Dreams and another day.

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The left leg is still bigger.  The skin is still sore.  Both legs are smaller than the smallest there for a good little bit.  I am able to wear the socks longer, which seems to help.  Not an obvious thing to just assume, if more likely than not to be the result.  I believe a minor nap, mid-day, or reading session... or more likely mix of the two... will become a regular event.  And, as soon as possible, more rigorous physical activity... working on the trees, climbing, rafting, maybe just a walk if those are too much.  At least if my tolerance of the temps continue, and if the temps continue to be in this range.  Not sure if I can handle hotter.  There is the morning.  It isn't cooling until a bit later than I would care to be out.

I say or write the darnedest things and get the strangest reactions.  I thought people knew, agreed, and we were all clear.  Then, I say something that puts a nail in a coffin I was sure was both agreed and wanted by both sides, and I receive a sense of wounding.  Is it that I don't understand?  Or is it that I say what I mean and mean what I say and that is so far from this world that it baffles most humans?  Is communication and thought transferal, for most, just an artistic... not literal... transmission?  Is it art not actual thought and intent?  I must seem a monst...  Ah!  I really do.  I... see.

That... fills in a blank I was meaning to write, a couple of them, if I wasn't sure how to go about it.  A sense that I am truly despised by certain people.  Many don't and won't care.  Others like me, if they fear I might say something.  Sometimes they fear I might say anything.  If they fear I won't say anything either.  Go say something... I won't get in trouble for having supported in retrospect!?!  Hmm?  Just a lingering sense of a great deal of lean in by some and others.  The fact that I am now beyond the pale and will be leaving in a year actually?  Makes things worse, somehow.

Oh, yeah, dreams.  ~  The end.  Yeah.  I actually wrote it all out, and an addendum corollary.  And then wiped them.  If you are married, with children, there is nothing you don't know.  If you are female, it's from a man's perspective and something you can't seem to understand.  If you are too young.  *grins*  You'll learn, or won't ever be able to see, like your mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc.  While unattached, so from the outside, for now... it's almost funny.  To those inside, it is what will cause tears, gnashing of teeth, and a questioning of sanity.  But love, marriage, not always the same even when right, is not about sanity or moment to moment pleasure.  It seems to be about the mix, crescendos and nadirs, and the longer line... bigger picture.  Who usually has the children?  Some say the poor, some say the children impoverish, but...  Who does God love?  Would rather to share life than to live in excess?  Anyway... we'll skip the dream sequence.  Though I did wake with a snearing chuckle.  In a mostly good way, at worst bitter-sweet.

Hmm?  Actually, I might go back for a few.  Dang, thought I was awake.  This is very unusual, almost an... exception.  Later.