.
.
At some point after that last post... an half hour to two after... I went back to bed. I woke... a while ago. Well, began waking. I am still waking. Forgot to brush my teeth upon waking. Yes, I want to keep them up, if possible. I remembered to do them before bed. There is time, after this post. I haven't brushed fewer than three times a day since two months before going for the appointment. I may have missed a few nights, but had brushed three other times.
A brief look outside, while watering the ducks again, and espying the weather. The temp had risen to 48 and clouds were breaking up. I got to see a bit of sun. I would have stayed out a bit, I just couldn't quite handle the moist windy cool, and didn't have the energy to shower and dress more warmly. Still, it brought a smile to my inside face... too tired to externally express it.
Back to the game. It forces me, if painfully, to focus. A shower and dishes later. More. Just that bit of sun might have... opened a door... a small one. For while I am small?
Saturday, April 13, 2019
More rain.
.
.
Thus dark, cool, and all else that goes with it. At least it is verdant in a way only such springs can produce. I napped sometime around midnight to 3:00? In that range. The ducks and girls have had all needs tended. I will most likely head on to bed shortly.
At 8:15 and it is still so dark. It was just above freezing if the thermometer can be believed. It didn't feel that cold. Just checking in. What am I doing? Working on trophies for Metro Exodus. For one of the more difficult ones, I have no saves, except for chapter ends. I have two more longer chapters to finish. Even on easier settings dying is easy. And the longer chapters take hours. Ugh.
About always seeing the glass as empty, by the way? If it is only half full, then it IS essentially empty. With some things it is only all or nothing. Only a woman with no real interest, as the false mother claiming a child before Solomon, could propose halves as good enough. Further, that wasn't really the point. It was simply that too much was spoken that might... If I wanted to ask, I would have. Not the point.
Good night? Maybe.
.
Thus dark, cool, and all else that goes with it. At least it is verdant in a way only such springs can produce. I napped sometime around midnight to 3:00? In that range. The ducks and girls have had all needs tended. I will most likely head on to bed shortly.
At 8:15 and it is still so dark. It was just above freezing if the thermometer can be believed. It didn't feel that cold. Just checking in. What am I doing? Working on trophies for Metro Exodus. For one of the more difficult ones, I have no saves, except for chapter ends. I have two more longer chapters to finish. Even on easier settings dying is easy. And the longer chapters take hours. Ugh.
About always seeing the glass as empty, by the way? If it is only half full, then it IS essentially empty. With some things it is only all or nothing. Only a woman with no real interest, as the false mother claiming a child before Solomon, could propose halves as good enough. Further, that wasn't really the point. It was simply that too much was spoken that might... If I wanted to ask, I would have. Not the point.
Good night? Maybe.
Friday, April 12, 2019
Her dream?
.
.
Mine, about or through her? I can't tell. I told you, I can slip into people's dreams. If it is incidental I may not know. A song came to mind. Immediately and throughout.
.
Mine, about or through her? I can't tell. I told you, I can slip into people's dreams. If it is incidental I may not know. A song came to mind. Immediately and throughout.
What time was it?
.
.
I woke at 15:30, or 13:30. I've been awake for a... long time? It has that sense, and yet it is only 16:00. I was almost sure, without thinking, that it was 15:30. Crazy.
Nothing delivered. No snow. Still dark, cool, and wet. I should thaw a roast or two. Nothing to eat tonight? I'll look around. If the eggs are good, boiling them might work, some of them. On a salad would be fine. Or fresh and warm. Ugh.
I was sure I heard someone outside, perhaps closer. I was sure... something had been delivered. Nope. I am positive it wasn't a dream. Still, nothing. Odd.
I called my mother. She is sounding much better. I had thought too many phone calls annoyed her. Maybe not? Still, these have mostly been health checks.
Oh, I best turn the heat up and get ready for a shower. Definitely would enjoy one. No shave until Monday, or Sunday. Still painfully tired. The sun will return. Later.
.
I woke at 15:30, or 13:30. I've been awake for a... long time? It has that sense, and yet it is only 16:00. I was almost sure, without thinking, that it was 15:30. Crazy.
Nothing delivered. No snow. Still dark, cool, and wet. I should thaw a roast or two. Nothing to eat tonight? I'll look around. If the eggs are good, boiling them might work, some of them. On a salad would be fine. Or fresh and warm. Ugh.
I was sure I heard someone outside, perhaps closer. I was sure... something had been delivered. Nope. I am positive it wasn't a dream. Still, nothing. Odd.
I called my mother. She is sounding much better. I had thought too many phone calls annoyed her. Maybe not? Still, these have mostly been health checks.
Oh, I best turn the heat up and get ready for a shower. Definitely would enjoy one. No shave until Monday, or Sunday. Still painfully tired. The sun will return. Later.
Maybe.
.
.
Never certain. Perhaps she does read here. I almost suspect so. But to have dug so far, and specifically, back? It may be one of my longtime readers calling me out. Either way, I believe them to be wrong. If, for example, she had seen me on the street before I saw her, what would she have done? Hidden. Be honest. We aren't friends. We aren't associates. I hate it when folk deny reality, and create ire for untrue things. No need to take it personal, nor get angry.
.
Never certain. Perhaps she does read here. I almost suspect so. But to have dug so far, and specifically, back? It may be one of my longtime readers calling me out. Either way, I believe them to be wrong. If, for example, she had seen me on the street before I saw her, what would she have done? Hidden. Be honest. We aren't friends. We aren't associates. I hate it when folk deny reality, and create ire for untrue things. No need to take it personal, nor get angry.
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Someone is playing games?
.
.
Or trying to say something. Has been going on for days. At least two.
I have been ignoring, for what good it does. A few, the most recent.
.
Or trying to say something. Has been going on for days. At least two.
I have been ignoring, for what good it does. A few, the most recent.
Days are spinning.
.
.
Down after 4:00. An half hour or four hours after, though, I can't say. Up at 15:30, give or take fifteen either way. It's as good as memory gets. Had to refill meds today. I haven't set up the monthly yet. Two of those set up will really have me good. I'll be a lot surer to always have two to four weeks in reserve.
Raining, dark, wet, and cold. It seems to be staying around 42°F. At least during the day. I dreamed it snowed a foot, more because that was how much stuck. I went out for some reason, in the dream, and had returned and gone back to sleep. Then, in the dream still, I woke and went to the back door to look out again. I had left it wide open, both doors. It wasn't cold, but how much fuel had been needlessly burned. Though I can't call it a nightmare. It was so beautiful out there.
Ah. My appointment was cancelled, at primary. Yesterday. I remembered to call to reschedule first thing. If it holds, I will actually get in earlier. All good. Either they set me up with insulin or I have to start saving. Budget isn't kind for that, even when SSD is arriving. Now it is murder. Still, it's what I've got.
Today? I don't know. So tired. I'll... think about it. Good... afternoon. Be well.
.
Down after 4:00. An half hour or four hours after, though, I can't say. Up at 15:30, give or take fifteen either way. It's as good as memory gets. Had to refill meds today. I haven't set up the monthly yet. Two of those set up will really have me good. I'll be a lot surer to always have two to four weeks in reserve.
Raining, dark, wet, and cold. It seems to be staying around 42°F. At least during the day. I dreamed it snowed a foot, more because that was how much stuck. I went out for some reason, in the dream, and had returned and gone back to sleep. Then, in the dream still, I woke and went to the back door to look out again. I had left it wide open, both doors. It wasn't cold, but how much fuel had been needlessly burned. Though I can't call it a nightmare. It was so beautiful out there.
Ah. My appointment was cancelled, at primary. Yesterday. I remembered to call to reschedule first thing. If it holds, I will actually get in earlier. All good. Either they set me up with insulin or I have to start saving. Budget isn't kind for that, even when SSD is arriving. Now it is murder. Still, it's what I've got.
Today? I don't know. So tired. I'll... think about it. Good... afternoon. Be well.
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
The dark noon thirty down.
.
.
Up an half hour before the daylight noon? If you don't run a twenty four hour time, why not have two noons? Anyway. Still dark and cold. I don't remember hearing rain, but I slept so very hard I wouldn't have heard hail. Even when I woke to use the facilities I remember nothing else.
After pedicures, and massages when I used to get them, I crash even harder than usual. All good, it must do something for the body, I believe it to be something very good. As mentioned, I don't, can't, relax. These things cause a mechanical relaxation which overcomes my psychic clinging to coherent conscious attempts at absolute readiness and sobriety. Which is why I prefer even the harsh pain of cracked ribs to the dulling yet loosing of the mind and will that pain pills create.
If too, I believe it is pain that keeps me alive often. For now. I may be healing past that. If I can get in shape, which means losing another twenty to forty pounds to start... if that will require it's own pains, and ongoing pains. There really isn't an escape from pain that doesn't require very bad choices. Not in this life. So grab it and use it.
I best get to dailies. After a bit. A couple hours to wake, then to it. The toilet got well scrubbed yesterday. Sweeping and mopping today, and laundry today. I have some help arriving today to. Best be ready. Later.
.
Up an half hour before the daylight noon? If you don't run a twenty four hour time, why not have two noons? Anyway. Still dark and cold. I don't remember hearing rain, but I slept so very hard I wouldn't have heard hail. Even when I woke to use the facilities I remember nothing else.
After pedicures, and massages when I used to get them, I crash even harder than usual. All good, it must do something for the body, I believe it to be something very good. As mentioned, I don't, can't, relax. These things cause a mechanical relaxation which overcomes my psychic clinging to coherent conscious attempts at absolute readiness and sobriety. Which is why I prefer even the harsh pain of cracked ribs to the dulling yet loosing of the mind and will that pain pills create.
If too, I believe it is pain that keeps me alive often. For now. I may be healing past that. If I can get in shape, which means losing another twenty to forty pounds to start... if that will require it's own pains, and ongoing pains. There really isn't an escape from pain that doesn't require very bad choices. Not in this life. So grab it and use it.
I best get to dailies. After a bit. A couple hours to wake, then to it. The toilet got well scrubbed yesterday. Sweeping and mopping today, and laundry today. I have some help arriving today to. Best be ready. Later.
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
No, not.
.
.
Speaking with a muse can be... confusing. The imaginings can be mixed in with the reals. But... no. Thankfully she has no interest, so perhaps only a mild irritation would develop. As for my part, why not? Speak to someone half your age. Stop right there. I can barely speak with men her age, and only if their sacks have dropped. If they are terrified to fight I want nothing to do with them. Most women her age are horrifying to speak with. Though, in limited engagements such as this, it's usually okay.
I am sure there are women out there, her age, who might do. She isn't one of them. It's not a hateful thing, just an understanding. She is on par what I would expect from a woman of her age. I... avoid many topics with her. Even so I realize I disturb her from time to time. Politics, religion, anything, nothing. Well and the age of my body. I have no chance with her, just for that.
No problem, that is expected. Nothing about any of that is a problem. Typical. It's just that things might have been said, in my exhausted stupor, that might have intimated an interest that just isn't so. Hopefully she will be far past it next time. Perhaps I will take my phone and play sudoku. Just... avoid conversation from now on. We really aren't... friends, even associates.
Training is possible, but it actually must be for the willing only. Mostly. And the able.
.
Speaking with a muse can be... confusing. The imaginings can be mixed in with the reals. But... no. Thankfully she has no interest, so perhaps only a mild irritation would develop. As for my part, why not? Speak to someone half your age. Stop right there. I can barely speak with men her age, and only if their sacks have dropped. If they are terrified to fight I want nothing to do with them. Most women her age are horrifying to speak with. Though, in limited engagements such as this, it's usually okay.
I am sure there are women out there, her age, who might do. She isn't one of them. It's not a hateful thing, just an understanding. She is on par what I would expect from a woman of her age. I... avoid many topics with her. Even so I realize I disturb her from time to time. Politics, religion, anything, nothing. Well and the age of my body. I have no chance with her, just for that.
No problem, that is expected. Nothing about any of that is a problem. Typical. It's just that things might have been said, in my exhausted stupor, that might have intimated an interest that just isn't so. Hopefully she will be far past it next time. Perhaps I will take my phone and play sudoku. Just... avoid conversation from now on. We really aren't... friends, even associates.
Training is possible, but it actually must be for the willing only. Mostly. And the able.
So tired.
.
.
Still, the critters tended. A shower and shave, then to town for the feet-cure. I... may... one more month and then I will either quit those or go every other month. The cuticles though... if they aren't managed, walking can hurt. Difficult to do on my own. I can clip my toenails, with some acrobatics, but the cuticles are very difficult. Hmm... I may research it.
It has been dark all day. It continues to rain off and on. It's a handsome day, but cold, wet, and dark. I'll have a salad in a bit. Perhaps put a roast out for tomorrow. Not much else. Meds down. It's been a very long time since I missed a dose. A month? At least. It is probably going on two months, or very close.
A hike tomorrow? Even if it is raining, I have gear. Rain pants, waterproof shell, hiking poles, if I should dredge up a canteen, clean and fill it. It won't be far. Probably a quarter mile if I am lucky. But it would be a start. A start is where everything begins. I suppose any time would be good.
Later.
.
Still, the critters tended. A shower and shave, then to town for the feet-cure. I... may... one more month and then I will either quit those or go every other month. The cuticles though... if they aren't managed, walking can hurt. Difficult to do on my own. I can clip my toenails, with some acrobatics, but the cuticles are very difficult. Hmm... I may research it.
It has been dark all day. It continues to rain off and on. It's a handsome day, but cold, wet, and dark. I'll have a salad in a bit. Perhaps put a roast out for tomorrow. Not much else. Meds down. It's been a very long time since I missed a dose. A month? At least. It is probably going on two months, or very close.
A hike tomorrow? Even if it is raining, I have gear. Rain pants, waterproof shell, hiking poles, if I should dredge up a canteen, clean and fill it. It won't be far. Probably a quarter mile if I am lucky. But it would be a start. A start is where everything begins. I suppose any time would be good.
Later.
Out of control.
.
.
I simply can't get to bed early, or push waking early. Being awake eighteen to twenty hours at a time, while sleeping from eight to twelve hours, there is too much both ways. No way to stuff those sums into a twenty four hour day. It is becoming physically painful, pulling my body apart. Well, it feels like it. Probably good for me somehow.
I keep getting crank "pain relief clinic" calls. At best, legal pushers, at worst an outright scam. Actually, I got that reversed. Better to lose some money than to be turned into an addict. I've quit heavy drinking... at least of alcohol... actually all alcohol drinking, as well as quit tobacco. Some suggest tea has caffeine, but at the volumes I consume there is no effect. Further, my heart improved while drinking gallons and gallons of the stuff a day, if countered by pills that dump the stuff to a balance. Oh, but about the pain? I think I need it. It keeps me at it, for now. I do hope to get beyond the need of pain as a life check, but will use it as needed as long as needed. Though too, pain is humbling. It is good for the soul, if you choose to see beyond it while in it.
The sun still hasn't been out. It rained most of the part of the night I slept. It rains, off and on, even yet. Overcast, dark, damp, and that special chill only humidity can create. No complaint. This sort of weather has a special place in the darker nethers of the blackest parts of the dark part of my heart. This is when few can... slip hordes, like an arrow designed to slip the tornado or hurricane to it's eye... or heart. People don't even like looking out. Soldiers placed out in it don't like to see. I have said we can't make illusions, we can only help people see or not see what they would rather experience. Sometimes the world doesn't need a hero. Sometimes what it needs is a monster. Thousands? It never took that many, but had it been necessary? Aye, and more.
Of course, for now, it merely causes increased drowsiness. If not a terrible thing, not of much advantage either. Perhaps what works on men also works on hunting prey? Although, it really isn't just the weather. It is the longer sun and warming. Spring is the season of chaos, birth and rebirth. It has always been a complicated season. At least for me.
A whisper... "Doom, you talk too much...". Me, "Shut up already"!
Today? One thing for sure. I'll... see. Later.
.
I simply can't get to bed early, or push waking early. Being awake eighteen to twenty hours at a time, while sleeping from eight to twelve hours, there is too much both ways. No way to stuff those sums into a twenty four hour day. It is becoming physically painful, pulling my body apart. Well, it feels like it. Probably good for me somehow.
I keep getting crank "pain relief clinic" calls. At best, legal pushers, at worst an outright scam. Actually, I got that reversed. Better to lose some money than to be turned into an addict. I've quit heavy drinking... at least of alcohol... actually all alcohol drinking, as well as quit tobacco. Some suggest tea has caffeine, but at the volumes I consume there is no effect. Further, my heart improved while drinking gallons and gallons of the stuff a day, if countered by pills that dump the stuff to a balance. Oh, but about the pain? I think I need it. It keeps me at it, for now. I do hope to get beyond the need of pain as a life check, but will use it as needed as long as needed. Though too, pain is humbling. It is good for the soul, if you choose to see beyond it while in it.
The sun still hasn't been out. It rained most of the part of the night I slept. It rains, off and on, even yet. Overcast, dark, damp, and that special chill only humidity can create. No complaint. This sort of weather has a special place in the darker nethers of the blackest parts of the dark part of my heart. This is when few can... slip hordes, like an arrow designed to slip the tornado or hurricane to it's eye... or heart. People don't even like looking out. Soldiers placed out in it don't like to see. I have said we can't make illusions, we can only help people see or not see what they would rather experience. Sometimes the world doesn't need a hero. Sometimes what it needs is a monster. Thousands? It never took that many, but had it been necessary? Aye, and more.
Of course, for now, it merely causes increased drowsiness. If not a terrible thing, not of much advantage either. Perhaps what works on men also works on hunting prey? Although, it really isn't just the weather. It is the longer sun and warming. Spring is the season of chaos, birth and rebirth. It has always been a complicated season. At least for me.
A whisper... "Doom, you talk too much...". Me, "Shut up already"!
Today? One thing for sure. I'll... see. Later.
Monday, April 8, 2019
Up all day.
.
.
No work. Wasn't expecting work. Wasn't expecting to stay awake beyond the call. Surprised I didn't oversleep as things turned. Yeah, all were fed, medicine taken... all of it, the first two litter cleanings and teeth brushings... perhaps more. A final meal, for all, duck watering, a final brushing, a final litter cleaning, all yet to happen. Little things. Some necessary, some just as an effort for the very purpose of requiring work.
I am hoping to add functions, expand what I can do and the length of time I can work per episode and summed over the day and week. With a major stressor completed, if the sun would come out and some warmth would return, perhaps I could hit things. The next time I make it to town I will arrange for a dumpster for the middle of next month. I will begin sorting things starting even now... as soon as I can work. Ugh.
I have also set a goal of swimming at least once this week. Maybe a short hike around town as well. Even just ten blocks or such. No pack, but something to drink as a starter. Hiking poles? Maybe. I would like to break myself in with one of each the first week or three, then double swimming for the next month, while expanding the single hike and adding a light pack, then adding weight up to my ballbuster, maxed. Yea.
Perhaps a shower and shave before bed. Laundry and dishes tomorrow? It's time for sheets to be changed again. I did bring the trash barrel back. I love when I do that right away, if I notice driving around that I'm not the only one who runs out of time or energy for that little thing. Likely other little things, not all visible.
Probably good night. I have things to do yet, hours to go. But for posting this is it.
.
No work. Wasn't expecting work. Wasn't expecting to stay awake beyond the call. Surprised I didn't oversleep as things turned. Yeah, all were fed, medicine taken... all of it, the first two litter cleanings and teeth brushings... perhaps more. A final meal, for all, duck watering, a final brushing, a final litter cleaning, all yet to happen. Little things. Some necessary, some just as an effort for the very purpose of requiring work.
I am hoping to add functions, expand what I can do and the length of time I can work per episode and summed over the day and week. With a major stressor completed, if the sun would come out and some warmth would return, perhaps I could hit things. The next time I make it to town I will arrange for a dumpster for the middle of next month. I will begin sorting things starting even now... as soon as I can work. Ugh.
I have also set a goal of swimming at least once this week. Maybe a short hike around town as well. Even just ten blocks or such. No pack, but something to drink as a starter. Hiking poles? Maybe. I would like to break myself in with one of each the first week or three, then double swimming for the next month, while expanding the single hike and adding a light pack, then adding weight up to my ballbuster, maxed. Yea.
Perhaps a shower and shave before bed. Laundry and dishes tomorrow? It's time for sheets to be changed again. I did bring the trash barrel back. I love when I do that right away, if I notice driving around that I'm not the only one who runs out of time or energy for that little thing. Likely other little things, not all visible.
Probably good night. I have things to do yet, hours to go. But for posting this is it.
Done.
.
.
It was easier than anticipated. No travel was good. Memory, or lack of it, regarding medical appointments, was the only problem I had. It didn't take very long. It wasn't stressful. The fellow was patient and put me at ease. It was the same information I have sent in over and over, just updated. I did my best.
Four to five months before I will know anything. It is how long they take to... make some sort of decision. If, even then, another appointment for another medical exam. And however long after that. Of course, no guarantee about anything. I... will just have to keep holding my financial breath. It's a long time. It has been a long time.
Still, done. I did ask about the tax form. He believed it to be odd, will check into it. That doesn't mean I will be informed of any results. Still, at least that caught his attention as well. He assured me no one is collecting my benefits. I'll leave that at that. Trust is earned. Still, he seemed truthful, earnest.
Gah! Now I can't sleep! I suspect the exhaustion was in large part stress. Later.
.
It was easier than anticipated. No travel was good. Memory, or lack of it, regarding medical appointments, was the only problem I had. It didn't take very long. It wasn't stressful. The fellow was patient and put me at ease. It was the same information I have sent in over and over, just updated. I did my best.
Four to five months before I will know anything. It is how long they take to... make some sort of decision. If, even then, another appointment for another medical exam. And however long after that. Of course, no guarantee about anything. I... will just have to keep holding my financial breath. It's a long time. It has been a long time.
Still, done. I did ask about the tax form. He believed it to be odd, will check into it. That doesn't mean I will be informed of any results. Still, at least that caught his attention as well. He assured me no one is collecting my benefits. I'll leave that at that. Trust is earned. Still, he seemed truthful, earnest.
Gah! Now I can't sleep! I suspect the exhaustion was in large part stress. Later.
Horrible.
.
.
I woke at 10:30. I went to sleep at 21:00, so set the 3:00 and 5:00 alarms. I doubted a 3:00 wake, though maybe. I was all but sure about the 5:00 wake. I remembered the 3:00 set, and turning it off as I knew I wasn't ready, making sure to keep the 5:00 alarm active.
I don't remember the 5:00 alarm, or snoozes if they happened. The alarm is still on, so I am pretty sure I must have slept through it. I had a phone appointment this morning at 9:00! I had my phone set to give out alarms at 7:00, 8:00, and 8:40. I hadn't heard those either?
I grabbed my phone, to see if I had been called. Nope. A few emails, some update requests, a few other odds and ends. The interface on my phone seemed odd. Everything looked tiny. Ugh. I went back to sleep a bit, then decided to just wake, call in, apologize, and check about another appointment.
This time, when looking at it, the phone interface was normal sized. And it wasn't yet 6:30? Wow. Dirty rotten tricky nightmare. I must admit, that was a tricky one. The small odd interface and email notification gave it away without quite killing the effect? Something like that. Those things did blunt the impact a bit though.
You would have thought that would have waken me, but no. I still couldn't wake until after 8:00. Oh, Lordy, some days are hard to wake up into. The furnace has been turned up. Trash was put out last night. Good thing too, if I wasn't dreaming... the trash truck was by at about 8:00. Hmm, let me check. I didn't put recycling out, only had one small bag in that huge bin. - No, it hasn't been collected. However, it looks like the neighbor might have moved heavy equipment, so it may not have been a dream.
Still so brutally tired. Even having gone to bed at 21:00, crazy. I had to fight to be awake, am fighting still. I would sleep to noon or later if I could. Organs hurt, sleepy, worn, a bad day. At least I didn't miss the call. A bit of tea, then waiting for the call. Later.
.
I woke at 10:30. I went to sleep at 21:00, so set the 3:00 and 5:00 alarms. I doubted a 3:00 wake, though maybe. I was all but sure about the 5:00 wake. I remembered the 3:00 set, and turning it off as I knew I wasn't ready, making sure to keep the 5:00 alarm active.
I don't remember the 5:00 alarm, or snoozes if they happened. The alarm is still on, so I am pretty sure I must have slept through it. I had a phone appointment this morning at 9:00! I had my phone set to give out alarms at 7:00, 8:00, and 8:40. I hadn't heard those either?
I grabbed my phone, to see if I had been called. Nope. A few emails, some update requests, a few other odds and ends. The interface on my phone seemed odd. Everything looked tiny. Ugh. I went back to sleep a bit, then decided to just wake, call in, apologize, and check about another appointment.
This time, when looking at it, the phone interface was normal sized. And it wasn't yet 6:30? Wow. Dirty rotten tricky nightmare. I must admit, that was a tricky one. The small odd interface and email notification gave it away without quite killing the effect? Something like that. Those things did blunt the impact a bit though.
You would have thought that would have waken me, but no. I still couldn't wake until after 8:00. Oh, Lordy, some days are hard to wake up into. The furnace has been turned up. Trash was put out last night. Good thing too, if I wasn't dreaming... the trash truck was by at about 8:00. Hmm, let me check. I didn't put recycling out, only had one small bag in that huge bin. - No, it hasn't been collected. However, it looks like the neighbor might have moved heavy equipment, so it may not have been a dream.
Still so brutally tired. Even having gone to bed at 21:00, crazy. I had to fight to be awake, am fighting still. I would sleep to noon or later if I could. Organs hurt, sleepy, worn, a bad day. At least I didn't miss the call. A bit of tea, then waiting for the call. Later.
Sunday, April 7, 2019
No nap.
.
.
I brushed and gargled then just sat. A few hours later it came to my attention that I was still awake. So I had a bit of the roast and a glass of milk. I've been charging my phone and picking beef out of my teeth since. So tired, so very tired. I'd like to crash, but first feeding and watering the beasts.
It has been dark, and in the mid to low forties, if I have seen correctly. Some sun would be good. Oh, trash out then to the curb. Good night. I am thirsty though, and the phone is still charging anyway. Not quite to bed, after this, just no more posts. Blind with weariness.
.
I brushed and gargled then just sat. A few hours later it came to my attention that I was still awake. So I had a bit of the roast and a glass of milk. I've been charging my phone and picking beef out of my teeth since. So tired, so very tired. I'd like to crash, but first feeding and watering the beasts.
It has been dark, and in the mid to low forties, if I have seen correctly. Some sun would be good. Oh, trash out then to the curb. Good night. I am thirsty though, and the phone is still charging anyway. Not quite to bed, after this, just no more posts. Blind with weariness.
Nearly naptime.
.
.
Ducks and girls have finally been fed and watered. I will clean out litter shortly. Already hit it once, first thing. I like to hit it after their breakfast as well, then after their dinner... several hours after they eat. Missing a time or two does happen, if the average is solidly between two and three times a day. I probably need to change their litter more often, if it may just be a lack of outside air. Winter and two cats is tough.
I really have improved my daily chore list. Timing can be off, but numbers aren't. Oh, the dental tech suggested straws, so as not to stain my teeth with tea. I planned to use what I had, almost forgot, then realized what I had were to short. I ordered longer steel ones, several lengths to check, and brushes to clean them. Due in Monday. After that I will cut brushing to three times a day.
It is naptime. When I wake, trash and maybe recycling will go out. I am hoping to do some dishes, get a shower taken, maybe a shave, and go through my swimming gear. With the paddle lock, I am set. Too tired, so I will push my way in because of that, if I can. The good thing about naps is I get a second time to use a mouthwash that is good for the gums. Otherwise I only use it at night. I won't use it and drink tea right away with it.
So tired. Hmm, I wish music would... Later.
.
Ducks and girls have finally been fed and watered. I will clean out litter shortly. Already hit it once, first thing. I like to hit it after their breakfast as well, then after their dinner... several hours after they eat. Missing a time or two does happen, if the average is solidly between two and three times a day. I probably need to change their litter more often, if it may just be a lack of outside air. Winter and two cats is tough.
I really have improved my daily chore list. Timing can be off, but numbers aren't. Oh, the dental tech suggested straws, so as not to stain my teeth with tea. I planned to use what I had, almost forgot, then realized what I had were to short. I ordered longer steel ones, several lengths to check, and brushes to clean them. Due in Monday. After that I will cut brushing to three times a day.
It is naptime. When I wake, trash and maybe recycling will go out. I am hoping to do some dishes, get a shower taken, maybe a shave, and go through my swimming gear. With the paddle lock, I am set. Too tired, so I will push my way in because of that, if I can. The good thing about naps is I get a second time to use a mouthwash that is good for the gums. Otherwise I only use it at night. I won't use it and drink tea right away with it.
So tired. Hmm, I wish music would... Later.
A very late roast.
.
.
Since sleep wasn't possible, I put a chuck roast on the grill. As well, a few red potatoes and a can of corn. Must have been tired, I forgot to open the can. Thankfully no explosion. I cooled the can in running water, then used a little sledgehammer and chisel. First to open a bit to lower steam pressure and reduce heat, then to peel enough of the lid back to get the corn out. Rather a trick as deformed as the can became. I doubt if any part of that operation was spec, or at all safe. Not a recommendation, just history.
It was 4:30 and small change when I finally crawled into bed. Fed but not stuffed. I fell to sleep immediately. I woke around 9:30. Not rested, or feeling great... f actually not feeling... anything. So strange. Not sure why I couldn't sleep, or why I am up so early. Odd. Very tired. I may nap around noon.
Teeth, tea going down, medicine in, hot tea started. I'd like another shower, maybe a shave. I don't mind feeding the ducks a bit later, now that I am feeding and watering them twice most days. Same with my ladies. A little variability is good anyway. I'll... set the alarm and get it done before long. So very desperately tired. Later.
.
Since sleep wasn't possible, I put a chuck roast on the grill. As well, a few red potatoes and a can of corn. Must have been tired, I forgot to open the can. Thankfully no explosion. I cooled the can in running water, then used a little sledgehammer and chisel. First to open a bit to lower steam pressure and reduce heat, then to peel enough of the lid back to get the corn out. Rather a trick as deformed as the can became. I doubt if any part of that operation was spec, or at all safe. Not a recommendation, just history.
It was 4:30 and small change when I finally crawled into bed. Fed but not stuffed. I fell to sleep immediately. I woke around 9:30. Not rested, or feeling great... f actually not feeling... anything. So strange. Not sure why I couldn't sleep, or why I am up so early. Odd. Very tired. I may nap around noon.
Teeth, tea going down, medicine in, hot tea started. I'd like another shower, maybe a shave. I don't mind feeding the ducks a bit later, now that I am feeding and watering them twice most days. Same with my ladies. A little variability is good anyway. I'll... set the alarm and get it done before long. So very desperately tired. Later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)