.
.
I had 6 beers and 2 to 3 shots, the last of, my rye. It is the only rye I can drink, and it is great. Though you probably cannot get it. It is called Templeton rye whiskey. It was, supposedly, Al Capone’s go to whiskey, his top shelf stuff. Then it was a small batch illegal hooch of top quality, now it is still small batch, using the same recipe, according to their bottle. Anyway, that is all it took and I was off and going. I should not blog or comment while partying, but… It happens. I should not party, but it will happen and felt needed and good. And, though it was not much of a party, it is as “good” as it gets here. I actually feel a little rough this morning. That I do not mind, being a lightweight in this manner is fine with me.
I thought about removing my last post, but decided to keep it. If embarrassing in a number of ways, I did it so it will stay. Some of my comments I would like to remove too, on other people’s blogs, but that is not up to me.
I am still nervous about the last test. I am hoping to contact the realtor today. I will be heading to class, then my VA vocational rehabilitation officer, maybe getting a meeting with the realtor going, then going to my Mom’s home for the weekend. I will be back Sunday night, I plan on starting swimming Monday. Life is pretty good. Oh, my Mom said she will be cooking a home made meal tonight! She likes some surprises. Well, I best be off.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Nephilim. And Bane.
.
.
Not all of them are bad. I cannot express this more strongly. Or, I am evil. Yes, yes, foolishness. Hush.
I may be wrong, mortalling, but I am not evil. Further, though I may be wrong in small details, I am sure I am not wrong in the long run. I know where I am going, I know my Master, and I bow to the only “One”. As hard as bowing to any Man, even the son of man, was, I have done so. Fully, strongly, faithfully, and fully, I have kneeled to God. Yet, too, I know I am not human. Not fully. Even if I am what I am for no purpose, I yet am what I am. Foolish, of course. Superstitious nonsense, of course. That does not change reality. I am what I am, if I am not Who I Am.
I see that Bane has died. I have been avoiding the notion. I must admit, when he said he was dieing, I doubted. He stopped allowing me to post. I know why, or believe so. It has to do with something few of you know about. He let several things pass, but when I posted to a place he visited, he lost his interest in allowing me to even post on his site. Perhaps he knows better now, perhaps not. Perhaps he was right. And, no, it has nothing to do with anything most of you know about. Perplexing, perhaps Deb knows. God does.
I regret his death. I had stopped reading his blog, ended my link to it, and had avoided any thoughts of such. And yet, even such as I know a brother, or cousin, or something. Our pissing contests about who was darker aside, we both knew, I believe, that we both knew. Past certain points, the darkness of the pot and kettle mean nothing. Their darkness swallows light, both of them. I would like to think I have walked away, broken and busted and ugly, but alive and choosing other than that. I like to think, in spite of his insistence, that he did too. Why? Because blood is blood, and if his blood cannot be purified, perhaps mine cannot be either.
Yes, I love Bane. I will pray for him. I hate him too. The bastard turned away, let me go, just because I am what I am, and that I sometimes quite enjoy it. It has been eating me since I first heard the news. It is everywhere. I could no longer hold my tongue. Now you know… you know half the story in any case. The rest will no more be known than I would allow a Freudian slip, or any other kind. Damn, I really don’t know what else to say, except that I used a contraction against months or years of not allowing such in my blogging (though I do use them in comments on other blogs and rebuttals to comments on my blog). I guess that is as good as it gets. A little random chaos for one such as him.
.
Not all of them are bad. I cannot express this more strongly. Or, I am evil. Yes, yes, foolishness. Hush.
I may be wrong, mortalling, but I am not evil. Further, though I may be wrong in small details, I am sure I am not wrong in the long run. I know where I am going, I know my Master, and I bow to the only “One”. As hard as bowing to any Man, even the son of man, was, I have done so. Fully, strongly, faithfully, and fully, I have kneeled to God. Yet, too, I know I am not human. Not fully. Even if I am what I am for no purpose, I yet am what I am. Foolish, of course. Superstitious nonsense, of course. That does not change reality. I am what I am, if I am not Who I Am.
I see that Bane has died. I have been avoiding the notion. I must admit, when he said he was dieing, I doubted. He stopped allowing me to post. I know why, or believe so. It has to do with something few of you know about. He let several things pass, but when I posted to a place he visited, he lost his interest in allowing me to even post on his site. Perhaps he knows better now, perhaps not. Perhaps he was right. And, no, it has nothing to do with anything most of you know about. Perplexing, perhaps Deb knows. God does.
I regret his death. I had stopped reading his blog, ended my link to it, and had avoided any thoughts of such. And yet, even such as I know a brother, or cousin, or something. Our pissing contests about who was darker aside, we both knew, I believe, that we both knew. Past certain points, the darkness of the pot and kettle mean nothing. Their darkness swallows light, both of them. I would like to think I have walked away, broken and busted and ugly, but alive and choosing other than that. I like to think, in spite of his insistence, that he did too. Why? Because blood is blood, and if his blood cannot be purified, perhaps mine cannot be either.
Yes, I love Bane. I will pray for him. I hate him too. The bastard turned away, let me go, just because I am what I am, and that I sometimes quite enjoy it. It has been eating me since I first heard the news. It is everywhere. I could no longer hold my tongue. Now you know… you know half the story in any case. The rest will no more be known than I would allow a Freudian slip, or any other kind. Damn, I really don’t know what else to say, except that I used a contraction against months or years of not allowing such in my blogging (though I do use them in comments on other blogs and rebuttals to comments on my blog). I guess that is as good as it gets. A little random chaos for one such as him.
Mid-term Exams
.
.
I just finished my last of two mid-term exams this evening. I took the physics test Wednesday and today it was an probability and statistics for engineers exam. I thought I had done well on physics, but I did not want to write anything until I knew for sure. Something about jinxing... no, that was not it. I just did not want to brag myself up only to be wrong. As it turns out, I did to well. I received 15. Yep, 15 out of 15. The class average was 84%. I can live with that, especially since I was not heavily studying that ( = only made it to class 3/4 of the time and sort of looked at the homework and book, kinda). Today’s test was much more complicated, though I will just say I think I did well. As I told my TA as I was leaving, I either did well, I am delusional, or both! He got a chuckle out of it, as did I. On a bad test, it might have broken the tension, but I did not need that on this test, to my mind. Still, it will be a bit before I know. And though technically I am not nervous, due to the complexities, there remains more room for doubt than the physics exam provided.
I am not happy about the physics class, however. I feel that I am not doing the heavy lifting I should be doing, to dig beyond just what is offered and into what else there is. I am not sure how to go beyond and fundamentally secure the material and the theory. Both are very important, and interesting to me. As well, even if I aced the probability and statistics test, I feel that I need to do more and really tackle… or own… the material. I can do that with the physics, I am not sure I can do that with this class. But that is my goal. Physics offers thought processing that is vital, if in an offhand manner, to all of my other course work. Or at least what is coming up. Probability and statistics is more useful toward my longer term goal of graduate school. Both have their value. And, from talking to several graduate students I know, getting beyond just an A in class will really help graduate level work. Speaking of which, I think I am going to begin my graduate school preparations now. There are free test screenings available, and tutorials for those. I figure that if I start now, in 2 to 3 years, I should be quite ready to take that plunge. Why wait when it is my real goal?
I have received my loan pre-approval. I was going to get in touch with a man tomorrow, a buyers advocate in the reality world. Actually, I may still do that. But I have decided to visit my mother this weekend, before I become buried in classes again. A little home cooking, a lot of mutual love, hugs, and maybe a little beer will do me some good. Actually, I am starting on the beer tonight. But I think my gullet is large enough for a few here and there. I am hoping to find a place sooner rather than later. A few days ago, there were four gang members visiting the white honey next door. Who knows, who cares, I just know this is not good. I am the business end of the business end, and this could very quickly become business. For the most part, and for my part, I would rather be done with that.
Did you hear that? The beers in the refrigerator are clinking. I think they are chilled and lonely. A bottle hug and liquid chug is in order.
*here here* *where did that "*here here*" come from?*
.
I just finished my last of two mid-term exams this evening. I took the physics test Wednesday and today it was an probability and statistics for engineers exam. I thought I had done well on physics, but I did not want to write anything until I knew for sure. Something about jinxing... no, that was not it. I just did not want to brag myself up only to be wrong. As it turns out, I did to well. I received 15. Yep, 15 out of 15. The class average was 84%. I can live with that, especially since I was not heavily studying that ( = only made it to class 3/4 of the time and sort of looked at the homework and book, kinda). Today’s test was much more complicated, though I will just say I think I did well. As I told my TA as I was leaving, I either did well, I am delusional, or both! He got a chuckle out of it, as did I. On a bad test, it might have broken the tension, but I did not need that on this test, to my mind. Still, it will be a bit before I know. And though technically I am not nervous, due to the complexities, there remains more room for doubt than the physics exam provided.
I am not happy about the physics class, however. I feel that I am not doing the heavy lifting I should be doing, to dig beyond just what is offered and into what else there is. I am not sure how to go beyond and fundamentally secure the material and the theory. Both are very important, and interesting to me. As well, even if I aced the probability and statistics test, I feel that I need to do more and really tackle… or own… the material. I can do that with the physics, I am not sure I can do that with this class. But that is my goal. Physics offers thought processing that is vital, if in an offhand manner, to all of my other course work. Or at least what is coming up. Probability and statistics is more useful toward my longer term goal of graduate school. Both have their value. And, from talking to several graduate students I know, getting beyond just an A in class will really help graduate level work. Speaking of which, I think I am going to begin my graduate school preparations now. There are free test screenings available, and tutorials for those. I figure that if I start now, in 2 to 3 years, I should be quite ready to take that plunge. Why wait when it is my real goal?
I have received my loan pre-approval. I was going to get in touch with a man tomorrow, a buyers advocate in the reality world. Actually, I may still do that. But I have decided to visit my mother this weekend, before I become buried in classes again. A little home cooking, a lot of mutual love, hugs, and maybe a little beer will do me some good. Actually, I am starting on the beer tonight. But I think my gullet is large enough for a few here and there. I am hoping to find a place sooner rather than later. A few days ago, there were four gang members visiting the white honey next door. Who knows, who cares, I just know this is not good. I am the business end of the business end, and this could very quickly become business. For the most part, and for my part, I would rather be done with that.
Did you hear that? The beers in the refrigerator are clinking. I think they are chilled and lonely. A bottle hug and liquid chug is in order.
*here here* *where did that "*here here*" come from?*
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Life and Nephilim.
.
.
I have been sleeping a good deal, though that is not unusual at this point. With two tests this week, and perhaps duck hunting, I will need to tend my time well. So far I have been doing ok with this. I sleep 4 to 8 hours, wake up refreshed, then study, eat, rest a bit, then back to study until I must sleep again after 8 to 10 hours of awake time. It has left little time for on-line affairs. Little blogging, few emails, and I am falling behind in some other real life issues, if I am (I hope) keeping up scholastically (sort of). I have, though, completed the paperwork, made copies of the paperwork needed, and sent the package in for an official pre-approval for a home loan. No, I am not subprime, no I would not accept an approval amount more than what I could pay, yes I am watching all things closely and carefully regarding that. I am making plans to try and improve things, but this week is not a good week to begin.
Next week I am planning on beginning my swimming again. I am not sure how it will work, but I will have a month before my next set of tests in order to see if that will fit in without completely wiping me out. If that works, I may attempt to begin weight lifting again after the following test. Being off medication seems to have, once the medicines cleared my system, no net affect on my abilities to function. That is not a good thing, in that I was and remain overly tired. I will have to proceed carefully, but I see no reason not to try and improve my lot similarly to the way I was trying before, that is, through working out and watching my diet. As a fact, if it works out, it might be better now than before. We will see.
Though I feel like a rat caught in a mad scientist’s maze, I do have to power to quit playing. This I have done. However, quitting the game makes me both responsible and without instruction. With the questionable instruction, this is good. Being responsible, although, is always a heavier task. It comes down to trust, and though I do not trust myself greatly, I trust myself enough to know when it is time to not blindly follow a fool or a trickster. In this, I think I have done as well as I may. Oh, I noted that there was a doctor, one I had not met or heard of, who filled (and changed?) my prescriptions between my old doctor and this new doctor. I had thought the new doctor took over directly from the old doctor, so this adds a new element to the possibles bag.
Shooting clays went better than I had thought it would. With a couple of really bad shots to start the process, the rust began to fall away. I have neither hunted duck (or any fowl) before last year (and did not hit a bird then), nor shot clay before. I have shot rifle, pistol, and shotgun, but the shotgun was fired at a stationary target in preparation for guard assignments, and at relatively close ranges. After those poor shots, I zipped up to between 40 and 60 percent hits until my shoulder started missing for me. I feel much better about hunting, now that I know that the thing can actually be hit. It is much more natural of a shot than what I had anticipated. It seems we have a natural indication of vectors and motion, mass, and targeting, than what I might have anticipated. Watch out ducks, here I come. Of course, I will probably still feel a bit like Elmer Fudd when I miss. It is just part of the game.
Oh, Nephilim… The possibly mythical belief that angels and women mated to produce children, called giants, arrogant, etc., or nephilim generally. Most of what I am finding on the topic indicates, if true in the more literal meaning, was based on the mating of fallen angels from a group called “Watchers” and women. And yet, I am sure there is, somewhere, an indication that there were giants, or nephilim, not of fallen angels. That there were, or will be, giants from the host on high. I am just unable to find it, perhaps that is a conspiracy! ;p The other school of thought, considering this notion, is that the sons of God are male descendents of Seth and the daughters of men are female descendents of Cain. The mixing of the two lines, in modern jingle, is the explanation, since any well versed scientific Christian knows angels are spiritual beings, unable to impregnate women, of course. Believe what you will, for my part, I am quite sure. And, I am pretty sure not all nephilim are children of the dark ones.
*Boo!*
*Poof*
.
I have been sleeping a good deal, though that is not unusual at this point. With two tests this week, and perhaps duck hunting, I will need to tend my time well. So far I have been doing ok with this. I sleep 4 to 8 hours, wake up refreshed, then study, eat, rest a bit, then back to study until I must sleep again after 8 to 10 hours of awake time. It has left little time for on-line affairs. Little blogging, few emails, and I am falling behind in some other real life issues, if I am (I hope) keeping up scholastically (sort of). I have, though, completed the paperwork, made copies of the paperwork needed, and sent the package in for an official pre-approval for a home loan. No, I am not subprime, no I would not accept an approval amount more than what I could pay, yes I am watching all things closely and carefully regarding that. I am making plans to try and improve things, but this week is not a good week to begin.
Next week I am planning on beginning my swimming again. I am not sure how it will work, but I will have a month before my next set of tests in order to see if that will fit in without completely wiping me out. If that works, I may attempt to begin weight lifting again after the following test. Being off medication seems to have, once the medicines cleared my system, no net affect on my abilities to function. That is not a good thing, in that I was and remain overly tired. I will have to proceed carefully, but I see no reason not to try and improve my lot similarly to the way I was trying before, that is, through working out and watching my diet. As a fact, if it works out, it might be better now than before. We will see.
Though I feel like a rat caught in a mad scientist’s maze, I do have to power to quit playing. This I have done. However, quitting the game makes me both responsible and without instruction. With the questionable instruction, this is good. Being responsible, although, is always a heavier task. It comes down to trust, and though I do not trust myself greatly, I trust myself enough to know when it is time to not blindly follow a fool or a trickster. In this, I think I have done as well as I may. Oh, I noted that there was a doctor, one I had not met or heard of, who filled (and changed?) my prescriptions between my old doctor and this new doctor. I had thought the new doctor took over directly from the old doctor, so this adds a new element to the possibles bag.
Shooting clays went better than I had thought it would. With a couple of really bad shots to start the process, the rust began to fall away. I have neither hunted duck (or any fowl) before last year (and did not hit a bird then), nor shot clay before. I have shot rifle, pistol, and shotgun, but the shotgun was fired at a stationary target in preparation for guard assignments, and at relatively close ranges. After those poor shots, I zipped up to between 40 and 60 percent hits until my shoulder started missing for me. I feel much better about hunting, now that I know that the thing can actually be hit. It is much more natural of a shot than what I had anticipated. It seems we have a natural indication of vectors and motion, mass, and targeting, than what I might have anticipated. Watch out ducks, here I come. Of course, I will probably still feel a bit like Elmer Fudd when I miss. It is just part of the game.
Oh, Nephilim… The possibly mythical belief that angels and women mated to produce children, called giants, arrogant, etc., or nephilim generally. Most of what I am finding on the topic indicates, if true in the more literal meaning, was based on the mating of fallen angels from a group called “Watchers” and women. And yet, I am sure there is, somewhere, an indication that there were giants, or nephilim, not of fallen angels. That there were, or will be, giants from the host on high. I am just unable to find it, perhaps that is a conspiracy! ;p The other school of thought, considering this notion, is that the sons of God are male descendents of Seth and the daughters of men are female descendents of Cain. The mixing of the two lines, in modern jingle, is the explanation, since any well versed scientific Christian knows angels are spiritual beings, unable to impregnate women, of course. Believe what you will, for my part, I am quite sure. And, I am pretty sure not all nephilim are children of the dark ones.
*Boo!*
*Poof*
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