.
.
When did I go to bed? Was the sun still, or yet, up? Something is just terribly off. No pain, if no nothing. The boxes keep being found stacked. Mostly empty, though there is a stack of lightly filled boxes too. I... don't remember doing that, mostly. Already on a second stack, third depending how one counts, stack.
The funny thing is, the last time I dug down to the table top, I cleaned and straightened it. It... remains just as it was. More needs removed, but it is clear to see. I had to laugh... modern archeology 101. Dishes today, and a shower and shave? Yes. And some of the white cottons that arrived. I would also like to finish the cot and at least move the storage systems upstairs. Those will be quite simple to assemble with so much open space! They do take time, and concentration. Finally, to have easy to access clothing and bedding storage upstairs! I will begin folding clothes again... and hanging... after the installations.
Well, I will get some of that. Dishes, laundry, a shower, and trash out. With bags in place, trash will be very easy. I have been keeping up on tossing as I go, so just pull, drop in the barrel, and to the curb. I do want to clear one area, but down to one from everywhere is doable. I can't believe the improvements, especially without remembering. I have a very long way to go, but I have done very well. Just two to four hours a day, three to five days a week... if a bit more by grabbing boxes as I do other things.
Saturday, May 9, 2020
Crazy talk, right there.
.
.
In the simplified world of a child, perhaps.
I... finally realized why I am sleeping twelve to... as much as thirty hours at a time. When I got busy, then fell, I also ran out of preset meds. It... was on my mind, until nothing was. And so it remained until now? To the best of my recall. That wasn't all of it.
Temperatures had been rising, plateauing, then rising, rather regularly. I had turned the furnace off. Temperatures started dropping again, recently. I simply did not notice. I set the furnace at 70, trying not to overheat the cave, after seeing how low it was dropping. Before long, heat will be the problem. It was getting as low as 62°. I just wasn't aware, until yesterday. That's just too cold, more so for someone with little circulation.
I think, with some heat, now that I am rested, I can set meds back up. The month medsets are in, which should help. I have two of two different sorts, in case one type doesn't hold enough medicine. No wonder I felt like I was dying. Too tired, undermedicated, and too blasted cold. I can't focus well enough to reset medication, but soon.
I have been doing little. But I have been collecting boxes, clearing here and there. Things aren't moving fast, but they are moving. And, actually, faster than I would have dreamed. Better? Being so exhausted, I don't remember the effeort. It seems I have formed an subconscious habit? Or memory is extremely short lived? I'm betting on the former.
Later. Actually good night. I had started this when I woke at midnight. But blogger went weird, so I gave up. I finish and post as I crash at 11:00. Anyway, good night and day.
.
In the simplified world of a child, perhaps.
I... finally realized why I am sleeping twelve to... as much as thirty hours at a time. When I got busy, then fell, I also ran out of preset meds. It... was on my mind, until nothing was. And so it remained until now? To the best of my recall. That wasn't all of it.
Temperatures had been rising, plateauing, then rising, rather regularly. I had turned the furnace off. Temperatures started dropping again, recently. I simply did not notice. I set the furnace at 70, trying not to overheat the cave, after seeing how low it was dropping. Before long, heat will be the problem. It was getting as low as 62°. I just wasn't aware, until yesterday. That's just too cold, more so for someone with little circulation.
I think, with some heat, now that I am rested, I can set meds back up. The month medsets are in, which should help. I have two of two different sorts, in case one type doesn't hold enough medicine. No wonder I felt like I was dying. Too tired, undermedicated, and too blasted cold. I can't focus well enough to reset medication, but soon.
I have been doing little. But I have been collecting boxes, clearing here and there. Things aren't moving fast, but they are moving. And, actually, faster than I would have dreamed. Better? Being so exhausted, I don't remember the effeort. It seems I have formed an subconscious habit? Or memory is extremely short lived? I'm betting on the former.
Later. Actually good night. I had started this when I woke at midnight. But blogger went weird, so I gave up. I finish and post as I crash at 11:00. Anyway, good night and day.
Wednesday, May 6, 2020
The nap that ate Tokyo?
.
.
Nap? I had planned a nap. And I started one, at a very good time, or I thought. Down right at five. So cool. So dark... comparatively. Everything I have missed, going to sleep during daylight usually. It was glorious. A few hours, maybe five I thought, going into it. How about twelve? Yea, no choice. Even with the girls meowling for food everry few hours from about noon on.
The girls and ducks have been tended. I looked through my usual sites, online, after that. Two hours have been lost. I may have to go back to bed. Will try a trick or three. But if it doesn't lead to work, I'll back down and allow a crash. I need to feel rested enough to work, or just go back to bed until I do.
A bite, and tea, while I think. Later.
.
Nap? I had planned a nap. And I started one, at a very good time, or I thought. Down right at five. So cool. So dark... comparatively. Everything I have missed, going to sleep during daylight usually. It was glorious. A few hours, maybe five I thought, going into it. How about twelve? Yea, no choice. Even with the girls meowling for food everry few hours from about noon on.
The girls and ducks have been tended. I looked through my usual sites, online, after that. Two hours have been lost. I may have to go back to bed. Will try a trick or three. But if it doesn't lead to work, I'll back down and allow a crash. I need to feel rested enough to work, or just go back to bed until I do.
A bite, and tea, while I think. Later.
Tuesday, May 5, 2020
Down late, up early.
.
.
Strange how that worked out. I made it to almost 14:00, erring up to an half hour either way. Which is exceptional. So late in terms of my day, I can't recall. Waking right at 19:00 isn't ideal though. I'll nap to balance it all a bit in a while. I am hoping to be able to work shortly. While waking was impossible to avoid, I couldn't work right off.
Dishes, getting that going, is my first goal. Transporting boxes into stacks, and putting mail into the shredder... collecting it first. It would be good to clear a surface every few days. The problem with opening surfaces is that they become collection points. I'd love to think I can change the future, but... that... isn't as easy as it sounds.
Speaking of that, have you ever truly tried to change your behavior? Whether it is something odd, like not allowing items to collect on open surfaces, or quitting something. The latter I know is possible, but not in a vacuum. I couldn't quit tobacco until my mom did. Or, I could but would fail when visiting. I quit four times.
As for alcohol, that slowly stopped being used. Has that been two or three years now? I have a bottle of vodka from my last run. A two liter of mid-grade, unopened. I wonder if it has a shelf-life? I have thought about it, from time to time, as with tobacco. The want slowly gets weaker, fading with time. They say it was good to quit, for health. My real reason was because of squirrely behavior with alcohol, and a useless addiction regarding tobacco.
As to other behaviors? I keep trying to add cleaning and neatness or organization routines in, but I simply haven't found a way. With my days and nights, and capacity on any given day, in chaotic flux, regularity isn't possible. Just working eight to twelve hours a week crushes me. Sometimes I can't see the world around me. Still... What does work is going to salads, using disposable plates, reducing (I am hoping) access to as many dishes, pots, and pans... putting many of them away in boxes initially... will help.
Some things I can't change, within a paradigm. Figuring out a new way of doing things, whole cloth, on the fly, untried... not possibly known even... is tricky. It is reverse engineering an idea, or whole stack of them, into practical applications. It's possible, I am doing, trying. But it's a potent trick for a walking dead man. I don't think I am all dead yet. Might as well try it. What do I have to lose?
Later.
.
Strange how that worked out. I made it to almost 14:00, erring up to an half hour either way. Which is exceptional. So late in terms of my day, I can't recall. Waking right at 19:00 isn't ideal though. I'll nap to balance it all a bit in a while. I am hoping to be able to work shortly. While waking was impossible to avoid, I couldn't work right off.
Dishes, getting that going, is my first goal. Transporting boxes into stacks, and putting mail into the shredder... collecting it first. It would be good to clear a surface every few days. The problem with opening surfaces is that they become collection points. I'd love to think I can change the future, but... that... isn't as easy as it sounds.
Speaking of that, have you ever truly tried to change your behavior? Whether it is something odd, like not allowing items to collect on open surfaces, or quitting something. The latter I know is possible, but not in a vacuum. I couldn't quit tobacco until my mom did. Or, I could but would fail when visiting. I quit four times.
As for alcohol, that slowly stopped being used. Has that been two or three years now? I have a bottle of vodka from my last run. A two liter of mid-grade, unopened. I wonder if it has a shelf-life? I have thought about it, from time to time, as with tobacco. The want slowly gets weaker, fading with time. They say it was good to quit, for health. My real reason was because of squirrely behavior with alcohol, and a useless addiction regarding tobacco.
As to other behaviors? I keep trying to add cleaning and neatness or organization routines in, but I simply haven't found a way. With my days and nights, and capacity on any given day, in chaotic flux, regularity isn't possible. Just working eight to twelve hours a week crushes me. Sometimes I can't see the world around me. Still... What does work is going to salads, using disposable plates, reducing (I am hoping) access to as many dishes, pots, and pans... putting many of them away in boxes initially... will help.
Some things I can't change, within a paradigm. Figuring out a new way of doing things, whole cloth, on the fly, untried... not possibly known even... is tricky. It is reverse engineering an idea, or whole stack of them, into practical applications. It's possible, I am doing, trying. But it's a potent trick for a walking dead man. I don't think I am all dead yet. Might as well try it. What do I have to lose?
Later.
No more work.
.
.
I did what I could. I was surprised at what was done, starting with staying awake. That, I was beginning to think, was going to be it. Then I got two short bursts. Enough to say I did something. Plus developing a plan, to begin gathering empty, to start, boxes for tearing down. I didn't implement that last night, no focus. It will be happening going forward.
Daydreaming, almost as if I was asleep. I don't remember what about, or how my mind can do a sort of split screen, were... is my mind taking turns, or are they "playing" at the same time, my vision choosing which to see what moments? Very strange. Yes, nearly asleep.
I have to feed the ducks. The cats have been fed already. I should be into the dishes quickly tonight. I don't think there is enough laundry of any sort for another load yet. But that reboxing project, and storage. Perhaps empties in as full boxes out, too. Anything to create efficiency, and speed the projects.
The sun is out. It seems slightly dark out there, but will know more shortly. Oh, the barrel back from the curb too. Good night.
.
I did what I could. I was surprised at what was done, starting with staying awake. That, I was beginning to think, was going to be it. Then I got two short bursts. Enough to say I did something. Plus developing a plan, to begin gathering empty, to start, boxes for tearing down. I didn't implement that last night, no focus. It will be happening going forward.
Daydreaming, almost as if I was asleep. I don't remember what about, or how my mind can do a sort of split screen, were... is my mind taking turns, or are they "playing" at the same time, my vision choosing which to see what moments? Very strange. Yes, nearly asleep.
I have to feed the ducks. The cats have been fed already. I should be into the dishes quickly tonight. I don't think there is enough laundry of any sort for another load yet. But that reboxing project, and storage. Perhaps empties in as full boxes out, too. Anything to create efficiency, and speed the projects.
The sun is out. It seems slightly dark out there, but will know more shortly. Oh, the barrel back from the curb too. Good night.
Awake, if that is it.
.
.
So far. I will finish laundry, drying whatever needs it. I am hoping to do just a bit more trash collecting. Perhaps finish clearing the space for dishes. If so, I hope to hit the dishes, that which is ready...
Well... the Internet died for a bit. During that time I got the area cleared, and checked laundry. I was pleasantly surprised. I hadn't, as feared, left a load in the washing machine. I reset the load in the dryer on medium, or the second notch into warm. I think my machine has five heat settings and a fluff setting. The final heat setting, which is for cotton, white cotton, if you want it sanitized. Or getting rid of evidence? :p
Some trash cleared, dishes collected, plus this and that, while figuring it out. It isn't quite ready for dishes. It needs washed off. I'll do that when next I hit dishes. I'll just empty a basin, fill it with hot sudsy, then change out for rinse, then let it dry as I finish dishes.
Not fancy. Not much. Not fast. But I pulled out of a collapse and have started up. Yea. I have done the things that worried me most. There is far more work to do than the feared work. But I can do the remainder a box at a time, if required. Actually, every time I go to the loo, or for tea, or go anywhere, I should stack a few out. It will cut down on concerted effort.
A bit rough. Achy. I never did take that aspirin. I will tonight. It sure might help. Hmm, best bring the trash barrel in next time I feed the ducks. Later.
.
So far. I will finish laundry, drying whatever needs it. I am hoping to do just a bit more trash collecting. Perhaps finish clearing the space for dishes. If so, I hope to hit the dishes, that which is ready...
Well... the Internet died for a bit. During that time I got the area cleared, and checked laundry. I was pleasantly surprised. I hadn't, as feared, left a load in the washing machine. I reset the load in the dryer on medium, or the second notch into warm. I think my machine has five heat settings and a fluff setting. The final heat setting, which is for cotton, white cotton, if you want it sanitized. Or getting rid of evidence? :p
Some trash cleared, dishes collected, plus this and that, while figuring it out. It isn't quite ready for dishes. It needs washed off. I'll do that when next I hit dishes. I'll just empty a basin, fill it with hot sudsy, then change out for rinse, then let it dry as I finish dishes.
Not fancy. Not much. Not fast. But I pulled out of a collapse and have started up. Yea. I have done the things that worried me most. There is far more work to do than the feared work. But I can do the remainder a box at a time, if required. Actually, every time I go to the loo, or for tea, or go anywhere, I should stack a few out. It will cut down on concerted effort.
A bit rough. Achy. I never did take that aspirin. I will tonight. It sure might help. Hmm, best bring the trash barrel in next time I feed the ducks. Later.
Monday, May 4, 2020
A few tricks.
.
.
I hate wasting, even a wake-up. So I tried every trick at my disposal. I don't think it is working. So... this one last time. Blogging, a procrastination to hold off sleep, while my eyes burn for sleep. Probably a losing effort. How many efforts in life are likely? You, I, we... aren't here to win. To fight, or just live? I have no choice. Life, for me, is a fight. One I have already lost. Still, why give up even now? I have nothing to lose. Only the pain and struggle give this life meaning, structure, a weak grasp of the real.
I realized my feet need care. Without being able to afford a pedicure monthly, I lost track. My heels are so harsh they bruise other parts simply through light contact. I ordered a few pieces of equipment to see if I can fix that. Wouldn't want them to crack, either. The tools and pieces cost less than a single trip to the now closed anyway spas. Gotta do it.
I am still waiting on flat sheets, ordered over a mont ago. White cotton, simple but they bleach well. Pillow cases, of that sort, ordered on payday, are almost here. For toys, I ordered steel marbles. Can't play against glass with them, they will be their own set. Now I have room, upstairs, to practice. Silly? In a small way, I hope so. While life is a losing battle, perhaps partly for that, partly in spite of that, and partly aside from that, life shouldn't be taken totally seriously. That is losing, on steroids and speed.
.
I hate wasting, even a wake-up. So I tried every trick at my disposal. I don't think it is working. So... this one last time. Blogging, a procrastination to hold off sleep, while my eyes burn for sleep. Probably a losing effort. How many efforts in life are likely? You, I, we... aren't here to win. To fight, or just live? I have no choice. Life, for me, is a fight. One I have already lost. Still, why give up even now? I have nothing to lose. Only the pain and struggle give this life meaning, structure, a weak grasp of the real.
I realized my feet need care. Without being able to afford a pedicure monthly, I lost track. My heels are so harsh they bruise other parts simply through light contact. I ordered a few pieces of equipment to see if I can fix that. Wouldn't want them to crack, either. The tools and pieces cost less than a single trip to the now closed anyway spas. Gotta do it.
I am still waiting on flat sheets, ordered over a mont ago. White cotton, simple but they bleach well. Pillow cases, of that sort, ordered on payday, are almost here. For toys, I ordered steel marbles. Can't play against glass with them, they will be their own set. Now I have room, upstairs, to practice. Silly? In a small way, I hope so. While life is a losing battle, perhaps partly for that, partly in spite of that, and partly aside from that, life shouldn't be taken totally seriously. That is losing, on steroids and speed.
An uncomfortable start.
.
.
Innards feel bad. Sleep didn't leave me rested. Lungs burn. Even so, a better day than I am used to waking into. My first chore is to decide whether to wake or go back to bed. It looks like the sun is out solidly if not fiercely? I'll know more when I feed the ducks. Whether shortly, or later, I am looking forward to today, and the rest of the week.
It isn't just the work, it is more the idea of the finished product. But the hope of being able to do the work is a good. At this pace it will take a while. But a while is much faster than never. And, yes, I do see it coming together. Little stations will be cleared. One for sorting through boxes, one for tearing down boxes, one for processing dishes, possibly other stations.
As things get done, the processes behind them will become burned in. Keeping up should become easier. There is nothing like being buried in a kingdom of dirt then digging out of it to make one appreciate open clean clear spaces. As well, eating mostly salads will limit dishes. I may even downsize some of my dishes and else. Some set aside, some tossed. Gotta clean, clear.
Remember when I received grief about buying styrofoam bowls, for feeding the girls? Now, considering the source, I didn't take the reprimand seriously... if I could be wrong. He can be intractable. Anyway, I only bought that because there wasn't a choice. I thought them too light, flimsy, to work. Not only do they work well, hold up, but they clean up exceptionally well and easily. I have only had to replace a few, mostly from external abuse such as being stepped on. I don't have to waste water washing as with ceramic bowls, or toss the bowls after two or three meals as with paper bowls... all thr types I tried became nasty, fast. Super for feeding cats.
I'll probably be going back to bed shortly. But I will be digging in when I can stay awake. Later.
.
Innards feel bad. Sleep didn't leave me rested. Lungs burn. Even so, a better day than I am used to waking into. My first chore is to decide whether to wake or go back to bed. It looks like the sun is out solidly if not fiercely? I'll know more when I feed the ducks. Whether shortly, or later, I am looking forward to today, and the rest of the week.
It isn't just the work, it is more the idea of the finished product. But the hope of being able to do the work is a good. At this pace it will take a while. But a while is much faster than never. And, yes, I do see it coming together. Little stations will be cleared. One for sorting through boxes, one for tearing down boxes, one for processing dishes, possibly other stations.
As things get done, the processes behind them will become burned in. Keeping up should become easier. There is nothing like being buried in a kingdom of dirt then digging out of it to make one appreciate open clean clear spaces. As well, eating mostly salads will limit dishes. I may even downsize some of my dishes and else. Some set aside, some tossed. Gotta clean, clear.
Remember when I received grief about buying styrofoam bowls, for feeding the girls? Now, considering the source, I didn't take the reprimand seriously... if I could be wrong. He can be intractable. Anyway, I only bought that because there wasn't a choice. I thought them too light, flimsy, to work. Not only do they work well, hold up, but they clean up exceptionally well and easily. I have only had to replace a few, mostly from external abuse such as being stepped on. I don't have to waste water washing as with ceramic bowls, or toss the bowls after two or three meals as with paper bowls... all thr types I tried became nasty, fast. Super for feeding cats.
I'll probably be going back to bed shortly. But I will be digging in when I can stay awake. Later.
All night.
.
.
I didn't work all night. It took until now to complete what was to be done. I did more of this... less, fewer, or none of that. I did more than my list. After setting up dishes, I washed and set them back up. Couldn't finish them, no good place to put them. Washed them twice. But they are ready. Two loads of laundry. I need to check dryness of the first load. As soon as it is dry, I'll put the other load to dry. That'll be that for that.
Trash wasn't the first thing. It was the last. But... I started on it. Quite ready to finish off through the week. As well, the counter opening is well on it's way to a reality. My next wake cycle should see those completed. Finding empty boxes, and stacking them somewhere... where I can sit to process them, is next on the list. As well as sorting storage boxes down here, storing supplies better, and getting toss boxes down and or in a pile of their own.
I probably should stick to two 2 hour sessions a day, four days a week. Perhaps push at the end, if I see a way through to a neater finish. Too much more and I drop for a week or more. I can't push too hard. I break. Still, if I can open up those eight hours, as I have, I can see serious improvements.
Weeks to months. I will be ready or dead. All good.
.
I didn't work all night. It took until now to complete what was to be done. I did more of this... less, fewer, or none of that. I did more than my list. After setting up dishes, I washed and set them back up. Couldn't finish them, no good place to put them. Washed them twice. But they are ready. Two loads of laundry. I need to check dryness of the first load. As soon as it is dry, I'll put the other load to dry. That'll be that for that.
Trash wasn't the first thing. It was the last. But... I started on it. Quite ready to finish off through the week. As well, the counter opening is well on it's way to a reality. My next wake cycle should see those completed. Finding empty boxes, and stacking them somewhere... where I can sit to process them, is next on the list. As well as sorting storage boxes down here, storing supplies better, and getting toss boxes down and or in a pile of their own.
I probably should stick to two 2 hour sessions a day, four days a week. Perhaps push at the end, if I see a way through to a neater finish. Too much more and I drop for a week or more. I can't push too hard. I break. Still, if I can open up those eight hours, as I have, I can see serious improvements.
Weeks to months. I will be ready or dead. All good.
Sunday, May 3, 2020
Late AND early?
.
.
Ye-as. A day later than planned, but earlier (within what passes for my day). I... can't be sure if, or how, my day is changing. Losing or gaining hours. Sleeping once or twice a day. Two long naps, or whole extended sleeps? I'm... never... I don't... remember. At least I usually wake knowing where, and when, I am. Mostly.
A shower, plants in for a short spot after me... for their biweekly or monthly sip. No, they flourish. I need more. Then a few small loads of dishes set. Finally a load of laundry set. It doesn't sound like it is running... Yep! It is a quiet machine.
.
Ye-as. A day later than planned, but earlier (within what passes for my day). I... can't be sure if, or how, my day is changing. Losing or gaining hours. Sleeping once or twice a day. Two long naps, or whole extended sleeps? I'm... never... I don't... remember. At least I usually wake knowing where, and when, I am. Mostly.
A shower, plants in for a short spot after me... for their biweekly or monthly sip. No, they flourish. I need more. Then a few small loads of dishes set. Finally a load of laundry set. It doesn't sound like it is running... Yep! It is a quiet machine.
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