Still holed up.

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But getting a break now and again makes it tolerable.  A shower last night made life better.  An attempt at dinner that went sideways.  An effort, a few bites, most of it went into the garbage.  And I am hungry.  Some efforts just do not work out.  Still, try and try again.  What I have on hand, for protein, is slim.  Three fresher frozen packs, but that doesn't help with spur of the moment attempts at the culinary arts.  And, yet, worth a shot.  I may try again today, with another sort of odds and ends cookery.  If Doom can't eat it... though I am off my feed bag a lot, so my tastes are a bit finicky perhaps.  Even so, if I can't eat it, you probably wouldn't want to eat it either.

I am feeling well today, on a major sliding scale.  No swelling, which seems to be haunting me harshly for some reason.  I have never had this level of body fluid since... well... ever really.  I've gone through hard days, but not hard months of it.  Today, on that, is just better.  It still isn't even what I call normal.  Part of it is my twisted shift living.  I am hoping to normalize sleep patterns, and to days, first.  Which, if I can slow down the progression, I am nearly at.  Then I have to normalize medicine.  For the water pill to work, I have to use it first thing in "the morning", then be up a good long day, then be active enough to... following the guidelines it produces (meaning being able enough to void every time the urge strikes).  Those have all been iffy lately.  Today I am drawing the line.

I thought about going to town.  I may, or may not.  Finding a supply of milk is difficult, and will be until Tuesday.  It might be there, somewhere.  Oh, there is generic, almond, maybe goat, and some other milk, but there isn't my middling brand.  What I don't understand is why stocking seems to hit the different stores on different days.  You would think they would all stock on the same day?  It's not that big of a town, none of the stores carry more than one shelf.  I, as a teen, went with a man who did milk runs, someone my mother was dating.  I went long enough to see how things worked.  Perhaps they have changed.  So... yeah... I sort of was your ice cream man, among other things... once.  Back then he did wear a white suit.  The last years that was done in his trade, I suppose?  Or at least commonly?  Then again, maybe town is a bit bigger, or their is more than one truck, of even the same brand, they can contract with?  Seems odd though.

Another shower today.  Maybe some work if things stay on the better side of rough.  Perhaps another attempt at a meal.  Oh, I still have sausage, salami, cheese, and such.  But that... shouldn't be quite a daily thing.  Dry.  Binds.  Hmm... maybe a minor sea food cheese and mac?  I know, sounds a bit odd.  But with the right stuff, which is all I buy, it actually could be good.  I have some regular cheddar, but would like to try a portion of some of those rich cheeses too.  I must be careful though.  Volume on the fresher cheddar, just enough of the others to imbue some of their flavor.  A little dab will do you on those.  Just some thoughts.  Those cheeses are so extremely potent!  Even for someone with a nose for them.

Loverly.  I am amazed at how well I do recover.  I've been going into and out of death for so long I don't even worry about it.  And rightly, if my dreams are true.  I'm not sure a Mac truck would total me.  Just another big hurt and recovery.  I don't even mind.  I've learned to be flexible.  I've learned to live without food, sometimes without water.  I even come back and do fairly well, and more.  I'd like to think there is a reason for it.  And, maybe, there is.  In spite of all my bluster, bark, and even bite, that I... tell people to trust life, even through the worst of it...  That might be what it's about.  Though, really, I have learned to enjoy life, even in the worst of it.  That part is for me.

Go on to church, today, if you can.  Don't pray for me, pray for those who are like me but have no faith.  Pray for those who are hurting but without the grace to withstand it.  Pray for those who are about to die and fear it.  Pray for those who are hungry and thirsty, who would tend those if they were available.  Pray for yourselves, that the pains in life don't cripple you in the real way... in your heart and soul.  Then figure out what you can do for yourself, and, if that works, how to walk that out to those others.  I did a favor not so long ago.  I was asked if I thought the receiver was a charity case.  It wasn't asked, or taken, harshly.  I didn't answer then, though I hope my eyes did.  I did think about that, though, for a while.  I decided all of us, every one of us, is indeed a charity case.  So make no nary mind about that.  In Christ, we are offered the charity of the sacrifice of His blood.  So, if charity comes to you, just be grateful.  I am.  Yeah, I struggle with it too, but...

Good day.