.
.
Sure, a little wobbly. Not sure if it is hunger, heat, beginning work projects, from the illness most recently, or what. It is too mild to really be a cause of concern, just a minor flaw. I am able to fast fairly easily, at least this time. An hour away from testing blood sugar again. I hope it is down. At 266, though, it was down further than I expected. I'm not sure if it can take the baseline lower, this first shot.
Tomorrow? I'll have one meal, later in the day. Two if need be. All in a short time span, between, say, 16:00 and 22:00. I think, from now on, whether eating, fasting truly, partial fasting, or normal, that will be the time I eat. The tricky part happens when my schedule goes haywire. I am not quite sure how to deal with that at the moment. Keep feeding at, or near, the same time... skipping ahead until I can fall back to the same time? Maybe.
I have laundry going, what will be needed for upcoming events. While I was putting laundry through, I sort of lost track of the true intent. Now, I did get three loads in, two done... if not folded and put away (or yet). On the good side, with this final load, I am putting in the dish and flour sack towels I recently purchased. I wanted them washed first. But washing was behind, and I wanted bleach that works well with even mostly/near whites. It all came together tonight, finally. Yeah. Picky.
Not much more today. Just dinner, and drying the last load which will be tended... perhaps unlike the others. Tomorrow a short trip and bit of time, then back and to rest, most likely. I'm doing okay, but the heat is sort of getting to me. I have the fan and ac working my bedroom, so I can hit it more easily when I am finished with the day. Oh... never did finish the dishes. I'll just drain them and move them out of the way for now. Bleh. I'll post my blood serum when I do that. Hmm... should probably check the serum an hour, then two hours, after the meal. Curious. If I do those tests, I'll post the results as well. Other than that, good night.
------------------
Update: At 21:00, my blood sugar had dropped to 226. Okay, that got my attention. So I had rice. Initially a cup and an half, with two teaspoons of butter. That just wasn't enough. Should have had meat cooked, or cooked a chop or such. Testing blood sugar an hour after the meal and it was at 322. Yeah, next time I'll just have a pork chop, steak, or chicken hindquarter... or two. Still, that was an 100 point drop for the first fast. Definitely got my interest. I'll just have to nearly quit carbs and go pretty much totally meat. I'll work veggies and fruits in, to check.
There you go, though, if you were curious. Did fasting that long hurt me? Unless you die, will you ever really know? Long term health consequences are actually, probably, impossible to nail down. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be, but then it's been years since I have gone even a week without food. Perhaps my bitter memories of starvation are just that. Still, I don't think I want to go two days without food, or more. This 36 hour thing might not be bad, two or three times a week... in the odd way it could be fit in. That and going nearly all meat, fat, veggie, and fruits, plus sticking with tea, water when I can. Not bad. An hundred point drop is, yeah... interesting. I didn't have a drop in energy, if my energy isn't all that good either. Tomorrow is a normal day, then I'll see. Though normal days now mean meal(s) only in the early evening... so still a bit of a fast.
Oh, boiled eggs would be an excellent other choice. All protein and fat, or near enough. I might be on a roll.
Good night.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
An early arrival.
.
.
I ordered a desk to go with the new chair. High, like a drafting table or work bench. I honestly wasn't sure what it was, at first. Perhaps they sent the wrong thing. I thought it was longer and not quite so wide. It's a bit of a beast to put together. Not due to complexity. It just weighs a bunch. I have it together, save for the back brace, which I am hoping will stabilize the thing. I best check, actually, whether the brace is for the back or as a foot-step sort of brace. It could go either place. No instructions. Finally, though, a desk I am hoping I can rely upon, one that is big enough so that I don't have to tuck in to tuck in. You have no idea what it is like to live in a world that is made for... people... while you aren't a people.
I will probably get more into dishes and laundry. Probably. It is slowly creeping up in temp, and that slowly tears me down. I'm just not a heat lover. Beside the environment warming, every thing I do adds to my heat issues.
It's just about time for a blood sugar check. Then maybe a shower. That last might just help cool down. I won't be eating for another six hours and change. At 21:00 tonight it will be a 36 hour fast... save for tea... or to the best of my recall. I won't go beyond that quite yet. A cup and an half of brown rice, two or three teaspoons of butter, and a pinch of salt. Yeah, carbs. Better carbs, good fat, but more because the calories are easy to count. As I start things, this is the way. Though I should begin looking at calories for chops, etc... sort of by weight.
No... no true calorie counting. I will just use that on the days I do a light fast. The rest of the time I will simply eat as I usually eat... if maybe keeping consumption into a smaller space of time... if that isn't too unusual as is. There are limits, in any venture. For now, this is one, and as good as I can do.
As to hunger? It has mostly passed. Tease me with a snickers bar and it might get ugly. Could end up without that grin, candy bar, and maybe missing other parts. But, honestly, it really isn't bad. A bit more of a headache, though that might be from the heat, from the exercise in putting the desk together, or from fasting. I'll cook the rice in time that it will be done by 21:00, easily... but still warm. Reheating rice doesn't work all that well, and cold rice does not absorb butter. Nasty clumps when cold. I am hoping, before I eat, that the serum drops to somewhere around 200~250... if the former is probably impossible at this early stage. The latter number might even be a stretch. It is hoped, in time, that my tolerance, which is the problem, will correct. If so, that number, over consecutive fasts, with a bit of care to carbs and type of carbs, and all else, will lend a hand where it can't fix it by itself.
I am nervous. I feel the weakness in arms and legs, from just a bit of work. Though I am coming back to work, which might be the true problem. Always nervous when seeing what this old boat might do. Then again, what is the worst that could happen? Okay, yeah, there are any number of worse than death scenarios. Still... here I go. The blood sugar reading was 266. Down from 296 last night and 326 this morning.
Later.
.
I ordered a desk to go with the new chair. High, like a drafting table or work bench. I honestly wasn't sure what it was, at first. Perhaps they sent the wrong thing. I thought it was longer and not quite so wide. It's a bit of a beast to put together. Not due to complexity. It just weighs a bunch. I have it together, save for the back brace, which I am hoping will stabilize the thing. I best check, actually, whether the brace is for the back or as a foot-step sort of brace. It could go either place. No instructions. Finally, though, a desk I am hoping I can rely upon, one that is big enough so that I don't have to tuck in to tuck in. You have no idea what it is like to live in a world that is made for... people... while you aren't a people.
I will probably get more into dishes and laundry. Probably. It is slowly creeping up in temp, and that slowly tears me down. I'm just not a heat lover. Beside the environment warming, every thing I do adds to my heat issues.
It's just about time for a blood sugar check. Then maybe a shower. That last might just help cool down. I won't be eating for another six hours and change. At 21:00 tonight it will be a 36 hour fast... save for tea... or to the best of my recall. I won't go beyond that quite yet. A cup and an half of brown rice, two or three teaspoons of butter, and a pinch of salt. Yeah, carbs. Better carbs, good fat, but more because the calories are easy to count. As I start things, this is the way. Though I should begin looking at calories for chops, etc... sort of by weight.
No... no true calorie counting. I will just use that on the days I do a light fast. The rest of the time I will simply eat as I usually eat... if maybe keeping consumption into a smaller space of time... if that isn't too unusual as is. There are limits, in any venture. For now, this is one, and as good as I can do.
As to hunger? It has mostly passed. Tease me with a snickers bar and it might get ugly. Could end up without that grin, candy bar, and maybe missing other parts. But, honestly, it really isn't bad. A bit more of a headache, though that might be from the heat, from the exercise in putting the desk together, or from fasting. I'll cook the rice in time that it will be done by 21:00, easily... but still warm. Reheating rice doesn't work all that well, and cold rice does not absorb butter. Nasty clumps when cold. I am hoping, before I eat, that the serum drops to somewhere around 200~250... if the former is probably impossible at this early stage. The latter number might even be a stretch. It is hoped, in time, that my tolerance, which is the problem, will correct. If so, that number, over consecutive fasts, with a bit of care to carbs and type of carbs, and all else, will lend a hand where it can't fix it by itself.
I am nervous. I feel the weakness in arms and legs, from just a bit of work. Though I am coming back to work, which might be the true problem. Always nervous when seeing what this old boat might do. Then again, what is the worst that could happen? Okay, yeah, there are any number of worse than death scenarios. Still... here I go. The blood sugar reading was 266. Down from 296 last night and 326 this morning.
Later.
Hungry.
.
.
Though not shout worthy about it. A minor headache is forming, but that may have more to do with getting out in the morning heat, and even the little bit of work. It's such a minor pain that it is only being mentioned as it might be related to hunger... or not. Time will tell. I has been, I would say, right around 26 hours since last I ate. I'm putting my last meal at 9:00 yesterday morning. The goal is to test blood sugar at the 24 hour (done, giver or take), the 30, and maybe the 36 hour marks. Looking for a drop in baseline.
I am not sure how much the diabetes, heart, and anything else, might be interconnected. The bad heart was first, by a long shot. But as time goes, I think the two have morphed into something all their own. Connections have been made so that they either make each other worse or potentially get better together. It sure seems that way, anyway. Especially since they like to say those diseases have no symptoms, give or take. They do, it's just that they move in so slowly, usually, that they aren't noticed. I noticed, at least in the beginning, because my heart got so bad so fast. I thought I was dying, because I was. Or, at least, I had, pretty much, died.
I'll test blood sugar at 15:00 and then at 21:00. I will eat at the 21:00 mark, if lightly. I am thinking to see how much rice and butter would equate to about 500 calories. It's not so much of a calorie count thing, and 500 calories might not be enough. However, one of the options is to fast partially. Now, I have fasted, having hit the 24 hour mark. But fasting is a multivaried thing, that can be run for days. I haven't decided which way to go with it. It will depend as much on what I can do as anything else. And other health concerns. I'll be looking for my blood pressure cup. I should track that as well.
One of the methods is partial fasting, where one day is normal food, one days is 500 calories (or some amount appropriate to size, to some degree). I may attempt a full fast with a partial in between another fast, then off for a few days. If, even then, the goal would be to eat all of my calories in a small window of time, potentially one single meal a day. There is much to be ironed out. How many calories should I eat? Being overweight, do I really want to eat even static calories? Or do I want to eat less even then, perhaps calories fitting for the weight desired? I am not sure. Pushing too hard usually ends in fail, could go worse. People die doing stupid things, and not always how it would seem.
I did check about tea. I looked into sugar replacements. Tea seems fine. Despite the theory that tea introduces too much caffeine, thus dehydrates, that is probably a fiction. With regular sugar, then I would agree. Without it? Not so much. As to the various sugar replacements, I think I will just have to figure out which works best for my system over time. I simply can't seem to find a source which has reviewed these products in relation to type 2 diabetes. Though, with google and everyone else on someone's hook, hiding the data, or changing it for a payoff, it doesn't surprise me that information has become hard to find. Working with the Chinese has improved googles ability to censor. I suppose that was half of what they were seeking in the exchange... a defenseless population, with it's government fully on their side, with whom to practice information psy-ops, misinformation, and the rest.
Still, I can do the testing myself, over time. Tea, like water, is a bit much, on it's own, over time. I need a little something to add in... more often than not sometimes. Though sometimes plain is grand. Bleh.
Laundry has begun going through the shoot. I need to wash some dress clothes. Several things coming up, I hope. Another shower today, just because. But that means a bunch of dishes need... mostly rinsed, dried, and put up, I believe. Bleh. So much, a bit tired, extra things. I'll know, before long, if fasting actually does improve energy levels. Not sure I believe. Belief is not necessary to explore. Actually, the lack of belief has lead me to more exploration than belief, faith, surety. It was the lack of any faith, at the time God called, that... nailed that down. And, what little I have learned of science... mistakes taught me much more than any book, trained skill or technique, or even grand serendipity. Often I was sure of what became the mistake. So... I'll let it fly, for a while, and then some.
Later.
.
Though not shout worthy about it. A minor headache is forming, but that may have more to do with getting out in the morning heat, and even the little bit of work. It's such a minor pain that it is only being mentioned as it might be related to hunger... or not. Time will tell. I has been, I would say, right around 26 hours since last I ate. I'm putting my last meal at 9:00 yesterday morning. The goal is to test blood sugar at the 24 hour (done, giver or take), the 30, and maybe the 36 hour marks. Looking for a drop in baseline.
I am not sure how much the diabetes, heart, and anything else, might be interconnected. The bad heart was first, by a long shot. But as time goes, I think the two have morphed into something all their own. Connections have been made so that they either make each other worse or potentially get better together. It sure seems that way, anyway. Especially since they like to say those diseases have no symptoms, give or take. They do, it's just that they move in so slowly, usually, that they aren't noticed. I noticed, at least in the beginning, because my heart got so bad so fast. I thought I was dying, because I was. Or, at least, I had, pretty much, died.
I'll test blood sugar at 15:00 and then at 21:00. I will eat at the 21:00 mark, if lightly. I am thinking to see how much rice and butter would equate to about 500 calories. It's not so much of a calorie count thing, and 500 calories might not be enough. However, one of the options is to fast partially. Now, I have fasted, having hit the 24 hour mark. But fasting is a multivaried thing, that can be run for days. I haven't decided which way to go with it. It will depend as much on what I can do as anything else. And other health concerns. I'll be looking for my blood pressure cup. I should track that as well.
One of the methods is partial fasting, where one day is normal food, one days is 500 calories (or some amount appropriate to size, to some degree). I may attempt a full fast with a partial in between another fast, then off for a few days. If, even then, the goal would be to eat all of my calories in a small window of time, potentially one single meal a day. There is much to be ironed out. How many calories should I eat? Being overweight, do I really want to eat even static calories? Or do I want to eat less even then, perhaps calories fitting for the weight desired? I am not sure. Pushing too hard usually ends in fail, could go worse. People die doing stupid things, and not always how it would seem.
I did check about tea. I looked into sugar replacements. Tea seems fine. Despite the theory that tea introduces too much caffeine, thus dehydrates, that is probably a fiction. With regular sugar, then I would agree. Without it? Not so much. As to the various sugar replacements, I think I will just have to figure out which works best for my system over time. I simply can't seem to find a source which has reviewed these products in relation to type 2 diabetes. Though, with google and everyone else on someone's hook, hiding the data, or changing it for a payoff, it doesn't surprise me that information has become hard to find. Working with the Chinese has improved googles ability to censor. I suppose that was half of what they were seeking in the exchange... a defenseless population, with it's government fully on their side, with whom to practice information psy-ops, misinformation, and the rest.
Still, I can do the testing myself, over time. Tea, like water, is a bit much, on it's own, over time. I need a little something to add in... more often than not sometimes. Though sometimes plain is grand. Bleh.
Laundry has begun going through the shoot. I need to wash some dress clothes. Several things coming up, I hope. Another shower today, just because. But that means a bunch of dishes need... mostly rinsed, dried, and put up, I believe. Bleh. So much, a bit tired, extra things. I'll know, before long, if fasting actually does improve energy levels. Not sure I believe. Belief is not necessary to explore. Actually, the lack of belief has lead me to more exploration than belief, faith, surety. It was the lack of any faith, at the time God called, that... nailed that down. And, what little I have learned of science... mistakes taught me much more than any book, trained skill or technique, or even grand serendipity. Often I was sure of what became the mistake. So... I'll let it fly, for a while, and then some.
Later.
Up, almost by accident, on time.
.
.
I set the alarm for 7:00. Didn't hear it, don't remember turning it off. When I woke, that alarm read 8:42, so I jumped and ran. Looking for my phone, looking to see if someone was here, trying to figure out clothes and grooming, all in the same moment. Too much. Then I heard the phone ring, but couldn't find it. Followed the sound and... got close enough as it quit ringing. Cargo pocket... Yeah. I tried to call back, but the doorbell rang. Ah... pants... now... where were those? Gotcha. Just one of those mornings.
The basic shade structure is together for the raft. I will need to drill some holes for tie-ins, to the boat. I may use pvc glue for some of it. Finally I need to fit a tarp. I just can't handle direct sun well. A hat only does a bit of good, sun block only so much, all efforts are weakened by heat, and some wash off. I did mention raft, right? I may get back out and do just a bit more later. The structure together, while not an absolute two-man job... it sure helped having someone else to hold up this brace while I added an attachment bar, or vice versa. More so with focus being weak.
I've been doing laundry, and have more dishes soaking. I'll get trash out, or that is the plan. That will be it. The heat out there, already, is starting to oppress. I'll probably, if I do more work outside, do it later... if coolness returns to any degree. The rest can go on in spits and spurts.
I realized, as I was falling asleep, that I had eaten yesterday. The last of the pressure-cooked beef roast. It was earlier in the day, before noon, perhaps just around 8:00 to 10:00? Something. So I had eaten. Today I have neither eaten nor had anything to drink, tea or water. Wanted a true fasting, plus, blood sugar level check... 326. Yeah, my fasting is often higher than non-fasting. I will be checking my blood sugar at, say, 16:00, then maybe 20:00. I'm looking for trigger points, points where there might be a real drop in the numbers. For now tea will continue. If that seems to be a problem, it may, for a while, go. Or maybe I'll try a different sugar replacement more heavily, or... Dunno.
Fasting, today, too. How long? Don't know. If I get a really good drop I may allow something. It depends on how I feel. One of the notions I read was of partial fasting... eating less than, say, 500 calories... Using that partial fasting as a means of breaking into open, or true, fasting... or if necessary keeping that as a slower but surer means of reaching my goal. I simply don't know about all out fasting. If you have ever starved because of no will of your own, physical and environmental failure, you... get a little gun shy about the process. Hurts. A lot. And, I always wondered, what if I got lost in starvation? I have been close before. Nearly a month of not eating. Then binging when I finally got access to food. That, too, is dangerous. The gut and intestines, and possibly other organs, have shut down. Slamming them into gear with a feat... things can break.
Still, today, until at least 16:00, no food. Tea, water, nothing else. I'm pretty shaky, though it may be more from the heat and no water... should keep water with me when tinkering out there actually. Or it might just be from the work. I have been down a good long time this time. I'll move a bit more carefully, and put some fluid in. That might care for it. Later.
.
I set the alarm for 7:00. Didn't hear it, don't remember turning it off. When I woke, that alarm read 8:42, so I jumped and ran. Looking for my phone, looking to see if someone was here, trying to figure out clothes and grooming, all in the same moment. Too much. Then I heard the phone ring, but couldn't find it. Followed the sound and... got close enough as it quit ringing. Cargo pocket... Yeah. I tried to call back, but the doorbell rang. Ah... pants... now... where were those? Gotcha. Just one of those mornings.
The basic shade structure is together for the raft. I will need to drill some holes for tie-ins, to the boat. I may use pvc glue for some of it. Finally I need to fit a tarp. I just can't handle direct sun well. A hat only does a bit of good, sun block only so much, all efforts are weakened by heat, and some wash off. I did mention raft, right? I may get back out and do just a bit more later. The structure together, while not an absolute two-man job... it sure helped having someone else to hold up this brace while I added an attachment bar, or vice versa. More so with focus being weak.
I've been doing laundry, and have more dishes soaking. I'll get trash out, or that is the plan. That will be it. The heat out there, already, is starting to oppress. I'll probably, if I do more work outside, do it later... if coolness returns to any degree. The rest can go on in spits and spurts.
I realized, as I was falling asleep, that I had eaten yesterday. The last of the pressure-cooked beef roast. It was earlier in the day, before noon, perhaps just around 8:00 to 10:00? Something. So I had eaten. Today I have neither eaten nor had anything to drink, tea or water. Wanted a true fasting, plus, blood sugar level check... 326. Yeah, my fasting is often higher than non-fasting. I will be checking my blood sugar at, say, 16:00, then maybe 20:00. I'm looking for trigger points, points where there might be a real drop in the numbers. For now tea will continue. If that seems to be a problem, it may, for a while, go. Or maybe I'll try a different sugar replacement more heavily, or... Dunno.
Fasting, today, too. How long? Don't know. If I get a really good drop I may allow something. It depends on how I feel. One of the notions I read was of partial fasting... eating less than, say, 500 calories... Using that partial fasting as a means of breaking into open, or true, fasting... or if necessary keeping that as a slower but surer means of reaching my goal. I simply don't know about all out fasting. If you have ever starved because of no will of your own, physical and environmental failure, you... get a little gun shy about the process. Hurts. A lot. And, I always wondered, what if I got lost in starvation? I have been close before. Nearly a month of not eating. Then binging when I finally got access to food. That, too, is dangerous. The gut and intestines, and possibly other organs, have shut down. Slamming them into gear with a feat... things can break.
Still, today, until at least 16:00, no food. Tea, water, nothing else. I'm pretty shaky, though it may be more from the heat and no water... should keep water with me when tinkering out there actually. Or it might just be from the work. I have been down a good long time this time. I'll move a bit more carefully, and put some fluid in. That might care for it. Later.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Some weight loss ideas.
.
.
As some know, weight is an issue. As is diabetes and heart problems. I have, pretty much, cut carbs. Not perfectly, mostly. I used to fast, intermittently, but then would feast. The way I was doing things was more out of desperation. I couldn't cook due to not having clean pots and pans, dishes, utensils... or because I was crashing so hard I couldn't stand. Then, when I could, I'd feast aggressively. Forced starvation is harsh, being so unwell, from so many problems, meant keeping balance was nearly impossible. For nearly two decades my illnesses went undiagnosed, untreated, out of control. I simply didn't have a way of breaking a cycle I couldn't even see.
Some things have changed. A diagnosis or two, and medication for a while, has allowed me to make sense of things. Not perfectly. I still go under, hard, from time to time. I am done with medication, typical doctor stuff, for a number of reasons. Not wanting to just roll on until I'm buried, alive or dead, I've been working on other things. I visited AoSHQ and found... videos that might just help. Weight loss and diabetes control, potentially. The vids seem to make sense. Though I am using one from his site and one I found on my own. Some of them are just too long, too complicated, repeat a bit much, or such... to my way of thinking. Still, one from his site one from a Youtube search.
This first one is just a very simple explanation. I don't know how easy it is to fast like this, for any of the lengths of time given. Focus is not my forte. Is that due to diabetes? I don't think so, not alone. My heart is still at replacement levels, last they checked... 18% to 21% refraction ejection... 20% is the cut-off, but that's in the range more than not. So, can I still do such a thing? I honestly don't know.
.
As some know, weight is an issue. As is diabetes and heart problems. I have, pretty much, cut carbs. Not perfectly, mostly. I used to fast, intermittently, but then would feast. The way I was doing things was more out of desperation. I couldn't cook due to not having clean pots and pans, dishes, utensils... or because I was crashing so hard I couldn't stand. Then, when I could, I'd feast aggressively. Forced starvation is harsh, being so unwell, from so many problems, meant keeping balance was nearly impossible. For nearly two decades my illnesses went undiagnosed, untreated, out of control. I simply didn't have a way of breaking a cycle I couldn't even see.
Some things have changed. A diagnosis or two, and medication for a while, has allowed me to make sense of things. Not perfectly. I still go under, hard, from time to time. I am done with medication, typical doctor stuff, for a number of reasons. Not wanting to just roll on until I'm buried, alive or dead, I've been working on other things. I visited AoSHQ and found... videos that might just help. Weight loss and diabetes control, potentially. The vids seem to make sense. Though I am using one from his site and one I found on my own. Some of them are just too long, too complicated, repeat a bit much, or such... to my way of thinking. Still, one from his site one from a Youtube search.
This first one is just a very simple explanation. I don't know how easy it is to fast like this, for any of the lengths of time given. Focus is not my forte. Is that due to diabetes? I don't think so, not alone. My heart is still at replacement levels, last they checked... 18% to 21% refraction ejection... 20% is the cut-off, but that's in the range more than not. So, can I still do such a thing? I honestly don't know.
A trip for no good reason.
.
.
I thought I'd make a run to town. Fast food was the thought, and an afternoon escape. Showered and ready, even if it was heating up. The foot was swelling, decided to go anyway. I easily made it to town. Then started wondering which place junk food place to visit. I'd think of one, head toward it, and remember the last time I ate there. Junk food is just that, but if it doesn't taste good on top of it? I've stopped liking most places. There are one or two that seem to be okay, but they have become so expensive that I wouldn't call them fast food. Though, really, they don't actually serve good food either. There are a few places for pickup, or sit-down meals, that are okay. But that wasn't the deal today.
I ended up driving a loop around town, contemplating food sources, then just returning home. I may, if things work out, eat something out tomorrow. Oh, and the soda. Does anyone else think soda, more from fast food joints, tastes salty? The last year, maybe two, it has tasted that way and seems to be getting worse. I guess since mayors and governors can't outlaw big sodas they have forced a change in the ingredients? Can't outlaw it, poison it? Maybe my tastes have changed, but it isn't the case with canned soda. Just tap. Don't be surprised to find out that even burger joints are under heavy government mandates and requirements to shut up about it.
I've got dishes soaking, again, and a load of laundry that probably needs dried by now. I am tinkering in the computer room, tidying ever so lightly. Perhaps to set up a new desk which should fit my new extra heavy duty seat... which is simply too high for my old/current desk. Bleh. Tomorrow, it is hoped, the sun shade will be arranged for the raft. If so, I may begin aiming to hit the water a couple times a week. Tie it off, or anchor it, then go for a minor swim. Cooling, hopefully... Not sure when would be the best time. Not sure if I can handle really cool, such as mornings might be. Definitely can't handle high heat, not right away. Could experiment with the water, sans the boat, for a bit? I'll find out, sooner than later most likely.
Oh, looks like there has been some backing off of the seeming support for the murderers. I wasn't the only one who caught a whiff of that and raised some hell. It seems as if the... hmm... intent was not as it seems. Just saying not surprised. Fine, I am not surprised. I'm actually surprised it hasn't been worse already. However, when you suggest that, don't make it look like you are supportive. Don't even make it seem as if you think they are right. Don't go there. Absolutely no right to murder, not for those types. It looks like there, regardless of how it is set, is a withdrawal and rewrite. Avalanche of backbite on that one. Yes, be careful how you say what you say. For my part I am going to accept the change. I'll even accept that it isn't so much of a change, as a clarification. But I don't accept that it wasn't put out terribly incorrectly, only mistakenly. Checking the temp, raising the swarm, or just a fumble? Don't care. Fixed. Don't play that game if it was a game.
It's best that I put my foot up for a while, read a bit, maybe run the ac for a bit. Just... to get the swelling down. Bleh. Later.
.
I thought I'd make a run to town. Fast food was the thought, and an afternoon escape. Showered and ready, even if it was heating up. The foot was swelling, decided to go anyway. I easily made it to town. Then started wondering which place junk food place to visit. I'd think of one, head toward it, and remember the last time I ate there. Junk food is just that, but if it doesn't taste good on top of it? I've stopped liking most places. There are one or two that seem to be okay, but they have become so expensive that I wouldn't call them fast food. Though, really, they don't actually serve good food either. There are a few places for pickup, or sit-down meals, that are okay. But that wasn't the deal today.
I ended up driving a loop around town, contemplating food sources, then just returning home. I may, if things work out, eat something out tomorrow. Oh, and the soda. Does anyone else think soda, more from fast food joints, tastes salty? The last year, maybe two, it has tasted that way and seems to be getting worse. I guess since mayors and governors can't outlaw big sodas they have forced a change in the ingredients? Can't outlaw it, poison it? Maybe my tastes have changed, but it isn't the case with canned soda. Just tap. Don't be surprised to find out that even burger joints are under heavy government mandates and requirements to shut up about it.
I've got dishes soaking, again, and a load of laundry that probably needs dried by now. I am tinkering in the computer room, tidying ever so lightly. Perhaps to set up a new desk which should fit my new extra heavy duty seat... which is simply too high for my old/current desk. Bleh. Tomorrow, it is hoped, the sun shade will be arranged for the raft. If so, I may begin aiming to hit the water a couple times a week. Tie it off, or anchor it, then go for a minor swim. Cooling, hopefully... Not sure when would be the best time. Not sure if I can handle really cool, such as mornings might be. Definitely can't handle high heat, not right away. Could experiment with the water, sans the boat, for a bit? I'll find out, sooner than later most likely.
Oh, looks like there has been some backing off of the seeming support for the murderers. I wasn't the only one who caught a whiff of that and raised some hell. It seems as if the... hmm... intent was not as it seems. Just saying not surprised. Fine, I am not surprised. I'm actually surprised it hasn't been worse already. However, when you suggest that, don't make it look like you are supportive. Don't even make it seem as if you think they are right. Don't go there. Absolutely no right to murder, not for those types. It looks like there, regardless of how it is set, is a withdrawal and rewrite. Avalanche of backbite on that one. Yes, be careful how you say what you say. For my part I am going to accept the change. I'll even accept that it isn't so much of a change, as a clarification. But I don't accept that it wasn't put out terribly incorrectly, only mistakenly. Checking the temp, raising the swarm, or just a fumble? Don't care. Fixed. Don't play that game if it was a game.
It's best that I put my foot up for a while, read a bit, maybe run the ac for a bit. Just... to get the swelling down. Bleh. Later.
Those who side with murderers are not on my side.
.
.
They aren't on any good side. It isn't Christian, it isn't civil, it isn't lawful, it isn't right. I don't care if you say it's deserved that cops get murdered for something none of them, personally, were involved. Further, every time some black gets gunned down, it really does usually come back that they should have, or easily were rightfully, shot. Fewer of them are shot than probably have a right to be, and I mean a real reason to be shot. Cops seem to have no problem pulling the trigger on a white, if usually a criminal. Whites understand the cost of doing certain business. Blacks don't. Hell, that is the majority of their populations and the vast majority of their heroes... criminals who will come to no good end.
If you really want to side with them, join Google and endorse their murderous behavior... behind your mountains of security, wealth, and illicit privilege. Or join the Democrat party, again behind mountains of security, privilege, and license. I'm warning you though, don't pick them over, essentially, not just cops but the rest of us. They don't deserve it. Oh, and don't hide behind notions of it being a tragedy, but... No buts about it. Murder and terrorism are just that. And the dogs will be put down as they should be. This is going to go very bad, not just for blm, but the whole left shooting gang. America lost it's will in the 60's, hasn't gotten it back. May not survive it. But that doesn't make it all right. Further, if it gets it's will to live back, this is going to get nasty, and pretty much in a one-sided way.
Yeah, they know who I am discussing. No reason to post there, probably get bounced again. Why he even reads here anymore I can't say. He is just another elite. Picking sides, and the wrong ones, as much for his business interests as for an attempt to fit in with the other parasites. I don't know if age is getting to him, if he has a woman or three on the side, so has to give somewhere to keep the housekeeper from keeping the house, or what. Something is off, and obvious.
All I have to say is... you better take blm down before the cops are ordered to just stand down while they do to you what they just did to the cops in Dallas. It's coming. Oh, and if you break for them in the road? Yeah... Good luck with that. I will not offer condolences. Not to those who surrender to terrorists.
.
They aren't on any good side. It isn't Christian, it isn't civil, it isn't lawful, it isn't right. I don't care if you say it's deserved that cops get murdered for something none of them, personally, were involved. Further, every time some black gets gunned down, it really does usually come back that they should have, or easily were rightfully, shot. Fewer of them are shot than probably have a right to be, and I mean a real reason to be shot. Cops seem to have no problem pulling the trigger on a white, if usually a criminal. Whites understand the cost of doing certain business. Blacks don't. Hell, that is the majority of their populations and the vast majority of their heroes... criminals who will come to no good end.
If you really want to side with them, join Google and endorse their murderous behavior... behind your mountains of security, wealth, and illicit privilege. Or join the Democrat party, again behind mountains of security, privilege, and license. I'm warning you though, don't pick them over, essentially, not just cops but the rest of us. They don't deserve it. Oh, and don't hide behind notions of it being a tragedy, but... No buts about it. Murder and terrorism are just that. And the dogs will be put down as they should be. This is going to go very bad, not just for blm, but the whole left shooting gang. America lost it's will in the 60's, hasn't gotten it back. May not survive it. But that doesn't make it all right. Further, if it gets it's will to live back, this is going to get nasty, and pretty much in a one-sided way.
Yeah, they know who I am discussing. No reason to post there, probably get bounced again. Why he even reads here anymore I can't say. He is just another elite. Picking sides, and the wrong ones, as much for his business interests as for an attempt to fit in with the other parasites. I don't know if age is getting to him, if he has a woman or three on the side, so has to give somewhere to keep the housekeeper from keeping the house, or what. Something is off, and obvious.
All I have to say is... you better take blm down before the cops are ordered to just stand down while they do to you what they just did to the cops in Dallas. It's coming. Oh, and if you break for them in the road? Yeah... Good luck with that. I will not offer condolences. Not to those who surrender to terrorists.
Dark day.
.
.
Not extremely overcast, just mostly. I was trying to wake early, couldn't do it, couldn't focus as to why. Clouds. Cooler. All good, no complaints, love that. I just have to be up early tomorrow. So... The alarm. I have been close enough. Just quibbling over minutes really. I'll figure it out. Trying to get my raft cover put together. Help might be arriving tomorrow, in the early. It would sure be nice to get that together, and out on the water, this year.
Breakfast. Eggs are pretty much done. I'll add those to the shopping list. I might simply fry some of the beef from last night. I thought about doing that last night, too. I simply didn't want to add more heat to the cave with additional cooking. This morning should be fine. Just enough to sear the outside and warm the inside, tasty. One of the things pressure cooking makes taste very strange is beef fat. It's still, mostly, edible. It just tastes very odd. I am hoping a quick sear will bring flavor back. Fat is a primary driver for flavor in beef.
A shower this morning, sometime after breakfast. Then laundry and dishes... some of this and that. Waking first, reading interspersed, and a few little chores or tasks. It won't be a fancy day. I am still lame, a bit. The swelling seems to be coming under control, but not completely. Socks, today, if I can. While still a bit ginger, the worst of the legs seems to be healing enough to, perhaps, go back into compression socks. I'll know before too long. Later.
.
Not extremely overcast, just mostly. I was trying to wake early, couldn't do it, couldn't focus as to why. Clouds. Cooler. All good, no complaints, love that. I just have to be up early tomorrow. So... The alarm. I have been close enough. Just quibbling over minutes really. I'll figure it out. Trying to get my raft cover put together. Help might be arriving tomorrow, in the early. It would sure be nice to get that together, and out on the water, this year.
Breakfast. Eggs are pretty much done. I'll add those to the shopping list. I might simply fry some of the beef from last night. I thought about doing that last night, too. I simply didn't want to add more heat to the cave with additional cooking. This morning should be fine. Just enough to sear the outside and warm the inside, tasty. One of the things pressure cooking makes taste very strange is beef fat. It's still, mostly, edible. It just tastes very odd. I am hoping a quick sear will bring flavor back. Fat is a primary driver for flavor in beef.
A shower this morning, sometime after breakfast. Then laundry and dishes... some of this and that. Waking first, reading interspersed, and a few little chores or tasks. It won't be a fancy day. I am still lame, a bit. The swelling seems to be coming under control, but not completely. Socks, today, if I can. While still a bit ginger, the worst of the legs seems to be healing enough to, perhaps, go back into compression socks. I'll know before too long. Later.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Sometimes it just works anyway.
.
.
I meant to thaw meat yesterday, then all today. Never got to it. There just happened to be a roast in the thaw box. And it just happened to be good. I wasn't interested in roasting it, or grilling. The former would have heated the house. It has been comfortable lately. I mean to keep it that way as much as possible. As to grilling, I simply haven't figured out how to grill a roast. I suppose going by temp is the best way. But between the variabilities of even a fairly good grill/smoker/coal-powered slow cooker, the variabilities of each roast per pound by dimension, and some other things... Well... it would take perfecting the process then a lot of practice. Trimming the roasts to the same size, trimming the fat and carefully inspecting for fat portions... I just don't have that. So? So I brought out the pressure cooker. It does heat things up a bit, but very tolerably. As well, it cooks quickly.
My mother had just suggested beef and noodles. Problem? No noodles. I can't do egg noodles as she does. I just don't have the push, pull, or experience... probably lacking energy and focus as well... sometimes one, the other, sometimes lacking both. Still, meat is good enough. That is, mostly, what I am cooking for myself lately. Few veggies and grains, though... on occasion. Just meat of some sort for the most part. Now, roast of beef, in a pressure cooker, has a peculiar taste. It blends better into noodles with a mushroom or thicker beef gravy. And yet, if you are familiar with the flavor, you can make do straight up. The taste doesn't make sense unless you have had it a thousand times growing up, in various recipes. And I have. It's homey, but... different. Actually, it is good, very good, if you have learned to like it. Not the whole monty of a truly home-made, home cooked meal. Enough to enjoy, mostly. Sure wish I knew how to make noodles and the sauce(s) though. Still, it worked. And I finally did get meats thawing.
A bit more reading. This time back to the...urhm... Iron Chamber of Memory? I'm trying to press through. A long time reader, friend for my part, is a writer. He has had difficulty getting published, so he has gone solo, pulled the trigger, and put some of his works out, on his own. The world is not kind to such, not even Amazon. You have to break down doors, and push and pull, and even then you are only tolerated like the poor, peasant class, cousins... unless you come into a little fame or fortune... so long as that lasts. Anyway... so... I would like to read. I've been meaning to read some of his stuff anyway, I've just been all gimped up, confused, and not on top of things for a goodly while. So... I will be reading this, and that, to try to get ahead, tackle his books, and give him an assessment. The Lord knows, I hope he isn't a hidden SJW, or atheist, or... Still, both barrels, good or bad. It's how I do. I don't even like, always, that I am who I am. But... rock is stone is hard. And if you put you between me and where I am heading, it will hurt. Mostly you. I am used to it, comfortable. Anyway.
.
I meant to thaw meat yesterday, then all today. Never got to it. There just happened to be a roast in the thaw box. And it just happened to be good. I wasn't interested in roasting it, or grilling. The former would have heated the house. It has been comfortable lately. I mean to keep it that way as much as possible. As to grilling, I simply haven't figured out how to grill a roast. I suppose going by temp is the best way. But between the variabilities of even a fairly good grill/smoker/coal-powered slow cooker, the variabilities of each roast per pound by dimension, and some other things... Well... it would take perfecting the process then a lot of practice. Trimming the roasts to the same size, trimming the fat and carefully inspecting for fat portions... I just don't have that. So? So I brought out the pressure cooker. It does heat things up a bit, but very tolerably. As well, it cooks quickly.
My mother had just suggested beef and noodles. Problem? No noodles. I can't do egg noodles as she does. I just don't have the push, pull, or experience... probably lacking energy and focus as well... sometimes one, the other, sometimes lacking both. Still, meat is good enough. That is, mostly, what I am cooking for myself lately. Few veggies and grains, though... on occasion. Just meat of some sort for the most part. Now, roast of beef, in a pressure cooker, has a peculiar taste. It blends better into noodles with a mushroom or thicker beef gravy. And yet, if you are familiar with the flavor, you can make do straight up. The taste doesn't make sense unless you have had it a thousand times growing up, in various recipes. And I have. It's homey, but... different. Actually, it is good, very good, if you have learned to like it. Not the whole monty of a truly home-made, home cooked meal. Enough to enjoy, mostly. Sure wish I knew how to make noodles and the sauce(s) though. Still, it worked. And I finally did get meats thawing.
A bit more reading. This time back to the...urhm... Iron Chamber of Memory? I'm trying to press through. A long time reader, friend for my part, is a writer. He has had difficulty getting published, so he has gone solo, pulled the trigger, and put some of his works out, on his own. The world is not kind to such, not even Amazon. You have to break down doors, and push and pull, and even then you are only tolerated like the poor, peasant class, cousins... unless you come into a little fame or fortune... so long as that lasts. Anyway... so... I would like to read. I've been meaning to read some of his stuff anyway, I've just been all gimped up, confused, and not on top of things for a goodly while. So... I will be reading this, and that, to try to get ahead, tackle his books, and give him an assessment. The Lord knows, I hope he isn't a hidden SJW, or atheist, or... Still, both barrels, good or bad. It's how I do. I don't even like, always, that I am who I am. But... rock is stone is hard. And if you put you between me and where I am heading, it will hurt. Mostly you. I am used to it, comfortable. Anyway.
Rope, reading, elevation.
.
.
Gotta keep the leg up, for a while, at least more often. The book about climbing and rope management is what is on the menu for when reclining. You would think that the e-book would be easier, but it's not. Even at it's size, it is so light that it gives me troubles trying to read it in that way. A big, hardcover, book, however, seems to fit my muscle and bone structure better. Sitting up the kindle does fine, reclining it is only good for a short time, like when trying to go to sleep... other than the fact that the light (so I have heard) actually disturbs sleep.
So far I have just hit parts about the types of rope, materials used in making rope, a bit of the history of rope... not exactly what I wanted to hit, and yet not without merit. To be honest, even though I know some of this, and have some idea about some rope, I also don't have this all down exactly. Some new implementations and material combinations have probably occurred since this book was written, though I won't swear that new materials have been found or implemented. Not for climbing, or not much. Perhaps new braiding techniques, though I doubt that as well. It's not even that they aren't looking. The truth is the search for perfection will continue. And while they might combine or weave differently, and better, for a very exact purpose, the general purpose improvements have become very rare. Not for lack of effort, but for abundance of effort to point. Even so, while I have a general knowledge, I wouldn't always be able to, with certainty, separate similars. And a book won't teach that. Only experience. Experience I may actually never reach, as I am not attempting to become kung fu, or even just a climbing or rope master. I am merely beginning to figure out how to do what I want to do, what it takes, and go from there. I don't care if I know what ropes do well for acid or base rescue environments, so long as I can identify the type of rope I need or want for ascending a tree or descending a rock face if needed.
I won't ever have the best. The best is great, but often negotiates away longevity, or greater strength, or more, for a very defined thing. The best, for a general climber, are more general tools. Maybe a few special items, for broader specialities... something that'll fit three though not say ten applications. It isn't just cost, it's the limits imposed by the things which are the absolute best for any one application but often useless for almost any other application. It's just the way it goes.
I just finished two units. The next unit is on belaying. Though I hurried through a section on knots, which I will attend when I have some rope cut, and am ready to do hands on. I am familiar with most of the knots, have used all save one or two... though memory simply may not be serving. Then again, some of the knots they offer seem suboptimal. Good to know, I suppose, for when all else has failed and time she is a ticking though. If you have to tie something because all else has been lost or failed, and you are hanging up while hung up... maybe.
Swelling is easing. Skin on that leg is still a bit rough. I'll try to keep on top of that. Oh, right, and to get something out to begin thawing. Several packs of meat... chops, a steak, burger... might get the grill into play. While it has been warm, I've gotten used to it. And, the last few days, it almost seems cool? Whatever, maybe that's just me, maybe I have acclimated, maybe I am ill. Haven't needed to do my cooking outside. Even so, I would like to, just because grilling adds great flavor. Hmm, and I ought to get back on track with the sweet and sour sort of home-made barbecue sauce. I'd like to try that on chops, chicken, ribs of various sorts... Yeah, sounds good.
Later.
.
Gotta keep the leg up, for a while, at least more often. The book about climbing and rope management is what is on the menu for when reclining. You would think that the e-book would be easier, but it's not. Even at it's size, it is so light that it gives me troubles trying to read it in that way. A big, hardcover, book, however, seems to fit my muscle and bone structure better. Sitting up the kindle does fine, reclining it is only good for a short time, like when trying to go to sleep... other than the fact that the light (so I have heard) actually disturbs sleep.
So far I have just hit parts about the types of rope, materials used in making rope, a bit of the history of rope... not exactly what I wanted to hit, and yet not without merit. To be honest, even though I know some of this, and have some idea about some rope, I also don't have this all down exactly. Some new implementations and material combinations have probably occurred since this book was written, though I won't swear that new materials have been found or implemented. Not for climbing, or not much. Perhaps new braiding techniques, though I doubt that as well. It's not even that they aren't looking. The truth is the search for perfection will continue. And while they might combine or weave differently, and better, for a very exact purpose, the general purpose improvements have become very rare. Not for lack of effort, but for abundance of effort to point. Even so, while I have a general knowledge, I wouldn't always be able to, with certainty, separate similars. And a book won't teach that. Only experience. Experience I may actually never reach, as I am not attempting to become kung fu, or even just a climbing or rope master. I am merely beginning to figure out how to do what I want to do, what it takes, and go from there. I don't care if I know what ropes do well for acid or base rescue environments, so long as I can identify the type of rope I need or want for ascending a tree or descending a rock face if needed.
I won't ever have the best. The best is great, but often negotiates away longevity, or greater strength, or more, for a very defined thing. The best, for a general climber, are more general tools. Maybe a few special items, for broader specialities... something that'll fit three though not say ten applications. It isn't just cost, it's the limits imposed by the things which are the absolute best for any one application but often useless for almost any other application. It's just the way it goes.
I just finished two units. The next unit is on belaying. Though I hurried through a section on knots, which I will attend when I have some rope cut, and am ready to do hands on. I am familiar with most of the knots, have used all save one or two... though memory simply may not be serving. Then again, some of the knots they offer seem suboptimal. Good to know, I suppose, for when all else has failed and time she is a ticking though. If you have to tie something because all else has been lost or failed, and you are hanging up while hung up... maybe.
Swelling is easing. Skin on that leg is still a bit rough. I'll try to keep on top of that. Oh, right, and to get something out to begin thawing. Several packs of meat... chops, a steak, burger... might get the grill into play. While it has been warm, I've gotten used to it. And, the last few days, it almost seems cool? Whatever, maybe that's just me, maybe I have acclimated, maybe I am ill. Haven't needed to do my cooking outside. Even so, I would like to, just because grilling adds great flavor. Hmm, and I ought to get back on track with the sweet and sour sort of home-made barbecue sauce. I'd like to try that on chops, chicken, ribs of various sorts... Yeah, sounds good.
Later.
Figuring things out.
.
.
One more day without the socks. Letting the leg get better on it's own for a bit. It is still quite tender. Though today I will also keep it elevated more often. It did swell toward the end of the day yesterday. Not nearly as badly as it has been, enough to cycle the skin a bit much. Slower on the sipping, quicker on the voiding. It's difficult to increase sensitivities one way and decrease them the other. It's more than conscious thought involved, it's much more active than it seems. Sleep has been good, if nothing else.
Was having a conversation recently. Someone who wondered at my intent about something. Got off track, somehow I got to where I spit out that I wouldn't marry a college girl. Whowhat? Saw it on his face. Wasn't sure he would ask, but he sort of did. I backed off, wasn't sure I wanted to say more. Truth is, when she has an education, beside often having debt but even if not, she has an obligation to her education. Not all women are honorable. Many with advanced degrees, for no other reason than a change of mind, don't work. But that... is wrong. Taxpayers paid in $3 to $5 per dollar she put in for an education, with the idea that she would find gainful employment based on that education. It's a betrayal not to do so. Wasted money. Further, there is the feminizing affect. Can't escape it in modern academia. The final thing is, as I see it, she becomes married to her education. That is her moneymaker. It all but requires she be independent. At first I wasn't sure what the surprise was about. Ah... it means... what might have seemed a real target could not have been. Just a muse, as I had suspected. I think some are starting to understand that when I write something I mean it, if I can't always back it up. Part of the humility of life is not being able to keep your promises or intent, no matter how powerful, sometimes... maybe often if it goes really bad really fast.
The bigger fans are in, and one was used last night. As well, I opened the vent to the upstairs. Heat rises, right? As it warms through the summer, I may go up, at night, open the windows, and turn on the massive fan up there. I have two regular and one stronger fan down here. I was able to cool the downstairs an extra three degrees with the smaller of the new fans and regular fan going (the third fan is in my room, which I close off while using the window ac). Three degrees doesn't sound like much. I think it is. I live in a stone main house with stick-built parts on the north and south. Getting that stone to give up heat is quite a trick. Buried deeply enough that it doesn't heat too much, but not deeply enough to completely ignore some stone absorption. The thing is, as any will know, daily daily efforts... as the heat increases... Well? Sometimes you just can't keep up. Best to get out, go to the water, camp in the mountains... almost anything else. The more complicated, involved, fiddly, and difficult the fix, the less likely it will be that it will continue through time. True that.
My spaghetti dinner didn't turn out. I... tried something new, that seemed like it might really be neat. Not so much. Tried two things, actually. Well, I think I know how they make spaghetti-o's. Bleh. What a waste, but I honestly can't eat it. If you want to know how to get pretty close to that store-bought canned pasta food substitute, email me. Ought to just tell you off, or freeze and send this, but... no. I'll give it to you straight. Don't want to put it here... shame is coursing through my veins. Oh, I best pull some meats out to thaw. Almost all meat, all the time, save something like this from time to time... or a fast food run but very rarely now. Later.
.
One more day without the socks. Letting the leg get better on it's own for a bit. It is still quite tender. Though today I will also keep it elevated more often. It did swell toward the end of the day yesterday. Not nearly as badly as it has been, enough to cycle the skin a bit much. Slower on the sipping, quicker on the voiding. It's difficult to increase sensitivities one way and decrease them the other. It's more than conscious thought involved, it's much more active than it seems. Sleep has been good, if nothing else.
Was having a conversation recently. Someone who wondered at my intent about something. Got off track, somehow I got to where I spit out that I wouldn't marry a college girl. Whowhat? Saw it on his face. Wasn't sure he would ask, but he sort of did. I backed off, wasn't sure I wanted to say more. Truth is, when she has an education, beside often having debt but even if not, she has an obligation to her education. Not all women are honorable. Many with advanced degrees, for no other reason than a change of mind, don't work. But that... is wrong. Taxpayers paid in $3 to $5 per dollar she put in for an education, with the idea that she would find gainful employment based on that education. It's a betrayal not to do so. Wasted money. Further, there is the feminizing affect. Can't escape it in modern academia. The final thing is, as I see it, she becomes married to her education. That is her moneymaker. It all but requires she be independent. At first I wasn't sure what the surprise was about. Ah... it means... what might have seemed a real target could not have been. Just a muse, as I had suspected. I think some are starting to understand that when I write something I mean it, if I can't always back it up. Part of the humility of life is not being able to keep your promises or intent, no matter how powerful, sometimes... maybe often if it goes really bad really fast.
The bigger fans are in, and one was used last night. As well, I opened the vent to the upstairs. Heat rises, right? As it warms through the summer, I may go up, at night, open the windows, and turn on the massive fan up there. I have two regular and one stronger fan down here. I was able to cool the downstairs an extra three degrees with the smaller of the new fans and regular fan going (the third fan is in my room, which I close off while using the window ac). Three degrees doesn't sound like much. I think it is. I live in a stone main house with stick-built parts on the north and south. Getting that stone to give up heat is quite a trick. Buried deeply enough that it doesn't heat too much, but not deeply enough to completely ignore some stone absorption. The thing is, as any will know, daily daily efforts... as the heat increases... Well? Sometimes you just can't keep up. Best to get out, go to the water, camp in the mountains... almost anything else. The more complicated, involved, fiddly, and difficult the fix, the less likely it will be that it will continue through time. True that.
My spaghetti dinner didn't turn out. I... tried something new, that seemed like it might really be neat. Not so much. Tried two things, actually. Well, I think I know how they make spaghetti-o's. Bleh. What a waste, but I honestly can't eat it. If you want to know how to get pretty close to that store-bought canned pasta food substitute, email me. Ought to just tell you off, or freeze and send this, but... no. I'll give it to you straight. Don't want to put it here... shame is coursing through my veins. Oh, I best pull some meats out to thaw. Almost all meat, all the time, save something like this from time to time... or a fast food run but very rarely now. Later.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
No sun.
.
.
I finally woke about twenty minutes ago? Give or take. The sun is down, or under I should say. It is cool. Outside my less accurate thermo is reading in the low 60's. It might be right, I just can't ever sign it off without checking elsewise. Even though I woke it was a bit of a struggle. Some days it is not a matter of how much sleep. With Alaskan winters, if I can make sure I have enough easy food I can, pretty much, hibernate. Enough food, enough warmth, and access to firewood. I can probably survive fairly well without a fire all of the time, if I can shelter well enough and burn a few times a week. Getting both rewarmed and fed with hot food. I won't be bored because I will rarely wake more than just for a while.
Think about it... no sun and a drop from probably the 70's to the 60's and I can't wake. And yet I sleep with my window open, here and when I lived in Iowa. Of course, Alaskan summers are hot and humid, at least in many parts. Though that can be mitigated, a bit. even in the wilds. For one thing, rivers and streams are always terribly cool. That is also where the bears are. I love it when some idiot thinks that because this and that bear doesn't attack that the next one won't. That's just someone waiting to be a meal. It's like the rangers notion of things. I'll leave them all to each other. Still, for the most part, you can figure that all out with a device or three and the willingness to use it. If I am already dead, cool. Until then hands, or paws, talons, etc. off.
I checked the 300 pound hand gripper. It seemed weak, so I had another check it. He thinks it seems a bit more difficult to compress. The 350 pounder should be in today. I have been putting three days between exercising to exhaustion. I may add a day, at least until I get better at it. Health issues might be interfering too. We'll see. Ugh... Well, I am awake. I just need to figure some things out today. Hmm? Day? Wednesday? I wonder if city hall is open for a query? Finding the number will be a trick. Just checking on a commercial bin, to begin clearing the cave at speed. Some things just wouldn't fit in the regular bin anyway, not even with a whole lot of help.
Good day.
.
I finally woke about twenty minutes ago? Give or take. The sun is down, or under I should say. It is cool. Outside my less accurate thermo is reading in the low 60's. It might be right, I just can't ever sign it off without checking elsewise. Even though I woke it was a bit of a struggle. Some days it is not a matter of how much sleep. With Alaskan winters, if I can make sure I have enough easy food I can, pretty much, hibernate. Enough food, enough warmth, and access to firewood. I can probably survive fairly well without a fire all of the time, if I can shelter well enough and burn a few times a week. Getting both rewarmed and fed with hot food. I won't be bored because I will rarely wake more than just for a while.
Think about it... no sun and a drop from probably the 70's to the 60's and I can't wake. And yet I sleep with my window open, here and when I lived in Iowa. Of course, Alaskan summers are hot and humid, at least in many parts. Though that can be mitigated, a bit. even in the wilds. For one thing, rivers and streams are always terribly cool. That is also where the bears are. I love it when some idiot thinks that because this and that bear doesn't attack that the next one won't. That's just someone waiting to be a meal. It's like the rangers notion of things. I'll leave them all to each other. Still, for the most part, you can figure that all out with a device or three and the willingness to use it. If I am already dead, cool. Until then hands, or paws, talons, etc. off.
I checked the 300 pound hand gripper. It seemed weak, so I had another check it. He thinks it seems a bit more difficult to compress. The 350 pounder should be in today. I have been putting three days between exercising to exhaustion. I may add a day, at least until I get better at it. Health issues might be interfering too. We'll see. Ugh... Well, I am awake. I just need to figure some things out today. Hmm? Day? Wednesday? I wonder if city hall is open for a query? Finding the number will be a trick. Just checking on a commercial bin, to begin clearing the cave at speed. Some things just wouldn't fit in the regular bin anyway, not even with a whole lot of help.
Good day.
Dreams and another day.
.
.
The left leg is still bigger. The skin is still sore. Both legs are smaller than the smallest there for a good little bit. I am able to wear the socks longer, which seems to help. Not an obvious thing to just assume, if more likely than not to be the result. I believe a minor nap, mid-day, or reading session... or more likely mix of the two... will become a regular event. And, as soon as possible, more rigorous physical activity... working on the trees, climbing, rafting, maybe just a walk if those are too much. At least if my tolerance of the temps continue, and if the temps continue to be in this range. Not sure if I can handle hotter. There is the morning. It isn't cooling until a bit later than I would care to be out.
I say or write the darnedest things and get the strangest reactions. I thought people knew, agreed, and we were all clear. Then, I say something that puts a nail in a coffin I was sure was both agreed and wanted by both sides, and I receive a sense of wounding. Is it that I don't understand? Or is it that I say what I mean and mean what I say and that is so far from this world that it baffles most humans? Is communication and thought transferal, for most, just an artistic... not literal... transmission? Is it art not actual thought and intent? I must seem a monst... Ah! I really do. I... see.
That... fills in a blank I was meaning to write, a couple of them, if I wasn't sure how to go about it. A sense that I am truly despised by certain people. Many don't and won't care. Others like me, if they fear I might say something. Sometimes they fear I might say anything. If they fear I won't say anything either. Go say something... I won't get in trouble for having supported in retrospect!?! Hmm? Just a lingering sense of a great deal of lean in by some and others. The fact that I am now beyond the pale and will be leaving in a year actually? Makes things worse, somehow.
Oh, yeah, dreams. ~ The end. Yeah. I actually wrote it all out, and an addendum corollary. And then wiped them. If you are married, with children, there is nothing you don't know. If you are female, it's from a man's perspective and something you can't seem to understand. If you are too young. *grins* You'll learn, or won't ever be able to see, like your mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc. While unattached, so from the outside, for now... it's almost funny. To those inside, it is what will cause tears, gnashing of teeth, and a questioning of sanity. But love, marriage, not always the same even when right, is not about sanity or moment to moment pleasure. It seems to be about the mix, crescendos and nadirs, and the longer line... bigger picture. Who usually has the children? Some say the poor, some say the children impoverish, but... Who does God love? Would rather to share life than to live in excess? Anyway... we'll skip the dream sequence. Though I did wake with a snearing chuckle. In a mostly good way, at worst bitter-sweet.
Hmm? Actually, I might go back for a few. Dang, thought I was awake. This is very unusual, almost an... exception. Later.
.
The left leg is still bigger. The skin is still sore. Both legs are smaller than the smallest there for a good little bit. I am able to wear the socks longer, which seems to help. Not an obvious thing to just assume, if more likely than not to be the result. I believe a minor nap, mid-day, or reading session... or more likely mix of the two... will become a regular event. And, as soon as possible, more rigorous physical activity... working on the trees, climbing, rafting, maybe just a walk if those are too much. At least if my tolerance of the temps continue, and if the temps continue to be in this range. Not sure if I can handle hotter. There is the morning. It isn't cooling until a bit later than I would care to be out.
I say or write the darnedest things and get the strangest reactions. I thought people knew, agreed, and we were all clear. Then, I say something that puts a nail in a coffin I was sure was both agreed and wanted by both sides, and I receive a sense of wounding. Is it that I don't understand? Or is it that I say what I mean and mean what I say and that is so far from this world that it baffles most humans? Is communication and thought transferal, for most, just an artistic... not literal... transmission? Is it art not actual thought and intent? I must seem a monst... Ah! I really do. I... see.
That... fills in a blank I was meaning to write, a couple of them, if I wasn't sure how to go about it. A sense that I am truly despised by certain people. Many don't and won't care. Others like me, if they fear I might say something. Sometimes they fear I might say anything. If they fear I won't say anything either. Go say something... I won't get in trouble for having supported in retrospect!?! Hmm? Just a lingering sense of a great deal of lean in by some and others. The fact that I am now beyond the pale and will be leaving in a year actually? Makes things worse, somehow.
Oh, yeah, dreams. ~ The end. Yeah. I actually wrote it all out, and an addendum corollary. And then wiped them. If you are married, with children, there is nothing you don't know. If you are female, it's from a man's perspective and something you can't seem to understand. If you are too young. *grins* You'll learn, or won't ever be able to see, like your mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc. While unattached, so from the outside, for now... it's almost funny. To those inside, it is what will cause tears, gnashing of teeth, and a questioning of sanity. But love, marriage, not always the same even when right, is not about sanity or moment to moment pleasure. It seems to be about the mix, crescendos and nadirs, and the longer line... bigger picture. Who usually has the children? Some say the poor, some say the children impoverish, but... Who does God love? Would rather to share life than to live in excess? Anyway... we'll skip the dream sequence. Though I did wake with a snearing chuckle. In a mostly good way, at worst bitter-sweet.
Hmm? Actually, I might go back for a few. Dang, thought I was awake. This is very unusual, almost an... exception. Later.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Not bad, again.
.
.
I am getting used to the heat. Even getting out just a bit wasn't bad. It wasn't a big day, just a ride and snack, then back. And, yet, in the 80's, fully dressed, not bad. Yeah, I got the trash out, the barrel back. No shower today, but I've had several in the last few days.
I'm doing well keeping swelling in check. It's not perfect. Perhaps those veins are blown. I just won't know for a while. Though that I can handle the heat, fluid intake, the socks, and all... it's something. I honestly can't even hope for death, it's against my vows. My vows are no longer just promises. They are how I live. Simpletonish? Foolish? Maybe.
I was thinking the other day, though... The written word, the Bible, actually suggests that we near God as children. For much of my life I thought that was because we needed to find innocence, or attempt to approach it in that manner. Perhaps it was because complexity, or some forms of maturity, might leave us bereft of the capacity for faith. And while those, and some others, might have some merit... or not... I actually stumbled upon a different notion.
God, to my mind, started out as the Holy Spirit. For some reason I suspect that was the first Aspect. Then God the Father. Not sure, will dig more if I ever get to a place where I can dig. However, it is without question that Christ was the last, and newest, aspect. The pattern, to me, is clear. He wants us to be as children because... that is where He is going. It is less a stricture on us as a roadmap of sorts of where to find Him. Just... a thought.
Anyway... my vows... of celibacy, of chastity (yeah, I put things up that some consider impure... I wouldn't put them up if they affected me that way), and to stick with life until it ends or is ended but the latter only against my will and reason if I am not required to risk soul for life... They aren't promises, or efforts, now. Just the way of it. Cherished, and for good reasons. Hate the sin, at worst, not the sinner. If the sinner is unrepentant, then turn from him. If you do not consider him your brother, or believe him to be incapable of being your neighbor, then do not engage him. As is, that is that.
I need to figure some things out and begin making plans. Soon or late I have to get out. I can't count on... much. It will be difficult. Faith, one way or the other, will see me through. Faith isn't, however, an easy path. If you knew, you wouldn't need faith. Blathering... the day has been long, the temps while tolerable take their toll, and health still isn't an hundred percent... of the fraction it is at best on top of things. Good night.
.
I am getting used to the heat. Even getting out just a bit wasn't bad. It wasn't a big day, just a ride and snack, then back. And, yet, in the 80's, fully dressed, not bad. Yeah, I got the trash out, the barrel back. No shower today, but I've had several in the last few days.
I'm doing well keeping swelling in check. It's not perfect. Perhaps those veins are blown. I just won't know for a while. Though that I can handle the heat, fluid intake, the socks, and all... it's something. I honestly can't even hope for death, it's against my vows. My vows are no longer just promises. They are how I live. Simpletonish? Foolish? Maybe.
I was thinking the other day, though... The written word, the Bible, actually suggests that we near God as children. For much of my life I thought that was because we needed to find innocence, or attempt to approach it in that manner. Perhaps it was because complexity, or some forms of maturity, might leave us bereft of the capacity for faith. And while those, and some others, might have some merit... or not... I actually stumbled upon a different notion.
God, to my mind, started out as the Holy Spirit. For some reason I suspect that was the first Aspect. Then God the Father. Not sure, will dig more if I ever get to a place where I can dig. However, it is without question that Christ was the last, and newest, aspect. The pattern, to me, is clear. He wants us to be as children because... that is where He is going. It is less a stricture on us as a roadmap of sorts of where to find Him. Just... a thought.
Anyway... my vows... of celibacy, of chastity (yeah, I put things up that some consider impure... I wouldn't put them up if they affected me that way), and to stick with life until it ends or is ended but the latter only against my will and reason if I am not required to risk soul for life... They aren't promises, or efforts, now. Just the way of it. Cherished, and for good reasons. Hate the sin, at worst, not the sinner. If the sinner is unrepentant, then turn from him. If you do not consider him your brother, or believe him to be incapable of being your neighbor, then do not engage him. As is, that is that.
I need to figure some things out and begin making plans. Soon or late I have to get out. I can't count on... much. It will be difficult. Faith, one way or the other, will see me through. Faith isn't, however, an easy path. If you knew, you wouldn't need faith. Blathering... the day has been long, the temps while tolerable take their toll, and health still isn't an hundred percent... of the fraction it is at best on top of things. Good night.
Get ready, get set...
.
.
I was able to get geared for today. I didn't stop there. Things will be coming in the mail, some might have been in for all I knew. I wasn't sure I would be able to pull my shoes on. Between the pain of the compression socks over something akin to terribly sunburned skin, to the fact that the compression can only do just so much, to the notion that regular socks were needed over that (to my mind), all to be put into shoes? Still, only one way to find out. Slowly, gingerly, I took each problem one at a time. Oh, it hurt, some of it much more than other parts. In the end though, it really wasn't too bad.
A change of clothes, though not a shower... yet. Dishes have to be tended. I trimmed off the whiskers, if not truly a shave. The beard trimmer works well enough for a rough go at it. Fast but not the best. No longer cordless, the battery seems unable to hold much of a charge or for very long. No problem, don't really need cordless. And it would still work for a time or two if pressed and with patience. Dang... skinny... Okay, not truly skinny... just comparing the last time I looked at my shaven face to now. Still fat, all about, mostly midsection. Down two belt sizes, as that odd thing goes.
Just to the post office, for now. I may, if I get the dishes handled, take a shower and go to town later. Not likely, but a shower would be fine. The Keens are big enough that they don't hurt to put on, not sure how long I can wear them though. My feet are swollen enough, even with the socks, to fill the extra sizes in length and extra width, without any fuss either way. And they are actually comfortable. It's nice to have shoes on again. Sam and Sass are letting me know breakfast, theirs, is past due. So be it. Oh, about breakfast? My mother said something about cookie sheet, 350 F, ten to fifteen minutes... I doubted her. Which, of course, is why I did it. Uhrm, okay. She is right. Great for serving more people at a time, or a big batch for whatever. Easier to get the bacon fat too. A little practice and the time to crisp preference could be zeroed to a science, mostly. Just saying.
Oh, right. A book was in that I will be consuming. I bought it through a recommendation regarding stitching and other work on rope and webbing, for climbing though would go toward a webbing harness, or several, for various purposes. As it turns out, the book is easily read, and very informed to the whole art of the climb. It's title is "On Rope". The other thing that came is the end of my stay here. It is a request for a doctor's stamp of approval to keep my drivers license. I will keep it as long as I can, but without a doctor, or medicine, I will eventually have to send in the license. The deed, if not done, is done. I am going to have to be out in a year, two tops. But then... I knew that. Now so do you.
Well... on to a bit more actually waking, a bit of something to quench the thirst, and then the rest of my day. Later.
.
I was able to get geared for today. I didn't stop there. Things will be coming in the mail, some might have been in for all I knew. I wasn't sure I would be able to pull my shoes on. Between the pain of the compression socks over something akin to terribly sunburned skin, to the fact that the compression can only do just so much, to the notion that regular socks were needed over that (to my mind), all to be put into shoes? Still, only one way to find out. Slowly, gingerly, I took each problem one at a time. Oh, it hurt, some of it much more than other parts. In the end though, it really wasn't too bad.
A change of clothes, though not a shower... yet. Dishes have to be tended. I trimmed off the whiskers, if not truly a shave. The beard trimmer works well enough for a rough go at it. Fast but not the best. No longer cordless, the battery seems unable to hold much of a charge or for very long. No problem, don't really need cordless. And it would still work for a time or two if pressed and with patience. Dang... skinny... Okay, not truly skinny... just comparing the last time I looked at my shaven face to now. Still fat, all about, mostly midsection. Down two belt sizes, as that odd thing goes.
Just to the post office, for now. I may, if I get the dishes handled, take a shower and go to town later. Not likely, but a shower would be fine. The Keens are big enough that they don't hurt to put on, not sure how long I can wear them though. My feet are swollen enough, even with the socks, to fill the extra sizes in length and extra width, without any fuss either way. And they are actually comfortable. It's nice to have shoes on again. Sam and Sass are letting me know breakfast, theirs, is past due. So be it. Oh, about breakfast? My mother said something about cookie sheet, 350 F, ten to fifteen minutes... I doubted her. Which, of course, is why I did it. Uhrm, okay. She is right. Great for serving more people at a time, or a big batch for whatever. Easier to get the bacon fat too. A little practice and the time to crisp preference could be zeroed to a science, mostly. Just saying.
Oh, right. A book was in that I will be consuming. I bought it through a recommendation regarding stitching and other work on rope and webbing, for climbing though would go toward a webbing harness, or several, for various purposes. As it turns out, the book is easily read, and very informed to the whole art of the climb. It's title is "On Rope". The other thing that came is the end of my stay here. It is a request for a doctor's stamp of approval to keep my drivers license. I will keep it as long as I can, but without a doctor, or medicine, I will eventually have to send in the license. The deed, if not done, is done. I am going to have to be out in a year, two tops. But then... I knew that. Now so do you.
Well... on to a bit more actually waking, a bit of something to quench the thirst, and then the rest of my day. Later.
Hmm?
.
.
I still think people are getting the very wrong idea. A year, maybe two, unless I die, I am gone. Out. I am working up the plan currently. I will be going alone, I have no notion of anything more. I am alone and will remain so, there isn't a way around it and I wouldn't change that. Some music could be said to call that into question. Don't be fooled. The song, Dark in My Imagination, for example, has nothing to do with a love interest. It has to do with my fear of more suffering. Not death so much. But a long drawn out even worse path to death than the one I am currently on. Focus on "dark in my imagination", and imagine a leg split open, oozing 'stuff', unwilling to go to the doctor because they won't serve me anyway, never have... slowly dying... barely able to figure out how to get water, food a forgotten thing, mostly... pain, fever, that diseased smell of rot... That, my friends, is what that song is about, in this instance.
And there is, can be, ever worse. Dark, very very dark. You seem to miss the point, and seem to be trying to miss the point. I'm done here, and with most things in many ways. I'm just looking for a way out before the way is closed. Would rather die up there, this way. Something would at least get a feast, besides lawyers, bureaucrats, doctors, and hospitals. So... just get off my back.
.
I still think people are getting the very wrong idea. A year, maybe two, unless I die, I am gone. Out. I am working up the plan currently. I will be going alone, I have no notion of anything more. I am alone and will remain so, there isn't a way around it and I wouldn't change that. Some music could be said to call that into question. Don't be fooled. The song, Dark in My Imagination, for example, has nothing to do with a love interest. It has to do with my fear of more suffering. Not death so much. But a long drawn out even worse path to death than the one I am currently on. Focus on "dark in my imagination", and imagine a leg split open, oozing 'stuff', unwilling to go to the doctor because they won't serve me anyway, never have... slowly dying... barely able to figure out how to get water, food a forgotten thing, mostly... pain, fever, that diseased smell of rot... That, my friends, is what that song is about, in this instance.
And there is, can be, ever worse. Dark, very very dark. You seem to miss the point, and seem to be trying to miss the point. I'm done here, and with most things in many ways. I'm just looking for a way out before the way is closed. Would rather die up there, this way. Something would at least get a feast, besides lawyers, bureaucrats, doctors, and hospitals. So... just get off my back.
I forgot the 4th, and all that jazz.
.
.
A fellow nut put up a... well... a pretty good shot. I am just going to do a simple cut and paste. I warned him, I did!
Not sure where the second one was lifted... recent acquisition though. But I know where it is going. *blink blink*
.
A fellow nut put up a... well... a pretty good shot. I am just going to do a simple cut and paste. I warned him, I did!
Heading back to normalcy.
.
.
Not that normalcy is anything more than seemingly a sliver more away from the edge, not even always that. I have an uneasy negotiated settlement. For my part, I don't mind when my time comes. I don't want to be pushed, I don't think that would be right for you or me. More, I don't think it works that way, or can. But it can hurt, a lot. I won't push. Oh, I may dance on the line, intellectually. Come to think of it, that was my first vow. As I may have mentioned, it isn't a vow now... just a part of life. I can't just allow it, if I no longer trust medicine or have any real access to it. Bureaucrats don't always have to have guns to harm you. Rip the Veterans Administration apart, burn it down, start from the start. Though with millenial to boomer fascist notions permeating medical to academic... that's a lot of burning and no clear, easy, simple way to end the infestation. Start somewhere and don't stop until they stop killing, even outright murdering, vets. And hating us just for being vets.
Anyway, so I can't just let it, I can't make it, I can't let you do it, I can't even just quit. Nor can I use medicine. That's a tight rope to walk, but it's what I have. I'll do what I can with what I have. This time, anyway, it looks like it's working... for now. It's less tight all the wise around. I am able to cut the swelling, keeping it from getting probably no more than half what it had been getting (over typical), and then it is only swollen for shorter times. The socks I initially ordered may be too small, I hope. I'll know shortly. I won't say I was in a perfectly right state of mind for doing fiddly sizing work, still wouldn't swear to it. But, then, when are we ever sure about ourselves, truly? The young seem to think so, my gen, when young, knew better, just... well... it had to be done so it got done. Funny though, more of my gen died than the gen before us, even though there were far fewer of us. Our parents didn't build in a safety valve of numbers... knowing better of course.
Oh? The snow? Not down in the valley, unless it drifts down and melts. It was on the peaks. Yeah, you can smell the snow there, from here, especially when there will be a lot of melt. A dusting, is what my nose imagined. No, I still don't believe it. Now I am curious though. I hate betting with my tongue and site in spite of knowing I almost certainly have to lose. Meh, oh well. It's done, just clarifying.
Hmm... reminds me... need to clarify more butter. Just a few sticks at a time, in a pint jar, or too much goes bad. Could put it in the fridge but then it is a bear to use. Messy stuff, but very good for frying and a few other things. If you make waffles or pancakes? There you go. Fry eggs? Bingo. It's even good to get a richer sear on pan fried steaks. Not bad for fish or other seafood.
Learning to drink less is a trick. Too little and you have what I have today. Too much and swelling is a bit worse. Though neither seems to be all that different, shades of difference, not a sea change in sight. But, better, with some thought, in either case. Later.
.
Not that normalcy is anything more than seemingly a sliver more away from the edge, not even always that. I have an uneasy negotiated settlement. For my part, I don't mind when my time comes. I don't want to be pushed, I don't think that would be right for you or me. More, I don't think it works that way, or can. But it can hurt, a lot. I won't push. Oh, I may dance on the line, intellectually. Come to think of it, that was my first vow. As I may have mentioned, it isn't a vow now... just a part of life. I can't just allow it, if I no longer trust medicine or have any real access to it. Bureaucrats don't always have to have guns to harm you. Rip the Veterans Administration apart, burn it down, start from the start. Though with millenial to boomer fascist notions permeating medical to academic... that's a lot of burning and no clear, easy, simple way to end the infestation. Start somewhere and don't stop until they stop killing, even outright murdering, vets. And hating us just for being vets.
Hmm... reminds me... need to clarify more butter. Just a few sticks at a time, in a pint jar, or too much goes bad. Could put it in the fridge but then it is a bear to use. Messy stuff, but very good for frying and a few other things. If you make waffles or pancakes? There you go. Fry eggs? Bingo. It's even good to get a richer sear on pan fried steaks. Not bad for fish or other seafood.
Learning to drink less is a trick. Too little and you have what I have today. Too much and swelling is a bit worse. Though neither seems to be all that different, shades of difference, not a sea change in sight. But, better, with some thought, in either case. Later.
Monday, July 4, 2016
Better, much better.
.
.
I am still having to fiddle with everything in order to keep... from collapse. I may attempt, further, to figure out something more passive to do for some parts of the day. I have taken the foot stool in, near the chair in the living room. Stacked pillows, a minor foot stool as well, as a means of elevating my feet. It just doesn't work. Not well. So, perhaps, reading in the afternoon, or maybe late morning and early afternoon, hoping to keep my feet elevated above the heart for more time than just when I sleep. My feet, the left far worse, are still swelling. Though not nearly as bad as they had been. I really hope to figure out how to cut even that.
Less fluid was tolerable. Sipping, and less... cool not chilled... attempting to both pace and watch, amount and speed of consumption. It's a bit of a trick when health isn't completely topped. Concentration and memory are trickier. Some days I am sure I will slip more than other days. Control. A precision I may not be able to reach. A condition that may not be solved by control. One problem set at a time.
I don't know how I cause problems, but I do. Well, no, some of it I see. I just realize there is more going on. Though they have to see, by now, that choices really aren't ours, on some things. It just doesn't work that way. I am going to have to change some of the things I do. Not that I need fear, merely that I shouldn't... test some things.
Oh, the other day? I smelled snow. Not with my 'nose in the present', but, I suspect, my 'nose from the future'. Or, that is how it felt. Doesn't seem possible though. It's in the upper 80's to 90's out there. Still, in a few weeks to a month I will know. Impossible, really. I shouldn't write this, knowing, logically, it almost can't happen. Might have been something else in on the wind one eve... yesterday or the one before I believe. Or... maybe a projection, or future memory seeming thing. Hard to know, but I pegged it as I saw it. Dubious but...
Definitely losing... size anyway. Not so much weight, almost no weight. Doesn't make sense. It's some pretty hefty size that is going. I would be sure it was cancer except so little actual weight is being shed. Very strange. I look like one of those guys who wears pants four sizes too big. Which... Hmm... New pants, I guess. I'll need to do a more accurate sizing, 38's, maybe 36's. I have some 38's to check. It has come off very quickly... a few weeks, maybe a month at most.
Good night.
.
I am still having to fiddle with everything in order to keep... from collapse. I may attempt, further, to figure out something more passive to do for some parts of the day. I have taken the foot stool in, near the chair in the living room. Stacked pillows, a minor foot stool as well, as a means of elevating my feet. It just doesn't work. Not well. So, perhaps, reading in the afternoon, or maybe late morning and early afternoon, hoping to keep my feet elevated above the heart for more time than just when I sleep. My feet, the left far worse, are still swelling. Though not nearly as bad as they had been. I really hope to figure out how to cut even that.
Less fluid was tolerable. Sipping, and less... cool not chilled... attempting to both pace and watch, amount and speed of consumption. It's a bit of a trick when health isn't completely topped. Concentration and memory are trickier. Some days I am sure I will slip more than other days. Control. A precision I may not be able to reach. A condition that may not be solved by control. One problem set at a time.
I don't know how I cause problems, but I do. Well, no, some of it I see. I just realize there is more going on. Though they have to see, by now, that choices really aren't ours, on some things. It just doesn't work that way. I am going to have to change some of the things I do. Not that I need fear, merely that I shouldn't... test some things.
Oh, the other day? I smelled snow. Not with my 'nose in the present', but, I suspect, my 'nose from the future'. Or, that is how it felt. Doesn't seem possible though. It's in the upper 80's to 90's out there. Still, in a few weeks to a month I will know. Impossible, really. I shouldn't write this, knowing, logically, it almost can't happen. Might have been something else in on the wind one eve... yesterday or the one before I believe. Or... maybe a projection, or future memory seeming thing. Hard to know, but I pegged it as I saw it. Dubious but...
Definitely losing... size anyway. Not so much weight, almost no weight. Doesn't make sense. It's some pretty hefty size that is going. I would be sure it was cancer except so little actual weight is being shed. Very strange. I look like one of those guys who wears pants four sizes too big. Which... Hmm... New pants, I guess. I'll need to do a more accurate sizing, 38's, maybe 36's. I have some 38's to check. It has come off very quickly... a few weeks, maybe a month at most.
Good night.
I keep wondering if this is it.
.
.
Have you ever driven really fast. No, not 70, not 90, 150 or more? If you have, you may have come to an understanding that the road, the car, and the speed are not working together well. Something has to change, and quickly. Steerage, at that point, becomes very limited. DON'T even think about it. You'll be dead before you blink. Though in part because, when things get to that point, blinking... at least for me... becomes somewhere between unlikely and impossible. Breaking may not be possible either, certainly not much, possibly not enough, not quickly enough.
There are a few, precious few, things left to you. Time is not on your side, it is parsing away so quickly. Some men can use these moments, first to consider, then to react. Most people... can't find that time between time. It is the difference between those who dare, and among those, those who survive. What I have done twice, that I remember, was to let the engine idle down and be extremely precise with steering, but without oversteering. The difference is so fine most wouldn't know it. If you have learned to let a curve autopilot, or slingshot, you, then you have some small inclination about that which I write. If not, don't even think of driving much over the speed limit. That limit is for you.
In health, I am at that point. If I am not careful, my leg may well burst. There is no recovery from that, to my mind. It will lead to a slow, poisonous death. And yet the thirst I face seems impossible. And, yet, as on the road, I am seeing the potential for a careful aim, release from the accelerator, and patient control, into a better place. A quart jar of water, though with other additions. Pure water ends up hurting my throat and making me thirstier. Keeping ice on tap, but not making the fluid icy... just a bit chiller. Tea, a bit... water with mix a bit... but controlled. A timer, sipping, until I learn some sort of control. Whether I lost control of fluid intake, or whether my system is failing and the technique of hydration needs tweeking... doesn't matter. I am here now, it's about what to do next.
How do you think I have survived the near impossible? Just because? Not always do I remember, but this is the way. Will it work this time? I have never known, any given time, whether it would work. So... I don't know. However, I... would bet my life on it, on my gut feelings, on my reactions, counterreactions, and proactions.. more than bet that of most, or of medicine. Heal thyself, be thine own doctor. Might not work, eventually won't. But who says what they would do would work? And, what, really, would they do? Probably nothing, as usual.
.
Have you ever driven really fast. No, not 70, not 90, 150 or more? If you have, you may have come to an understanding that the road, the car, and the speed are not working together well. Something has to change, and quickly. Steerage, at that point, becomes very limited. DON'T even think about it. You'll be dead before you blink. Though in part because, when things get to that point, blinking... at least for me... becomes somewhere between unlikely and impossible. Breaking may not be possible either, certainly not much, possibly not enough, not quickly enough.
There are a few, precious few, things left to you. Time is not on your side, it is parsing away so quickly. Some men can use these moments, first to consider, then to react. Most people... can't find that time between time. It is the difference between those who dare, and among those, those who survive. What I have done twice, that I remember, was to let the engine idle down and be extremely precise with steering, but without oversteering. The difference is so fine most wouldn't know it. If you have learned to let a curve autopilot, or slingshot, you, then you have some small inclination about that which I write. If not, don't even think of driving much over the speed limit. That limit is for you.
In health, I am at that point. If I am not careful, my leg may well burst. There is no recovery from that, to my mind. It will lead to a slow, poisonous death. And yet the thirst I face seems impossible. And, yet, as on the road, I am seeing the potential for a careful aim, release from the accelerator, and patient control, into a better place. A quart jar of water, though with other additions. Pure water ends up hurting my throat and making me thirstier. Keeping ice on tap, but not making the fluid icy... just a bit chiller. Tea, a bit... water with mix a bit... but controlled. A timer, sipping, until I learn some sort of control. Whether I lost control of fluid intake, or whether my system is failing and the technique of hydration needs tweeking... doesn't matter. I am here now, it's about what to do next.
How do you think I have survived the near impossible? Just because? Not always do I remember, but this is the way. Will it work this time? I have never known, any given time, whether it would work. So... I don't know. However, I... would bet my life on it, on my gut feelings, on my reactions, counterreactions, and proactions.. more than bet that of most, or of medicine. Heal thyself, be thine own doctor. Might not work, eventually won't. But who says what they would do would work? And, what, really, would they do? Probably nothing, as usual.
Oh, that hurts.
.
.
Compression socks. I learned that putting them on before everything expands is the only way to fly. If too, it isn't as nice and easy as it sounds. To be fair, I have only had my legs to back to near normal a few mornings the last few days, and that from using the water pill to a level that seemed to have been dangerous before... that that might, as it ends up, just have been coincidental, or maybe incidental? An accidental collusion of various forces all acting, through various mechanisms, to do similar things, then beyond to excesses. In any case, what I am here to tell you, is that putting those on the socks, especially with the skin of your leg feeling flayed from expansions and contractions well beyond even just the skin's norms or good health, is extremely painful. Even with the size down to normal, perhaps below. On the good side, a very high elevation at night, and voiding often, plus the pill, at least gives me that opportunity. It is even worse when the leg is engorged. There is some hope that this will help. The veins in those legs might just be shot. If so? It is just a matter of time.
Oh, now he says. Sure, after blaming the world and everybody? Aye, but I had good reason to think just so. The world was being nasty. I still don't know that it might not have participated. I know it has, if further afield and slightly more indirectly. The false pride of the VA, doctors. The maltreatment, mistreatment, misdiagnosis, and even knowing absence of action... They are playing their part even now. And they mean to do so. Who else? What else? I don't know. I have my reasons to causes for suspicion.
A dream. A China woman, or some oriental... Her father was a billionaire, and much more, industrial, tech, tycoon. Murdered for trying to safe his profits over the Chinese (or whatever state) interests. A maddened flower with two thousand flours of scientists, mathematicians, engineers, labs, and microfacturing units.
First, she build a bigger building, though keeping the old for the one offs. Then she kept everyone working on money making, to keep vengeance afloat. The? Then she learned how to manipulate first electrons then atoms, molecules, cats, and finally people. She could move to them, invincible and yet terrible, or she could pull them to her, stuck like a single-celled creatures on a slide. Murder, torment, usually rightly, though at a whim wrongly. Maddened and drunk on power, she went well beyond her intended purpose and well into world domination. While you can pull on Batman's cape... the worst he will do is punch or arrest, if he can. But don't pull on Superman's cape. Between the brilliance, speed, flight, and some other things... Well, she didn't end up in a super-collider, in an event horizon, the middle of a sun, or such. She did end up where none would envy. It is theorized, due to size and speed, she will never die, or age, but feel time just as we do. It was the only way. While an endless loop, or some of them, cannot be broken? They can be... reduced. Unfortunate, she had a wicked ass.
This is the first day I have gotten the socks on before any swelling could happen. I'll be careful with fluid intake, but... I won't push it to the gagging point. I may truly be between gagging on thirst and bloating on rather little fluid as my only two choices. Which... if you faced it, would you choose? I'm thinking bloating, but... I am hoping, just a slower drip sip will get me past the one without the other. Not sure. Later.
.
Compression socks. I learned that putting them on before everything expands is the only way to fly. If too, it isn't as nice and easy as it sounds. To be fair, I have only had my legs to back to near normal a few mornings the last few days, and that from using the water pill to a level that seemed to have been dangerous before... that that might, as it ends up, just have been coincidental, or maybe incidental? An accidental collusion of various forces all acting, through various mechanisms, to do similar things, then beyond to excesses. In any case, what I am here to tell you, is that putting those on the socks, especially with the skin of your leg feeling flayed from expansions and contractions well beyond even just the skin's norms or good health, is extremely painful. Even with the size down to normal, perhaps below. On the good side, a very high elevation at night, and voiding often, plus the pill, at least gives me that opportunity. It is even worse when the leg is engorged. There is some hope that this will help. The veins in those legs might just be shot. If so? It is just a matter of time.
Oh, now he says. Sure, after blaming the world and everybody? Aye, but I had good reason to think just so. The world was being nasty. I still don't know that it might not have participated. I know it has, if further afield and slightly more indirectly. The false pride of the VA, doctors. The maltreatment, mistreatment, misdiagnosis, and even knowing absence of action... They are playing their part even now. And they mean to do so. Who else? What else? I don't know. I have my reasons to causes for suspicion.
A dream. A China woman, or some oriental... Her father was a billionaire, and much more, industrial, tech, tycoon. Murdered for trying to safe his profits over the Chinese (or whatever state) interests. A maddened flower with two thousand flours of scientists, mathematicians, engineers, labs, and microfacturing units.
First, she build a bigger building, though keeping the old for the one offs. Then she kept everyone working on money making, to keep vengeance afloat. The? Then she learned how to manipulate first electrons then atoms, molecules, cats, and finally people. She could move to them, invincible and yet terrible, or she could pull them to her, stuck like a single-celled creatures on a slide. Murder, torment, usually rightly, though at a whim wrongly. Maddened and drunk on power, she went well beyond her intended purpose and well into world domination. While you can pull on Batman's cape... the worst he will do is punch or arrest, if he can. But don't pull on Superman's cape. Between the brilliance, speed, flight, and some other things... Well, she didn't end up in a super-collider, in an event horizon, the middle of a sun, or such. She did end up where none would envy. It is theorized, due to size and speed, she will never die, or age, but feel time just as we do. It was the only way. While an endless loop, or some of them, cannot be broken? They can be... reduced. Unfortunate, she had a wicked ass.
This is the first day I have gotten the socks on before any swelling could happen. I'll be careful with fluid intake, but... I won't push it to the gagging point. I may truly be between gagging on thirst and bloating on rather little fluid as my only two choices. Which... if you faced it, would you choose? I'm thinking bloating, but... I am hoping, just a slower drip sip will get me past the one without the other. Not sure. Later.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Not absolutely sure.
.
.
If life isn't the whole, or the most, of the problem. I'm more sure, day by day, that I might survive. The heat makes telling how much I am improving a difficult task. On cool days, though, I collapse. Hot days just provide fever, or enhance, or even simply expose it. Lungs are weird, burning, used up, often.
I hope to keep up, a bit. Some days yes, some no. Dishes today, a load of them. Hopefully a shower or bath before long. Maybe laundry if I am awake when it cools. Nothing with the bedrooms so far. I'm just... not sure about trying to vacate the room that I can lock down and cool down, not as high summer approaches... not without some other means of serious cooling.
I have ordered industrial(tm) sized fans, with adjustable air flow. The goal is to bring a long more cool air in at night than typical fans can dream of doing. Opening the upstairs windows, turning on the biggest fan up there, aimed down through the vent, then with the other fans and the second... lessor... industrial fan, clear and cool down here. It isn't just cooling, but getting fresh air in. Now, as to (tm)? We'll see. I thought about an humidifier, just... not really sure about that. Finding one that fits the bill is another thing, as well. I would want to be able to add ice, for example. A pour spout in might well not allow that. And the size of tank might not allow that, or the shoot from spout to tank. Maybe a trip to town this week... if I can, if it's not too hot. The curtains are doing a fine job. No holes in the ones in the front room. That really helps. And Sassy no longer rips and shreds. All good, for... how far I have gotten.
Gifts of music, from time to time. Who knows who sends, or why to be honest. Delivered in such a way that... well... Never mind. Call it what you will. It seems like it fits? I can't tell when I didn't find it native, like the next one... or more that it find me? I know not. I know nothing, less.
.
If life isn't the whole, or the most, of the problem. I'm more sure, day by day, that I might survive. The heat makes telling how much I am improving a difficult task. On cool days, though, I collapse. Hot days just provide fever, or enhance, or even simply expose it. Lungs are weird, burning, used up, often.
I hope to keep up, a bit. Some days yes, some no. Dishes today, a load of them. Hopefully a shower or bath before long. Maybe laundry if I am awake when it cools. Nothing with the bedrooms so far. I'm just... not sure about trying to vacate the room that I can lock down and cool down, not as high summer approaches... not without some other means of serious cooling.
I have ordered industrial(tm) sized fans, with adjustable air flow. The goal is to bring a long more cool air in at night than typical fans can dream of doing. Opening the upstairs windows, turning on the biggest fan up there, aimed down through the vent, then with the other fans and the second... lessor... industrial fan, clear and cool down here. It isn't just cooling, but getting fresh air in. Now, as to (tm)? We'll see. I thought about an humidifier, just... not really sure about that. Finding one that fits the bill is another thing, as well. I would want to be able to add ice, for example. A pour spout in might well not allow that. And the size of tank might not allow that, or the shoot from spout to tank. Maybe a trip to town this week... if I can, if it's not too hot. The curtains are doing a fine job. No holes in the ones in the front room. That really helps. And Sassy no longer rips and shreds. All good, for... how far I have gotten.
Gifts of music, from time to time. Who knows who sends, or why to be honest. Delivered in such a way that... well... Never mind. Call it what you will. It seems like it fits? I can't tell when I didn't find it native, like the next one... or more that it find me? I know not. I know nothing, less.
Maybe.
.
.
A full pill extra of the water pill, extra time down, more time on my butt not doing anything, an attempt at less fluid... Maybe. The less swollen foot looks normal, the worse one both the food and above that to the calf muscle, are looking better. The better one is almost looking normal. The worse one is looking better than the better one looked yesterday and for... some time before that. The skin on the bad leg part is still very sore. Too many days swollen. Who knows if it can repair. So swollen, like a watermelon, I thought it would surely burst. So, yeah, I had some hard feelings. I've never seen it like that, treated or untreated. I take it personal if I think I'm being attacked, and had reasons both in real life and the digital world. Someone had gone back and found this, and was watching in several times ever few days for weeks. With what was going on here and there out there, I took a hint. Was keeping my pistol, for sure, with me wherever and everywhere. I can take a hint. So... yeah.
.
A full pill extra of the water pill, extra time down, more time on my butt not doing anything, an attempt at less fluid... Maybe. The less swollen foot looks normal, the worse one both the food and above that to the calf muscle, are looking better. The better one is almost looking normal. The worse one is looking better than the better one looked yesterday and for... some time before that. The skin on the bad leg part is still very sore. Too many days swollen. Who knows if it can repair. So swollen, like a watermelon, I thought it would surely burst. So, yeah, I had some hard feelings. I've never seen it like that, treated or untreated. I take it personal if I think I'm being attacked, and had reasons both in real life and the digital world. Someone had gone back and found this, and was watching in several times ever few days for weeks. With what was going on here and there out there, I took a hint. Was keeping my pistol, for sure, with me wherever and everywhere. I can take a hint. So... yeah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)