Better, much better.

.
.
I am still having to fiddle with everything in order to keep... from collapse.  I may attempt, further, to figure out something more passive to do for some parts of the day.  I have taken the foot stool in, near the chair in the living room.  Stacked pillows, a minor foot stool as well, as a means of elevating my feet.  It just doesn't work.  Not well.  So, perhaps, reading in the afternoon, or maybe late morning and early afternoon, hoping to keep my feet elevated above the heart for more time than just when I sleep.  My feet, the left far worse, are still swelling.  Though not nearly as bad as they had been.  I really hope to figure out how to cut even that.

Less fluid was tolerable.  Sipping, and less... cool not chilled...  attempting to both pace and watch, amount and speed of consumption.  It's a bit of a trick when health isn't completely topped.  Concentration and memory are trickier.  Some days I am sure I will slip more than other days.  Control.  A precision I may not be able to reach.  A condition that may not be solved by control.  One problem set at a time.

I don't know how I cause problems, but I do.  Well, no, some of it I see.  I just realize there is more going on.  Though they have to see, by now, that choices really aren't ours, on some things.  It just doesn't work that way.  I am going to have to change some of the things I do.  Not that I need fear, merely that I shouldn't... test some things.

Oh, the other day?  I smelled snow.  Not with my 'nose in the present', but, I suspect, my 'nose from the future'.  Or, that is how it felt.  Doesn't seem possible though.  It's in the upper 80's to 90's out there.  Still, in a few weeks to a month I will know.  Impossible, really.  I shouldn't write this, knowing, logically, it almost can't happen.  Might have been something else in on the wind one eve... yesterday or the one before I believe.  Or... maybe a projection, or future memory seeming thing.  Hard to know, but I pegged it as I saw it.  Dubious but...

Definitely losing... size anyway.  Not so much weight, almost no weight.  Doesn't make sense.  It's some pretty hefty size that is going.  I would be sure it was cancer except so little actual weight is being shed.  Very strange.  I look like one of those guys who wears pants four sizes too big.  Which...  Hmm...  New pants, I guess.  I'll need to do a more accurate sizing, 38's, maybe 36's.  I have some 38's to check.  It has come off very quickly... a few weeks, maybe a month at most.

Good night.