What a wonderful day! We met at the farmers market, both of us were late and exactly on time, that is, we were both later than our agreed on time by fifteen minutes. We often do this, rarely ever having good natural communications, our plans often fail in a fortuitous manner (so long as one or the other doesn’t get fussy about particulars and hold up the show to try and coordinate the show, that “one or the other” is usually not me:). She bought her produce fairly quickly, I was impressed. It seems she no longer wanders for hours, but has a set number of automatic vender visits, a few occasional venders on her list, and a she makes a quick assessment of the rest in an orderly and quick fashion on her normal route. She let me in on which strawberries tasted the best (she is usually spot on). So, I grabbed two quarts. I don’t generally buy other stuff there, I’m not a vegetarian, I don’t believe in organic, and I am probably not even an omnivore truth be told. Every once in a while some animal I am ingesting hungrily happens to be too close to some vegetable for me to pick out (it doesn’t actually have to be all that close, think hand grenade range). Green, white, red, yellow, I really don’t care, I’m pretty sure it can even be a little alive, somewhat snappy or creatively disinterested in being et (“et” is legal (means past tense or act of being eaten, or something close in Scrabble) much to the Q.O.D.’s regret; her game that I play yet despise so I use “et”, much to my joy). I also become color blind and slightly indifferent when I smell hot meaty somethings nearby.
Good to her word, she bought breakfast. Over our breaking of bread, we discussed the day and the details. We initially thought our destination was much closer, and discussed the drive time and route, according to our then understanding. We discussed what she was looking for. She gave me her details in a very girly way, I thought. This or that, or maybe and could be, but certainly not that unless… I think, I almost remember her saying something about something (I zone when she talks out her butt or it results in a headache). She just got off work, so she is like that. Well, no, she is just like that. We finished our meal, and having driven ourselves to our meeting points, we parted ways and returned to deposit our vegetal and or fruity finds to our perspective abodes.
It took me forever. I dropped off my red things and sorted what I needed for the day, grabbed it, and out the door. Then went to fill the X’s gas tank. Then I remembered she wanted printed maps, so, back to the house. Tick-tock, tick-tock, the clock incessantly moves in one direction. Finally, I started over to pick her up. On my way, I see two messages on my phone telling me she has called. First to check, then a second message saying she is too anxious to sit and has started walking to my place. In that last, she gives me some streets she’ll be walking along. Hmmm, like I know the streets, or even care here. I just know where I’m going and go. Though I know some are closed to traffic, but does she know? So, I head over the way that seems the most likely, while I give her a call. As it turns out she is home and of course she knew those roads were closed. *sigh* She has to know by now that street and road names and numbers are things I neither know nor care to know, and that she often does not know things she should.
The trip was a fine one. It was warm, after letting her choose between open windows and air conditioning but noting the manual suggests closed windows and air at highway speeds for best fuel performance, added to the fact that she is paying for gas, she chooses air conditioning and adjusts it just so… or, actually, I play with it for a few minutes until Her Heinous is comfortable. It’s funny, but I’m finally into open windows and no air conditioning now, around town or in slower speed areas for sure, even on the highways if I’m feeling flush (if only feelings paid for gas!), and so is she, usually. Why she differed today, I will never know. Especially after not wanting to even ride five blocks with the ac several days ago (and before I had converted to open windows).
The printed map suggested a longer journey then either of us had thought, and gave a time to destination of three and a half hours. I laughed at this, though cautiously… I’ve been wrong before. Without speeding or rushing, we made it in under 2 hours. Finding the place she wanted to visit was a breeze and we actually had fun doing so. I suggested a cross pattern search, which worked well, vectoring us in like driftwood in a whirlpool. I let her decide which way to turn some of the time, and decided myself a time or two. We found the street then the place very quickly. It just so happened that there was a decent restaurant around the corner. So, a little food, some tea, as well as coffee for the lady, a consummate coffee addict (and snob), and then into the targeted store we went. On the way to which we espied, and suspected a future visit to, a nearby soda fountain.
At the store she looked and prodded and complained and was quite unhappy. Imagine any over tired child trying to pick something even in her favorite store. I know not to rush, placate too much, nor does getting annoyed help. Simple advice, coincidental and relevant thoughts shared as background sound, and just being present seem to be the best help I can offer. She eschewed the man and woman who worked there, looked at everything three times, not liking anything, chose something or two, discarded one of those, then after a half hour or more of being fussy, she finally did as I suggested and spoke with the young woman working in the store. The story is more, but this is enough. All in all, it was quite better than some occasions, most actually.
Usually she asks for my advice only to reject it before she has heard it. I have learned that to guide her to the way of wisdom, I should recommend the opposite. Knowing when to suggest the opposite from wisdom and when to offer simple direct correct advise is a bit of an art when dealing with her. I’ve received glares from employees for my “bad advice”, a glare which fades immediately after working with her for more than ten seconds. A sympathetic look creeps into their stance towards me, and a little wonder and puzzlement seen in their visage when facing me. (How do you put up with this? I’d like to tell them that “this” is mild, she has mellowed. And, should I like them at all, perhaps I might baby them at times too.)
As we picked up her item, after an information exchange (she wants more information on her purchase), we put the purchases (I bought a toy) into the X and I was almost prepared to get going, as she seemed ready. We had seen the soda fountain ice cream parlor next to our eatery, and she had seemed to want to go to it after our shopping, but seemed instead ready to go home rather than have some dessert. This was not the case, so, we popped over for an chocolate ice cream cone for her and a cherry ice cream soda for me. Nice, cooling and collecting as well. Happy, cooled, sweetened, fed, and spent in money time and energy, it was time to turn the machine homeward.
All the way up and most of the way back, she was having me play one cd after another, listening to one song on this cd, ten songs on that one. She was searching for a piece but she did not know the group, title, or even bits of the lyrics. She was sure I had it, and I am pretty sure I do as well (just a feeling). We went through everything from Black Sabbath to Judas Priest, to Foreigner Four, to Deep Purple, and many others. She caught me off-guard with that last, knowing and liking a rendition of “Kentucky Women” by Deep Purple I neither liked, nor had even ever listened to long enough to recognize as such to my memory. She was clapping and having as much fun as any thirteen year old girl, listening to her weird music, in her own world. She might not trust my senses, or trust my wisdom, but she does trust me or she would never have that kind of fun around me. During the trip, it wasn’t the first time she had enjoyed as such, but for some reason and to me, it was the most poignant. Perhaps since I liked this piece so little, I noticed her joy the more. These were fun times.
I did not make it back for mass on time! Still, I did not rush up or back. There is tomorrow. Sundays are not my favorite though. It is formal, it is mostly attended by large families (who have their preferred and time honored seating, for the most part), and it is earlier than I prefer to be social. As well, there is the chance I might be pulled into a social hour. Not that I mind those, but at that hour, I really don’t want to talk to you or them. As well, as a single forty year old male in queerville, it is assumed that I like men or have been rendered androgynous.
Having to say, “No, dick is not my thing and hairy asses turn me on like a quick, sharp, unexpected kick to the balls. Beyond, viewing the former and receiving the latter have a similar effect actually, one mostly mental the other mostly physical as points of effect origin, I’ll leave you to figure out which is which. I have been disabled for 20 years, as such, I have been unable to catch or be caught by a proper lady. Though, I have known many rather unsavory, if pretty women, before I became devout. Should you need some “references”, just let me know. Maybe I should give the data to your husband, you look a little… well, tired.”, just doesn’t seem like a likely fix to this social indelicacy though I really really really want to say that. One woman even hinted at this by saying “Oh, you want to be with the men.” after I indicated I wanted to golf with some of the gents, or have a men’s coffee hour. As well, why would I want wives around, they screw up guy time, can not compete or even keep up in the sports I am interested in, and like I trust wives! I’ve known one too many wives, from before mind you. Bah! They’ll figure it out if they produce a likely female candidate and I promptly pump out a legion and a funny walking wife even before my little troopers. So far, no prospects. Though, like I said, this is queerville with dogmatic political correctness as it’s local law. And I am soooo politically correct. *scratches head* Go figure on the prospects. *laughs* No blood, no foul.
I have a busy day tomorrow, mass, a church event, and a drive home if I’m not shot (to my Mom’s). I will not be blogging for a bit, but will have a few items on my return. I’ll have to get the old girl a massage and a few chits for more if she likes them. She needs a treat about now, and something to look forward to which gets her out and about. Though she might have some other need or want. It’s difficult to know with her.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
It is a great day.
I should amend that last post. I will not comment on other people’s blogs and I will not more than blog some of my daily life on my own blog. There is no need, I think everyone knows the score regardless of what they do with the knowledge. This blog is, after all, for my use and I already know what I think and why. I am now thinking boring is good.
I made it out to a path today. I had only meant to see where it started, but the wind was soothing, the sun was flirting with the clouds and so tame yet warm. My feet just did their thing. I only spent about 25 minutes strolling the hilly path, half up and half back of course. I had no water and was already becoming thirsty at the halfway point. I was wearing heavy clothes and a heavy jacket and they really did bind and bog me down. At least I know where one of the trailheads is and it is close.
After that, I drove around to several wooded hilly public properties. I am not sure if they are county, state, or federal. I found indications of a few trails but no specific trail head in a few cases, and a few actual trail heads in other spots. One indicated hunting would be allowed, so I’m thinking I have one sure place for squirrel season. Plus, if I walk the area enough beforehand I’ll feel more comfortable taking a shot. It was a great day, I will have to remember to give thanks that I can and did get out and enjoy it.
The Q.O.D. has plans for tomorrow. She is looking for the perfect canoeing gear. She is looking for a* inflating PDF, paddling gloves, and another item or two. She would prefer a self-inflating vest with the option of switching that to manual inflation. I like the idea, and I’ve been searching for this, but with only modest luck. I found a few that seem to fit the description though I have some doubts. I am thinking the optional part can not be set to intercede the automatic part. In other words, I think the user could set the thing off while dry, but as soon as it’s wet (how wet I don’t know), it will go off no matter what the user wants. I’ll keep digging on that.
(* A question to those English types, a or an is used for nouns according to what the first letter of the noun (generally, though I still us an historic for example). When using inflating as a description for PDF, I write a _____ PDF rather than an inflating (etc.) PDF, right? Just curious. I’m not even sure how to look that up, or where.)
Her plans are to meet at farmers market, slip over to breakfast (her treat), deliver the produce (if they have strawberries, I’ll be sure to buy), then spin around Iowa a bit. I used to despise back roads, but with the Xterra, it’s all I take if I can figure them out and have the time. We are finally in accord on this, though we differ on when time is critical. It saves on gas and offers a much better view of the country. There are lots more trees, farms that seem more like the farms of my youth, curves hills and dips, small towns with some fairly amazing restraints very occasionally. And, the pace is slower. I might spring for lunch assuming she is planning on paying for gas. That assumption is not an option, the trip is hers and for her want not need, the use of my vehicle would just be to save a few miles on her older and tired truck. Though I might X something off her Christmas list and help or just buy a PDF if she sees one she really likes but can’t quite do it. Everyone needs a Santa, even one as her and a Santa so sorry as myself. Uhm, she might also be looking for a truck rack for her water craft.
I won’t be able to climb next Monday! I am heading up to my mother’s place Sunday and won’t be back until Thursday. Dang, Q.O.D. wants something Thursday too. Hmm, I’ll see how my Mom is doing. If ok, I might have to head back Wednesday night. Mom’s health gets priority though. I have a nearly completely open schedule, but as soon as I try to do something the gang seems to show up all at once. Bah, I enjoy it. Don’t let me fool you.
I can not wait until some of the gear I ordered gets here, well, actually I can. It really is nicer to have the right gear, whether it be for hiking, climbing, camping, or what. I can see where I might spend hours out there. Oh, one thing I was thinking while out and about… There might be trees far enough off some of the paths to climb, maybe even camp in if I am very quick, quiet, and blend in a bit. I don’t have that gear either yet, but it would be good to explore a bit further and find out for sure.
I made it out to a path today. I had only meant to see where it started, but the wind was soothing, the sun was flirting with the clouds and so tame yet warm. My feet just did their thing. I only spent about 25 minutes strolling the hilly path, half up and half back of course. I had no water and was already becoming thirsty at the halfway point. I was wearing heavy clothes and a heavy jacket and they really did bind and bog me down. At least I know where one of the trailheads is and it is close.
After that, I drove around to several wooded hilly public properties. I am not sure if they are county, state, or federal. I found indications of a few trails but no specific trail head in a few cases, and a few actual trail heads in other spots. One indicated hunting would be allowed, so I’m thinking I have one sure place for squirrel season. Plus, if I walk the area enough beforehand I’ll feel more comfortable taking a shot. It was a great day, I will have to remember to give thanks that I can and did get out and enjoy it.
The Q.O.D. has plans for tomorrow. She is looking for the perfect canoeing gear. She is looking for a* inflating PDF, paddling gloves, and another item or two. She would prefer a self-inflating vest with the option of switching that to manual inflation. I like the idea, and I’ve been searching for this, but with only modest luck. I found a few that seem to fit the description though I have some doubts. I am thinking the optional part can not be set to intercede the automatic part. In other words, I think the user could set the thing off while dry, but as soon as it’s wet (how wet I don’t know), it will go off no matter what the user wants. I’ll keep digging on that.
(* A question to those English types, a or an is used for nouns according to what the first letter of the noun (generally, though I still us an historic for example). When using inflating as a description for PDF, I write a _____ PDF rather than an inflating (etc.) PDF, right? Just curious. I’m not even sure how to look that up, or where.)
Her plans are to meet at farmers market, slip over to breakfast (her treat), deliver the produce (if they have strawberries, I’ll be sure to buy), then spin around Iowa a bit. I used to despise back roads, but with the Xterra, it’s all I take if I can figure them out and have the time. We are finally in accord on this, though we differ on when time is critical. It saves on gas and offers a much better view of the country. There are lots more trees, farms that seem more like the farms of my youth, curves hills and dips, small towns with some fairly amazing restraints very occasionally. And, the pace is slower. I might spring for lunch assuming she is planning on paying for gas. That assumption is not an option, the trip is hers and for her want not need, the use of my vehicle would just be to save a few miles on her older and tired truck. Though I might X something off her Christmas list and help or just buy a PDF if she sees one she really likes but can’t quite do it. Everyone needs a Santa, even one as her and a Santa so sorry as myself. Uhm, she might also be looking for a truck rack for her water craft.
I won’t be able to climb next Monday! I am heading up to my mother’s place Sunday and won’t be back until Thursday. Dang, Q.O.D. wants something Thursday too. Hmm, I’ll see how my Mom is doing. If ok, I might have to head back Wednesday night. Mom’s health gets priority though. I have a nearly completely open schedule, but as soon as I try to do something the gang seems to show up all at once. Bah, I enjoy it. Don’t let me fool you.
I can not wait until some of the gear I ordered gets here, well, actually I can. It really is nicer to have the right gear, whether it be for hiking, climbing, camping, or what. I can see where I might spend hours out there. Oh, one thing I was thinking while out and about… There might be trees far enough off some of the paths to climb, maybe even camp in if I am very quick, quiet, and blend in a bit. I don’t have that gear either yet, but it would be good to explore a bit further and find out for sure.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Vexed, disjointed, unnerved, and tired, I think it's time for quietude.
I didn't make the 6:15 pm training session, so I tried the 8:00 pm training. It didn't happen. Though I had been told 6:30 or 8:00 would be fine, that doesn't seem to be the case. The woman I spoke to in person has said Monday (at 6:00 pm only) would be my next chance to take the course. No problem, if a little disappointing.
My mother called and suggests she might have lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. Her computer or her software is woefully outdated, though her skills aren't something I trust either, in any case she couldn't get online to look these up. I did that, and just sent here the best information I could. I haven't had time to read it fully, though it looks as if whichever it is, there are treatments that work. I'll be visiting soon and will go in with her when she gets either the news or more testing. I told her I would keep her in my prayers. She's an old bearcat, but I do love her and hate to think she suffers. When she slowed down a bit ago, I kept asking and she said she was fine, I didn't believe her. Actually, I'm relieved. I was hoping she wasn't going to sandbag me by knowingly keeping secret that she had cancer.
I'll be visiting blogs still, but I think I should be very quiet for a good long time. I've said a lot. I've said too much. I might should stop blogging for a bit too. Zip.
Goodnight.
My mother called and suggests she might have lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. Her computer or her software is woefully outdated, though her skills aren't something I trust either, in any case she couldn't get online to look these up. I did that, and just sent here the best information I could. I haven't had time to read it fully, though it looks as if whichever it is, there are treatments that work. I'll be visiting soon and will go in with her when she gets either the news or more testing. I told her I would keep her in my prayers. She's an old bearcat, but I do love her and hate to think she suffers. When she slowed down a bit ago, I kept asking and she said she was fine, I didn't believe her. Actually, I'm relieved. I was hoping she wasn't going to sandbag me by knowingly keeping secret that she had cancer.
I'll be visiting blogs still, but I think I should be very quiet for a good long time. I've said a lot. I've said too much. I might should stop blogging for a bit too. Zip.
Goodnight.
The Queen calls, so I'll make this short.
Another good mass. Now at mass, they sort of hooked me at church. I had never heard of a two-part sermon, sorta thing, but that’s what they did. The last half is tomorrow. I hadn’t planned on going but I guess I will. Plus, I met a fellow who had been in my initiation class. We went for lunch at a nearby barbeque shop and discussed life as new members of the church and life in general. I’m trying to get him to walk some paths and get in a bit better shape. I am not so sure he is interested. Dang, I forgot to ask if he golfs. I’ll have to send an email.
I got a call back from the “guy who runs the thing” at the rock climbing wall. Sounds like my size won’t be a problem and I am more comfortable knowing what to wear, as the woman I talked to initially, was like, you know, sort of like, unsure, but thought maybe, like, this or that would be, like, ok. She was not happy to be talking to me either. At least the “secretary” and the “guy who runs the thing” were pleasant. So, tonight at 6:00 I’ll drive over and see if I can get this going. Of course I am excited, but a little nervous too. I pay twenty dollars, then they teach me what they believe I really need to know, then I come back in “soon” and they test me on my knowledge retention. Well, that’s all fine and good, but it’s been decades since I tied a knot so I’m hoping we aren’t looking at even ten pseudo complicated knots, plus other information. Hmmm, might have to take a note pad, take down the names of the knots, maybe sketch a few things, and of course general notes. I’m also a little unsure about my ability to climb. I guess one never knows until one tries. I’m probably worrying too much.
The Q.O.D. didn’t stop by today. However, she just called with an, as usual, cryptic plea. She just indicated she needs brute strength, something she unhappily admitted she didn’t have. Oh, she also indicated leather or a shoehorn might be good, to protect my fingers. I suggested gloves, at which she said “Oh yeah!” *Ding* So, I’m off. And it’s raining, thundering, and probably some tornado or high wind warnings. Dunno, just looking out my window, I really don’t listen to the news.
Update: (and a few corrections)
The task was simply assembling a cot. Now, I’m not going to belabor her delicacy as other than in a cutesy way when she is over one of my lines, it isn’t something I bother about. It’s just a fact. And, to be honest, I feel for her. She tries her little sparrow heart out, but her body does not match her will nor my pinky. The task was simple, I didn’t need to use any of my real strength, just a few flicks with a thumb which was little more than flipping a light switch. A few of the joints needed a bit more, but not so much as to require even a fraction of my concentration.
I got a call back from the “guy who runs the thing” at the rock climbing wall. Sounds like my size won’t be a problem and I am more comfortable knowing what to wear, as the woman I talked to initially, was like, you know, sort of like, unsure, but thought maybe, like, this or that would be, like, ok. She was not happy to be talking to me either. At least the “secretary” and the “guy who runs the thing” were pleasant. So, tonight at 6:00 I’ll drive over and see if I can get this going. Of course I am excited, but a little nervous too. I pay twenty dollars, then they teach me what they believe I really need to know, then I come back in “soon” and they test me on my knowledge retention. Well, that’s all fine and good, but it’s been decades since I tied a knot so I’m hoping we aren’t looking at even ten pseudo complicated knots, plus other information. Hmmm, might have to take a note pad, take down the names of the knots, maybe sketch a few things, and of course general notes. I’m also a little unsure about my ability to climb. I guess one never knows until one tries. I’m probably worrying too much.
The Q.O.D. didn’t stop by today. However, she just called with an, as usual, cryptic plea. She just indicated she needs brute strength, something she unhappily admitted she didn’t have. Oh, she also indicated leather or a shoehorn might be good, to protect my fingers. I suggested gloves, at which she said “Oh yeah!” *Ding* So, I’m off. And it’s raining, thundering, and probably some tornado or high wind warnings. Dunno, just looking out my window, I really don’t listen to the news.
Update: (and a few corrections)
The task was simply assembling a cot. Now, I’m not going to belabor her delicacy as other than in a cutesy way when she is over one of my lines, it isn’t something I bother about. It’s just a fact. And, to be honest, I feel for her. She tries her little sparrow heart out, but her body does not match her will nor my pinky. The task was simple, I didn’t need to use any of my real strength, just a few flicks with a thumb which was little more than flipping a light switch. A few of the joints needed a bit more, but not so much as to require even a fraction of my concentration.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
No nap.
Well, it was fairly easy to get my blog list up, right after I procrastinated a bit more and looked over some climbing gear and a compass. I didn't ask if I could or should link. Why? It's not like loons flock to my place and look for associated links to crash or anything.
And to those I have added, your sites are alphabetical. I DO have favorites but I couldn't get them to order the way I like, so they went up this way. And, I missed a few of my favorites, occasional, and random rares. I have my favorites bookmarked in several folders and here and there. I'll (probably) get them in. These aren't here to up your visit count, swell your pride, or fundamentally support your ideas, they are up so I do not have to clicky through four or five levels of bookmarks in four or five file folders. Though if you actually think it's a pat on the back and I were in your shoes thinking that way, I'd take it. If it actually helps your count, great, though I think that idea is funny. In the end, I visit as I link as I live, scattered but getting better every day with no hope of perfection, probably not even a chance at regularity, in this realm.
Uhm, as I said, I read these. I don't always agree. Sometimes with the womenfolk, I cannot even understand what is written. I do like the writing, the ideas, and I believe I like these folks, some of them from a distance only, others could be like brothers or sisters.
Now it's nap time. Bah, can't sleep, I can tell. *grumbles about this and that*
And to those I have added, your sites are alphabetical. I DO have favorites but I couldn't get them to order the way I like, so they went up this way. And, I missed a few of my favorites, occasional, and random rares. I have my favorites bookmarked in several folders and here and there. I'll (probably) get them in. These aren't here to up your visit count, swell your pride, or fundamentally support your ideas, they are up so I do not have to clicky through four or five levels of bookmarks in four or five file folders. Though if you actually think it's a pat on the back and I were in your shoes thinking that way, I'd take it. If it actually helps your count, great, though I think that idea is funny. In the end, I visit as I link as I live, scattered but getting better every day with no hope of perfection, probably not even a chance at regularity, in this realm.
Uhm, as I said, I read these. I don't always agree. Sometimes with the womenfolk, I cannot even understand what is written. I do like the writing, the ideas, and I believe I like these folks, some of them from a distance only, others could be like brothers or sisters.
Now it's nap time. Bah, can't sleep, I can tell. *grumbles about this and that*
"Why me?" They whine. "Why not, ha!", I say.
I’m going a little stir crazy. The grand plan I am making will take some time to come to fruition, as finances, education, and experience require it. Other more easily accessed activities are seemingly just as difficult to plan, playing phone tag with those who have the information or can provide access seems to be the norm rather than the exception. As I try to wiggle my way into some form of mainstream living, I suspect these are just the first of the inconveniences I will face. It is not likely to be the most severe either. Thankfully, one of the qualities I gained is patience. Though, my patience has altered over the years from a simple one to an assertive one. Even if I can not bypass a block of some sort, I will go on to other things and keep my eyes and ears open for workarounds I had not seen to some initial seeming dead end or work stoppage. Still, with most of my money for the next six months for sure tied up in these plans, I am having to cut back on normal fun activities and spur of the moment jaunts to something new and exciting. The rain isn’t helping.
Right now, among other things, I am trying to figure out precisely how, what, when, and if at the rock climbing wall. I left a message with the manager, or as the probably 18 year old “secretary” put it, “The guy who runs the thing”. I’ve been contemplating buying a few essential pieces of rope gear and rigging my own harness and giving it all a whorl. It’s raining though, and it seems it will be raining a great deal this spring. So, maybe I’ll hold off on rope until later this year. I know out there I may very well be climbing in the rain. But I am also pretty sure I will have experience by then. As well, self teaching is difficult and risky as is, even with some experience and training at the rock wall. This is a risks I can mitigate and so I will. Still, it would be fun to have the rope and some gear on hand. Hmmm, too much temptation though?
I have ordered a small lumbar pack, a waterproof lightweight stowable jacket, and some durable versatile pants, and with these, my camel water pack, and some Clif bars, I intend to begin forays into the hitherto unknown bike and pedestrian paths here in my own twin city region initially, then begin a search for more challenging and wild paths and places. I found maps of the local paths and will begin treading those paths when that gear arrives, happily whether it’s raining or shining. I suspect that I might end up eating a lot of time out there. And no small sum of it will be spent figuring out where I am, where I want to be, and how to amend the situation. It might be a good time to begin compass training, something I had listed but almost forgotten about in the grand slam plan. So much to do while no planning can cover it all, nor even all remembered at any given time. It seems it has to be experienced and then one can begin making more detailed plans, setting aside those items or ideas that at first seemed necessary, and then accurizing one’s gear and thinking to the tasks at hand. But this is not a lament, it is a foreconcluded part of why I am doing these things at all.
Oh, the Q.O.D. stopped in again this morning. No, she doesn’t love me, though she sort of likes me. We dated for a year or two, moved in together for four years (the first half of which we were engaged and involved, the last half we were platonic housemates). It took a bit, but she came around to being and having a friend from such circumstances. She hasn’t changed one iota though. On her visit today she had a hankering for bacon and coffee, which I proffered. She forgot her “go cup” so I lent her one I had purchased for her some Christmas or birthday past (which she rejected for one fuss-budget reason or another), fed her the bacon, let her use my laundry facilities, and saw her off. After doing some outside work, she stopped back to check on her laundry, razz me some more, and then headed off for a final time. She actually works nights, but she makes a little money in the spring pulling a particular invasive species from a wealthy friend's lot and when that dries up, she heads off to the (becoming) organic farm to work for produce. Those last are not bad gigs, as she loves the soil anyway and the work she does in both places she might well do for free anyway. She’s a pest, but I usually enjoy her company anyway, and she is only mostly wrong. *laughs*
Shoot, I thought putting blogs on my pages would be an easy task. The blog form I am using does not have that set up to go as some do, so I will either have to do a bit of digging online, maybe even Google’s sight has the code somewhere, or pull out my HTML for Dummies book for specifics. I’m working on it, alright. Well, ok, I’m thinking about working on it.
Nap time?
Right now, among other things, I am trying to figure out precisely how, what, when, and if at the rock climbing wall. I left a message with the manager, or as the probably 18 year old “secretary” put it, “The guy who runs the thing”. I’ve been contemplating buying a few essential pieces of rope gear and rigging my own harness and giving it all a whorl. It’s raining though, and it seems it will be raining a great deal this spring. So, maybe I’ll hold off on rope until later this year. I know out there I may very well be climbing in the rain. But I am also pretty sure I will have experience by then. As well, self teaching is difficult and risky as is, even with some experience and training at the rock wall. This is a risks I can mitigate and so I will. Still, it would be fun to have the rope and some gear on hand. Hmmm, too much temptation though?
I have ordered a small lumbar pack, a waterproof lightweight stowable jacket, and some durable versatile pants, and with these, my camel water pack, and some Clif bars, I intend to begin forays into the hitherto unknown bike and pedestrian paths here in my own twin city region initially, then begin a search for more challenging and wild paths and places. I found maps of the local paths and will begin treading those paths when that gear arrives, happily whether it’s raining or shining. I suspect that I might end up eating a lot of time out there. And no small sum of it will be spent figuring out where I am, where I want to be, and how to amend the situation. It might be a good time to begin compass training, something I had listed but almost forgotten about in the grand slam plan. So much to do while no planning can cover it all, nor even all remembered at any given time. It seems it has to be experienced and then one can begin making more detailed plans, setting aside those items or ideas that at first seemed necessary, and then accurizing one’s gear and thinking to the tasks at hand. But this is not a lament, it is a foreconcluded part of why I am doing these things at all.
Oh, the Q.O.D. stopped in again this morning. No, she doesn’t love me, though she sort of likes me. We dated for a year or two, moved in together for four years (the first half of which we were engaged and involved, the last half we were platonic housemates). It took a bit, but she came around to being and having a friend from such circumstances. She hasn’t changed one iota though. On her visit today she had a hankering for bacon and coffee, which I proffered. She forgot her “go cup” so I lent her one I had purchased for her some Christmas or birthday past (which she rejected for one fuss-budget reason or another), fed her the bacon, let her use my laundry facilities, and saw her off. After doing some outside work, she stopped back to check on her laundry, razz me some more, and then headed off for a final time. She actually works nights, but she makes a little money in the spring pulling a particular invasive species from a wealthy friend's lot and when that dries up, she heads off to the (becoming) organic farm to work for produce. Those last are not bad gigs, as she loves the soil anyway and the work she does in both places she might well do for free anyway. She’s a pest, but I usually enjoy her company anyway, and she is only mostly wrong. *laughs*
Shoot, I thought putting blogs on my pages would be an easy task. The blog form I am using does not have that set up to go as some do, so I will either have to do a bit of digging online, maybe even Google’s sight has the code somewhere, or pull out my HTML for Dummies book for specifics. I’m working on it, alright. Well, ok, I’m thinking about working on it.
Nap time?
Hydrogen cars in California, heading your way?
Hydrogen powered everything seems to be such a rage. At the university, while attending the engineering section, the professors seemed gaga over it. Well, that and CO2 credits, for which they and/or their friends were opening one of the trading boards, in Chicago I think. Anyway, it seemed like an interesting prospect, and these being men of not just professional advanced education but innovators and entrepreneurs, I believed it behooved me to investigate. It seems that my lesser education is finer than their greater education or I am free to think for myself. Beyond the improbability of even ‘neutral energy cost hydrogen’* being produced or the devastation caused by ignoring that fact and producing hydrogen anyway, the rest of the scenario completely falls apart.
*(hydrogen being produced which produces as much energy as it took to make)
The energy problem is a simple thing really, as soon as we develop cold fusion. Then we get to the rest of the matter. Has anyone really considered what hydrogen, in too large of doses to react with (or, more accurately be bound by) the atmospheric gasses will do? Hint, it will escape our biosphere. Now, a spacecraft and all inhabitants leaving the earth and failing to return is not a factor, how about a million or billion of them? As well, we aren’t talking about even rare metals or plastic, hydrogen is a vitally important element. Too little here and our water problems will skyrocket. Imagine how much of this gas it would take to fuel vehicles and tell me there wouldn’t be tons of escaped gas and that some significant part of that escaped gas would leave the atmosphere. Has anyone considered what it would take to transport this fuel? I have, of the three means which would be rational (rational meaning timely and in large enough quantities to sustain demand), none are safe or cheap enough for standard use if they could even somehow be made to work. This has nothing to do with manufacturing costs or infrastructure start up costs, it has to do with losses of hydrogen in the gaseous state (via a pipeline for example) or the costs and mass of vehicles or even train cars which could both freeze and then transport that system and the now frozen gas. All of these means have huge safety issues beyond the expense or loss issues, though all of those issues mingle at points. Then there is the idea that slips through every discussion, from what is hydrogen to be derived? Ah, water, clean clear potable water is just the ticket. Ok, how many people in America currently live in water restricted regions? (No thanks to government controls and oversight of that “industry”, but that’s for another topic.) So, if we are using an already becoming scarce resource to also fuel our cars, where will that come from. But of course, we will just build desalination plants! Add that to the energy costs (until we have cold fusion, also using fresh potable water, don’t worry it will all work!). And, the cost of running these plants is so substantial, not even considering energy costs, that even in the US the government is restricting water rather than building desalination plants and shipping the water to where it is needed via relatively cheap pipelines. There is more, but really, get through that and I might talk more.
Now, I actually do believe these people know everything I have just put down, or at least the engineers in the group. They probably know more. They also know that to keep their jobs and to not be ostracized by their peers in other fields, they must tow a line which is untenable to logic, reason, or real science. It seems to be the case in politics, religion, science, health, and all other professions. So, who is presenting this and fostering retarding thinking? Who could engender the greatest minds (in theory) and the most active leaders to abandon wisdom and knowledge for foolishness? But more, who could do so over such a wide range of professions, peoples, and institutes? There are really only two choices, even in science the smallest element is digital which is binary. You should have a coin handy, flip it, what does it tell you? As for me, I’ll keep that “gold” dollar in my pocket. The answer known, tales it is. As well, I know that answer means little in the grand scheme of things. Oh, by the way, California has the cars and some of the infrastructure.
*(hydrogen being produced which produces as much energy as it took to make)
The energy problem is a simple thing really, as soon as we develop cold fusion. Then we get to the rest of the matter. Has anyone really considered what hydrogen, in too large of doses to react with (or, more accurately be bound by) the atmospheric gasses will do? Hint, it will escape our biosphere. Now, a spacecraft and all inhabitants leaving the earth and failing to return is not a factor, how about a million or billion of them? As well, we aren’t talking about even rare metals or plastic, hydrogen is a vitally important element. Too little here and our water problems will skyrocket. Imagine how much of this gas it would take to fuel vehicles and tell me there wouldn’t be tons of escaped gas and that some significant part of that escaped gas would leave the atmosphere. Has anyone considered what it would take to transport this fuel? I have, of the three means which would be rational (rational meaning timely and in large enough quantities to sustain demand), none are safe or cheap enough for standard use if they could even somehow be made to work. This has nothing to do with manufacturing costs or infrastructure start up costs, it has to do with losses of hydrogen in the gaseous state (via a pipeline for example) or the costs and mass of vehicles or even train cars which could both freeze and then transport that system and the now frozen gas. All of these means have huge safety issues beyond the expense or loss issues, though all of those issues mingle at points. Then there is the idea that slips through every discussion, from what is hydrogen to be derived? Ah, water, clean clear potable water is just the ticket. Ok, how many people in America currently live in water restricted regions? (No thanks to government controls and oversight of that “industry”, but that’s for another topic.) So, if we are using an already becoming scarce resource to also fuel our cars, where will that come from. But of course, we will just build desalination plants! Add that to the energy costs (until we have cold fusion, also using fresh potable water, don’t worry it will all work!). And, the cost of running these plants is so substantial, not even considering energy costs, that even in the US the government is restricting water rather than building desalination plants and shipping the water to where it is needed via relatively cheap pipelines. There is more, but really, get through that and I might talk more.
Now, I actually do believe these people know everything I have just put down, or at least the engineers in the group. They probably know more. They also know that to keep their jobs and to not be ostracized by their peers in other fields, they must tow a line which is untenable to logic, reason, or real science. It seems to be the case in politics, religion, science, health, and all other professions. So, who is presenting this and fostering retarding thinking? Who could engender the greatest minds (in theory) and the most active leaders to abandon wisdom and knowledge for foolishness? But more, who could do so over such a wide range of professions, peoples, and institutes? There are really only two choices, even in science the smallest element is digital which is binary. You should have a coin handy, flip it, what does it tell you? As for me, I’ll keep that “gold” dollar in my pocket. The answer known, tales it is. As well, I know that answer means little in the grand scheme of things. Oh, by the way, California has the cars and some of the infrastructure.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
The time is drawing near, but, what time?
On the blogs I visit, I have been posting about change, prophecy, and the orders (natural, historic, political, cultural, and social specifically). I have not been going into great detail, as politics seems to be focused on players and minor aspects of social or cultural variances while missing completely the overarching realities that are achieved through modern governance. Discussing a specific mule, elephant, or third party politician would be as likely to disclose a real political truth as discussing the actual animals. Beyond that, most people are so threatened by the truth, real probability, and how it relates to their current lives, beliefs, and choices that any great depth would be rejected outright.
I am sure, even writing as timidly as I am at those sites, I am seen as extremely negative. On the contrary! Thinking I am negative about how our world, in the US or abroad, is about to change or noting the causes of that change is as negative as explaining to someone standing 40 feet in the air on a board that is about to break that the board is about to break and that they should either step away, secure themselves in some manner, or prepare for a fall. As noted before, I did not go very far in describing the real world as it is. I never went so far as to suggest what could be done, nor the consequences of not doing so. I left it at, in comparison, noting that the US, and various parts of the world, are putting their whole weight on cracked timber with neither a security hold on the lumber’s support nor a safety line or net.
This is my place, and I will explain more fully here.
The US is in serious trouble. Our government is allowing immigration at a rate which cannot be sustained in order that the natural citizen maintain his lifestyle. Our government is using poor and non-existent “science” to force industry out of our nation, inflate the price of fuels, and increasing the costs of all goods in these ways. Our government is fostering a social and cultural reality that is unsustainable, in that women who were are first invited to work are now forced to work rather than have children, and when they do have children, the children are being forced into public schools which not only fail to educate but also strip the child of morality, local social norms, and even Christianity itself. Our government is further endorsing and supporting the culling of our next generations simply by doing nothing about a law that essentially gives it the right to kill indiscriminately which it then lends to pregnant women, and in so doing the government is forced to allow the aforementioned immigration. These aren’t Republican or Democratic issues, they are simply the fact of what our government is doing regardless of which party has been in power. And, this is only some of what is wrong in an unsustainable way.
What can be done about this? Many things, none of which will be popular. None of them will be easy. And, it may be too late. What, for example, would help? The elimination of the EPA, Education, and several other departments. The deregulation of almost every industry. An elimination of about half of the police force and laws. An encouragement of local governance, by the people in everything from health and safety to education. An elimination of most taxes, federal, state, and local, being reassessed beforehand with a realistic cost analysis of roads, infrastructure, police, diplomatic (trade negotiations), military, and a few other constitutionally supported needs. An elimination of all forced integration, women’s (and other minority’s) equality of employment guarantees, and most civil rights legislation. Hey, ladies, if you don’t trust men or employers, why do you trust the government? Ah, because it seems to be giving you what you want in spite of the greatest dissatisfaction and actual social weakness of the female population being listed in countries such as ours over even Muslim nations. Hmmm, figure that one out honestly, then pipe in.
Barring those things, simply put, our nation will fail as a nation in less than 50 years. There isn’t another way. We are a dying people and the rest of the world is growing. Our technology only works to a certain ratio and then it fails. Lifting a two-ton vehicle with a 20 to 1 pulley system is something technology can allow a man to do. Adding forty people, slowly or quickly, to that vehicle and the guy at the rope is going to fail or just quit. Our culture is at stake, our real culture. The one many think we have, the one many seem so attached to, is more of a lack of culture, a vacuum. We are only left to, potentially, hopefully, to choose what will fill the void or to let whatever group wins the number or war game to choose.
Now, will some country always exist here? Sure it will. If you want to know what it will be like with no massive changes, visit Mexico City, then go into the countryside around it. Talk to the people all along your visit. Ask how many have running water, how safe they are, how helpful their laws, police, and military are, how good their medical treatment and facilities are. Granted, if these things that I suggest happen, we will lose many of today’s accesses. We won’t have a big brother. What we will have are communities, social networks, and families and be based on realistic personal responsibilities and freedoms. Charities will be the source of financial or other assistance and there will be conditions chosen by the local communities on those gifts. Schools won’t have computers, except maybe for those who are going into programming or graphic arts, nor will schools cost $3,000,000 to $10,000,000 apiece for 150 students. Road crews will no longer be paid $30 to $50 dollars an hour and receive unemployment checks through the winter. Your bills will be according to what people in your community are willing to pay and will be based on what people want, not on what the government says a cable company needs to provide. How much of your non-tax money goes to pay for things you neither need nor want? Lots. Some good things, some bad things, but it will be ours.
Will these changes occur? I cannot say. What I can say is that barring many of these changes, our nation is finished as a constitutionally viable government. If we fall, there will be a new dark age, as no other free nation will stand alone. Most of Europe is verged even closer to this disaster. China and India are reaching critical masses of ineligible bachelors, and will have to go to war with some other nation to cull that population or face civil wars of monstrous proportions. We can’t save the world. We can’t help those nations. We might not even have the strength or will to save ourselves.
Having said that, I should also say I am not worried. This is a fallen world and it will not rise on it’s own. The prophecies of doom have been with us, not only from Christian works, but from many if not all religious and philosophical understandings. As well, from my faith, I understand that this world is a minor reality in the true scheme of things. Much as a mother’s womb or a single day in our lives, the earth is neither the whole story nor the full truth, only a time and place for learning, experiencing life, and growing toward another end. As well, even should the US, and through us the rest of the world, fall into darkness, it doesn’t mean the end times are here. I think of the sacking of Rome, the fall of Greece, the dark ages, and even the fall of native American peoples and I have to wonder if they too thought the end must be at hand.
I feel better having put this out without hogging another’s blog. Hmm, nap or popcorn? Nap, the show hasn’t started. *grins*
I am sure, even writing as timidly as I am at those sites, I am seen as extremely negative. On the contrary! Thinking I am negative about how our world, in the US or abroad, is about to change or noting the causes of that change is as negative as explaining to someone standing 40 feet in the air on a board that is about to break that the board is about to break and that they should either step away, secure themselves in some manner, or prepare for a fall. As noted before, I did not go very far in describing the real world as it is. I never went so far as to suggest what could be done, nor the consequences of not doing so. I left it at, in comparison, noting that the US, and various parts of the world, are putting their whole weight on cracked timber with neither a security hold on the lumber’s support nor a safety line or net.
This is my place, and I will explain more fully here.
The US is in serious trouble. Our government is allowing immigration at a rate which cannot be sustained in order that the natural citizen maintain his lifestyle. Our government is using poor and non-existent “science” to force industry out of our nation, inflate the price of fuels, and increasing the costs of all goods in these ways. Our government is fostering a social and cultural reality that is unsustainable, in that women who were are first invited to work are now forced to work rather than have children, and when they do have children, the children are being forced into public schools which not only fail to educate but also strip the child of morality, local social norms, and even Christianity itself. Our government is further endorsing and supporting the culling of our next generations simply by doing nothing about a law that essentially gives it the right to kill indiscriminately which it then lends to pregnant women, and in so doing the government is forced to allow the aforementioned immigration. These aren’t Republican or Democratic issues, they are simply the fact of what our government is doing regardless of which party has been in power. And, this is only some of what is wrong in an unsustainable way.
What can be done about this? Many things, none of which will be popular. None of them will be easy. And, it may be too late. What, for example, would help? The elimination of the EPA, Education, and several other departments. The deregulation of almost every industry. An elimination of about half of the police force and laws. An encouragement of local governance, by the people in everything from health and safety to education. An elimination of most taxes, federal, state, and local, being reassessed beforehand with a realistic cost analysis of roads, infrastructure, police, diplomatic (trade negotiations), military, and a few other constitutionally supported needs. An elimination of all forced integration, women’s (and other minority’s) equality of employment guarantees, and most civil rights legislation. Hey, ladies, if you don’t trust men or employers, why do you trust the government? Ah, because it seems to be giving you what you want in spite of the greatest dissatisfaction and actual social weakness of the female population being listed in countries such as ours over even Muslim nations. Hmmm, figure that one out honestly, then pipe in.
Barring those things, simply put, our nation will fail as a nation in less than 50 years. There isn’t another way. We are a dying people and the rest of the world is growing. Our technology only works to a certain ratio and then it fails. Lifting a two-ton vehicle with a 20 to 1 pulley system is something technology can allow a man to do. Adding forty people, slowly or quickly, to that vehicle and the guy at the rope is going to fail or just quit. Our culture is at stake, our real culture. The one many think we have, the one many seem so attached to, is more of a lack of culture, a vacuum. We are only left to, potentially, hopefully, to choose what will fill the void or to let whatever group wins the number or war game to choose.
Now, will some country always exist here? Sure it will. If you want to know what it will be like with no massive changes, visit Mexico City, then go into the countryside around it. Talk to the people all along your visit. Ask how many have running water, how safe they are, how helpful their laws, police, and military are, how good their medical treatment and facilities are. Granted, if these things that I suggest happen, we will lose many of today’s accesses. We won’t have a big brother. What we will have are communities, social networks, and families and be based on realistic personal responsibilities and freedoms. Charities will be the source of financial or other assistance and there will be conditions chosen by the local communities on those gifts. Schools won’t have computers, except maybe for those who are going into programming or graphic arts, nor will schools cost $3,000,000 to $10,000,000 apiece for 150 students. Road crews will no longer be paid $30 to $50 dollars an hour and receive unemployment checks through the winter. Your bills will be according to what people in your community are willing to pay and will be based on what people want, not on what the government says a cable company needs to provide. How much of your non-tax money goes to pay for things you neither need nor want? Lots. Some good things, some bad things, but it will be ours.
Will these changes occur? I cannot say. What I can say is that barring many of these changes, our nation is finished as a constitutionally viable government. If we fall, there will be a new dark age, as no other free nation will stand alone. Most of Europe is verged even closer to this disaster. China and India are reaching critical masses of ineligible bachelors, and will have to go to war with some other nation to cull that population or face civil wars of monstrous proportions. We can’t save the world. We can’t help those nations. We might not even have the strength or will to save ourselves.
Having said that, I should also say I am not worried. This is a fallen world and it will not rise on it’s own. The prophecies of doom have been with us, not only from Christian works, but from many if not all religious and philosophical understandings. As well, from my faith, I understand that this world is a minor reality in the true scheme of things. Much as a mother’s womb or a single day in our lives, the earth is neither the whole story nor the full truth, only a time and place for learning, experiencing life, and growing toward another end. As well, even should the US, and through us the rest of the world, fall into darkness, it doesn’t mean the end times are here. I think of the sacking of Rome, the fall of Greece, the dark ages, and even the fall of native American peoples and I have to wonder if they too thought the end must be at hand.
I feel better having put this out without hogging another’s blog. Hmm, nap or popcorn? Nap, the show hasn’t started. *grins*
Monday, June 4, 2007
Doubts, time, and today, mostly.
Ok, yes, some of my plans are a bit whack, probably in both senses of the word. Camping IN the trees? Reloading ammunition, is it really necessary? Even climbing trees seems to be a little suspect in some of the circles with which I have had contact. Look, this is my dream. It won’t be according to the plans and schedules of those with an ignorant first take nor even with the old hand campers, shooters, or climbers who have their own ways of doing things and seem to have little or no interaction from what I can find. Or, at least not according to any one discipline. I will steal ideas from here and add them to my thinking there, borrow some gear from hunters and integrate it into gear for camping, take some technical clothing from climbers and use it for hiking when it fits both need and want. And actually with ideas, gear, and clothing they will go wherever they work, I see a place where others can’t or won’t see the connection, and the price or my want fits. This safari is according to methods I know work, I’ve seen them all work. The combination of some of these might be novel to some, but they not only will work together, they make practical sense and financial sense as well.
Having said that, I will add that these plans are very preliminary. I started planning because of strong dreams, and only relatively recently. The dreams still visit, and I think it will happen, though it will not be specifically as I now think or envision. It is a grand notion, perhaps too grand. Time will tell. I understand the doubts. I understand the questions. I don’t understand the lack of understanding or seeming outright hostility I’ve encountered.
Oh, I made it to church again today. I would like to make it to mass a few times a week and Saturdays. I always feel right after a visit and Eucharist. Yet, I can’t quite go every day. Some thought I came to the Church because of my illness. I had to set them to rights, however. I arrived because I was called. I did everything I could to find a “right” alternative, as I feared the Church, right down to my boots. Yes, fear, I have it, if I rarely say so about this and many things (women frighten me just a touch too, in spite of having been in the company of one or two to put it lightly). I still haven’t shaken my fear of the church (or women), but I’m learning. Then again, I probably never will shake it completely, and that isn’t a bad thing. Anyway, my poor health probably kept me from joining long ago. My health issues have slowed down doing a great many things I feel I should do or want to do. I’m not there as a gimp looking for a God cookie or miraculous healing. I’m there because I was called, couldn’t refuse, and believe it right after exploring many options.
Well, I made it to Church last Saturday, but didn’t make it in to the shooting club to join. Sunday was dreary and cold, so I stayed in, read, contemplated, and of course, made the rounds to many blogs. Oh, I should get around to listing those blogs on my site. I have a couple dozen dozen or something. If for no other reason than my ease of getting to them. Currently my bookmarks have them about 4 panels deep, and some a fifth panel off the main bookmark panel. It gets tricky when I’m sleepy, grumpy, or hungry, which at times is all the time.
Well, cleaning the apartment is a slow thing. In a few areas, I keep falling behind where I was before I started cleaning. Sometimes, it’s not so bad being a bachelor. At least I receive no grief from a misses. When I finally looked over my shirts, every single one of them had a spot! My last gal always kept them spotless. Now that I’m doing better, I’m noticing these little things. So, I spent extra time washing them. Spot treating some, double or triple washes for all in cold water, then a final one in warm water. They are just going into the drier. Wish me luck.
Having said that, I will add that these plans are very preliminary. I started planning because of strong dreams, and only relatively recently. The dreams still visit, and I think it will happen, though it will not be specifically as I now think or envision. It is a grand notion, perhaps too grand. Time will tell. I understand the doubts. I understand the questions. I don’t understand the lack of understanding or seeming outright hostility I’ve encountered.
Oh, I made it to church again today. I would like to make it to mass a few times a week and Saturdays. I always feel right after a visit and Eucharist. Yet, I can’t quite go every day. Some thought I came to the Church because of my illness. I had to set them to rights, however. I arrived because I was called. I did everything I could to find a “right” alternative, as I feared the Church, right down to my boots. Yes, fear, I have it, if I rarely say so about this and many things (women frighten me just a touch too, in spite of having been in the company of one or two to put it lightly). I still haven’t shaken my fear of the church (or women), but I’m learning. Then again, I probably never will shake it completely, and that isn’t a bad thing. Anyway, my poor health probably kept me from joining long ago. My health issues have slowed down doing a great many things I feel I should do or want to do. I’m not there as a gimp looking for a God cookie or miraculous healing. I’m there because I was called, couldn’t refuse, and believe it right after exploring many options.
Well, I made it to Church last Saturday, but didn’t make it in to the shooting club to join. Sunday was dreary and cold, so I stayed in, read, contemplated, and of course, made the rounds to many blogs. Oh, I should get around to listing those blogs on my site. I have a couple dozen dozen or something. If for no other reason than my ease of getting to them. Currently my bookmarks have them about 4 panels deep, and some a fifth panel off the main bookmark panel. It gets tricky when I’m sleepy, grumpy, or hungry, which at times is all the time.
Well, cleaning the apartment is a slow thing. In a few areas, I keep falling behind where I was before I started cleaning. Sometimes, it’s not so bad being a bachelor. At least I receive no grief from a misses. When I finally looked over my shirts, every single one of them had a spot! My last gal always kept them spotless. Now that I’m doing better, I’m noticing these little things. So, I spent extra time washing them. Spot treating some, double or triple washes for all in cold water, then a final one in warm water. They are just going into the drier. Wish me luck.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
A stitch in time...
So much time, so many interests, so little money. So the story goes. As I get set to start life anew, there are topics I feel I must learn. To that end, I have purchased a small library of practical guides, developed a network of bookmarks, and joined a few forums as well. The two guides I am currently most nose-deep in are “The Tree Climbers Companion” by Jeff Jepson and “The ABC’s of Reloading”. Knots, safety, techniques, terms, functions, and probabilities, all there to read and imagine but nothing to touch! Beyond those interests, I am researching modifications for my vehicle in order to travel in the mountains, camping gear, a bear defense revolver, and reloading equipment and components. All of which require money, and no small sum of it.
As I am figuring my needs and timetables, I am trying to prioritize my purchasing order. Initially, I thought cost might be the way. For many reasons that doesn’t work. For example, climbing is the least expensive of the needs and once the gear is in hand, it would be the least expensive to practice. Unlike the other projects or items, however, I am able to learn and practice this without paying the initial cost, and quite inexpensively at that. There happens to be a local public indoor rock climbing gym. Only some of that will cross over to tree climbing, but I think it will be enough. So, climbing gear goes to a back burner. How to figure the rest will be a mix of guessing, sales, luck, and consideration. Anyway I do it, it will be complicated, debatable, and financially precarious. I often get confused over this and that, scratching my head in uncertainty. I have to just let it go and see what will work out. I have my next item picked, but won’t be able to buy it for two months.
At $800+ dollars for a minimum kit plus the extras for solo climbing, it is the least expensive. To gear up the Xterra, I am looking at $3,500+ if I do the work myself, the camping gear will take $2,000+, the revolver is about $1000, the reloading kit is right at $2,000 (considering purchased ammunition costs for serious practice, and that this covers those costs, trust me that this pays for itself easily and allows me to tailor my rounds to my current skill level and then up to the needed ammunition), and the cost of practicing with camping gear and my vehicle will be $5000+ (with gas, food, fees, etc. for as many trips as possible). A grand total of $14,300+ dollars. If life wasn’t expensive, that wouldn’t be such a problem, but it is. Coming out of “what is left”, makes negotiating the costs a trick, especially the higher dollar pieces confounding a timely learning of skills. Only two of those sets can be bought in a single month, if I am careful. The rest will need several months of saving. I gave myself a little over two years to plan and prepare and I will need it, and a prayer.
I know, this might seem like quite an expense for a leisure tour. Let me correct something here and now. This is not for leisure, it is a chance at life, because I am slowly dieing as I sit here. If I do nothing, simply put, nothing will change. The medical field has mostly failed me for twenty years, but it has only just recently opened a window of opportunity for me to attempt a change. That window is both narrow and time sensitive. I won’t be able to do that by doing what I have been doing. My body is in good shape, extremely good if you knew the all the facts. My mind is good enough that before recent problems it was getting me through engineering college, if part time though without the recent help. But my will is in question. It is this that must be exercised. If I lose, if this fails, if the window closes before I can turn the window into a full fledged escape route or doorway or whatever, there may never be a way out again.
As well, after having survived many dark and terrible things, a harsh reality or two, and all the little extras life can add to the ignominy of situations, I just will not leave the slow march toward the grave of inactivity only to jump into a quick grave of pure adrenaline. I fully intend to go there and learn, survive and thrive, regain my will and way, and then to come back and move forward in a new life. To those ends, a lot of care and expense now will not only produce a more enjoyable and full life in the lead up, but will ensure my survival.
As I am figuring my needs and timetables, I am trying to prioritize my purchasing order. Initially, I thought cost might be the way. For many reasons that doesn’t work. For example, climbing is the least expensive of the needs and once the gear is in hand, it would be the least expensive to practice. Unlike the other projects or items, however, I am able to learn and practice this without paying the initial cost, and quite inexpensively at that. There happens to be a local public indoor rock climbing gym. Only some of that will cross over to tree climbing, but I think it will be enough. So, climbing gear goes to a back burner. How to figure the rest will be a mix of guessing, sales, luck, and consideration. Anyway I do it, it will be complicated, debatable, and financially precarious. I often get confused over this and that, scratching my head in uncertainty. I have to just let it go and see what will work out. I have my next item picked, but won’t be able to buy it for two months.
At $800+ dollars for a minimum kit plus the extras for solo climbing, it is the least expensive. To gear up the Xterra, I am looking at $3,500+ if I do the work myself, the camping gear will take $2,000+, the revolver is about $1000, the reloading kit is right at $2,000 (considering purchased ammunition costs for serious practice, and that this covers those costs, trust me that this pays for itself easily and allows me to tailor my rounds to my current skill level and then up to the needed ammunition), and the cost of practicing with camping gear and my vehicle will be $5000+ (with gas, food, fees, etc. for as many trips as possible). A grand total of $14,300+ dollars. If life wasn’t expensive, that wouldn’t be such a problem, but it is. Coming out of “what is left”, makes negotiating the costs a trick, especially the higher dollar pieces confounding a timely learning of skills. Only two of those sets can be bought in a single month, if I am careful. The rest will need several months of saving. I gave myself a little over two years to plan and prepare and I will need it, and a prayer.
I know, this might seem like quite an expense for a leisure tour. Let me correct something here and now. This is not for leisure, it is a chance at life, because I am slowly dieing as I sit here. If I do nothing, simply put, nothing will change. The medical field has mostly failed me for twenty years, but it has only just recently opened a window of opportunity for me to attempt a change. That window is both narrow and time sensitive. I won’t be able to do that by doing what I have been doing. My body is in good shape, extremely good if you knew the all the facts. My mind is good enough that before recent problems it was getting me through engineering college, if part time though without the recent help. But my will is in question. It is this that must be exercised. If I lose, if this fails, if the window closes before I can turn the window into a full fledged escape route or doorway or whatever, there may never be a way out again.
As well, after having survived many dark and terrible things, a harsh reality or two, and all the little extras life can add to the ignominy of situations, I just will not leave the slow march toward the grave of inactivity only to jump into a quick grave of pure adrenaline. I fully intend to go there and learn, survive and thrive, regain my will and way, and then to come back and move forward in a new life. To those ends, a lot of care and expense now will not only produce a more enjoyable and full life in the lead up, but will ensure my survival.
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