The nap helped.

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Still weary, tired, a bit short.  But, better.  A lot better.  I should be able to get to sleep earlier tonight.  And, very possibly, if I sleep well, be up early again tomorrow, and throughout the week?  We'll see.

Still some sneezing.  And a runny nose.  Amazingly, though, the blood noses stopped much sooner than anticipated.  I expected them to be a problem until... nearly bedtime?  At least a few more hours from now.  But I checked a few hours ago, and they had stopped.  Weren't even all plugged up and a mess to deal with.  Just... stopped, and have been clear, other than being runny, since.

Brutal!

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Back to bed, to sleep, for... hours.  I wasn't sure I'd be back up today, at all, as horrible as I felt.  How much pain I was in.  How tired I was.  And with a cough, runny nose, and else to add to it.  I think it was around 7:30 when I went down?  Give or take a bit.

It took a bit for me to sleep.  But I wasn't really conscious, not fully, either.  I was a ball of suffering.  I did rewrap the leg, but it took a while for that to... be soothed.  And cold, I was cold.  Just... a ball of hurting cold nothingness.

Pain.

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I tried one of the new bandages yesterday.  Took it to my appointment, to show the medicals.  See if they approved.  It was applied there.

Now, it works.  It absorbs the goo coming out of the wound.  Doesn't go bad.  Can shower with it on, without a problem.  But?  But hit HURTS!  It's worse than a dry bandage pack on a wet wound.  It, basically, constantly debrides.  It pulls the gunk out.  Which... is good.  But it is as if it is constantly tearing at the wound.  It hurt all night.

Okay, I decided to check.

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Ghosted?  Checked with my friend.  Nope.  He... got called in, in foot boot and all.  And... did a fifteen hour day.  Further, he thought he was going to just be driving the plow, so didn't put anything on his foot.  He's... just glad he didn't get frostbite.  Gah!  I've given him thick hunting wool socks.  But... as he said, he was told he would just be driving, not... running errands, driving a atv plow, and other sich.

Yeah, okay.  Money is money, and with that much time on the road, and in this and that plow or vehicle... right.  I told him it's a good thing he is male.  He has no capacity to say no.  If he were a she, he'd... she'd... have fifteen kids and a pass at the hospital, or a room in "her" honor?  :p

Out and to it.

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I made it to the appointment.  My new primary was able to see me this morning.  Set it up when they first called.  Further, will be getting calls for other, local, appointments.  Heart, foot, eye (both), and... a social worker... to see if we can get me back to swimming before too long.  Look, I've lost 65 pounds.  Can't say I'm not holding up my end.  And, losing weight will save them money.  As will getting fit.  Pay a few bucks for a pass and some gas, or begin doing surgeries, dealing with a lost leg, and else.  Not blackmail, simply... an offer I hope they won't refuse.

BP was a little high.  I keep... worrying they will debride the wound again.  I... don't trust doctors all that much these days.  But, no torture today.  And, as mentioned, I haven't been taking medicine because I haven't been eating lately.  Still, bp came down to 128/83?  Before I left?  So... for my part... all good.

Awake.

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Ugh.  To bed after midnight, but wanted to try to be awake earlier today.  To try to take back the day.  Maybe just for one day?  I'll find out tomorrow.  I set the alarms for five and six.  The five alarm went off, and I snoozed it... twice?  Then turned it off.  But... became worried I wouldn't wake at the six alarm.  While sleeping I feared?  Yes.  Stupid?  Strange?  Unusual?  All but the last.

So, I woke around 5:35.  A shower, first thing, and feeding Sassy.  Coffee water was set to heat while I showered, and made immediately thereafter.  I need to clear the litter boxes.  I'm even mostly dressed.  Just pj bottoms, the rest are grown up, out the door clothing.  Enjoying coffee... and fudge.

Gaming.

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I tried to get others to play through certain parts of the game, to no success.  I did play with others, through their game.  There was one boss I just...  Okay, I played it twice and didn't want to do it again.  Two more times, this time, and I finally made it through.  Now?  Now I have no idea where to go next.

Oh, the game tells me where to go.  Just gives absolutely no real clue about how to get there (that makes any sense to me).  I hate it when a game is already more difficult, on the easiest setting.  But then doesn't offer any real guidance as to where to go or how to get there.  The thing is sprawling.  And... a passage could be missed?  Well, maybe not.  But... which one, after the fact, goes forward, and which one goes back?

Ah, they are... back?

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Different places, then before.  But... yes.  I couldn't remember.  So tired, sore, out of sorts, and such.  But... when I saw them I knew.

And, yes, I know why.  Even if they are... disbelievers.  Which... is all good.  I try to be.  When I can be.  As is possible.  About as many things I am pretty sure are true, even if that is uncomfortable.  Still... I... get it.  Amen.

Before the post was posted...

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Someone had already responded.  Either... they can see what I am doing, while I am working, through electronic snooping?  Or they... can just see.  My guess is there are some of both.  Which this was I cannot say.  Though... I... have a feeling it was from those with "simple" sight.  No tech involved.  My kind.

Two of the three.  Few viewed that post.  Which is unusual.  But I don't care.  I... don't post for you, or her, or him, or they.  I... just post, these days.  Three responses.  I will put up two.  And a few more on another topic.

Awake at eleven.

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I gave up waking early.  Today.  Tomorrow?  Back at it, for reasons.  I didn't go to bed all that early, or as late?  Sleeping long, and late, is all.  Stupid sleep patterns!

Still tired as a devil.  It wasn't my "mind" that really woke up, it was my body.  It, like a dog, gets up... when... it gets up.  And, then, it is up!  I'm just along for the ride.  For now.  Hopefully I'll wake up a bit better in a bit?  We'll see.

Strange.

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All VA business managed.  All appointments that I knew about, and they could find, have been removed from the SLC facility.  And have either been made local, or are being arranged to the best of my knowledge.  I liked my doctor, mostly.  Didn't always agree with him, not sure I trusted him.  But have sort of sorted some things out.  My eye doctor, and his intern?  I liked them, straight up.  I will miss them.  I just don't like odd people peeking in ever few minutes.  Especially ones who don't look like they have anything to do with medical practices.  But, in any case, that was... unnerving.

It is much better to have local.  Or... maybe.  I guess I'll find out when I go in.  Otherwise I will simply quit going for yearly checkups.  May see about going to a heart specialist instead, if I can't find medical care of which I approve.  Give that a shot, anyway.  Medicine is destroying itself in every way it can.  That may be the goal though.

Had to fight for it.

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First, had to wait a long time to get through.  About an half hour.  But the conversation was short.  If she sent me to the wrong system.  I had to wait another half hour to get through.  But, again, the conversation was short.  This time I got to the right place.  But, again, I had to wait a half hour to get through.

At that point, I had to argue with the woman.  She was trying to force the Ogden clinic.  I told her no, there is a closer clinic.  After debating this three or four times, I was beginning to wonder if I had been misled.  Nope, she finally looked it up or talked to someone and got it.  Then?  All she could do was put me in for them to call me back.

Why so late?

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Sure, two nights ago I went to bed at three, so waking at ten thirty made sense.  But last night I was tucked in by 22:30.  Still, waking at ten thirty, and just barely.  It was a struggle.  And I hurt.  Gaming too much?  Maybe.  That'll take it out of me, just as if working.  Which... is why I don't work.  I can't.  So, this will take care of itself, shortly.

I wondered if it was cold.  Looked out.  Huge clumps of snow coming down.  Looks like fake snow, to be honest.  But I'm... pretty sure they can't do that scale of fakery, even if they made a hell of a racket.  It's just too big of an area to fake that.  Besides, just to make sure, I went out and looked.  Sure looks like fake snow, the closer you get the more fake it looks.  It's about 31 out there.  Some drips, but that may be just from the warmth of the house and the new soft snow.  I think it's on the frozen side of that.  And, it looks like we got another four to six inches.  Which is stacking right on top of the rest.  We have eight to twelve inches on the ground, again, after it almost going away completely.

Pretty good.

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Coop play was okay.  I have... a lot more experience, with these sorts of games.  I am slowly showing... better practices.  Though he's a clever boy.  Being a starter, and a little more trusting, he went online and played with a much higher level group.  They were able to wipe out mobs and bosses with abandon.  I can't do that, am still a learner myself, in-game, of this particular game.

Still, I showed him how to level much more quickly.  And, got at least... three?  No, four skills, from playing coop.  I'm not sure if there are more?  But, it's a start.

Rough.

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It's just a difficult morning.  Getting up was so very difficult.  I didn't go down until three, so I reset the alarms for eight and ten.  Waking, just barely, at the ten alarm.

Sassy fed first thing.  The machines on and going.  A touch of apple sauce.  Just... something something.  Shouldn't, but... shut up.  Then, cleared the dishes so as to take a shower.  But first, onto the scale.

Always worried I've stopped losing, or even started gaining.  It will happen, though time.  It... just does.  You can't win every round, you just can't.  Still?  234.4.  Without a bm this morning.  And with a little food in.  not a lot, but it counts.  Down from 238 even, last time I stepped on the device.  Good.  Still, anxious for 220.  I want to see where I am at that point.  Still probably need to lose another twenty from there, I would guess.  So?  So, about, say, fifteen pounds from my intermediate goal, and thirty five pounds from my, probably, ultimate goal.  I'll know when... I look right.  That's from, at the very least, two hundred eighty eight, but more likely over three hundred, may three ten, fifteen?  I... stopped weighing when I got really heavy.  For shame.  And, yes, it can accumulate fast, especially when you give up.  Well, and they are feeding you insulin so you CAN'T lose weight!  Insulin simply stores fat.  That... is it's purpose.  Take more, gain more.  Especially for some people.  That was, at most, eight months ago.  And, two eighty, plus, say, three months ago?  

A mix of things.

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Some mine, some delivered, some... coincidence?  As you know, I do not believe in such events.  Though, there... is always chance based on whim, from things far older than even I.  Or... God works in mysterious ways.  I... merely notice, sometimes.  Though, is it whim, or chance, if it is in the mind of God?  Of course, it might not be God.  There are others, both of light and dark.  If... even a right angel can do dark things.  It... happens, or happened?  Even if it hasn't happened yet?  Something...

Yes, music.  It is my way.  Accusations, sympathy, empathy, hatred?  All sorts of things are possible.  I just... watched, collected, and am putting them out.

My friend is in a boot.

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Broken ankle, foot?  Some such.  So, I called.  Wanted to check in, see if he needs anything for a change.  Driving, shopping, or even a few ducks.  But, sounds like they have it all covered.  Sometimes, it really is the thought that counts.  And, yes, I do think... even about you folk out there.  I may be an asshole, a bastard, an sob.  But?  I'm... your asshole, bastard, sob.  Check.

Oh, but since I found out, for the most part, he his gaming.  Because he can't work.  His current main work requires ladders.  He... can't do those.  So, he is home, mostly, on the console.  In this game I am playing, I need help getting a few trophies.  Which require multiplayer.  Coop will work, with just two.  My trick is to figure out how to get another player in.  I have, pretty much, everything set up to prevent that, due to hacking vulnerabilities.  Even your friends can be hacked.  Can't trust any corporation, especially since they are all allowed criminality for government access.  Truth.

Sleep helped.

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I feel much better.  Not even close to great, or even good, but I'll take what I can get.  Most of the excruciating pain is gone.  There is still pain, but it is... more typical.  Slept a bit cold, but... slept.  Mostly.  Not wonderful?  No, it's... wonderful.  I'm not going to complain.  the pain and aches and else have eased enough to be below radar while I tinker with thoughts, other people's thoughts, "news", and gaming I would guess.  That's... well good enough.

Blood sugar is 126 this morning.  The best fasting blood sugar in weeks.  So, all good.  I'll take it.  Hopefully it will drop through the day.  Not the lowest I have had, but, generally, lately, fasting test has been the highest of the day.

How did I not get to bed earlier?

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It's 23:16?  I... have been so tired all day.  Gaming.  Enjoying this game, mostly.  But... tired.  I am surprised I made it past 18:00.  So tired I hurt.  Lungs, heart, truly tire to the point of pain, and dysfunction.  They aren't working as they should be.  All good, sleep soon.

Tomorrow is a holiday.  The appointments I was supposed to have are scheduled for the day after, but in the afternoon.  One has been canceled, fully.  No reschedule on that.  The other is to be made a local event, and ongoing.  But, we will have to sort that out.  I just won't go to the VA hospitals or clinics, directly, anymore.  Too far of a drive, they are no longer reimbursing travel, and they have gone as far into dei as possible.  Which... excludes me.

Local isn't better, but it is safer... in some ways.  Perhaps lower quality care?  We'll see.  Though, if a hospital's staff hates you, for your politics, the quality of care becomes questionable anyway.  Let them enjoy their new, and empty, world.  If you hate vets, and our opinions... you deserve to simply go away.  That will happen.  In time.

So sore.  That spear sensation?  Now it's as if it pierced the body, again.  And... has been so for a full day.  As I become exhausted, it only gets worse.  I won't bother with the bandages tonight.  Too tired, too sore.  But, in the morning.  Goodnight.

Gaming while it is snowing.

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It has warmed through the day.  Starting out at about 25 when I woke up, say around 7:30?  Perhaps a quarter earlier?  Sometime in there.  Then, by 11:30, it was up to 28.  Now it is between 31 and 32, but still on the frozen side.  Sometimes, up here, temperatures won't exhibit as they seem that they should.  It's chillier out there than it reads.  Wind?  Higher air temp?  Who knows, exactly, why.  But it's... pretty frozen out there.

It has been snowing.  It started when I looked out, or just a bit before really.  There was a dusting, but that has accumulated to... four to six inches?  The last few times I looked, it had been dropping straight down.  Lightly, but heavily.  I did step out, to read the temp, but didn't really look to see if it was snowing.  But I thought it still was.  Too tired to... think, remember to look, recall even if I saw... or not for sure.  I was thinking of grabbing the shovel, and giving a porting up near the garage door a bit of a shot.  But I couldn't.  Couldn't stand.  No way was I going to push the shovel with snow.  It's... just not a day for that.  Later?  Tomorrow?  Not?  I... can't, right now, is all I know.

Oh what a miserable night.

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At least I was able to sleep well yesterday night.  Pain.  My leg.  It hurt every time I rolled.  I couldn't find a way to be comfortable.  Laying on the front, back, either side, didn't matter.  Terrible pains, no matter.  I would sleep a bit then shift?  And wake up with a scream caught in my throat.  Not a sound, not a whisper.  But... it was in there.

As such, the five alarm was too early.  Almost the seven alarm too.  But I... wanted to get up.  To feed Sassy.  To take medicine.  Eventually to have coffee.  I'd like to hit dishes and laundry.  I'm sure what is in the dryer is dry, and nothing is in the wash.  I have a lot of whites to hit.  So, perhaps, I could start on those?  Only when I take what is in the dryer up, and after I have at least sorted the clothes upstairs.  THEN I'll hit the whites.  And, bring down sheets.  It's been a bit.  While I was able to make a bed back up, I haven't been doing sheets well.  Every two or three weeks.  It's... winter though, so... yeah.