Alright, not so good.

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I am stuck in a sort of holding pattern.  While I am not getting worse, or in too terrible of shape, I am a bit rough and going nowhere.  I realize I missed an appointment.  I see, after reviewing one of my recent videos, that it was a little too much, even for me.  A mistake.  I don't really get in to raunch.  I don't consider the second one too bad, but that first one.  I hadn't viewed the whole thing when I embedded.  I saw the first little bit, and the song.  Oh well.  Yeah, it stays.  Mistakes and all, but it is now history.

Swelling comes and goes, but it is lighter than it has been.  Sleeping patterns are mostly stable.  I have been able to eat once in a while, though I am running out of food.  Nothing is right.  It could be worse, but it doesn't seem to be getting worse, or better.  I just don't know what to do, right at this moment.  I haven't called my doctor yet, to set that up either.  I'm not sure I can make it.  Still, I'll make the appointment, and attempt to set up another haircut.  Gah!  I need to get to town for shopping.  It is just that, right now, hitting a specific time, or even day, is... tricky.

Oh, some good/bad news.  I called my mother.  I've been trying to keep up on what she is about.  I know she has been rough this last year, perhaps more.  When there is something back there, you always worry.  Cancer is the big scare, but there are others, some worse.  Age almost invariably leads to poor health.  The question is can it be treated, will it be really bad, when will it arrive.  So, yeah.  She finally went in, and pushed for them to diagnose the problem.  She wouldn't let them tell her, as they have been, that it was all in her head.  And, as usual, she was right.  Gall stones.  We, I told her, can deal with that.  Her doc is out of town for about a week.  They will deal with it when she returns.  Yes, gall stones would put you down, and are very treatable.  They have her on pain pills for the moment, and it's helping.  That's as good as bad news gets.  I honestly wish they could do something for me.  I think they are, with medicine, if they send it, doing about all they can.  Hmm... she is learning more and more how... doctors really miss and allow some people to suffer horribly.  My conditions aren't fun.  Symptom-less my butt.  I've suffered most of these last nearly thirty years, and even to this day.  It's just I am now more aware, even when suffering greatly, if I suffer less (usually).

Oh, I'll keep trying.  So difficult to be stuck like this.  I don't have anything with which to push, or pry, or rip, tear, vault.  Stuck.  I'll keep at it.  What else am I going to do?  Complaining doesn't really help, but it gets it off my mind.  Later.