I didn't think it possible.

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Sure, fasting blood sugar was very good, at 154, this morning.  But I doubted it could go down much.  I had the remaining steak, from the two pack of thincut steaks.  As well, coffee, a kefir, and a vinegar tonic.  That was it.  Haven't been able to have a bm, so... meh.  Anyway, I decided to check here before bedtime.

It was lower.  It is 137, a seventeen point drop?  Crazy.  All this time, the elevation was the keto sweetener.  I have been doing without it.  It is difficult.  A few drops in the coffee, or kefir, or both, make both so much smoother.  But, no.  I'm going old school.  I am adding cream to my coffee, but even then, only a dollop, a teaspoon, two on rare occasions.  I wish I could find a sweetener that made it taste better, and didn't cause one problem or another.  I have tried just about everything out there.  This was as good as it got.  Yes, I tried the alcohols too.  (Not drinking alcohol, some sort of sweetener.)

That is the lowest blood sugar read I have had since I was on insulin, and just for a while.  It wouldn't stay low.  Either I would eat something, or go through a phase where I had to eat whatever was on hand, couldn't focus.  And that has been several years back.  Interesting.  I'll keep at it.  Ketavore seems to be working.  Now, when I rarely cheat with a veggie, it isn't like when I cheat with pizza.

And, I have cut my calorie count.  A lot.  Not every day.  But often I only eat a meal, or two, and just small amounts of meat.  I'd like to go on to bed, but I think I will roast ribs, and chicken gizzards, yet tonight.  The ribs may be sliced off, in twos or three, and grilled to heat.  The gizzards?  I may just eat those, perhaps griddling them to a finish.  With mushrooms?  Sure.  It's a bit late, but I am hungry.

A strange new day.

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Up very early.  I let Sassy sleep with me last night for the first time in... I don't know, months?  It won't be a regular thing, but a few times a week?  I didn't get to bed until very late, so was surprised I was able to wake this early, 7:30 or so.

It was 64/67 upstairs, but 64/64 downstairs.  Outside was 50, but had been cooler, probably much cooler, as it was 47 when I went to bed at a quarter after one.  Very strange.  I just haven't see that much of a temperature rise, especially with a thin cloud cover preventing full sun quite yet this morning.  It'll probably make it out, unless more arrive.  But... very odd.

Blood sugar, first thing.  And?  One of the best so far?  So very very different.  It is 154 fasting?  I had two meals yesterday.  But, too, I had kefir... before each meal.  And I had a vinegar tonic after each meal.  The meals were light, two very thincut chops, if with three eggs, the other meal consisting of only one thincut ribeye.  The ribeye, even so, was twice as thick as the chops.  Those were almost just flavor.  And, yes, were bone in, from the rib.  They must have worked that bone saw, all I'm saying.

Good day.

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It was already down to 66, by 18:00?  When I went out to cook a small extra bite.  Two very thin cut chops and three eggs.  Nothing fancy.  Just a dash of salt on the pork chops, and pepper.  Nothing on the eggs, save tobasco.  And a dose of kefir.  All in plenty of time to be within the intermittent fasting window.  Now I'll have a dose of water and vinegar.  Blood sugar had dropped to 154.  I will check after this... just curious if meat will raise blood sugar.

Cleaned the grill a bit after the steak, but really cleaned it up after the chops.  I try to keep up on that, or it could really be a mess in a hurry.  After trying to keep up on pans, this is much easier.  Much, much, easier.  Actually, if I ever get a range hood in, with a fan and vent to the outdoors, and begin cooking in the house again, I'll probably have a lot easier time keeping up on pots and pans, being that I use cast and high carbon steel, or tri-layer stainless.  But that last is very easy care, compared with the others.  Once you learn the tricks of caring for a griddle, you can tend any other sort of pan.  It's the easy way to learn.  Especially cooking on it nearly daily, or two times a day.  And learning how to cook anything and everything cookable on it.

As I was getting ready to cook, the winds picked up.  I was afraid it was going to begin raining.  It didn't, and hasn't.  But still could.  Crazy weather this year.  If I am enjoying it for my part.  The odd thing is, the more comfortable I am, due to weather?  The less I am able to do.  It seems I can only work when miserable.  Crazy, isn't it?

Strange... things.

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Breakfast is going, or the griddle is heating and coffee is brewing, anyway.  A simple steak.  Chops for later, if I want more food.  Two, thin cut, small.  More like tenderloin chops than rib chops?  Probably.  Can never be absolutely certain.

It is just hitting 70 out there, at about 13:00?  Okay.

I was dreaming, recently, a day or two ago, about women being removed from the ministry.  Not even sure why that is a point for me, being Catholic.  I laughed, when I woke.  Knowing the dream must be fiction, for the protestant denominations.  They are what they are, and won't change to the good for anything.  Then... I... read... that it is happening.  Then again, if there was a church which had some potential, it would be that one.  It's... a start.  Strange, to me though.  As I have no connection with that church.  Even back in the day, before Catholicism, it was never quite my gig.  But... there was some small respect for it... distantly.  Until it went woke.

Still going to bed late.

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Thus, waking late.  I technically got to bed at midnight last night, but didn't sleep until one, maybe even two.  Did what I could.  At least I rested a bit, before sleeping.  Working on it, might be losing it.

It got down to at least 46 outside, at about when I went to bed.  So could easily have dropped to 42?  It was 64/67 upstairs this morning.  It is 66/67 downstairs this morning, I think the main is warmer than this front... that is what the different thermometer near my computer is reading.  Odd.  But, with the main of the house connected to a large underground cement and rock mass, it can only cool, or heat, just so much... mostly.  And, it is 61 outside, at a quarter past ten?  Very odd for July 16.  Wow.  But, okay.

Now, as with my mother, I do remember a cooler time when I was younger.  I am pretty sure it just happens.  Cyclically.  It just is what it is, happens as it happens, and we are just along for the ride.  Scientists just wanted to be famous, helpful, useful, but have proven to be the opposite.  Even if they could figure out how to solve it?  By the time they implemented it, it would be going in the opposite direction on it's own, and they would screw it up.  Perhaps they have.

Wasn't able to get the ssd on the ps4.

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Now I can't even get it to boot into safe-mode, with the original hard drive in.  It works, plays games.  But won't let me tinker, at all, beyond.  I have some ideas, but haven't found a way to change what I am thinking might be the problem.  It says I have two accounts on the system, beside my own.  But I can't find them.

They are legit.  One was a guest account, the other was from a friend who signed in to do something or other.  Or play coop back a bit ago?  Something.  But, I can't find them, to even begin attempting to remove them.  I have pulled the update file, for a new hard drive, from online.  And backed up the system, several times, on different drives.  Nothing.  I'll... check into it at some other point in time.

Just... taking it easy today.  Gaming.  I have finished, I think, or nearly, all weapons upgraded (that I have).  And a good deal of wealth stored for advanced games.  Though I will probably run through one more time, as fast as possible.  And, may always come back and play the easy portion, to pick up any trophies or such I otherwise missed.

Failure, again again again.

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Am I getting somewhere?  Maybe.  I won't know until I know.  I have tried three different ways.  All failed.  Then I found something, or looked at something differently.  The requirement was version 10.5.  I... thought ps consoles kept updated?  Apparently not.  So...

This time, I have updated the harddrive, with the main console software.  It is supposed to be to 10.5.  They said I could update online, but that didn't work.  Save to update the already running harddrive, it didn't work with the ssd.  So, right.  I have updated, and am now beginning the long process of backing up the system... again again.

When that is done, I will try to reset the ssd.  But!  While that is working, I will look, again, at the instructions for installing an ssd.  Perhaps there is more too it than what limited instructions are suggesting?  Or... that just... I don't know.  I'll look around just a bit more, see if there is just one more box to check, one or three or ten more things to do.  What a pain.

It was 59, last time I checked outdoors, some hours ago.  It rained a goodly bit, for a while.  Some of it quietly, some of it with rumble, some of it with pitty patting of raindrops.  Odd how it can rain without a sound this time, while next time it sounds like a herd of cats storming around on the roof.  It is right at 64~65 out there.  Sometimes the reading is just too middling to rightly tell.

Ugh, the backups had been taking... eight to twelve minutes.  Since the other update, this one is taking forty minutes to an hour.  Ugh!  I hate that.

Gah!

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First try didn't work.  A lot of time wasted.  Attempted to use an external harddrive for storing the backup.  Nope.  Or, at least, the console couldn't find it.  Albeit, I had used it to store a lot of games, as well.  Okay.  Fine.

So, I fund some flash drives, thumb drives, whatever.  Checked several out.  The problem is, as it was set up, they didn't have enough space for the backup.  So... I removed the shells of the games... the main of them are kept on the ssd.  Then tried.  There was enough space, so I am having it backup to that.  If... it works.

I'll find out after it takes it's pokey time backing up the system.  Then, after I change in the ssd and to a reinstall.  Or... attempt to do one.  It might not work.  This is why people hate working with this crap, at times.  The instructions are clear as mud.  It's more like invocations, some luck, and just chance, whether doing it one way, or another, or the other, will work... or not.  It eats time.  If I want time eaten, it is in playing stupid games, not waiting for a timekiller to become functional.

Old stuff finally being implemented.

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I had... things for the ps4.  For a long time.  Just... couldn't get to installing those things.  An external hard drive, external ssd, and internal ssd.  Well, I finally tinkered and got the external drives working.  Then, had to tear it down to get the cooling problem sorted.  All good.

But, I decided, finally, to install the internal ssd.  Which, hardware-wise, is about a tenth as difficult as a complete tear down.  Actually, only one panel needs to removed (no screws with that part).  Then, one screw to remove the drive sled, then four screw to remove the original (hard)drive.  Then installing the new drive, an ssd, in reverse.

That... isn't what stopped me.  It is backing up that hard drive, then reinstalling that "drive picture" onto the new drive.  Seemed... complicated... programmy.  Not my cup of tea.  Still, seeing what else I did, I decided to hit it today.  So, as I write, the original drive, while still in of course, is being backed up.  Takes... a bit.  But, whatever.  When that is done, all I have to do is shut the machine off, replace the drives, and then start up and put the backup to use by installing on the fresh drive.

Late, is the hour?

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Not as late as it could have, or should have, been?  I didn't get to bed until two.  Up, checking the machine, testing it... pushing it.  The fan never turned on.  Which... could have been a bad thing.  But, if it had been a bad thing, it would have lit up, telling me it was too hot.  It... just didn't get hot.  Will be testing it some more today.

As well, I have some minor tinkering yet to do.  But, that... won't be anywhere near as deep into her guts.  Just a slight surface software and hardware refresh, so she moves even more lithely.  Love it when I can make her dance, and feel like a fresh young thing.  Hmm?  Never... mind.  Just waking from... pleasant dreams.  Women can do that to a man, even an old clunker.

It was 68/69 (latter near me) upstairs, 68/68 downstairs, and is 63 outside.  Cloudy, pretty much full overcast, here at around a quarter after eleven.  I left everything open, hoping it wouldn't get too hot, too early.  And, with it being cool, have opened the front door a crack.

I... did it.

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A bit of looking, regarding the overheating of my ps4, resulted in a few probably causes.  Either dust collected deeper into the machine, in the heat exchanger.  Or... perhaps... dried out thermal past, for the main chip.  Well, or both.  Still, taking apart a ps4?  I'm old, foolish, forget.  Even when things seem clear, I... could miss, forget, or just make a mistake.

Still?  I... went ahead and started the tear down.  No, no pictures were taken.  No diagrams drawn.  Nothing.  I just did it.  The wood showed up.  For working on the window.  While it was on the way, I asked about thermal paste.  He thought he might have some.  I... suspected that would be his reply.  I was worried that it wouldn't work, but an opportunity, with no cost, seemed a... worthy chance.

He was going to have his brother bring it by, tomorrow, but decided to bring it by himself yet tonight.  I was quite grateful.  I... got on further into it.

Difficult, again.

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Cloudy this morning, 52 at nine when I woke.  Didn't get to bed until... midnight?  Something like that.  Would love to still be asleep, trying to maintain a day and night schedule with the correct orientation though.  Difficult, with the weather being so... odd.

It rained last night, a lot.  For a while.  And, probably rained through the night... probably in the very early morning as most of the moisture was gone.  It had all evaporated, I think, iirc, before I went to bed.  So everything out there this morning was fresh.  I think it was around 60 by 17:00 last night?  Or so.

Who knows if it will rain again today.  But it sure looks like it could.  I wonder if they are still saying we are in a drought?  Wouldn't surprise me.  Either way, they are planning on getting us back to drought levels.  Working on that day and night.  Bureaucrats have to be broken, or they will kill us all.  At least aristocrats only hurt small disfavored groups and particular individuals.  Bureaucrats hate everybody.  Aristocrats grew bored with even sadism, bureaucrats never stop, never quit, and are never right.

So damaged, lately.  I don't know how to escape this.  My heart doesn't hurt, so much, but it does drag slowly on.  It isn't working very well.  Diabetes seems to be getting worse.  Though... I did try potatoes, twice cooked, lately.  That... doesn't work.  Some theory about cooking it then reheating it creating inedible carbs... starches.  Nope.

I need to get back to just meat, but the problem is that the weather isn't cooperating at all.  Burgers, again, today.  But I need to thaw more meat.  Burger, steaks, chops.  I don't mind roasts, since it is cool enough, often, and usually at night, to roast those in there.

As well, kefir is coming back into play, albeit slowly.  I have nearly two big jugs in the fridge, and three fermenting jars.  But it is taking two to three days to ferment the stuff, instead of eighteen to twenty four hours.  Very cool.  Technically as warm as I was keeping it in the winter, but where the heat settles, and how it arrives, were different?  Something strange about the temps then and now.

The house, at 70, in the winter, seemed cold often.  Now it seems more just cool.  In the winter, the warmth is oddly distributed, and tends to rise.  Now, it is everywhere.  Strange.  Would think fermentation would be quicker, in the summer, but it hasn't been.  Then again, I would kick the furnace up to 72, even 74 sometimes.  So... yeah.

It is just 69, here near the computer, at nearly ten.  Very odd.  But, a cloudy day.  Such a strange summer.

I called my mom a few days ago.  She hung right up.  No worries, sleeping, or on another call.  It's... how women do.  But she got back to me yesterday.  Didn't say why she hung up.  I don't worry about it.  That is... just how women do.  I've known many, in many different ways.  Women are... just... women.  Like em', love em', hate em'.  I just laugh.  And cause them grief, if just by my nature, in return.  Someone said something, through a video.  I have to think it was a woman.  And... yeah.   I think... we both play that game?  *grins*  Heck... *rictus grins*

Rough.

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It could be worse.  I figured out why it seemed so warm the other night.  I had closed the window by where I sleep, and forgotten to open it before bedtime.  Odd how a few degrees can make such a large difference.  I am fragile, when it comes to changes.  Open last night, and temp was down at 69 when I woke, 66 in the main.  If, too, I awoke late, at nine.  So the sun was up, warming my sleeping side of the house already.

I didn't get down until midnight thirty.  Fighting with the machine, to get play time in.  Having to cool it off.  Shouldn't have to.  It's 70 in the main, for most of the day, or less.  Something is wrong with the system.  But it's dev created, company supported.  Asshole grifters.

It was 65 when I woke.  So I'll leave everything open, and even open the front door.  I got a shower in, first thing.  I really needed a shower.  Some days are tough, some weeks are tough.  I've just gone through both.  And, with a worrying new symptom.  My legs were numb this morning.  More on the right side, but the left has it some.  It is rare that I have a limb put to sleep somehow, rarer that I have a pair.  Actually, I don't think I have ever had both legs 'put to sleep', as they say, at the same time.  I'll change up my seating a bit today.

A headache, as well.  But, I'm not coughing up bloody foamy spittle.  And, I think I have voided a lot of the water and blood in me, where it shouldn't have been.  Doing better in some ways.  Sucks to be on the edge of infinity.  I... can't, won't, push off that edge, anymore.  God let me know, in I can't even count all the ways, that this task is for another.  Not even Him, I don't think.  It is... a.., product... death that is... of a system He created, being left no choice via our sin.  It isn't ours to claim, take, make.  Nor is it for other people, really.  Though... mistakes are made on both sides.  

Doctors, it is said, kill more today than any other single cause (more so if you add in bad medicine prescribed).  That's... not how it is supposed to be.  Do have to wonder how much of that is intentional.  These days, I would guess most of it, by the corruption in the system as much as by the hate taught to doctors against white males, or any whites?

Having tried suicide so many times, I can't act innocent.  But, in part, those attempts were because they weren't telling me the truth about my medical condition, or treating it.  So... yea...  I suppose I can lay this on them, fully.  Or close enough.  Not that I wouldn't have tried, if I realized how bad it was.  But, wasn't given the real option.

No rain last night, if the weather for it crept in.  It seems a usual thing, lately, to have a storm come through.  That doesn't mean it will rain, just that... it will cool things off, or maybe.  It got to 80, yesterday, and stayed 80 a longer than (of late) usual.  But, before five, it was down to 70, maybe into the 60s.

Ah, and I did remember to get the trash out last night.  Ugh, but that thing was heavy with all the freezer tossings.  What had been frozen bottles, ice packs, and some very old soup bones lost in there.  Out, a lot of stuff, four full kitchen sized bags, heavy, brutal.  And, having the freezer open, clear, sorted, is a nice side bonus.

I keep forgetting to get charcoal.  But that stuff is so expensive now.  Still, I have pork ribs I want to cook.  I just don't think they would do well on the griddle.  And, sure, the griddle has a grill, but I don't really want to use that as such unless something major happens, and there isn't another choice.

As well, this month or next, I'd like to start pulling the sliced beef and making jerky.  Just... to have on hand.  And, eventually, looking for the propane stove on stilts, to begin canning burger and maybe other meats.  Maybe twenty pints of beef, half that of beef roast and half of boned thighs... I'll do the deboning myself, it's exceptionally expensive to buy it boned.  Just to see if I could handle eating that.  Canned meat looks pretty gross, but done up right it can make for a very good, very quick, rather inexpensive, meal.

Well, assuming I don't die in the next few days or months.  Sheesh, but I really am in tough shape.  I can't get to food, though the weather makes that a gamble, cooking outside and all.  And... being able to eat isn't always possible itself.  Meh.  I'll... keep working on things.  Just one water pill today, and a few painkillers... of the aspirin type.  The painkillers more for the aspirin's abilities to mitigate or even stave off stroke and heart attack.  Yes, I... am just a bit worried.

More soup.

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Wanted to eat something else.  Just... didn't have what it took.  Definitely not earlier.  Now, as I am getting legs under me, the weather is closing in.  Wind and clouds, very likely leading to heavy rain?  Maybe, sure looks like it.  The type of rain which could hit at any minute, will come in buckets, and may last all night.  Or... it'll piddle on us like a bird, farting as it flees the scene.  Never can quite tell.

I just don't want to fiddle with the grill in the middle of a hurricane, not the eye, either.  So, soup.  Some of what was left over from yesterday, more new, and hamburger which had been cooked to a crumble.  I wish I had been able to get out yesterday.  Grated cheddar goes good with this.  I couldn't get out today, either.  Though stores aren't open.  If... that wasn't even a part of the problem.

A bit more rested.  I took extra water pills again today, but only three rather than five.  I seem to be... drying out.  I'll be careful, too dry is bad as well.  There goes potassium, which my heart really needs, probably seriously at the moment.  Tricks, traps, technique, favor, and luck?

I have been gaming.  But, am just repeating the game, on easy, until I get everything maxed.  And, will tinker with the items after that, see what I like at maximum levels... for the harder playthrough.  Plus, trying to take care of some of the lesser challenges and such.  I can't get them all.  Currently.  Just too difficult at my skill level.  I have doubts if I will get them all.

But, it is something to do.  I am improving.  The game cheats.  Causes aiming to be horrible, and such.  It's part of the gig.  They don't dare let you shoot like you really can.  They wouldn't have much of a game.  I wish they could wrap a game around actual skill.  But that would exclude the retards.  I'm old and ill, and skilled.  Bleh.  Little good it does in modern games.  Further, I think if the game senses you are good?  It seriously handicaps you, and vise versa.

Ouch.

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Was having trouble breathing.  Often just bull through that.  Not last night.  Frothy foam, clogging all.  Spitting some out, I could see it was bloody.  Ah, that.  No, not cancer or all.  When I overwork, and am holding onto too much fluid, my heart can't pump well enough, so dumps extra blood directly into the lungs.  Which... makes a foam as I try to breath through it.

So, tired as I was, I got up, looked around for water pills, what's left of them, and took a small lot of them.  Then peed all night.  Only three liters out, but it's a start.  Gotta wear my compression socks religiously, at least for a bit.  As well, I'll take a few more water pills every day for the next three or four days.

But, driving out that much flood, all at once, hurts the body.  The neck, the feet, the ankles, the legs, all feel like they just had a lot of material ripped out of them.  And, well, they have in a way.  They have dropped in volume by as much as a quarter... this time.  I have seen them shrink my as much as half in limited areas.

My friend from church had asked that I come in for a few hours, for their pancake breakfast.  I just couldn't.  Besides being up half the night, fighting getting a clean breath, and the exhaustion and hurt legs elsewise, I was just able to wake at about the time I should have gone in.  

I hadn't planned to make it, but... if...  I had set the alarm for six.  Who knows, perhaps I would have felt better.  But I... fought... to even wake.  Even now I am only out of bed by the Grace of God.  It's a rough one, rougher than yesterday, if the legs aren't the biggest, or only, problem today.  I'll do what I can.  Honestly, if I get a shower?  And eat something?  That might be it.

Even yesterday, I only ate half the soup and a dose of kefir.  Blood sugar was down to 160 by bedtime.  Couldn't even eat.  Weird.  Bah!  Was hoping it would be lower today, for it.  Higher than the trend, by a lot, at 236.  Very strange.  Do water pills cause in issue?  Blood backing into the lungs?  Very... weird.  No, just had water with the pills, so nothing with carbs after that low read.

Well... on to... something.  It stayed 72/70 upstairs, but is 67/69 down here.  It is 62~63 outside, currently, so I have things open.  Very strange that it stayed so warm upstairs.