I called, this time.

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My brother.  We were having a good talk, then he brought an aspect of politics into things that absolutely outraged me.

He was saying, he heard, that Trump was going to take social security away from vets.  I absolutely unloaded on him.  A, because Trump is too much of a pussy to do any such thing.  And, B, because they DID take my social security, for being conservative.  And are currently giving it to a filthy illegal, and rubbed that fact in my nose.  So, really?  And, now, C, because I hope they DO take his social security.  He is making bank, on 100% disability, full retirement, AND social security, and a wife making pretty uber bucks.  No, I... really do hope they take their social security, and any retired bureaucrat who is making $100k or more, should be kicked off the rolls.  Basically, anyone who is making $100k in retirement shouldn't be allowed to receive social security.

Warm tea just does it.

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When sore, stiff, off, under the weather, a shot of tea... white, green, chamomile, oolong, or other, just has it in the bag.  Coffee is better for a daily, in my mind.  Tea is better for cooler weather, bad moods, stressful times, illness, and those off times.  Well, and as an occasional treat.  Oh, and herbal is great for when caffeine is just becoming too much.  Hibiscus, and several other flower sorts, is absolutely wonderful.

I haven't tried rose.  I have tried lavender, but didn't care for it in the mixes I have made so far.  But will keep trying.  Or, maybe look for what lavender goes better with.  Why?  Because... we live in a big world.  Sampling this, and that, of it, seems to be a gift from God.  He made many things, some to be enjoyed with the eye, or the nose, or the tongue, or else.  Sometimes things are meant to please in many ways.  If too, there is some small risk trying new things.  If... risk... is part of the joy of life?  Without risk, there would be no joy?  Or... something.

So sore.

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Why I can't say.  My kidneys, or what I thought was my kidneys, hurt.  My stomach feels like it's been worked over well, in a solid fight.  My neck creaks like old beams, dried, twisted, tight.  Shoulders, biceps, triceps, and back muscles.  But why?  No headache, which is odd given the neck issues.  They often arrive as a package.

Too tired, too.  I didn't go down until a bit after midnight, I think.  I am waking at around eight thirty.  Reasonable sleep.  Slept warm enough.  Even so, waking up was a brutal affair.  The only reason I did it is because I couldn't get back to sleep.  I wanted to sleep more.  I tried, turning the alarm off at one minute to eight, as I didn't think I would be able to wake, but leaving the ten alarm on.

Delicious.

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I did have a third of the steak.  If I probably have more than a third remaining.  Just... was careful to have more left.  Though, too, there is the bone.  I love gnawing meat off the bone.  Something extra special about that meat.  Not sure what it is, but I really like getting the bits and pieces from the bone, even the marrow if I can get to it.

Tea, another.  I can, sometimes, use a homemade teabag twice.  If I use actual tea, not herbal, I can do three, to five, times... depending on the potency and volume of tea used.  Though, usually, only go three rounds.  Now that I am not drinking coffee, for a while, tea is what I have.

Full, but still hungry?

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I turned the furnace up, plus put on socks and a jacket.  Hoping that the hunger was somehow cool related.  Not that I have felt cool, or cold.  Just, that, just because I don't feel something, in my case in particular, doesn't mean it isn't having an affect.  But... it's... not.  Cold doesn't seem to be a problem, currently.

I had the steak and salad earlier.  Then, just a bit ago, had a tuna salad.  Out of lettuce and salad mix, but none of it went bad.  I sure enjoyed it, too.  With beef, tuna, sardines, or anchovies.  Salad has been pleasant.  Various mixes of my dressing, from hot to simply herbal, or some mixes.  Very good.  Enjoying capers, to parmesan, to gorgonzola.  I think, next time, I'll get blue cheese.  I prefer European, uncrumbled, but... it isn't always available.  Would prefer a true British stilton, or such, from raw milk.  But it isn't legal in the US.  Europe really does allow their people to eat rightly and well, compared to America.  Bad, US government, bad government!

Windy out there!

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Was difficult to griddle  Not to keep the fire lit, actually this griddle is superb at that, high wind, even rain.  And, with the lid, it can cook okay in the cold.  It's the wrong brand of lid, but I didn't care.  It was the right price, and fits just as well as the same brand as the grill.  Fifty cheaper?  Yes.  Overpriced as was, but... I... realized the utility of it, and that has proven out.  Keeps rust off.

Salad, gorgonzola and parmesan, my dressing mix.  Hmm, should have added capers.  Next time, now that they are open.  I like those little green umami dots.  Mild, but... a nice add from time to time.  Was going to add tuna, but realized I was having steak, so... no.  Two proteins at once isn't the best.  They usually don't mix well.

Down late, up late.

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I got stuck in the game.  I am trying to push through to a place where I can open the game up to my own exploration again.  I thought I was on the verge, and I am.  It's just, "the verge" in a massive game, is half a day, even at speed.  So... I... didn't make it to the point, might have another half a day to go.  Ever had to poop, but it would go?  Well, that's... like this.  :p  It has my attention.

Once sorted, then I can figure the rest of the world out.

Hungrier than anticipated.

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I ate it all.  A pound of sirloin, veggies, a pound and a half of mushrooms, plus... two pounds of cabbage?  Well, okay, so I probably only ate two thirds of the cabbage.  But, still, that's... a lot of food.  Not... fully carnivore.  But of the sort of keto I don't mind.

I started with half.  It just wasn't enough.

Still hungry, so...

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I have a head of cabbage, a pound of very thinly cut top sirloin, broccoli, cauliflower, and mushrooms.  I decided to make a sort of stew.  Steaming the things, rather than boiling them, though.  Will I make it into a stew?  Probably not.  The cabbage takes the longest, so it is going.  I'll add the harder but smaller veggies next, mushrooms to follow after five minutes.  Then, five minutes from then, it should be done.  Meat?  I think I'll add it with the hard veggies.  No... with the mushrooms.  Very thin.

Should make a superior meal, slathered in butter, with sour cream on the side?  Okay.  Salt, pepper, no other spices or herbs tonight.  Should do well.  And, yes, there will be leftovers.  Enough for tomorrow and the next day.  If, too, I will have another meat... I thawed a t-bone.  I'll fry that, and have a third of it as well, tomorrow.

Hunger is lessening.

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Diminishing, shrinking, abating.  Slowly, steadily.  I had the last portion of steak.  And, yes... twenty five minutes in the oven, at 415 (higher elevation needs a bit more... warmth), works just about right.  It makes it about a rare, medium rare.  Closer yet to rare, but warm through.  Very nice.

I'll have a salad, shortly.  And, maybe, another salad later tonight.  Either meats, or cheeses, with each, but not both?  Maybe both.  I don't know.  I really like the gorgonzola.  That really is nice.  The thing is, it's not terribly pricy (when used an ounce at a time).  But, it goes fast, so you have to use it fairly quickly.  It's very expensive, if wasted.

Stalling.

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At a boss, in the game.  I just... am not sure I want to hit that, quite yet.  And, yet, there is nothing else for me to hit.  That boss, or another and worse boss.  Not and to be able to play the game in a... manner that, if more complicated and involved, allows for an easier path forward in the long, and probably short, run.

Some of it is from pushing yesterday, sleeping a little short, staying up a bit late, even if finding an easier way to sleep, a better way.  I love it when I figure out the problem, and find a method or several to manage the difficulty.  Even so, I'm just a bit... behind.  And I have things to do.

Just used the oven.

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It seems cool enough so that using the oven would be okay.  It worked well.  A third of the steak, half of what remains, was wrapped in foil, and popped in the oven.  I use warmer temps, being I live at around 5k elevation, in a valley.  It takes a bit more to heat things up here.  Though I probably gave it more time than I would have preferred.

I'm going to try 25 minutes, next time.  Got it to a solid medium doneness, which was good enough.  If I prefer rare to medium rare.  Only, sometimes I'll do a bit more to get the meat warmer.  Delicious, really.

Not perfect.

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I couldn't get down until 3:30 to 4:00, some time in there.  Just... couldn't cool enough to sleep.  Still, I did my best.  I didn't bother turning the alarms on, though had the wrist alarm on, and it let me know it was eight.  Boy does that thing wake me up well, when not... expected.  Even when awake, it can give me a bit of a start... when the time for it sneaks up on me.

But, that wrist alarm, is set to go off at eight, then every four hours until 20:00.  Four times a day, it helps me... take note that I am alive, awake, what time it is, whether I should eat, pee, feed Sassy, check her litter boxes, or... just... realize I am alive and awake.  It is helping me sort out my life, in the oddest of ways.

Up late.

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When I push things, I can't sleep.  And, I pushed things.  The meetings aren't all that late.  But, it is nearing my bedtime.  Though the real thing is that I must shower, put on shoes and socks, dress, and get out and going.  All of that builds up heat, which... takes me time to dissipate after.

Oh, wienie?  Well, yeah.  When your heart should have failed forty years ago, we'll talk.  And yes, tonight, and the last few days, it has been hurting.  My heart, that is.  Just... imagine someone squeezing your heart, somehow.  Compressing it, from all around.  Until it just hurts.  Like a brutal massage, but of the very heart that pushes blood through your body.  It just aches, now, and has for a while.

Made it to the meeting.

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I had it in my phone, but that didn't alert me.  The phone isn't doing what the old old phone did.  Though neither did the "flagship" phone.  Quality has gone down.  Not even sure I should have a cell phone anymore, without the benefits, only only the spying.  I may just dump the phones.

Still, I made it.  Still not totally welcome.  They keep hoping I will die or just stop showing up.  And... I would, if they would simply ask.  That's all it would take.  Other than that, I'll show up.  Do things.  Do what I can, when and how I can.  As I have said, all anyone has to do is ask me to go, or tell me to go.  In an official capacity.  I get it, I understand.  Not a problem.  If you don't have the intention of your conviction, you... shouldn't have that conviction.

Ten before eight.

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I did wake up at just before four, about ten to.  No way I could get out of bed though.  I heard the six alarm, and rode it to 6:30.  Not sure what happened after.  Dreams this morning.  Football.  Sports in general.  Our coach was a horrible man.  Don't know if he took money, or just set us up to lose because he hated us?  Putrid man.  Worldly, though.  He fit in, as the lowest of the low on the totem pole.

There were guys on the teams who actively worked with him.  I... realized this some time ago.  But it irks me every time I remember.  I hope he got his earthly, and divine, reward.  Typical academic and bureaucratic type.

Responses.

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Sometimes I think these are... manufactured.  Sometimes... I get the sense that... there is someone behind them.  Someone who it makes sense to be behind them.  Sometimes they make sense, sometimes not.  This... I thought at first, was manufactured... by a party only along for the story ride.  but, then, something seemed to click.

I liked the set, in any case.  Here.

Do you ever feel like someone is trying to tell you something?

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What that might be could be anybody's guess.  I mean, there is always the straightforward.  But, when dealing with women, that is rarely how they work.  If they say they hate you, if they are bothering to tell you?  They are lying.  Though, whether to themselves, you, both, or someone else, that... is never a certainty.

And, what they mean?  I don't think they know what they mean.  It has more to do with feeling, when it comes to women, the feminine.  They don't think with objectives, goals, ideas, only feelings.  Even when you can get them to print in logic, the fringes are emotional.  How does this quadratic equation make me feel?  FFS, it doesn't make ME feel, it solves a problem.  Gah!

Up earlier.

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I didn't make the six alarm, even with snoozes.  Slipped right past, if I gave it my best shot.  It wasn't until 7:13 when I finally was able to wake, shake sleep mostly, and rise.  Even so, it's... a difficult morning.  Still, I well beat the eight alarm.  It's off, the six is back on, for tomorrow.  In case I forget to reset them, at least the six will be on.

To be honest, at one point, those were the emergency alarms.  My real goal is to wake more like around four or five.  I'll see if I can get back to that.  Now that I am getting used to waking in the dark.  Or... getting used to it.  Once waking in the dark isn't a thing anymore, again, then when I wake isn't as difficult.  That sun is a nice alarm, of it's own.  But... yeah.  Get a bit addicted to that.

Oh, seemed so late!

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Fall is a tricky time of year.  I thought I had pushed through to midnight, or later.  Nope, not at all.  It isn't even 20:30, quite yet.  Close though.  So... time to feed Sassy one last time.  I don't need to go to the bathroom, but drank a goodly deal, so will take a pee jug up.  Often I skip that, but if I've been drinking like a thirsty horse, I... take precautions.  Now worry about wetting the bed, these days.  Just... I don't want to have to wake up, get my glasses and pj's on, if not wearing them, and figure my way down the stairs and through the house.  NO!  Pee jugs work much better.

Sure, there is some care, with them, after.  But... that's... I can do that when awake, during the day, and such.

Down early, up late.

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Hey, if I need more sleep, I take it.  I have tried to push my mostly dead body over more lines, just... for no real reason... for far too long.  Now, if I am still tired in the morning?  I sleep.  It doesn't happen all that often.  But, lately, it's been happening.  As fall approaches.  That and hunger?  I think so.  The body does it's thing, sometimes.  I can afford to let it.  I feel sorry, genuinely, for those who must push beyond.

I do know, when I had to do that, it made me mean.  Being mean can be good, when it's needed, but it can also make a person very course.  Man, woman, child... pushed, they can become just a wee feral.  This I know.  There are times when... there isn't a choice.  But when there is, I choose to be not that way, and not do what makes me that way.