Late nap turned into bedtime.

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I am not even sure what time it was.  All I know is that going to bed, for a little or long while, was a necessity.  Cooked, burned out, fried.  And yet, for some reason, I woke every two to four hours to use the restroom.  No extra drinking yesterday, I don't believe.

I also dreamed last night.  Something about someone in the bible who knew of or studied some sort of spirits.  Daniel?  I don't remember.  I'm not sure if it was just a dream thing, either.  It seemed as if I was being shown to look at some things, for some things, and for reasons.  That first dream failed.  I felt so bad.  But the dream notion came back in following dreams.  It seems, at least in the dream though not indicated in the bible (at least in the dream sessions), that the spirits discussed were some sort of aspects of God, left for some to know and use to His will.

These aspects could be collected.  They were difficult to obtain and hard to keep for very long.  Each had a different function.  This one, say, could allow a human to run at extreme speeds, this other one might make you super strong, etc.  Technically, you could collect and keep them all for a time.  I am sure there were risks and costs, beyond the complexity of obtaining, or possessing somehow, the spirits.

No, no clue.  If I am up to it, before long, I will begin looking into it.  Might just be a strange set of dreams.  I thought I had heard of the study of some strange things.  That might just be the dream though.  Later.

Mac and cheese all grown up.

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Hey, no plug against standard mac and cheese.  I like it plain sometimes just as well.  However, once in a while, I like to do it right.  In this case, the addition of just the right other cheese added a level of sophisticated satisfaction.

I have been, over time, working on the roux.  More butter is what was needed.  I remembered and added more this time.  Flour, and the right amount.  It's not something I could say, and it depends on various things.  After the roux was lightly browned, then a bit of milk to work that together a bit more, and get it just a shade browner without burning.  Finally a couple of cups of cheese.  For regular or fancy cheesy mac, I recommend a mild, middling priced, pre-shredded, medium cheddar.  It offers enough flavor on it's own, but is mild enough that an added specialty cheese will take over.  In this case I used the last of the camembert cheese.  I only had about 2 ounces left, and had to skin it on top of that.  Still, perfect!  If I had just a few ounces of salami left, I might well have sliced, then diced, that and added it for just a bit more umami.  It wasn't just the specialty cheese, but the right production of the roux and simple cheese sauce allowed the extra layer to work out.  I could see doing this with a blue cheese, or a number of others.  Fresh, soft, cheeses, however, will work the best.  Creamy!

Hmm... about the recipe, a general rundown...  1/3 to 1/2 cup of flour, four to six teaspoons of butter, initially about a quarter cup of milk as the roux is finishing, then an half a cup when the cheddar is added, 2 to 3 cups of medium cheddar, a quarter cup of whole cream, in with the cheddar and second portion of milk... then stir that into a fine mess.  Finally, when that looks about ready, add the prepared camembert or other cheese and stir until it is melted in.  Finally, add the macaroni shells or whatever back in.  Stir that until well mixed.  Then either serve right then or cover and let it all blend.

I should have napped.  Now I am busted up for sleep, but if I nap now I might not make it to bed early enough...  Hmm... Well, I may have another serving and then take a nap anyway.  That was quite good.  Later.

Awake. Technically.

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On this day, technicality is not a bad thing, or good.  Not yet.  It just is.  Truly awake but wanting for time to see about actually doing something.

Alright, not so good.

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I am stuck in a sort of holding pattern.  While I am not getting worse, or in too terrible of shape, I am a bit rough and going nowhere.  I realize I missed an appointment.  I see, after reviewing one of my recent videos, that it was a little too much, even for me.  A mistake.  I don't really get in to raunch.  I don't consider the second one too bad, but that first one.  I hadn't viewed the whole thing when I embedded.  I saw the first little bit, and the song.  Oh well.  Yeah, it stays.  Mistakes and all, but it is now history.

Swelling comes and goes, but it is lighter than it has been.  Sleeping patterns are mostly stable.  I have been able to eat once in a while, though I am running out of food.  Nothing is right.  It could be worse, but it doesn't seem to be getting worse, or better.  I just don't know what to do, right at this moment.  I haven't called my doctor yet, to set that up either.  I'm not sure I can make it.  Still, I'll make the appointment, and attempt to set up another haircut.  Gah!  I need to get to town for shopping.  It is just that, right now, hitting a specific time, or even day, is... tricky.

Oh, some good/bad news.  I called my mother.  I've been trying to keep up on what she is about.  I know she has been rough this last year, perhaps more.  When there is something back there, you always worry.  Cancer is the big scare, but there are others, some worse.  Age almost invariably leads to poor health.  The question is can it be treated, will it be really bad, when will it arrive.  So, yeah.  She finally went in, and pushed for them to diagnose the problem.  She wouldn't let them tell her, as they have been, that it was all in her head.  And, as usual, she was right.  Gall stones.  We, I told her, can deal with that.  Her doc is out of town for about a week.  They will deal with it when she returns.  Yes, gall stones would put you down, and are very treatable.  They have her on pain pills for the moment, and it's helping.  That's as good as bad news gets.  I honestly wish they could do something for me.  I think they are, with medicine, if they send it, doing about all they can.  Hmm... she is learning more and more how... doctors really miss and allow some people to suffer horribly.  My conditions aren't fun.  Symptom-less my butt.  I've suffered most of these last nearly thirty years, and even to this day.  It's just I am now more aware, even when suffering greatly, if I suffer less (usually).

Oh, I'll keep trying.  So difficult to be stuck like this.  I don't have anything with which to push, or pry, or rip, tear, vault.  Stuck.  I'll keep at it.  What else am I going to do?  Complaining doesn't really help, but it gets it off my mind.  Later.

Often.

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My mind dreams, and I see sugar plumbs dancing in my dreams, and she always seems to go back to a specific post.  Now, is she looking at the whole thing, certain videos, or the comments section?  I have my suspicion that it is a specific video and the comment section.  I am not only a bad man, according to a tone deaf irreverent quickly becoming irrelevant world elite.  They don't want me to like, or want to be with, women.  They want the world to die.  So, when I let it be known that, if in a grave, I am spinning in it, due to want and desire for a woman, they have problems.  Is she one of them?  Or is she... delighted, or even just mystified as dames can be who want men to just be nice?  I won't give it all away, my suspicions.  Just one song, from that set anyway.  It seems to... mollify her?  Take no offense, unless you will it.  None is meant.  I'm just putting two and two and three and one and seven and two together, then going with it a bit.  You, for today, because of thoughts, dreams, and daydreams, are the muse de jour.

Trying to figure things out.

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After pointing out that Fiorina was a useless tit, having had no children and ruining company after company in her quest for equality, proving to me that she was most likely a puppet for those who engorged themselves on the fruits of those companies (knowingly or not on her part), I have been e-attacked.  It happened so quickly, and with two individuals showing up as prime candidates for the attacks, that I am sure it was some of Neo-Neocons readers... with or without her blessing I don't know.

The problem is/was with two particular browsers.  Cyberfox just... got crippled, especially after I wouldn't allow an update until I could review it.  A few days of waiting and then when I attempted to use the browser it would blank out.  when I got in and could shut down the browser, it would turn off my whole system.  Yeah... something there.  The other problem is one which might or might not be something I can fix.  As is, Iron is a bit of a mess.  I was permanently signed in, through my gooogle account.  For whatever reason, that wasn't allowing me to sign in to youtube.  I was getting the "oops" page, usually reserved for people who had uploaded against policy too many times.  I don't upload, so that wasn't it.  Finally, I signed out of Iron/google.  Which... allowed me to sign into youtube, but eliminated my bookmarks, as you have to be signed in to get those... or something.  They just flipped some switches, after hacking into my system.  But I am not familiar enough with Iron to find and sort that... or maybe in vista somewhere, or a bit of both.

The thing is, those who are pushing for dog food and dog are not conservatives.  Cuckservatives, make no doubt.  Fiorina is for planned parenthood and Carlson only became "Republican" last year.  The Republican party didn't create a big umbrella, they were simply taken over by these sorts.  Not only can't conservatives keep our pols shooting straight, we have been infiltrated to the highest levels by actual enemies of the state.  With the media on the wrong side, and pretty much every former social, cultural, and economic institution on the wrong side, it's really difficult to keep people on track.  Especially when the enemy in our ranks are quite willing to attempt a direct or indirect attack on anyone who speaks the truth, doesn't hold off, and gets it right... naming names on the way.

I'll keep working on it.  Though... maybe later.  There is only so much one can do on such projects at a time.  I'll do tinkering on another project.  Then maybe, hopefully, a bit of work here in the cave before long.  Oh... and just so's ya know... while there is the feared, the sad, the hard, the strange, the worrisome?  There is also the... well... the not so bad.  Later.

There is always hope.

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When I have nothing else on tap, hope.  Whether that is just what it takes to get through from here to there, or there is something more to it as to my proposals, sometimes that is all I have available.  In a virtual sense, right now, that isn't true.  Given all, I'm just not to that point.  In a literal sense, I am actually right there.  I am stuck, doing nothing and able to do nothing, or very little.  Frustrated.  But... not quite, all and sum total, in a hopeless enough of a situation to give in to only hope.  A strange thing, I suppose.  Perhaps you don't understand.  Just take my word for it.

Health is swinging into the 'better than yesterday by increments' phase.  Days are becoming a strong possibility.  Medicine is back on track, though with no opportunity because of the limited supply to take more.  Food is still an issue.  It just... doesn't taste good.  While I liked the steak, I honestly couldn't eat that more than once a weak.  I need to figure some things out for that.  Beside nothing tasting tempting, volume is an issue.  I can't eat much, mostly.  I end up feeling stuffed after anywhere from a few bites to a normal sized meal.  I've been eating fast in the hopes of getting enough food in before that awful over-filled sensation hits.  It hits no matter the practical truth of things, so I have no trouble attempting to fit more food in there.  Especially since eating once a day might be it.

I don't know about today.  I am still hoping to push some things through.  Work, just a bit, or even a lot.  If I can.  The power supply should be in today, if, as I said, I would rather begin messing with that tomorrow.  Uhrm, if I can make room and set a few things up.  On with waking, first, in any case.  Be well, remember to duck, and look for that opportunity, when all else seems to have failed.  Sometimes the chance to change things sneaks up on you, and will leave you without ever tooting it's horn or otherwise letting you know.  Sort of how, when a woman is open to a man's interest, she almost never directly lets him know.  Both just show up, for a little while, and either are... approached or released, knowingly or not.  Pay attention.

Later.

Rumbling system and strange dreams.

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Food hasn't been tasting good to me lately.  My cooking, theirs, or fast food.  Nothing.  Salami and cheese, sure, but can't eat that for every meal.  While I was in town the other day shopping, I noticed some thick cut ribeyes on sale a third off (still very expensive, mind you).  They looked really good, and they were truly thick.  I bought two, one for the freezer, one to be ready when I was.  Yesterday I was ready.

I spent a lot of time with that steak.  I gave it an open lid grill, on both sides, to start it off.  Just enough to get it's attention.  Then, with the coals and day being cool, I had to, and did, figure out how to get that steak much closer to those coals.  At which time I pretty much babysat it.  The broad and thin(ner) sides or edges you might say, each getting their turn unto the fat was well browned.  Not too long on any part, turning as if dancing with the coals.  I can still cook, it seems.  It was slightly more done than I like, but no more than a medium.  And the flavor?  While a little bloodier would have been nicer, I was quite satisfied.  More than that, I know my taste buds aren't completely on the fritz.  A pound and an half of some of the best ribeye I have eaten.  As an added bonus?  If you want a "cleanser", there is nothing like the equivalent of a bull moving through your internals to... see you through to the light at the end of that dark and dirty tunnel.  Of course, that woke me a bit early with a twisted internals that had to be sorted out.  A price gladly paid, mind you.

Don't worry, I probably have been fussier lately, regarding food.  When you get really ill, sometimes it is difficult to enjoy food, or even to eat it.  The ribeye was, in the medium run, a one-trick pony.  It won't work for a while again.  Though next week, or the week after, I sure hope to try that trick again.  I'm working on things.  I just... had to see.  Then again, if food had gone downhill, and quality has been greatly reduced (which I am wondering, as a general rule), if the steak hadn't tasted good...  I don't know?  I suppose I am simply looking for evidence, or signs and portents, or... something.  That the steak tasted good isn't even evidence of an absolute sort.  It may indicate that my taste buds are correct, so that my general perceptions are... more correct.  Dunno, just... thinking.  Or my preferences have done a 180, mostly, somewhere in there.  Things I used to like just aren't cutting it, often.  Dunno!

I didn't do much work yesterday.  I would like to say I didn't do any, but I thought I did some small things.  Can't exactly remember.  My memory isn't bad, except when I am waken after five hours of sleep with a twisted gut.  So, I'm just not fully awake.

Dreams?  In the first, I was about to marry a woman.  Thinking that would be great trouble, somehow I thought marrying two sisters instead might be better.  And, I think, as per the dream, the sisters were better than the first woman.  But they weren't optimal either.  I seemed to be skipping and hopping trying to get and give without selling it all, or losing it all.  As it turns out, while the double wedding day was approaching, my first fiancee slipped me a mickey that required I be put in stasis for 500 years.  I woke from that stasis, never having know quite what hit me, but quite well set up financially.  Either the woman who drugged me, the two sisters I was set to wed, or all three, went in to make sure I was geared when I woke.  Well worth it.  I was just a little more cautious with dating after that.  No problems marrying more than one woman, just not at the same time.  Stagger, lad, that's all I'm saying.  *grins*

The other dream just slipped away.  I liked it almost as much.  Something about something, with a quirky grin at the end, like above but not pertaining to women.  Gosh I like my dreams sometimes.  When I'm not being chopped up and served as soup, or losing all my people, that is.  Then again, at least with the soup ones, sometimes I end up choking my enemy, or... getting him in the end.  *wink*  Don't quit on even bad dreams, sometimes it all comes out right... at least for you.

I really hope to get some work done today.  I don't even care what.  Three or four small to larger jobs would be great, but I will take what I can.  I may need a nap later on.  Oh, and I will call my doctor to see about setting up another appointment this coming month.  I want to give it more time before I see him again.  I can't afford monthlies anyway.  Who can... no offense, ladies.  *wink*  :p  Yeah, in a bit of an ornery mood, and who better to pick on than the claw and teeth half of our species?  "You can't say that!"  *Rhawr!*  Ah, but I just did.  Hmm... time to go play with the cats.  Here kitty kitty kitty!  I may not be a 300 pound canary (which would say that last), but I am 300 pounds.  :)

Later.

A bit early.

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For whatever reason, Sam decided to lay beside my ear, licking her lips and swallowing.  The annoying varmint did that until I woke up.  I made her stop but it was no good, I was awake.  No, I didn't thump her.  Yes, I sure felt like it.  That's that I suppose.

Today is about focusing on work.  Will I get to it?  I honestly don't know.  I'd sure like to, for a number of reasons.  As things have been improving, if along a bumpy trajectory, I may be in line to work.  If not today, soon.  Days seem to be back in habit, very roughly... if I can keep them.  My nights keep trying to edge back over the long way.  Bleh.  It may not seem much to to, but I am engaged in an epic, decade long battle with decrepitude.  Even if I die tomorrow, which is less likely than your average Joe doing so honestly, I have still won.  More, I am still improving, crash over crash.  Didn't lost a day (other than what normally happens even in health anyway), didn't quit, didn't lose track of most of my goals (did lose track of silver purchases, as my... eyes drifted and memory went south as some other things along that path of contention went offline though too.  Sometimes it isn't meant, but the baby goes out with the bathwater.  I'll... fix that soon enough.  Digging gold, or silver in this case, takes time anyway.  Gotta find an honest, reasonable, source.

I know I dreamed.  Can't recall it right now.  But it feels like one that might come back to me, or not.  I know one of them allowed me a good smile.  Just... a joy of living thing.

Yeah, let me try to square life up today, and get going with the world, get back in it.  Dishes, laundry, boxes wherever they may be, and the living room.  That's it, for now.  More than I can do in a day, probably.  But... maybe I can't take a pretty good chunk out of that if I can hit a stride.  Sometimes I belong at the kiddie table.  I just don't let that stop me.  Hmm... I may also call the office of my doc and set up an appointment for next month.  We'll get that show back on the road, if possible.  I'm working on things as best as I am able.  Later.

Browsers.

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It seems all of them are folding to the pressure of advertising.  I have tried three new browsers after Pale Moon took a huge steaming dump on my ability to function away from advertising.  Might have been some sort of hack, but it didn't feel like that.  Felt like a corporate sellout.  The three I added were great, for a while.  Then each folded like cheap lawn chairs, and in the wrong direction as cheap lawn chairs are want to do.  None of them work very well, one doesn't work at all.  Cyberfox let me know there was an update.  I ignored it.  Hoping to give them some... time... to make sure that when I updated, I didn't have a headache to work through untangling their mess.  That wasn't good enough.  Now, when I click that into operation, I get nothing.  Then when I try to kill that, my computer restarts.  Yeah.  It looks like the update was a requirement for use.  I'll be dumping that browser in the next few minutes.

Iron is okay, but there are a lot of problems on my end.  I can't log into youtube.  I, initially, could view higher end youtube videos, hd type.  Now about all I get is limited to 360.  Even with ad blocker ads are getting through, in email, and other places.  Junk.  They have all sold out for adverts, and it's all a lie.  Everybody knows that nobodies views those.

I had comcast call me the other day.  They offered to lower my bill, and throw in a landline, if I take a television package.  I refused.  As stubborn as I can be, if I had television coming through, in a fit of boredom, I might actually watch it.  No, I'm willing to pay an extra $20 and get less than to have television in.  Besides, I know that they would force me to get CNN, ESPN, and some of the other leftist channes, which they would then pay both from my script and government kickovers for providing coverage, to support those leftist propaganda devices, in spite of the fact that no one watches them.  I've noticed even fast food joints have stopped playing CNN.  What, not getting enough kickbacks or was it hurting the bottom line enough that the kickbacks weren't cutting it?  Yeah, it's come to this.

They really are all out to push the very things that every righteous and true American knows better than to accept.  And, as it had to happen, the American people are kicking these jerks and their propaganda out of our homes, hearts, and minds.  I, for a while, thought I was just one of very few.  I have seen enough signs to know better.  City folk?  They are going down.  They want, no need, the lie to continue.  Because as soon as it stops, it will be they who are destroyed.  Not the rest of us.  So, yeah, there are some areas that are hoping they don't become Detroit.  Strange that they are going the exact wrong way to prevent it though.  Oh well.

Just some thoughts on this Sunday evening.  And, yes... what I have been discussing, about the fall?  It really could come at any time.  The only thing holding the economic corpse of the world is the sheer will of so many people.  There is nothing else, no ligaments, no muscle, no skin... just sheer terrorful will.  Be ready.  It, mostly, won't hurt us.  Us little ones.  Who it will hurt is those people who are too big to fail but who were done in the great crash (the one, that in time, historians will note as the beginning, not a separate incident).  Later.

A shower and then out.

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And out early enough to have a lunch.  Then on to shopping.  I wondered if I would have to hit three grocery stores in an attempt to find my milk.  I don't generally buy produce at Walmart, but made one minor exception today, carrots.  I've never heard of that brand.  Worst case, I chunk $1.50.  Best case, I have something to mix with peanut butter for a snack.  They also had my milk!  They didn't have my brand of cream, but they did have another brand, one I generally trust.  I usually went with the other brand of cream, as it was more common, often seemed cheaper, etc.  As it turns out, for whatever reason, this other brand was the same price my store usually sells my favorite brand.  Yet, usually, at Walmart, my brand is usually a dollar higher or more.  I guess I didn't notice this before.  I hope it is, actually, as good.  If it is better... or equal... I will keep it in mind.

Yes, a shower first.  Oh, wonderful.  The house is still quite rough.  But with this and that, and a trip to the store, and things coming together, I am hoping to hit it this week.  And hit it hard.  Clean, scrub, wash, brush, push, toss, fix, move, tend... lots and lots of work this week.  I hope.  And, really, maybe.  Good, good, good.  It was just pleasant to escape the dungeon.  The lunch and successful shopping were also good.  Oh, I bought shredded cheese while I was out.  Forgot good tuna, to go with the canned oyster I like, for a seafood tuna mac melt.  The idea really set me off, I just wasn't ready for all that much work and cleaning and then cooking.  I'll get there.

I called he who has been my friend, to see if he wanted some very fine blue cheese.  I haven't tasted it, just going by the other cheeses.  Neither did he answer or call back.  I'm assuming that is that, though who knows.  I was going to see if the other other friend liked aged cheddar.  It isn't my favorite either.  Though, this retailer puts out some good stuff.  I might just end up liking their goods.

Later.

I sure thought about cooking.

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As it turns out, neither did I have enough canned seafood for my notion, nor the gumption to shred two or three cups of the main cheese plus tend one or two specialty cheeses.  Just not ready for that.  I notice a can of Cambel's chicken noodle soup, and crackers.  Long ago, as a child, those were among my favorites.  Only got those when my mom was working and couldn't make the real deal when we were sick.  Horrible.  I thought maybe it was the crackers, so the next partial bowl I went without those.  Nope.  The noodles are terrible.  A little water might dilute the salt, but nothing can change the... terrible taste of the noodles.  Though the crackers didn't help.  Either my tastes have changed or companies have bottomed.  I honestly can't be sure which.  All I know is that a one time favorite will never be purchased again.  And I need to see if there are any crackers on the market, just saltines, that don't taste so rank.  Mind you, these are one of the main name brands, not some exotic cheap knock-off.  Whatever they use for fat...  Perhaps they were too old?  No, I bought this pack withing the last three months.  I'll try some others.  Perhaps the fake fats they use now, the vegetable, crisco, and other such, or worse.  Dunno.  But I will save the box, and compare with other crackers.  I like crackers, once in awhile, for soups, stews, cheese and salami, and such.

Feeling okay, if not as good as at first.  I may take another shower just to push things along.  It is good to be clean.  Maybe some work today, if I can.  God understands, I have to work on the rare occasions, while ill, that I can.  I thanked Him today.  Not for healing or helping, just for life as is.  Any pains, for the opportunity at life and heaven, if you see it, is worth the price.  Christ showed us how valuable we are, and how much can... if not easily but wisely... sacrificed for it.  His sacrifice offered things ours can't, but did show us the direction we may need to take.  I would much rather have to bear it for a few days and be free, than for decades, but that isn't my choice or call.  His will.  Mumbling, but not grumbling.  I did add prayers for many of you out there.  I pray for your strength in dealing with the bad, as well as enjoying the good.

A shower?  Yes.  That sure sounds good.  Later.

Still holed up.

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But getting a break now and again makes it tolerable.  A shower last night made life better.  An attempt at dinner that went sideways.  An effort, a few bites, most of it went into the garbage.  And I am hungry.  Some efforts just do not work out.  Still, try and try again.  What I have on hand, for protein, is slim.  Three fresher frozen packs, but that doesn't help with spur of the moment attempts at the culinary arts.  And, yet, worth a shot.  I may try again today, with another sort of odds and ends cookery.  If Doom can't eat it... though I am off my feed bag a lot, so my tastes are a bit finicky perhaps.  Even so, if I can't eat it, you probably wouldn't want to eat it either.

I am feeling well today, on a major sliding scale.  No swelling, which seems to be haunting me harshly for some reason.  I have never had this level of body fluid since... well... ever really.  I've gone through hard days, but not hard months of it.  Today, on that, is just better.  It still isn't even what I call normal.  Part of it is my twisted shift living.  I am hoping to normalize sleep patterns, and to days, first.  Which, if I can slow down the progression, I am nearly at.  Then I have to normalize medicine.  For the water pill to work, I have to use it first thing in "the morning", then be up a good long day, then be active enough to... following the guidelines it produces (meaning being able enough to void every time the urge strikes).  Those have all been iffy lately.  Today I am drawing the line.

I thought about going to town.  I may, or may not.  Finding a supply of milk is difficult, and will be until Tuesday.  It might be there, somewhere.  Oh, there is generic, almond, maybe goat, and some other milk, but there isn't my middling brand.  What I don't understand is why stocking seems to hit the different stores on different days.  You would think they would all stock on the same day?  It's not that big of a town, none of the stores carry more than one shelf.  I, as a teen, went with a man who did milk runs, someone my mother was dating.  I went long enough to see how things worked.  Perhaps they have changed.  So... yeah... I sort of was your ice cream man, among other things... once.  Back then he did wear a white suit.  The last years that was done in his trade, I suppose?  Or at least commonly?  Then again, maybe town is a bit bigger, or their is more than one truck, of even the same brand, they can contract with?  Seems odd though.

Another shower today.  Maybe some work if things stay on the better side of rough.  Perhaps another attempt at a meal.  Oh, I still have sausage, salami, cheese, and such.  But that... shouldn't be quite a daily thing.  Dry.  Binds.  Hmm... maybe a minor sea food cheese and mac?  I know, sounds a bit odd.  But with the right stuff, which is all I buy, it actually could be good.  I have some regular cheddar, but would like to try a portion of some of those rich cheeses too.  I must be careful though.  Volume on the fresher cheddar, just enough of the others to imbue some of their flavor.  A little dab will do you on those.  Just some thoughts.  Those cheeses are so extremely potent!  Even for someone with a nose for them.

Loverly.  I am amazed at how well I do recover.  I've been going into and out of death for so long I don't even worry about it.  And rightly, if my dreams are true.  I'm not sure a Mac truck would total me.  Just another big hurt and recovery.  I don't even mind.  I've learned to be flexible.  I've learned to live without food, sometimes without water.  I even come back and do fairly well, and more.  I'd like to think there is a reason for it.  And, maybe, there is.  In spite of all my bluster, bark, and even bite, that I... tell people to trust life, even through the worst of it...  That might be what it's about.  Though, really, I have learned to enjoy life, even in the worst of it.  That part is for me.

Go on to church, today, if you can.  Don't pray for me, pray for those who are like me but have no faith.  Pray for those who are hurting but without the grace to withstand it.  Pray for those who are about to die and fear it.  Pray for those who are hungry and thirsty, who would tend those if they were available.  Pray for yourselves, that the pains in life don't cripple you in the real way... in your heart and soul.  Then figure out what you can do for yourself, and, if that works, how to walk that out to those others.  I did a favor not so long ago.  I was asked if I thought the receiver was a charity case.  It wasn't asked, or taken, harshly.  I didn't answer then, though I hope my eyes did.  I did think about that, though, for a while.  I decided all of us, every one of us, is indeed a charity case.  So make no nary mind about that.  In Christ, we are offered the charity of the sacrifice of His blood.  So, if charity comes to you, just be grateful.  I am.  Yeah, I struggle with it too, but...

Good day.