Absolutely bushed.

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Yesterday, while good, absolutely crushed me.  I did get to be early, at 2:25 or so... give or take ten minutes.  But I am just crawling out of bed, at around 15:00, a few to ten after.  Litter, food, and water, for Sassy, were first things.  Looks like dairy arrived.  Two creams, and yogurt this time.  Sour cream last time.

I can't keep up with kefir, so I'll get some of the farm fresh, raw, actually plain, yogurt.  Easy on the stomach.  That, along with meats, may help with variety and flavors.  I have been thinking about marinating in yogurt, some tough cuts of meat.  I'd really like to try that.  Then roast it... maybe right in the marinade?  Though, not sure I have enough, or enough time, this time.  Too many other meats are already thawed.  And, not even sure which meat to buy?  A knuckle joint, of some type?  Or even just chicken breasts, then dice those?  Dunno.

Hungry.

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Again.  Again again, really.  A steak.  Cooked to perfection, if only half eaten.  Though, that is working out for me really well.  A new microwave makes a difference.  If I really shouldn't.  Still, it's what I've got, and can do, so there it is.  Have a steak fresh and cooked about as raw as it can be, for my tastes (which... is... rather closer than most could do).  But, it is seared very well, tight.

The next meal of that will be warmed in the microwave.  I try to only warm it really well, not cook it.  To the level that is possible.  And, yes, that works really well.  Still, three meals today?  Two of them of very questionable sorts?  But... the first meal was a social thing.  And... it... opened up a whole can of worms.  Hungry?  No.  HUNGRY.  Right.  Even the burrito didn't fill the void.  I could have eaten another?  Yes.  Right then, too.  So the half a steak... was a denial.

Yeah?

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Wow.

Made it out.  Got to dinner.  He was going to pay, I got to it first!  Ha!  I like friends like that, win or lose, you can't lose.

Late, for as desparately early as it is?

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Right.  About that.  I... found a part of the game that... just swallowed me whole.  So far, mostly, this game has been hit or miss, as to retention.  I was beginning to think that the game had no more legs to it.  When a game becomes too painfully boring, it gets set aside.  Then another game is looked for, to purchase or already in my collection.

I thought this was going to happen, but the last two nights, the game kept me going from... when I could wake until way after I thought I'd be in bed.  What was it?  Oh!  It was 8:15 when I went on to bed.

It must be chilly out there.

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Down to 60, in this front room.  The lowest I have seen it on more regular periods is 64.  But, for snaps?  Actually, the coolest snaps have only been down to 64.  In this room.  Then again, maybe it's just settling in to the winter cold, and for sure?  Should have been colder, to be honest.  And wetter.  It's been a very dry winter.  Hmm, okay then.

Blood sugar dropped to 153.  It was 229 fasting.  No sweetener, of any kind.  And, no food for the moment.  Heating a pan, to fry a steak.  Nothing fancy, but it'll work.  Other than that, water.  Carbonated, but unflavored.  That's the highest fasting blood sugar I have had in a long time.  It is also the fastest and biggest drop I have seen in a long time.  Stupid thing!

Awake, late.

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Sleep was so good though.  Sassy tried to wake me at nearing ten.  I gave her some attention, but couldn't wake.  I think she visited again later.  Just couldn't wake.  Then a phone call, about my next appointment.  I asked if I could get that local, they said it wasn't available here so I kept it.  I can't afford gas these days, so... everything that can be local, will be.

The only exception is phone/telli appointments.  If they have that locally, I will cancel that appointment.  That ISN'T an appointment.  If I won't be seeing someone in person, and they can't just send a questionnaire, we can skip that.  They aren't serious about that.  They will hang themselves with teh stupid, I'm not falling for it.

Finally, food.

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It wasn't perfect.  Beans and beef, with cheese, sour cream, salt, and hot spice.  The beans and beef were simply mixed with shredded cheddar, some water, covered gently, and microwaved.  Then spiced rather hotly, or you would think so.  Then sour cream was added.

I was so hungry.  It has been days.  Even if blood sugar is running high, it isn't from calories, fat, protein, or even much of a carb count.  I doubt if I have had even thirty carbs a day, if... that doesn't seem to matter.  Blood sugar is outrageous, again.  Well, over two hundred.  Just, but... and early and late today.  Beans, probably, kept it up tonight.  I'm starting to think my food or drink has been tampered with?  Could be.  This should not be a problem, strictly by diet.  Trying to force me onto diabetes medicine?  I won't do it.

The third day of Christmas.

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Two ways this one is seen.  By tradition in my church, it is seen as the feast of St. John the Evangelist.  It has been suggested that he holds such a close part to the Christ because of his chastity.  Known, among other things, as the virgin apostle.  A thing known pretty much only in my faith.

As well, the third day is considered about the three French hens, which connotates the three greatest virtues.  That of hope, faith, and charity.

Well, so my searches have indicated.  There are a lot of things that have been labeled this or that, about this and that.  But... this should do.

Up very late, so...

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Not awake until nearly 13:00.  I think it was around five when I went down.  The game... it has me chasing shadows, and... just not finding them.  That is, to a degree, it's job.  Then again, it is a main game, with three to five dlc's of various lenght, and me just trying to sort one and the other, and more.  Especially when ill to boot.

More dreams, but I don't remember them.  Soft, a woman definitely in one.  But, if you know anything about women, you know they are only soft sometimes.  They are just as mean as a rattlesnake.  Which, if you are a typical man, and in this way I am, it... doesn't matter.  I don't care, because it doesn't confront me none.  It just doesn't.  Mostly.

I can't remember what all happened in the dreams, just that one of them was about the softer side of women.  Not necessarily sexual.  Women can be nice, kind, loving, gentle... sometimes.  They have the... two extremes.  Men are more middling, unless it comes to defense of family.  Then, at least good men, men can be brutal.  To, for, or with family.  Women?  Mean or kind, almost always just one or the other.  Men don't care unless we have to, then we... take care.

I have been missing medicine.  Getting at least one in, during the day, so trying to take a bit more dose.  It's what I can do.  Not as nauseated as I have been.  If, too, I haven't been eating.  I did have more of the beans and beef, but a small portion.  Even so, it is keeping blood sugar high, 206 fasting, from one bowl of the stuff.  Still, it was edible.  So, I'll finish it off today, and get back to just meat?  Try.  Though I may just stop eating for a while.  Try to allow the gastro-intestinal parts get back to some order.

I will... try to get a shower, and do laundry, and dishes, today.  Will see.  Later.

A wonderful dream?

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I didn't mention it, but last night I dreamed of getting married.  A fine, young, woman.  I mean wonderful.

We did well.  Got the house in order, then the yard.  Got things set up, for domestics, and... in time... children.

Well?

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So tired.  Not sure I will get to much.  Would rather just go back to bed, but want to try to stay up until... later.  It's 15:20, so... I could go to bed.  Would like to make it to 18:00, 18:30...  Longer?  I'll just have to see.

Hungry?  Yes, but my gut is in a knot, so putting food in just doesn't seem... likely.  I have burger and beans.  But not interested.  Fatty food doesn't sound good, carbs don't sound good, veggies don't sound tasty.  Having trouble just taking down fluids, coffee, water, whatnot.  Just... not... able?  The body doesn't want... anything.  It'll get some fluids, like it or not.

Boxing day?

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Or, the second day of Christmas, according to one tradition?  So be it.  On this day, in England, the wealthy were to box up gifts for the poor?  Well, so it seems.  One tradition I was not familiar with.  I've never quite seen England as all that Christian?  It's... the royal based politics, and the rest.  It's... just... either lineage or bureaucracy, neither having much to do with the will of the people at all.  And, those things are harshly inforced, and usually wrong, one, several, or in all ways.  Still, it's... what it is.

Me?  I ought to take care of boxes, but more to get rid of them, then fill them for the poor.  The poor, these days, have more than the rich?  Just... not money?  Strange, but seemingly true.  Sort of like the poor being obese, not skinny like they used to be?  Odd world we live in.

Still, Merry Second Day of Christmas.

For good or ill, up.

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Better.  No major aches, and few of what little events are happening.  Rested, warm.  No major symptoms of any sort, for the moment.  But... I do need to get in.  I have an appointment coming up, I'll call on that day, see if they still want me to go to the emergency room.  If so, I'll... be there early.

It's 18 outside, as I wake at 11:30.  Sassy is fed.  I'll hit her litter box shortly.  Water looks good.  I'd like to get a shower, begin in on laundry to be sure for this coming Sunday, and Saturday at my church.  Gotta try.  Not sure it will happen.  Ugh.  But... I have a few days.  Tuesdays, the 27th?  That... looked wrong.  Humidity is 27%, I... just... saw that first.  Was?  Now it's 26%?  How funny.  Just 27 long enough to confuse me.  I love games the universe plays.  So, Tuesday the 26th.  Five days and a bump, then January 1st, and a new year.  Okay.  Half bump?  Just to midnight, they say.

Well, on with something.  Waking.  Coffee.  Looking around the web.  Then... maybe... a start on things.  Later.  Have a good day.

Putz!

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You heard me right.  Or... Merry Christmas!

Hmm?  Well, today is the first day of the rest... of the twelve days of Christmas.

And?  And, putz!  Oh, I suppose I should explain.  Since... most of you are non-trad.  :p  Oh, don't take it badly?  Or... do.  I'm good.

Putz, in traditions, and a foreign country, referred to visiting friends and family, in order to examine their nativity scenes.  Since I have no such thing, doubt if you do, or that I am invited for such, and couldn't go even if I was?  I'll just put up a link to a store which carries a collection of them.

I like the idea, just... don't... know how to make that work.  Bachelors just... don't... live such a life in which such things are possible.  It just isn't how reality works.  For many of us.  Those things are for when wives, and more families, exist.  Men suffer such things, it's... just the truth.  Still, I... do like the idea.

Here are a number of fine nativity scenes.  Merry Christmas, putz.  *grins*

Not just chills...

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There was a profound fever along with it.  Always strange to be cold and hot at the same time.  Still, it was warming up that I needed.  The fever, and chills, broke four or five hours in.  And remain gone, for now.  Could come back at any time.  A handful of aspirin probably didn't hurt.

Went to bed at, a bit before 22:00?  A bit after?  I thought maybe half before.  Can't be sure.  Waking at 11:30.  A long sleep, but needed.  I did hear the seven alarm, but just shut it off.  There... was nothing doing, as they say.  I didn't wake until five or ten before actually getting out of bed.

Sassy invaded.  If not I probably wouldn't have waken.  She didn't even push, she must know I am ill.  Still, it was time.  I reset her litter, got her a cleaned bowl and fresh water, then fed her.  I try to do right by her.  And she is usually patient with me.  Odd, but when we are good to each other, as good as we can be, we usually get what we want much more surely and quickly?  It's not even a quid pro quo thing.  It's... a silent understanding, and kindness.  She knows I give what and when I can.  And I know what she wants and needs, and do my best.

Christmas day?  Monday...  I... thought it was still Sunday.  I must have been sick, for longer than I knew.  Lost a whole day, right while paying fairly close attention.  I'll call my mother later in the day.  Not sure when dinner is, for them, but often it is midafternoon, or regular dinnertime... supper time that is, really.  So either around 14:00 to 18:00?  Give or take, but by old family traditions, those are the... normal holiday feast times.

She is visiting a cousin and her husband.  Always glad to see her eating with family.  Love it when I hear she, or someone in the family, is cooking.  There is just... something good about eating with family.  It's an event, and everyone is getting older.  But, that is a special part of life.  Ham, I have heard, is on the menu.  I am sure it will be a delight.

I am still sick, so I won't be going out, or cooking.  I am having the last quart of milk.  It has been... helping?  Well, it is handling the hunger.  But killing on the blood sugar side.  Still, for now, comfort will do.  I'll... deal with the blood sugar as I can.  

Still some shakes, from the chills.  That was... excessive.  Haven't had such a serious case of the shaking shivers in... years, maybe a decade, two?  The sudden onset, the severity, but too that it is already gone?  Usually when I get the shivers, it's here for days, up to a week... the last time was four or five days, shivering in bed, feverish too.  Though, in that one, it was the fever that was the worst...  That was two years before covid.  So... just the flu.

I'm honestly surprised some of the side things haven't gotten me.  These are on top of a really bad heart, stage 3 to 4 kidney failure, and some 2 to 3 stage liver failure?  And... those things stretched over decades.  Talk about comorbities!  I've got those, and then some!  :)  Still, okay.  I'll suffer, even gladly.  Okay.

Hmm?  Today?  If I can, I would REALLY like to get to laundry.  I missed this group of church events, and Christmas.  But I would like to make it this coming week.  Which means I need clothes washed, ready.  On a non-superholy week, I can dress down just a bit, if need be.  But I still prefer to dress up to some extent.  I... take the bible seriously.  And, if you are to go, you should dress approprietly to be in the presence of God.  If that isn't your faith, I guess whatever.  But when I walk into a church, it is to be with God.  As Christ suggested, about the wedding, some could not deign to attend.  Others wished to but did not dress correctly.  He did provide, but expected, for some.  He was left, in the end, with those who would, could, and did... including dressing correctly.  Do... not take these things without serious consideration.

I was sort of for God, then ambivalent, then He came to me in a way that left me with two choices.  Abide, or knowingly ignore.  I... take Him very, deadly, seriously.  Jesus didn't come to end, but fulfill, the laws.  Understand.  Some old laws were relinquished, foods, eye for an eye, and some others.  Other laws were only enforced.  To my understanding, to wear right clothes in His presence.  Sure, there is time, but I have had my time.  At this point, that is expected.

So... laundry, today.  Or tomorrow, soon, before next week.  I'd like to get three or four sets of clothes ready.  Amen.  Later.

Ah-ha!?!

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Nausea, alone?  Could be almost anything.  Changing diet could easily, and likely, be the culprit.  But... what about infection?  And, now, severe chills?  The aches and pains I wrote off.  Other symptoms that came and went, like diarhea?  Yes, maybe infection.

Mild enough, mostly.  I have fought it as well as possible, but have been fighting it for months.  While not losing, absolutely, not winning.  And, now, getting worse.  Shaking so severely, with the heater up, and dressed very warmly, I can barely type.  It's a slow process.

I'm going on to bed.  I'll turn the space heater on for a bit, and the electric planket, plus warm pj's.  The aches are back, as is a runny nose.  Nausea, oddly, is gone... for the moment.  Goodnight.

Nausea.

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Nothing I have tried has improved the problem.  I am about to begin looking for ideas.  Milk, for as bad as it is for me, is edible and doesn't make it worse.  I have half a gallon left.  A fatted coffee isn't too bad, but... isn't as good as milk, on the belly.  I so want to eat.

Not sure if the chicken I thawed is still any good.  I am thinking of checking.  If so?

Well, while thinking...

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Bills, bills, bills.  I got a bit behind these last few months... what with the bike, and Christmas.  Well, and... just life, sometimes.  It all gangs up on us, and I found myself just a bit behind.  So, this coming month, spending will be lowered, paying things off will be increased.  I won't completely catch up, but I should... get in better shape.

If I can keep it up, for a few months, I should be in much better shape by, say, March.  Completely caught up?  No.  But much, much closer.  However, I will take care of three bills completely, this first month.  But the bigger one, remaining, will take longer.  The goal is to be completely out by, June?  July?  As well as be saving on the side.

Oh, ouch.

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Achy.  Mostly upper body, bones, joints, such.  Shoulders, neck, upper back, all just... out of sorts.  Not too terribly off, but enough, and in enough areas, to make it a rough day.

Couldn't wake until just a bit before 13:00.  Tried.  Had the alarms set for five and seven.  Then started waking around 9:40 or so.  Just never made it any of those times.  Wanted to get up early.  Was hoping to make it to the invitation. It simply wasn't going to happen, didn't happen.