I keep wondering if this is it.

.
.
Have you ever driven really fast.  No, not 70, not 90, 150 or more?  If you have, you may have come to an understanding that the road, the car, and the speed are not working together well.  Something has to change, and quickly.  Steerage, at that point, becomes very limited.  DON'T even think about it.  You'll be dead before you blink.  Though in part because, when things get to that point, blinking... at least for me... becomes somewhere between unlikely and impossible.  Breaking may not be possible either, certainly not much, possibly not enough, not quickly enough.

There are a few, precious few, things left to you.  Time is not on your side, it is parsing away so quickly.  Some men can use these moments, first to consider, then to react.  Most people... can't find that time between time.  It is the difference between those who dare, and among those, those who survive.  What I have done twice, that I remember, was to let the engine idle down and be extremely precise with steering, but without oversteering.  The difference is so fine most wouldn't know it.  If you have learned to let a curve autopilot, or slingshot, you, then you have some small inclination about that which I write.  If not, don't even think of driving much over the speed limit.  That limit is for you.

In health, I am at that point.  If I am not careful, my leg may well burst.  There is no recovery from that, to my mind.  It will lead to a slow, poisonous death.  And yet the thirst I face seems impossible.  And, yet, as on the road, I am seeing the potential for a careful aim, release from the accelerator, and patient control, into a better place.  A quart jar of water, though with other additions.  Pure water ends up hurting my throat and making me thirstier.  Keeping ice on tap, but not making the fluid icy... just a bit chiller.  Tea, a bit... water with mix a bit... but controlled.  A timer, sipping, until I learn some sort of control.  Whether I lost control of fluid intake, or whether my system is failing and the technique of hydration needs tweeking... doesn't matter.  I am here now, it's about what to do next.

How do you think I have survived the near impossible?  Just because?  Not always do I remember, but this is the way.  Will it work this time?  I have never known, any given time, whether it would work.  So... I don't know.  However, I... would bet my life on it, on my gut feelings, on my reactions, counterreactions, and proactions.. more than bet that of most, or of medicine.  Heal thyself, be thine own doctor.  Might not work, eventually won't.  But who says what they would do would work?  And, what, really, would they do?  Probably nothing, as usual.


Ease off the pedal, lad.  Watch the steering.  Don't look to the ditches, watch the middle of your path... don't drive too... fall too...  become efficient at falling between the lines...  Yeah...  Later.