Boehner out?

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Not yet.  If they just change the name, but keep the man essentially, nothing will change.  McCarthy seems to be in the lead to take Boehner's place.  If that happens, then it is just a gimmick.  That, through leaving, Republicans are just going to roll on Boehner's and Zero's agenda shows that, for the most part, this is just a gimmick to point as is.  It's just another way of selling out.  Then again, are there actual conservatives still in the house?  Are they all cuckservative sellouts, and in it just for themselves?  Are there any politicians who actually have principles?  I honestly don't know.  They have bandied a few "conservative" names around.  Not sure that means anything.  The people doing the bandying are usually D.C. insiders.  As I said, if Boehner does push through Zero's agenda, and is merely replaced with the same type, then it is all a fiction.  Don't buy into it at all.  Kabuki theater at it's worst.  And yet so many will be pleased no matter what.  Don't waste the opportunity for real change at the top.  Or... as real as it can get.

If, and I do mean if, the house leadership actually is run to conservative members, THEN look to McConnell.  That rat bastard liberal needs to be nutted and tossed in the drink.  Wait, can't nut a eunuch.  But you know what I mean.  Then, after that is settled, a change in the Republican insides.  Get rid of the rinos and cronyists.  Yeah, the government has to work with business, but not choose winners and losers, and not to the detriment of competitive practices.  If a company really is bringing in, and looks to bring in, good jobs and product, then, yeah, treat it.  That isn't cronyism, that is smart national interest in economic matters.  It's buying "green" execs out of the foolishness they created by trying to compete where they couldn't, as political favors... both ways.

I don't know.  We'll see what happens with the house.  It would be good to clean the whole Republican camp so that I could believe that voting for them would actually mean something different than voting for the communist party.  Look, socialism isn't different enough to interest me in choosing "the other side".  Bring back capitalism, small government, low taxes, end government intrusion, end cronyism, and really... just get the government out of our hair.  This is the last chance.  Even if it happens, there are some serious bills to pay.  We are Americans, we can do it, just get out of our way.

Sometimes a nap is perfect.

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Nothing fancy.  I'd push through if I could, or without choice.  I am not bound to them.  However, when want and opportunity collide, and the nap goes down just right, life can really improve.  This nap, unlike recent ones, actually ended with noticeable improvement in felt quality of life.  A bit more rested, a bit more pep, and all else, really.

It is good to have treats for the girls.  Now, they are used to two full meals a day.  I am mansplaining the new paradigm slowly.  You don't, not even with 10,000 men, cold-turkey ween cats off two meals a day.  They get bitchy.  And when I say bitchy, I mean the threat of being clawed to bleeding becomes very high.  So... since I don't want to throw them out for a day or two *cough*, I am giving them one meal and several treat times.  The treat groups are getting smaller, and closer together.  Yeah, they know where that is going, but... t'sokay, mostly.  Dosage, boys and girls.  It's bio-chem, not control.  Make it work for whoever you are working with and they will work with you.  Not so much negotiating.  I will have it as I need it.  More tweaking so as to reduce comfort on the way to my needed way, and their better health, really.

I let my mother know of my plans for the spring.  It took a while to formulate it, for sure.  Simply time, health, money, and the fallout of all else, simply didn't allow for a trip this fall.  But next spring, perhaps, a trip to visit several folk, then to to see my mother.  Perhaps lining up some other folk on the way back.  Just a drop, stop, salutation, and continuation.  Some new perhaps, some old.  I actually do like folk.  And, can, for moments, bite my lip if they aren't up to it, or not, if they want to go three rounds with the Titan kin, in word only mind you.  As one wishes it, really.  Hmm, and some house gifts to take along.  What to bring is always... you don't want to just ask, but you don't want to...  Travails of the road.  I'll let some folk know, pretty soon, the new deal.

I should be better by then.  And spring is a great time to travel.  Plus, splitting the month, gas and other travel costs are artificially split between two months.  Head out a week before the end of the month and come back in the middle of the next month.  Just getting on the road, for a bit, again, sounds good.  Seeing folk is a true joy for us cave-dwellers, stuck in our dark demesne.  Maybe I'll get to see a wonderful thunderstorm while out there.  We get them here, now and again.  But, and while wonderfully due to the rarity of tornadoes, we are rather protected here, so don't really get that kind of volume of storm.  This is an excellent valley, but doesn't have the raw wildness of weather to which I have obtained a dangerous love.

Oh... on to some gaming, I suppose.  Later.

Very odd.

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I feel a lot better this morning.  It doesn't make sense.  I don't have much drive, but I don't have anything in the fore or background that nags, bights, hurts, or confuses.  I'm almost feeling a bit feisty, or ornery, in the better ways?  Not up to fighting speed on that, mind you.  Enough to spit out a lolling chuckle at you or even me, perhaps.  Nothing fancy, just enough to begin a fine small row.  You eightball!

I know I dreamed, just not what.  Some dark, but turned out well.  Mostly things like remembering home cooking and the comforts of home.  Well... a non-bachelor home.  Women can create that, but they have to be defended in doing so, supported.  Men have no natural drive to it.  I am sort of stuck with it, but don't do it well even so.  It's not natural to me.  Though I think, even for women, it has to be taught and then chosen.  Which requires a mate who demands it and a goodly bit of learning.  Learning contrary to what is found in colleges.  I don't think I have ever had a male friend who can honestly take care like that.  Maid services, wives, or they live like me.  Intent means nothing.  Anyway, it was mostly good dreams, the little I can recall.

I don't take it as an omen, it just happens to be good when waking and dreaming life are all on the better side of things.  A break, so that if tomorrow is tough again, I can bear down a bit better and carry on through.  Life isn't horrible, just lately.  I, or someone else, tinkers with one thing, and I will suffer.  I can figure out how to live without this or that, or probably even all of it.  That time is approaching, actually.  It's just better for me to climb down from dosages in a more controlled manner, or at least on the big medicines.  Yes, the time is coming.

It sure feels life fall.  Leaves are beginning to fall.  It is overcast in that particular fall way.  Is it that the angle of the sun adds to the depth of shadow, or weakness of felt sun even in the overcast?  Something in there.  Fall, as spring, are among my favorite bits.  Winter for it's own, and different, reasons is also a favorite.  Summer?  Not so much, but so vital I try not to fuss.  Though this summer was as good as it gets.  I just wish I had been more able to get out.  Then again, as I suggested, most of the western world considers 85(ish) F weather to be a heatwave.  So into the mid 90's and above is just not a reasonable temp to be getting out.  Even for the young that is a stretch.  Even with scattered cool days, it was just too much.  I honestly think a whole-house ac might make that more doable though.  Just target the outings and have a cool home waiting.  I'm sure thinking about it.  It would add to sale value, a bit anyway.

On to my day.  I won't be playing the one game I went on to try.  Another Castlevania continuation, but a 2-d cartoon platform type.  Just... not quite my style.  It's so... 1980's!  Bleh.  I can't believe they made the second game AFTER the first.  It would be like building a '57 Chevy to then go on and building a model T!  No wonder game builders can be hated.  Though the dlc for the first game was junk.  Stupid hard with no real play value.  I think the only reason it was played was the hunger for something like that first game, then being trapped by the (initial) expense of the dlc components.  They HAD to play the money off.  Even kids understand.  Well, that, and because they blew there money on that, they didn't have it for something else.  I just wish there was a way to hold game makers responsible for their goods.  As is they get away with murder.

Hmm... I ought to get back to reading as well.  I like reading again, just lost track in illness.  If I fear there isn't much content for good sci-fi, even with Castillia House churning them out.  At the pace I read, or can read... I fear not having books in a while.  Oh, and as I get going, I may go back to real books.  While ebooks have their place, they require an ereader.  I may be getting rid of mine, by getting rid of my smartphone pretty soon.  I am not sure I want to buy a replacement.  Then again, two months without the smart phone will see me to enough savings to buy a very good kindle.  Actually, I'd probably go with a 10" fire tablet.  Which would be about the same price as two months smartphone bill, including peripherals, minus the cost for some phone service to replace the cellphone.  I actually do like kindle now.  It's convenient.  If convenience is not necessarily a good thing.  Can they alter books electronically, without permissions?  I figure, once everyone is using ebooks, they will begin changing things, over time, to a horrible future.

Later.

Taking it easy.

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Okay, two blood sugar tests so far.  One "last night" (early morning, perhaps 5:30 or so), then one this afternoon (which was... this afternoon... yeah, my sleep is off,  or was "last night").  One was after eating and drinking, the other was after ten to twelve hours of fasting, both were the same.  Yeah, I'm telling you, it's just odd.  I'll finish off the last of my treats.  Since they don't seem to be helping or hurting, and I've been without that for some very long time.  Going without treats, when the bod gets a taste of it, it sort of vetoes the intellect.  More so when the intellect doesn't seem to be able to prove it's point even in simple observational reviews.  Fasting, even starving, or eating right, or taking medicine... my numbers are either good or bad without having any relation to the others.  Which, as I suggested, probably means it's heart issues, not diabetes in actual fact.  It's just that the organs that control insulin aren't getting enough blood.  So that creates an indication of something that isn't really there, so treatments won't necessarily affect it.  Though they can help, maybe, which is why I bother.  The addictive properties of insulin though... perhaps with outside insulin coming in, my body... heart... just lets those organs hang.  So when I stop taking insulin I can really floor out quickly.  My heart doesn't notice quickly enough to get blood going back to the, what, kidneys?  Whatever.  Not until it is way too late.  Or maybe it can't pull them out of mothball status quickly enough.  Something like that.

I'll be getting to bed at a good time tonight.  From shortly to a few hours from now, I'll hit it and probably sleep well.  Ah, I also picked up my vitamins.  I try to keep about a three to six month supply of the various things I take.  That should be enough, if supply dies, to ween myself, stretching it all out to six months to a year.  I could increase the over-the-counter stuff as well.  I can't, completely, go without pharmaceuticals, but I might be able to patch with otc as I ween off even that.  Yeah, I'll survive.  I'll just suffer like having a limb chopped off every few days or weeks as I get over some things.  I just don't get to die.  If living with a bad heart is rather painful.  I might go back to the fog, of pain and confusion.  Though, knowing what I do, and that it isn't psychological, means I have something to work with, and there are otc's that, at the worst, might mitigate a bit to a lot.  I am impressed with some of the stuff.  If they cut me off of this stuff to, I'll have to go to it.  All I need to do is keep the numbers in some sort of order.

Gaming, today.  I may just boot the first of the dlc game content.  It's too much of just a pain.  That simply isn't fun, at least not at my age.  If kids want to stick their hands in blenders, let them.  It's just not my gig.  I may just go on to the second part of that game, or F.E.A.R 3.  Yeah, no, I've not played a lot of games I have shown in music videos.  Still, I knew the music and game or movie or whatever did fit, or I wouldn't have used them.  Odd how I almost magically find those things, then they lead me to the other things.  They fit the dreams, not the other way around.  It just amazes me to see some, much, of what I discuss, so well set out.  Anyway.... Later or good night.

Oh, I know.

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The stories I tell are way out there.  And yet in dreams, visions, and such... they all fit.  I won't say they are kind.  I can't say that a vision, or sight, or dream, or notion, is true.  Neither can you.  All I can do, for myself, is look at the material and see if it could be, to my way of thinking.  Is any given woman beautiful?  Is any lot of material a specific weight?  Is any specific truth absolute?  Is a truth that is not typical yet a truth?  I mean, for exampling, and assuming the Resurrection was a fact, does a one-time event make a fact a truth?  Sure, in time it is said, all will be resurrected.  But that is something taken on faith.  So it cannot be added to the equation.  Again, I ask, does one otherwise impossible act make a fiction into a fact?  So it is with these dreams and such.

Yes, last night, I dreamed.  The darkness of times past was yet there.  It was shaped, and caressed, into a form that, when added with the rest, brought understanding.  Such depth of darkness, seen in fullness, needs powerful, full, and true light to overcome.  So it was.  Putting it all together in order to move forward, again, perhaps?  Dunno.  Just that it all came to a point, but a... kindly one last night.

That doesn't add up.

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Sure, I drank a bit of soda, regular type, tonight.  A treat.  But I haven't been drinking the wrong stuff, and not eating enough to make a difference since I saw my doctor last.  And yet my blood sugar read, again, just as when I last saw him, in the mid 500's.  It just doesn't make sense.  I am even up to regular doses of medicine.  It make sense, to a degree, by how I feel.  But it doesn't make dietary sense at all.  No sugars, no carbs, mostly fats and proteins.  Some days you just want to throw in the towel, because nothing you do does a bit of good.  To heck with it, I'm going to have the rest of the soda and a few shots of whiskey.  Nah, won't beat it to death, but, like, doing the right thing does any good!

Bah!  Oh, and good night.

Wonderful!

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A shower, and at least a beard trim.  Then on to town.  I have been feeding the girls twice a day, since I am out of treats.  My preference is to feed them once (wet food), keep dry food at their leisure, and then offering them a decent helping of treats in the evening.  This generally works, and is affordable.  Wet catfood is a bit spendy.  Dry is cheap, but not as good for them.  And... treats are treats.  We all need our daily of junkfood.  Even a bit too many grapes, or too much peanut butter with apple slices.  Yeah, it's junk food.  Better classes of junk food, but...  Junk food none the less.

I also went shopping for a blood sugar tester.  The one that W.M. offers, with 50 days supply, would have cost the same as the (I hope) tester (alone) that uses test strips the V.A. has sent.  There are no returns on these, so it was a risk.  I'll check... soon enough.  Bleh.  A bite to eat on the way back, a few other items I needed, and I checked the mail on the way home.  Something from medicare.  I have the part that might cover hospital stays, to a degree.  But not the other part.  That would cost money, a lot of money, and would be no better than the V.A.  Bureaucratic medicine.  No thanks.  I'll pay or skip, I believe, pretty much at this point.  That keeps the government out of the office, to a degree.  Better dead then red, boys and girls.  Definitely better dead then red.  *wink*

To bed, soon, I am sure.  Trying to finish up the last part of a dlc game bundle.  The guide I was using remitted a major point, and it wasn't at all clear in-game what to do.  It would be like discussing driving but never bringing up the topic of breaks, or steering.  Idiot.  Oh well, I've got it now.  Now just to implement it.  Good night.

A bit annoying.

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I have finally gotten to where life is... well... it isn't bad.  I don't feel like I am going to tip too far into the bad, if I won't be drifting into the good anytime soon either.  A solid bleh.  Trust me, right now, that is good enough.  When you sense that you are hanging on for dread life, and that stays for a long time, even if you don't fall into the boiling oil or drift off into nomans' land, just holding on becomes a terrible strain.  So, not having to hold on so tightly, even if not able to dig more deeply into the apple that can be life... at least for a while, that is good enough.

Some good and bad things though.  I am finally able to truly wear my 38 waste jeans.  When I moved here I was pushing size 46.  My real goal is 34, my best was 31 waste.  I am 2/3rds the way to my goal.  That's the good.  I think.  The bad?  I can't seem to drink enough.  Water, milk, coffee, juice, sugar-free punch, doesn't matter.  It seems like I am dying of thirst.  I have to drink, at the very least, a gallon and an half a day.  Though I would guess I am hitting more like two to three gallons a day.  It's not dehydration.  As I have mentioned.  I have fixes for that which aren't working.  It's almost an obsessive-compulsive thing, though not of a psychological nature.  Something in my body has a need, or sends the impulse as if it did.  It's a biological issue.  Thankfully, so long as I keep up on the water pill, and the rest, I am usually able to stay dry in the body.  No serious swelling, though sometimes a sense of fullness... but just occasionally.  I have been on full doses of insulin for just three days.  And, insulin along with the water pill, at least for me, both tend to manage the waterworks.  Perhaps, after a bit, this crushing desire for fluid will relent.

Hunger, too, is an odd thing.  As I said, it is rare for me to have hunger.  And yet, when eating, or more eating and drinking, I don't have a very good limit.  I can almost happily, sometimes, eat just a bit.  Or I can consume large amounts.  It is a very strange thing.  And, yes, this is unusual.  The last few years, when I kept up on medicine, as I have been able to remember and focus (even if not always to physical action mind you), I have been normalizing with food, and to a degree drink.  These, both of these, are out of whack.  At least I am aware.  Not sure if there is much to do, probably just getting back on medicine rightly.  That's it.

Dreams of women.  Oh, yeah, I do give them razz.  Seriously.  And razz they quite deserve, and more often than not, desire.  Right up until they don't.  Razzleberries are actually a little sister's best friend.  It means she is worth the risk.  Dreams, daydreams, and thoughts.  Not so much sexual.  While sex is a wonderful thing, it's really only a part of what a woman offers (at least to a man).  Mostly my thoughts have been about the companionship, the help both ways, the different things we bring to the relationship.  A good woman is truly worth her weight in gold, and then some really.  Eternal gold, the coin of the realm of truth, that is what her weight is in.  And, as is God's way, we, if we are right men, can clarify that gold to it's purest form.  Each a part and value and use.  Fine thoughts, they have been, quite fine.

Hmm...  It's a bit late.  Still, I might take a shower and make a run to town.  Nothing fancy.  Perhaps a stop for a blood glucose tester, since I simply haven't been able to find mine.  I really have looked, I gave it as long as I could.  It just didn't show up as it usually does.  Gah!  Well, that and something to eat.  Yeah.

I have been enjoying Castlevania: Lords of Shadows 1, anyway.  The dlc (download content... an addition to the game) hasn't been so great.  Mostly puzzles without any real way to solve them.  I don't mind puzzles.  I just don't care for, essentially, rubics cubes.  Oh, you had a friend who could do those well?  No you didn't.  You had someone who practiced from a cheat sheet.  You can't solve a rubics cube, or create the solution, on your own.  Now, are all these puzzles at that level?  No, but they don't need to be.  At a thousandth, or even millionth, the difficulty, they are still outside the pleasure range for even genius level folk.  There are two dlc's for this first part, not sure how the next will be.  Glad I didn't fork out the original costs.  For the game it was, say, $70 new.  And the dlc's were $15 each.  Plus I got the next game in the series, so another $70, and maybe a dlc package for that.  But without a third dlc, that is $170, and for waiting I bought it all for $15?  Something like that.  And it is just as good.  Most new games just aren't worth the extra.  And if they are good, will be just as good in two or three years.  So few games are worth it, that until they are $15, I don't even care to buy... maybe $30 if I knew and liked the franchise.

Well... later.

That's a change.

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I can't remember the last time I woke up hungry.  Weeks, months, maybe even years.  Sure, I had been trying to eat in the morning, some various time after waking.  But it was more to try to keep the fire stoked than a felt need.  Heck, I haven't actually been hungry, like this, with an actual feeling involved...  It's rare.  It surprised me.  No reason for it, one way or another.  I think I can fix it, in a bit.  Coffee first.

I won't say I am, otherwise, feeling better or not.  There are aches and pains, if light.  Those could be echoes from the past or mild precursors of what will be.  Until I more fully recover I simply will go through more rough than not.  And I can't seem to know until I wake well enough.  That part isn't exactly new, just more typical than usual.  It's every day lately.

My day is sliding.  From 7:00, or so, for several weeks, then to 8:00 for a week maybe, and perhaps to 9:00.  I keep trying to shove it back, but slip and stay awake later or simply miss my morning goal for no known reason.  I might try to use the alarm to get to bed and wake earlier.  I really, honestly, like the 6:00 to 7:00 wake-up, which requires a 22:00 to 23:00 bedtime... unless I need more sleep on a particular day, which can be survived for a single day, but not if it becomes a pattern.  Some day(s) I need more like ten or twelve hours of sleep, but I can't get to sleep earlier when my system is fussing like that.  Then again, sometimes I can only sleep four to six hours.  It's tough to keep a schedule, or I would at least be trying to work, or go to school.

Never mind.  Technically awake, definitely hungry, not much to do about any of it until it is more than a technicality.  Hmm... I am sure I have salami and goat cheese, chevre if you prefer, I think?  That should do, in a bit.  Later.

Changed my mind.

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It just that the temp can dip a little too much.  So the fluffballs have been given a reprieve.  I doubt if it would get cold enough to damage them.  I simply am not willing to take the risk.  I have let them know, however, that they are in under an assumption of good behavior.  More fussing like last night, or even a touch too much, and I will put them back out.  And I will indeed.

I'm still not feeling great.  I could do something, and probably a surprising amount of work, but it would have to be life or death.  I still feel like I am just hanging on.  What I have seen in these recent years is the sense doesn't match the reality.  Usually.  I do believe, if I had to push for long, I'd be in trouble.  At some point I would simply collapse until I could recover.  Actually, to a degree, that is where I am at.  I really would be better off if I could get whole house air conditioning.  I may call around this winter, see who could do what, at what price... get quotes really.  I would also like new vents, and vents that go into my bedroom and this computer room.  Perhaps a new furnace as well, though perhaps one with an alternate blower, so if electricity drops I would still have heat.  Though those projects may be consecutive years rather than one project, depending on quotes.  Being a stone home, it's also best to go with a bit "too much" than a bit undersized systems.  Once you GET IT cooled or heated, you are good.  But getting it over that hump can be difficult.

Oh, right.  Feeling rough.  I do wonder about keeping the cave at a steady temp, or being able to really push the temp to where I need/want it, if that would help.  I know sometimes it would.  Right now, though, I don't think anything is going to help but staying on medicines, keeping that up, and sticking with it, plus recovery time.  It really is rough, and will be until... well... until it isn't rough again.  On the good side, when I survive and recover, I seem to get near normalizing capacity.  I just feel extremely tired, a bit out of it, the body is just slight sore, concentration and/or focus are simply weak.  It's just mush.  I got to hit the accelerator and my foot runs into a two-banger engine allowance.  *squish*  There is just nothing there.

I did figure out one problem.  My debit card, in spite of me calling in to set the code, is not activated.  Huh?  Well, it seems, just because you prove you have the card by giving all the data, calling them in the first place, and changing numbers through them, that doesn't activate it.  Fine.  I'm not being fussy, just didn't know.  And, maybe that is better.  I simply have to use the pin I chose to check my balance at any atm.  I can do that, soon or late.  I'd like to do it tomorrow, if I can wake, shower, shave, and get out.  Hmm... I'd also like to attempt to put a 'v' crimp in the rebar, and get out shooting soon.  I need to target in the iron sights, I'd like to get a box of .45 downrange as well, and just... enjoy being out.  I couldn't hike or kayak.  Too much, too new.  But I might just get some target practice in.  I'd sure like to get a good spotting scope before long as well.  Bleh... too much, too fast, too many, too few... all at once.  Then again, I am getting there.

Good night.

They simply don't know?

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Well, most likely.  I set out to find the probability of winning a computer mahjong game.  Mahjong?  A computerized form of a type of Chinese game (though the Japanese also play a version, and perhaps to other Orientals).  The game seems to be played by four players, but that game is translated to being played by one person against the computer.  The computer game version is a lot like klondike, the solitaire singular card game.  Finding no pages regarding probability relating to mahjong, I went in search of such for klondike, hoping there might be a connection in there somewhere.  Not so much.

As it turns out, even the number regarding klondike seem to be unavailable.  Assuming all knowledge (knowing where all the cards are), the failure rate is 8.5%.  The problem is, the game is played in such a way that knowing where all cards are is against the rules.  In such case, the suspected number of wins, assuming a player plays perfect games, but without knowledge, is 50%.  Still, that hasn't actually been figured out, from several sources I have read.  Basically the number crunchers can't or haven't figured this out.  Which... if I had to guess, means that they haven't figured out mahjong, which I think is probably trickier.  Though they might be closer.  Sometimes, when given the number of tiles, I am not sure if they are discussing the four person game or the electronic, or at least solo, game, which are very different.

I didn't say I could figure everything out in a snap.  Some things I will never figure out.  Talent, patience, time, and all else... including raw interest.  As of today, I have run out of interest on this topic.  It may or may not return.  If it returns, I may have to dig out a couple of math books on various subjects and begin crafting a solution, revising that, tuning it, finding a solution, checking that with others, or... not.  Can I?  I can certainly begin, and get where I get, as correctly or not as possible.  So, yes, and... well... maybe not.  Later.  Oh, as to the game, I only win about a third of the time.  Which, might or might not be good.  I might be able to base some of my work on how they set up the numbers regarding klondike, just changing them a bit.  But if they couldn't figure out klondike, then I may well not be able to figure out mahjong.  But, if I can find a base probability for 'with knowledge' percent solvable (8.5% unsolvable for klondike, with knowledge), and 'expected outcome' (about 50%, by general observation of good players), I might find some similar sort of ratio, or expected possible ratio of win to loss.  Lot of dang work to just have a best guess solution, and to probably guess that my percentage wins are probably as good as it gets.  But I'm just dying anyway.  As we all are, if at various speeds with dissimilar proximity to death, if also with absolutely no guarantee that any of that means a thing on a one on one comparison basis, only that, at some point, everyone dies.  I think?  :p

Is your mind good and numb?  Good, good.  Wait until I wake up, if I ever fully wake up again.  Just understand, the best thinkers are... usually just wrong in a more profound manner.  Don't let a single one of them fool you for an instant.  But don't, also, completely reject... unless you are sure enough to become one of them.  Bleh.  Later!

Reviewing the biggest hits.

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Of my blog, that is, for today.  Choices, Perspective, and Gnarly Headache, in that order.  And It seems just about right.  Then, this morning at about 5:30, Sam came in and ripped my foot open, at the ankle joint.  Tired of being backstabbed, and realizing it was a twofer - Sam attacked me because Sassy had gone hungry insane and was attacking her, I tossed them both out for a two day understanding exercise.  More so since not only had I fed them twice (since I am out of afternoon treats for their evening nibble... on top of always having dry food), but after my later evening trip to town, I purchased two sandwiches but could only really eat one as it turned out.  So I split a quarter pounder between them... quite a haul, really.  So Sam had absolutely no reason to attack me and certainly not to draw blood, and Sassy had absolutely no reason to attack Sam driving her to attack me.

Look, if you want to attack me, supposed old friend, pet, or what... no matter than I am still in hard-core recovery for my life, just understand I will always have the will to deal with stupid, mean, evil, or dark, as I see fit.  I may not, always, have the base physicality to deal with it, at least in my eyes (though I suggest you not test that, truly truly), but I will always have the will.  If the way is affordable, I will have that too.  Do not fuck with the ogre and stay within range.  Best not to make him aware.  He will kick your ass out, away, or down, as is called for, or give it one hell of a shot.  Not vengeance, not even anger, just staying alive and sane and moral in a fallen world as best as I am able.  If you choose evil, stay away.

A bit heartsick from having to deal with these things of late, freezer, past friend, backstabbing pets...  all while recovering.  But I won't negotiate.  I will teach, guide, toss, even while I bleed out, don't you even think otherwise.  Later.

Choices?

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Consequences.  It's not like you haven't been told.

Perspective.

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I saw this the other day, and meant to post it.  I got busy and a bit upset, so my mind lost focus.  Still, it is another day.  I have gotten over it all and will simply get back up and get going.  And I will post this.  Enjoy.

h/t and thanks to: The Jawa Report

Perspective, such a wonderful thing.  I know I need it, from time to time.  Later.

Gnarly headache.

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I slept wrong.  The odd thing is, I woke for or five times last night just to adjust my pillow(s).  I tried my favorite two in my favorite way at first, then went to one, then the other of my favorite pillows, and then tried another pillow in two different ways.  So... it's not actually from sleeping wrong, so much as there was no way to sleep right.  Something in my neck and head, of muscle, bone, and maybe ligament, was just off.  A few anacin as I wake.  No, I am not going to, probably, let it throw me off.  I told my friend I would be in to town today and I meant it.  Which means a shower before too long.

Hmm... I may see about something that will bring out a lot of fluid.  I need to empty the freezer.  I had half a dozen bags of ice in there, is why so much water.  I keep two big ones in there for general use, but was buying small ones to put in with the perishables, in the ice cooler, so as not to have to rush.  Milk goes bad fast in a vehicle even when it's just in the 80's out there.  Above that and it goes very quickly.  Cream too.  I am sure there is a mechanical device that will pull the water out.  It should be melted, the bits of ice left.  And perhaps still cold enough to keep the smell at bay, to a degree.  After the water is pumped out, I will simply repackage the bad meat in grocery bags, then refreeze it all to toss next week.  Bleh.  Hate to see that much meat just get thrown.  It really does hurt my feelings.  I thought I was stone, and usually am.  This just caught me off guard.

I have decided, rather than buying a stake/rebar-puller, I will simply bend the rebar (I am hoping that is easy enough with a sledge hammer), then buy a... say six foot... length of steel pipe.  Using the pipe as a lever-remover should work.  If the ground is a little too grippy, yet too soft, a big rock at the lever point should do.  At worst I am simply out of some rebar... or until I can figure that out.  :p  Being hungry makes Johny a clever boy.

Bah!  Sam is sitting here, doing eye-to-eye.  Yeah, she knows when she is right.  And, if I work with her and Sassy, they generally do me right back.  Anyway.  Breakfast it is, at least for the ladies.  Then some gaming as I try to wake and shake the pain, as I prep to get a shower going.  Later.

Freezer heartburn.

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I realize recently that the freezer was not plugged in.  I have been considering how best to deal with it.  Today is trash day, but there is a weight limit.  While I couldn't get an exact weight, I definitely kept the idea in mind.  I asked a neighbor about some things.  He hoped, perhaps, that one of the cats unplugged it.  I didn't think so even then, but less so now.  The thing was plugged in in such a way that it would have to have been pulled at 90 degrees, then pulled about a foot through a tight area, to end up where it was.  No... this was human action.

I had used at least half, perhaps more, of the hog I had in there.  But most of that beef I recently bought was destroyed too.  The real question is why someone would do that. and if they will do it again.  Simply, I have no defense against this sort of crime.  I knew someone(s) were stealing.  I just didn't realize they would do this sort of thing too.  There are some ideas about who it might be.  Though whether it is just one person/group or not I won't know.

As is I pulled about 2/3rds of the rotten meat and disposed of it.  I am leaving the freezer open to finish the thaw, then will attempt to dry-sack several portions of it, refreeze those so that they won't stink up the place more than it is now until next trash day.  I will have to consider whether to even buy large portions of meat in the future.  That not only hurts personally, it hurts my wallet heavily.  I can't afford that kind of a loss.  Then again, my refrigerator isn't even safe.  I can't stay here all the time, and apparently my home is not safe.  Make it safe you say?  That isn't really possible.  Once you do make the place safe, at a certain level, if they continue they simply become more destructive than they already are.

Not exactly sure what to do.  I'll be thinking on it.  That's a lot of money just gone.  And a total lack of security.  Later.

Good, just an ugly good.

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I am on the right side of life.  But a messy form of it.  Everything I do is an effort.  As good as things are, for the most part, I am on the line.  I know that just a bit more and I will be over that edge, drowning in pain and suffering.  That haunts my every decision, and has for weeks... months.  Despite that, I have worked to keep days and night in their right places, to take care of the girls, to take care of myself.  Sometimes I fail that latter, but I do okay with the rest.  Lots of slips regarding domestic life.  Though I think that is pretty typical for men.  If home life cannot be automated, it won't be very successful.

The world has certainly cooled.  I just wish I was feeling up to getting out.  It'll keep getting colder, but to a point where it is too cold.  Not too cold for my enjoyment, more that it will become too cold to get started in the first place.  Though, who knows.  If medicine gets back on track, and I don't have the doubt of all this over my head so can dig my way out, perhaps I can reactivate strongly.  When your medicine source doesn't mind lying to you and to your doctor's office, it's difficult to trust these people.  I wonder if my doctor would be able to test the medicine, to make sure I am getting what is written on the bottle.  Yeah... and just think, you'll be getting Zerocare soon.  Especially since Republicans politicians have figured out how to make money on the scam too, and won't be subject to it.

This week?  This day?  I'll keep trying to set things right, stay on medications as well as I am able, and look for opportunities to do more.  It is truly fantastic out there.  I feel like a kid who is really sick, so is kept inside.  Looking out on the world from his sickbed.  The closer to health I get, the worse that feeling.  And, I realize, just how long I have been locked away.  All of my adult life, mostly.  Much of that time I just didn't realize how locked down I was.  I was too sick to understand.  Lost, almost totally, in the shadows of living death.  That the realization rips me up, actually, is a symptom of an improvement... a vast one.  How terrible is that?

On with my day.  Be well.

Up since early.

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Doing well enough, I guess.  Lately, when waking, it takes a while to know how I am doing.  I've been up for three hours and yet have no clue how the day will go.  I may need a nap before too long, I've been needing one each noon for the last few days.

All of my food is experimental currently.  From quinoa to kefir, what exactly makes those turn out as I like is odd.  I prefer kefir to be thicker, more like a milk shake.  But I don't care to eat the kefir grains themselves.  Sometimes I get it to work out just right, sometimes not so much.  There are various things you can do to affect it.  But that isn't all that plays a role.  I think the simple temp, along with humidity, play roles.  I don't know how fussy it is, or if it just varies or if there are even other variables that play a significant role.  My guess is this sort of stuff will take years, and perfect mastery may simply not be possible.  I think chefs do it because they create an nearly exact environment through heating by baking and cooking, and some other things.  A home, at least my home, isn't set up to create an exact environment.

Fall is certainly here.  It is very good, to me.  Cool.  If I could just get going, it is the perfect weather to be out on trails, or such.  If nothing else, I may see about setting up the hammock out back, and tarp, and spending a night or two outside.  It would be a lot more fun to do it out on a trail, mind you.  I just don't have what it takes right yet.  There is some hope, with medicine finally at a normal level.  Docs have suggested that not using tobacco helps with the medication.  To be honest, I think even now what I thought when I used... that is bunk.  As I said, the only reason medicine has attacked tobacco is because big tobacco gave solely to conservative politicians and doctors are leftists.  Plus, at the higher tiers of medical politics, the elites wanted government in medicine for control, power, and to a degree wealth (government involvement always mean inappropriate expenditures some hacks can feed off).  With Zerocare now in play, as those elites wanted, they are hoping to use the government to control much of what you do... from tobacco to anti-raw milk to whatever they can get the government to force you to, or not to, do.  All for their enrichment, not your betterment.  Just understand that.

Hmm.  Yeah.  I could be wrong.  I'm just not.  By their deeds you will know them.  And they are very well known.

Later.