Awake, late.

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Sleep was so good though.  Sassy tried to wake me at nearing ten.  I gave her some attention, but couldn't wake.  I think she visited again later.  Just couldn't wake.  Then a phone call, about my next appointment.  I asked if I could get that local, they said it wasn't available here so I kept it.  I can't afford gas these days, so... everything that can be local, will be.

The only exception is phone/telli appointments.  If they have that locally, I will cancel that appointment.  That ISN'T an appointment.  If I won't be seeing someone in person, and they can't just send a questionnaire, we can skip that.  They aren't serious about that.  They will hang themselves with teh stupid, I'm not falling for it.

Blood sugar is high, higher, 226 this morning.  Back to... very cautious eating and drinking.  Having a coffee, but with cream only.  No sweetener.  Meat is thawed, and I'll get to it.  With burger?  I'll mostly make that into crumble.  Then heat it in the micro, adding cheese, maybe some calamity olives, sour cream, and cheddar and/or other cheese... but small amounts.  The fatted gravy is what made the food edible.

If I can get back to eating, and eating rightly, I'll try to make that steak sauce.  That sounds really good.  And, enough different, plus more carnivore.  I'll keep working on it.  I will die if I don't do something.  And, I am trying, pushing, angling.  But I can't make something happen that won't happen.  We'll see.

I keep missing bp meds too.  But, with such little eating, even if blood sugar is high, it's... probably for the best.  With meat thawed, and plenty for the week, I took a solid dose of medicine just now.  And will take another solid dose tonight.  IF I do eat.  Then, get back to a heavy dose tomorrow morning.  And then, from then on, a regular dose.  Steak this evening, if probably only half?  And, roasting a chicken tonight, as well.  Might have some, but it is for snacking through the week.  I could cook the burger, if I can get to it, tonight as well.  Have it ready for through the week.  And, boil eggs, if they are still good.  Should be, but it's been a bit?  Ugh.

On to just a bit of gaming, to wake.  I've looked around the web, kicked a few cans looking for moving things.  But I think that's that.  Finish the coffee, I suppose, first.  Then get some water and enjoy that.  No flavoring, as I think even that was beginning to have an affect on diabetes.  Crazy, but it's... in everything!  Ugh.  

Do you... know... what it is... to be called to the light from the darkness?  Wouldn't have that it possible.  Can't win?  Not personally, even if God can?  So many doubts, questions, worries, wonders.  Called, from darkness.  A pleasant place in it.  I... had all needed, and more.  I had luxuries.  But... it... was a living death.

Called to life, at risk of what I had.  Oh, difficult.  Took God a while, but he... brought me in, home, to actual life.  The risk?  Something I couldn't keep anyway.  Life, here, is... doomed.  No matter what one might be.  And, life, in sin, is... not worth trying to keep, forever, even if one could?

A woman helped, a right woman.  Several, to be honest.  Some were cast aside, others left as far as they could, would, go... on the path to God.  But, they were not, are not, forgotten.  To finally understand that sex wasn't... it.  A part of it, a form of love, but not the full truth.  If... required for the fuller truth?  Odd how things work, but yes.  Had to be a woman, and may yet be.  But... loved, for their parts, in my... conversion.  Still a darkness, but a darkness of light?  I... suspect.  Amen.