Just awake.

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In every way.  It was around 17:00, plus a bit, when I woke.  I have no clue when I went to bed.  I think I slept really long, if... I just don't know.  I did lotion my feet before sleeping.  She really pushed for it, at least at bedtime.  I'll aim for twice a day.  Eventually a deaf ear can hear?  It will still mean a lot of misses.  Even so, I'll put it on the permanent to-do list.  It was raining when I went down, and looks to have rained all night.  Not heavy, that I remember.  Perfect for sleep.

Sam was a serious jerk last night.  She found the highest perch, and was jumping on my ankle.  Oh, I woke, and went to the bathroom.  She knew I had... something else on my mind, so stayed well out of reach.  I know I fed them yesterday, and checked their food and water which were good.  If it is my fault... hmm, litter?  I'll check before being too harsh.  If it's my failure, I eat it.  If she is being a moody little shit, she becomes a temporary person non grata.  Both happen.

Oh, something smelled bad.  I had just brushed, I showered just a bit before bed yesterday, I was still terrified it was me.  I know I smell off, just the house and cats.  But this was really off.  Thank God for trash.  Which reminds me... better get that together and out.  I haven't been keeping up on it all.  Still, it's horrifying to think that is you.

Dishe stink too.  I reset those and will get back to them and laundry today.  And the carts and clothes hanger... some things just air dry much better, wool silk and some synths require it, if cotton lasts better, if fluff or low can work with the risk of slight shrinkage and fraying.  Or, I'll get to what I can.  Hungry, for the first time in a while.

Later.

To town.

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Beside an appointment, I planned to pick up medicine and a 1 or 2 x 6.  I made the appointment.  Then lost all track of things.  Even dropped my tea jar, breaking it.  I was right, work on the feet adds to relaxation.  I have been drinking from glass half gallon jars for many years.  This is the first one I have ever dropped.  I couldn't believe, like in a dream.  I worked up to 300 to 350 pound grip strength, if it's been a bit.  Apparently, at some level of relaxation, it doesn't matter.  As well, usually I would have been able to recapture it.  I was so stone relaxed I just couldn't... "do".  So weird.  Is that what it is to be human?  I didn't like it.

Then again, that is why it is helping.  I just won't take glass with me anymore.  So relaxed I forgot the plank and pharmacy as well.  Back to town tonight?  You know what?  Sure. Ugh.  If I am going I had better move.  At least the pharmacy is drive-through.  Later.
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Ha!  I didn't think I would make it to town.  So relaxed.  I did.  I got all wanted, needed.  I considered grocery shopping, it just wasn't possible.  Now I get what happens to Sam.  I figured, so have been careful with her.  She will turn into cat soup, begin pouring down my leg, only to wake and claw at anything, not knowing where she is or else, only that she is falling.  Not good for either of us.  I just pay close attention so she doesn't sleep where she could hurt me.  Now, I don't relax that deeply, but with a massage or pedicure on top of weather and other lows I do begin to feel more like jello than wood or stone.

I am looking forward to trying the new tools.  After finding the studs, I'll cut the 1x6's to length, get those across two studs, then mount the rack as possible.  It's odd, for the sizes, it just is.  I should be able to figure something out... tomorrow?  Maybe.  All the tools are cordless.  I'm curious just how much zip the saw has.  Most drills, from most brands, of this sort, have serious zip.  I guess I'l find out soon enough.

Later.  A nap, a sleep cycle?  Something soon.  I am almost done today.

Some of it.

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I was pretty sure I would get things, most things, done.  I did half, a third perhaps, then staying awake became a problem, one I didn't realize I had until... I woke.  Hmm?  I crashed so hard and fast I really didn't see it coming.  I was already gone before  I realized.  Not a bad thing.  I think a weather shift, more than else, tripped me up.  It wasn't just the pitter-patter of a gentle rain, or the special cool that arrives with spring rains, but probably more it was the atmospheric change.  Something about weather fronts moving in, sometimes out, that takes me down.

I got about a third done, as I wake and account matters more clearly.  I have the list and will continue as possible.  Although I did more work, in an unexpected area, which would be equivalent to another third of the intended work.  So it actually wasn't as much a wash as I thought, in reflection.

I best get going.  A shower, shave, then?  I'll see when I get there.  A cup of tea to start the process.  Later.

A few things done, then a major crash nap.

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No surprise.  Shorting sleep while sandwiching solid work often leads to hard downtimes.  That it was only a nap is a bit of a lucky break.  A good nap.  Should be ready to hit it again shortly.

A load of dishes through, maybe two.  Then to set another load of laundry washing while putting what is in the dryer to finish drying or fluff.  Perhaps beginning to fold, or taking a break before folding.  Then, as able, constructing the kitchen carts and putting them into use, a shower and shave, interspersed with breaks as needed, and then another sleep.  I'll hold off on the retractable hanging air dryer until I can get a 1 or 2 x 6, and heavier wood screws, if I can't find some, next time I am in town.  Should be soon.

I realized I may be having visitors in a month or three.  I hope to clean and clear as much as possible.  I want both rooms as clear as possible, and a place open for a floor bed for me to begin trying well before they arrive so I can see if that would work for me, or find another way before they arrive.  I do have a camping cot, if all else fails, fit to my size.  I won't have guests sack out in inferior ways, especially helpers.  If that works, eventually I may try a Japanese floor mattress.  I just want as much done as possible so even play and touring can occur this time, so that a return visit is more likely.

If I can get things in solid shape, then I will have someone come in weekly, if possible.  That will make visits more common, and more about sightseeing and relaxation.  Or minor work orders, like shed roofing, roof painting, or such.  Just a job or two.  Actually, if my cousin visits as well, I hope to replace roofing bolts, and paint, the front lower roof section.  I can then hope to do the back lower sections myself through the summer.  The upper sections?  Those will happen if I can figure a safe way up, and around while up there.

Actually, I may do that whether he shows or not.  If my mother knows how to kill wasps in sheds, I may finally put that portion of the henhouse roof on, the one planned years ago.  As well, sometime this summer, I may try my hand at shingling... the outhouse closest to the main house, which is shaded most of the day, thankfully.  It's solid, otherwise.  I'd like to keep it that way.

Or, maybe, I am just dreaming, again?  Nothing gets done without a dream to name it.  Later.

Six hours down, with a bit of business in there.

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A clean bed, many dishes done, laundry getting back in order, and just a bit more light today.  Still cloudy, perhaps not as densely?  Sleep was good if I hoped for more, if numbers don't mean what they mean to others.  My sleep and wake cycles are broken, have been for a bit.  As well, I am terribly off my feed bag.  Not as if that is going to take off any weight, it just slows me down on top of else.  Still, I'll get to what is possible, perhaps then some.

Today?  The rest of the dishes, clothes, a shower and shave, assembling the kitchen carts, then putting them to use, and maybe installing the accordion drying rack?  There may be too much on the list.  After yesterday, tossing in a nap, if I can eat better without overeating?  Maybe, or some solid portion of it.

Money isn't tight.  And I mean it not to become so.  Something I hoped to do for friends I had to forgo today.  I already gave a handful out, had much more on one of my bills than anticipated, have medicine, doctor, and medical lab, plus a large gift going out next month.  And I haven't been tending expenditures well.  Don't take it bad... I have spent so much time in the red this last two years that I won't even test it.  And, if I am not sure this year, I still want a new furnace and central air, new refrigerator and other appliances, and a new kitchen floor.  Not to mention putting the en suite back together and a new electrical main and sub panel, and at least some tree work with that.  Yeah.  Don't take it personal.

A bit to wake up, then back to it.  Later.

All of the required, at least half of the wanted.

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Done though.  I can't do more.  Had to push and shove to get this far.  One of the sinks is clear, all laundry is dry, or close.  I even freshened a bit.  Just couldn't shower.  It was the folding and hanging laundry, and making the bed, which got me.  Now for a bit of a nap.

Well done.  I did more than I thought I could if a good lot of it was required... not that even requirements are real guarantees.  So, satisfied.  Good night.

Well?

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The problem isn't energy, mostly.  I am using hot water at a terrible pace.  Two loads of laundry, three or four batches of pure hot water for washing and rinsing.  I am certain I will get another load of laundry and a shower in.  Ugh but that is a lot of hot water.  I'll get to dishes again shortly, after messing with dry laundry... and perhaps flipping one last load through... letting that finish before the next set of dishes... or... the other way?  Achk!  I'll figure it out as I go.

Oh, an idea to get away from so much tea?  Sure, there is milk, dairy and water kefir, plus tea.  But that usually sees me drinking gallons of tea.  The rest just can't be consumed in large volumes.  There are problems, like finding enough good fresh veggies at a reasonable price.  Even getting to town often enough is...  Still, even from time to time, this would do.  I have enough half gallon jars so I don't need to buy anything, aside from fruits and veggies.  Frozen fruit?  Not if it only says packaged in the US.  Trickery is annoying.

Then again...  I just threw myself at folding laundry.  *sigh*  Yes, I got about half of what is out.  But with three loads on the way, dishes, and a bath?  I'm about half way through dishes.  And I have beans to put up.  Which means making room in the reefer.  On top of else, I am quickly running out of steam.  I'll keep at it as long as I can.  All into the dryer at least, all sinks open and two jars ready, all clothes off the bed pad so the bed can be made.  It's just an extra clean layer, thankfully no incontinence issues to date.

Still a lot of work, and I need a break.  Later.

So dark.

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It is so very dark.  Day, even extra dark at night.  With sleep so off it is difficult to know which is which far beyond usual periods.  It could be worse.  My mother is expecting eight inches of snow, some parts of the coast are expecting double that, or more.  Told them.  Oh, and cold... while cool here, wet and perhaps cold, if this is cold they are getting frozen.

It is the darkness which is trampling me.  It is wonderful sleep.  The massages and pedicures are finally nearly completely on the good side.  Mostly.  Still, I am falling so far behind.  I may begin checking into help.  Perhaps a local ad.  A little help would more like triple, or quadruple, my output.  It just does, if I can get a good worker who does big chunks.

I'll try to get some work yet tonight.  I completed the bathroom today, and a few other things.  I need to do dishes, probably three double loads, plus bedding and laundry.  I'd better get to it or I'll end up crashing.

A couple of prep or efficiency items in.  The first is 24 pound packs of pool shock.  It allows the production of chlorine.  Between half a teaspoon and a heaping tablespoon will produce a gallon of potent chlorine, of which only drops are needed to clean a gallon of water.  Yeah, a really good thing to have on hand.  The other items are wall mounted, pull out, drying racks.  I can never tell if chinese numbers, measurements, are right.  Well, they were, this time.  Three feet wide, by two and an half feet deep, with ten bars at width?  It'll hold far more than I would have believed.  One would have been enough.  Still, at the price, a spare is fine.  However I want better mounting hardware... probably a 2 x 6 so as to double beam attachments.  It says it'll hold #60, with included hardware.  With what I have in mind, I'd bet #100 to #120.  It's how I do.  Lucifer and his can only corrupt.  Those in God's camp always seek to improve... even overbuild.  Amen.

Later.

All the phone calls.

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Oh, one more bill, utilities.  I'll get a stash of checks ready to go, put them in an envelope, to be deposited the next time I am out.  Which will be soon.  Oh, and a check for milk, ready for next delivery day.  That will be it for hard bills.  The rest is groceries.  I pull cash out for body care ahead of time, first of the month, so it doesn't sneak up on me.  Oh, well, medicine and doctor costs.  With the Zero appointee out of the V.A., perhaps in six months to a year I may see about going back in.  At least for some of my meds.

I'll keep my local doc for several reasons, including potassium.  The V.A. can't be trusted to not try to blackmail me onto medication, using my driver license as hostage.  I think I understand why the V.A. potassium isn't the best.  That is only offered on a monthly basis.  Too fragile, too prone to absorbing moisture.  I'll have to figure this out with my local doc.  I want the gooder stuff.  The other stuff doesn't get used, from my local doc, which I can get in three month issue, trust me.  The powder upsets my stomach and tastes worse than the titanium pill's vanilla.  I do understand.  Not sure why people can't just say what the problem is.

As to the shave and shower, coming up.  It actually takes a bit out of me to do phone business.  Especially when it is obvious some of them don't want to work with people on the phone.  As well, the billing is off.  We live in a digital and insane world.  Contacting a real human, who speaks English, who has the brains, will, and power to fix what should be obvious problems, is nearly impossible.  Tomorrow, beside else, I will be trying to get one of those problems solved.  Anyway, I need a break before showering.  Hmm, could remove the bedding before I rest.  Guarantees some work.

Later.

Up and hoping to get at it.

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No real idea when I woke.  An hour, two, less, ago?  I realized I haven't been drinking much, on top of not eating.  Not sure it matters given how much I have been sleeping.  Still, going from several gallons a day to a few quarts, if still emptying out as if I was still drinking a great amount.  Must have had excess, if it wasn't showing with swelling anywhere, or wet lungs.  Strange.

Today?  A few phone calls, a couple of bills, a shower and shave, dishes, bedding, and laundry?  Maybe.  It is the goal.  Hmm, and putting beans on for chili.  I'm going to push for it.  I'll down the tea, then see about a shower and shave.

Still dark.  I've turned the heat up a bit, though may cut it back.  Wish me luck, send a quick prayer, or such, if you will.  Later.

Awake again.

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It's been a bit.  Awake doesn't mean all that much either.  Eventually dinner, if a very humble one.  Steamed cabbage, salt, and butter.  Should have added pepper, now that I have a good grinder which provides very fine particles.  I grew away from pepper, as my old grinder no longer worked, and all the pepper tins seem stale.  One thing at a time, then a hope and pray it works event.  This took four events.  Several variations on preground and then a new grinder.  Still working on finding better pepper, if roasting small batches might improve most pepper.  Then of course, white pepper.

Anyway, I'll keep at things.  If I can do little, I'll try for more.  If I can do nothing, I'll try to be awake longer.  Etceteras.  I have a few intentions tomorrow.  Setting up an appointment, ordering medication, and work.  The problem is mostly the weather.  Dark, cold, wet.  While actually among my favorite weather, I'm just not spry enough to consume it.

Up just a bit longer.  Put up the remaining cabbage, it's rather sweet, oddly.  Then to check on a few dailies, finally to bed.  No pain, simply tired beyond effort.  Later.  Or good night, actually.

Feeling quite good.

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I have no idea how many sleep cycles I have gone through, if at least three.  As well, I have no idea how long I slept or how long I was awake, per or total.  I am positive I was asleep a whole lot longer than I was awake.  No problem, this was expected.  Actually, I usually go through pain for this first heavy sleeping cycle.

As implied, there is no pain.  I roll often enough in my sleep, cats be damned!  Well, that doesn't mean they get rolled on, only that I will happily move them in order to roll.  Ever, as a parent or sibling, slept with a small one?  Initially you are extremely cautious, to prevent harm and to prevent waking?  Cats can be similar.  Well, you eventually learn what you can do without creating fuss.

No pain, in part from rolling, in part from getting used to massages.  I'm in the "floating on a cloud" stage.  I really think this is the end stages of repair.  The body has flushed what was released during the massage, but is still producing natural painkillers.  With most pain gone, the deadening goes to another form of relaxation.  Just a suspicion, if why I don't take anacin even should I hit pain at this point.

Can't say I am awake for long.  It's a chilly dark day on top of all.  I did grill some chops, baked a potato, and steamed carrots for a bit of a feast yesterday.  I ended so stuffed, just two smaller chops mind you, I had to wait a bit before sleeping again.  I think I'll try for the leftovers, with another potato, minus carrots... all out.  That should put me down.

I did get a bath, then a shower and shave in.  No where to go, but a good day to do right.  I suppose there were places to go, I just couldn't have made it.  I was doing good to be partly awake some of the time.  I think water helped.  May try it again today, if just a shower, possibly a finish to shaving, just one pass yesterday.  After dinner, unless... might make it before?  No.  Just thoughts on a wonderfully rainy spring day.  Wouldn't want to be east of here.  It's ugly here, to the east will be snow if I had to bet your teeth.

Is it over?  How willful are His people?  Had to laugh the other day.  Someone suggested that fearing the Satan was right.  Because Satan is patient.  No he is not.  If you want to understand patience, study God.  If there is a fear due for this attribute, it is not for Satan.  It, probably, ain't over.

Hmm?  If there is no hell there is no need for the church.  None.  If all people have access to heaven without Christ, then He wouldn't have sacrificed Himself.  We know that was not His wish.  It was the Father's will.  For most nephilim, children of Cain, and mixes... at least the ones who can't hear and abide?  For, essentially, those who can neither be innocent nor guilty?  Maybe.  For most, no amount of disbelief can spare.  Christ said he came for most, not all.  For many of those the liar grew up with, and associates, cooperates with?  Maybe.  Not for him.  Street cred doesn't work for those with souls.  Yes, some go to church every chance they get, but take nothing from it into the world.  Some simply can't.  The ones who won't are in the greatest peril.

Later.

Several sleep sessions.

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I woke several times.  After brief considerations, it was understood that more sleep was need, wanted, and available.  I slept well.  I may return to sleep, again, shortly, if I cannot get to work.  There is no reason to drain the batteries if the engine can't be put into gear.  I am hoping to start with a bath.  Then absolutely open into the kitchen.  Aye, Sunday, and Easter Sunday.  Grains (or dishes) so as to eat yet, raising the dead (including Himself), I yet follow after my Lord.  Don't think I bluff or jest.

Several dreams.  All good.  Only one can be recalled.  A young woman, razzing.  I gave it back, and better.  Of course that was going to end up with a woman in my arms.  I dumped the program just shy of that, without burning the bridge, to give me time to think about it.  Yeah, I already knew.  I guess I just wanted a bit more freedom.  If I was looking forward to feasting after such a long famine.

Ah, I tried one of the kefir waters bottled a bit back, refrigerated yesterday.  Excellent.  At least as fizzy as fountain soda, tasty, but without sugar or caffeine.  A good actually healthy option.  I think the trick is adding more dried fruit... cherries in this batch.  Cranraisins, raisins, pineapple, mango, just about any dry, frozen, or fresh fruit should work.  It is still experimental.  At least I now know, from first hand personal experience, that it is possible.

May you have a Blessed Easter.  Later.