, shut the hell up already. And really, if this merely puts yachting out for you, more of the same of that last.
Of course, to all you squeaker lefties, I do have some good news. Most of Britain's government retirement (and plush they are) funds are tied to BP, heavily. You, if you keep up your protests, lawsuits, and boycotts will more quickly destroy a socialist model. So, keep up the good work. Purely by accident of your own ignorance you are doing a world of good. You were not called useful idiots by accident. It is about time you get something right, if for the (as always regardless of the outcome) wrong reasons. Cheers.
Yeah? Whatever.
.
.
An unsuccessful call to the church, my local dealership, and return call to an insurance agent, a successful call to one auto shop (on the insurance company's list), a stop at the hospital for a finger checkup and bandage removal, then lunch. Now, more calls and perhaps some travel if necessary.
The hand does hurt worse. The bandage kept the finger rather static. Still, it is good to have the packing gone as it made any use of my left hand complicated. I just have to remember not to jam my hand in my pocket in a wild search for something. While the doctor was looking at this, he gave me a long lecture about my blood pressure. I gave him a "put up or shut up speech" back. He shut up, but had to let one more comment fly on his cowardly way out. That is the, yeah, whatever... Whatever. I was there for my finger, not some high falooting opinion based on an economy to which I am not privy. Why did he not just tell me to spend a million on a house in Hawaii while he was at it? And HE certainly would not treat it or deal with the issue. Scoot.
I have one definite visit this afternoon and would like to have another. I also need to call my landlord from Iowa for a letter indicating that I have not resided at that address since last July. I am hoping to contact the Church today as well, if I can get through. Oh, and I best start the antibiotics. I did get bandages, the ones they suggested, and triple antibiotic cream. Who knows, though, what will get done when. I really hate being a prisoner to conditions. I would have been moved in by now if I had not sliced my finger or been rear ended. The first may have lead to the rush that caused the second... or not. Who knows about even that?
Well, back to it. Good day.
Update: Oh, the hospital was so busy worrying about my high blood pressure they released me without re-bandaging my hand. I wondered about that, but who am I? I just got a message saying if I wanted to come back in I could, since it is SUCH A DEEP WOUND, or just follow some very non-descript instructions on my release papers. Thanks but no thanks... a bandaid will do, and a little triple anti-b ointment. I think I will handle my own stitch removal too, thank you just the same. And anyone wonders why I question medicine??? Thanks for the laughs folks...
.
An unsuccessful call to the church, my local dealership, and return call to an insurance agent, a successful call to one auto shop (on the insurance company's list), a stop at the hospital for a finger checkup and bandage removal, then lunch. Now, more calls and perhaps some travel if necessary.
The hand does hurt worse. The bandage kept the finger rather static. Still, it is good to have the packing gone as it made any use of my left hand complicated. I just have to remember not to jam my hand in my pocket in a wild search for something. While the doctor was looking at this, he gave me a long lecture about my blood pressure. I gave him a "put up or shut up speech" back. He shut up, but had to let one more comment fly on his cowardly way out. That is the, yeah, whatever... Whatever. I was there for my finger, not some high falooting opinion based on an economy to which I am not privy. Why did he not just tell me to spend a million on a house in Hawaii while he was at it? And HE certainly would not treat it or deal with the issue. Scoot.
I have one definite visit this afternoon and would like to have another. I also need to call my landlord from Iowa for a letter indicating that I have not resided at that address since last July. I am hoping to contact the Church today as well, if I can get through. Oh, and I best start the antibiotics. I did get bandages, the ones they suggested, and triple antibiotic cream. Who knows, though, what will get done when. I really hate being a prisoner to conditions. I would have been moved in by now if I had not sliced my finger or been rear ended. The first may have lead to the rush that caused the second... or not. Who knows about even that?
Well, back to it. Good day.
Update: Oh, the hospital was so busy worrying about my high blood pressure they released me without re-bandaging my hand. I wondered about that, but who am I? I just got a message saying if I wanted to come back in I could, since it is SUCH A DEEP WOUND, or just follow some very non-descript instructions on my release papers. Thanks but no thanks... a bandaid will do, and a little triple anti-b ointment. I think I will handle my own stitch removal too, thank you just the same. And anyone wonders why I question medicine??? Thanks for the laughs folks...
Doctors, bandages, and calls.
.
.
There is so much to do today that I am not sure where to start. I think I will go to the hospital first. The bandage on my hand makes doing much else complicated. Still, with another 9 to 11 days before I should be using it... Oh well. Then a call to several places about my auto. A call and maybe a little internet searching for a chiropractor. And then at least one call regarding getting moved. If I have time, I will also try to get some boxes for any little bits still here.
After the calls, of course, I then will have to go places and wait for service, estimates, and whatnot. I suppose I am going to be happy if I actually get one or two things done and have the rest of the projects on a sure schedule to be done. Life and work simply does not happen quickly.
I found my script yesterday and went to the pharmacy. At $4 dollars, I decided that was well within my range and purchased the antibiotics. I did decide to take another painkiller last night and slept well for it. I realized, however, that I had already taken two. I must have taken another the night before without remembering having done so. Oh well. At least they have not given me a grungy sensation, that weird out-of-focus sense that painkillers often give. Then again, I am sleeping through the effects so I am not sure.
The cut actually hurts more this morning than it has so far. Since I do not need to sleep though, and I can handle it, I will go without painkillers. Then again, and in truth, the pain is quite mild... just noticeable (and enough that I would not be able to sleep well, if at all, with the pain). I will, however, begin the antibiotics (which I left in the auto last night and was too tired to retrieve when I realized it at bedtime. I think 4 doses of 500mg per day for 7 days... I think I can, I think I can. I do harp about taking the complete dose and for the full duration and so I will follow my own advice... as I am able. Ugh...
Calling the Church is giving me belly butterflies. I hate asking, let alone begging. When buying a home, money is not quite what it was. I cannot just spend more and wait for the reserves to fill up, it simply does not work that way. And yet I am so nervous about the church after having watched a pro-O "Catholic" threaten to hit one who did not vote for the most pro-abortion pResident on record. Also making him the greatest Uncle Tom in history. And they call ME racist!
Anyway, that must be done. I suppose, like the cat, fate is intervening. I will have a chance to speak with some of the congregants and get some idea about this church. Or maybe they cannot help and I will just figure out how to pay. Life is a trap, it seems. There is no "out". Then again, that is why we have a brain, and a heart and soul? Yeah, okay. Got it.
Well, a shower, shave, and a new day. Have a good day.
.
There is so much to do today that I am not sure where to start. I think I will go to the hospital first. The bandage on my hand makes doing much else complicated. Still, with another 9 to 11 days before I should be using it... Oh well. Then a call to several places about my auto. A call and maybe a little internet searching for a chiropractor. And then at least one call regarding getting moved. If I have time, I will also try to get some boxes for any little bits still here.
After the calls, of course, I then will have to go places and wait for service, estimates, and whatnot. I suppose I am going to be happy if I actually get one or two things done and have the rest of the projects on a sure schedule to be done. Life and work simply does not happen quickly.
I found my script yesterday and went to the pharmacy. At $4 dollars, I decided that was well within my range and purchased the antibiotics. I did decide to take another painkiller last night and slept well for it. I realized, however, that I had already taken two. I must have taken another the night before without remembering having done so. Oh well. At least they have not given me a grungy sensation, that weird out-of-focus sense that painkillers often give. Then again, I am sleeping through the effects so I am not sure.
The cut actually hurts more this morning than it has so far. Since I do not need to sleep though, and I can handle it, I will go without painkillers. Then again, and in truth, the pain is quite mild... just noticeable (and enough that I would not be able to sleep well, if at all, with the pain). I will, however, begin the antibiotics (which I left in the auto last night and was too tired to retrieve when I realized it at bedtime. I think 4 doses of 500mg per day for 7 days... I think I can, I think I can. I do harp about taking the complete dose and for the full duration and so I will follow my own advice... as I am able. Ugh...
Calling the Church is giving me belly butterflies. I hate asking, let alone begging. When buying a home, money is not quite what it was. I cannot just spend more and wait for the reserves to fill up, it simply does not work that way. And yet I am so nervous about the church after having watched a pro-O "Catholic" threaten to hit one who did not vote for the most pro-abortion pResident on record. Also making him the greatest Uncle Tom in history. And they call ME racist!
Anyway, that must be done. I suppose, like the cat, fate is intervening. I will have a chance to speak with some of the congregants and get some idea about this church. Or maybe they cannot help and I will just figure out how to pay. Life is a trap, it seems. There is no "out". Then again, that is why we have a brain, and a heart and soul? Yeah, okay. Got it.
Well, a shower, shave, and a new day. Have a good day.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Pain.
.
.
Yes indeed... sort of.
Last night I could not sleep well. Initially I could not sleep at all. Though when I went to bed I still had no feeling in my finger, and to some degree a goodly part of my hand, something was happening. Those parts were about to wake up and I think I knew it. I did rest a bit. I dozed quite lightly off and on. But sleep was not going to be had. At about 1:00 it came. I could only feel some of it, but I think it was far worse than I could consciously sense. I went into physical shock. I became extremely chilled, a bit nauseous, and had some other sensations I attribute to shock, having only a few weeks back gone through it while fully awake.
I had not taken a pain killer up to that point. First, I hate medicine. Second, I wanted to get a good handle on what type of pain I would encounter and so have a better raw sense of how to handle it. There were a few other minor reasons as well but these given should suffice toward an explanation. By 1:30 I decided to take one of the tabs. I am, by instructions, allowed up to 2 of those pills every 4 hours. I did not want to fully dose in case I needed more. Having an extra step, I think, helps psychologically.
As I said, as well, I do not think I can fully sense pain. What I did feel and the sensation of slipping into shock did allow me to go ahead and do a half dose, that one pill. The bones in my hand hurt and there was pain sensation coming from various parts of my finger. Even the tourniquet area was sore. Weird, perhaps, but I know there was a lot more pain than what I could feel.
After that I slept well. I did have to cover up, bundling very tightly and layering heavily. I shook for a good 15 minutes to a half hour, then warmed enough to sleep. I would guess a few hours later I woke enough to realize I was too warm and kicked my feet out and loosened the cocoon I had created, then slept like a baby the rest of the night. Some pain is sensed this morning, though so mildly that I am not going to take aspirin. I would guess last night was it, minus a major bump or something. The swelling, is down a great deal. It is my guess that as the swelling reduced last night, the nerve became reactivated. Not only did I then become able to sense the pain from the cut and still somewhat swollen area, I also had the pain from the area "waking up", like when you have sat on a leg wrongly for too long and the pins and needles type sensation occurs as that part gets blood back.
The point of the post? I realize I do not sense pain accurately or well. I am desensitized to pain. I fear pain, have no doubt. I fear it far more than I feel it in truth. This is something I need to be aware of in order that I not stretch beyond myself into more serious injury.
I watched Fight Club just now. I had seen it before. I realize that, the movie anyway, talks about certain aspects of my life and persona. I realize I have some of the condition of the main character. I used to think I had that down fully. But watching it this time I realized... my lady friend probably knows more than she has ever said. So have all my women. But I think they understand it far less than even I do. They just have the same 'hiss' and 'screech' reaction as the main female in the show... and a similar very deep love hate relationship with me from what I am. And I have never understood that, so much, until this second viewing of the show. Interesting... to me if no one else.
Well, I'm off to get a shower, go buy some chicken and a six pack, and maybe stop over at my friend's house to check on him. I had let that last bit slide, that of checking on him, for a bit as the house became more pressing. I might have to get him into gardening a bit, just to get him out of his apartment, give him something to do of use (which I think he wants, just needs a reason and some direction), and then to offer him fresh tomatoes and such later. We can always go shooting afterward.
Have a good day.
.
Yes indeed... sort of.
Last night I could not sleep well. Initially I could not sleep at all. Though when I went to bed I still had no feeling in my finger, and to some degree a goodly part of my hand, something was happening. Those parts were about to wake up and I think I knew it. I did rest a bit. I dozed quite lightly off and on. But sleep was not going to be had. At about 1:00 it came. I could only feel some of it, but I think it was far worse than I could consciously sense. I went into physical shock. I became extremely chilled, a bit nauseous, and had some other sensations I attribute to shock, having only a few weeks back gone through it while fully awake.
I had not taken a pain killer up to that point. First, I hate medicine. Second, I wanted to get a good handle on what type of pain I would encounter and so have a better raw sense of how to handle it. There were a few other minor reasons as well but these given should suffice toward an explanation. By 1:30 I decided to take one of the tabs. I am, by instructions, allowed up to 2 of those pills every 4 hours. I did not want to fully dose in case I needed more. Having an extra step, I think, helps psychologically.
As I said, as well, I do not think I can fully sense pain. What I did feel and the sensation of slipping into shock did allow me to go ahead and do a half dose, that one pill. The bones in my hand hurt and there was pain sensation coming from various parts of my finger. Even the tourniquet area was sore. Weird, perhaps, but I know there was a lot more pain than what I could feel.
After that I slept well. I did have to cover up, bundling very tightly and layering heavily. I shook for a good 15 minutes to a half hour, then warmed enough to sleep. I would guess a few hours later I woke enough to realize I was too warm and kicked my feet out and loosened the cocoon I had created, then slept like a baby the rest of the night. Some pain is sensed this morning, though so mildly that I am not going to take aspirin. I would guess last night was it, minus a major bump or something. The swelling, is down a great deal. It is my guess that as the swelling reduced last night, the nerve became reactivated. Not only did I then become able to sense the pain from the cut and still somewhat swollen area, I also had the pain from the area "waking up", like when you have sat on a leg wrongly for too long and the pins and needles type sensation occurs as that part gets blood back.
The point of the post? I realize I do not sense pain accurately or well. I am desensitized to pain. I fear pain, have no doubt. I fear it far more than I feel it in truth. This is something I need to be aware of in order that I not stretch beyond myself into more serious injury.
I watched Fight Club just now. I had seen it before. I realize that, the movie anyway, talks about certain aspects of my life and persona. I realize I have some of the condition of the main character. I used to think I had that down fully. But watching it this time I realized... my lady friend probably knows more than she has ever said. So have all my women. But I think they understand it far less than even I do. They just have the same 'hiss' and 'screech' reaction as the main female in the show... and a similar very deep love hate relationship with me from what I am. And I have never understood that, so much, until this second viewing of the show. Interesting... to me if no one else.
Well, I'm off to get a shower, go buy some chicken and a six pack, and maybe stop over at my friend's house to check on him. I had let that last bit slide, that of checking on him, for a bit as the house became more pressing. I might have to get him into gardening a bit, just to get him out of his apartment, give him something to do of use (which I think he wants, just needs a reason and some direction), and then to offer him fresh tomatoes and such later. We can always go shooting afterward.
Have a good day.
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