A day in the ever.

In spite of schedule difficulties, my health is finally in check. Even without being on my medication exactly right and the sugar, my check-up yesterday was excellent. My blood pressure was 128/89. Some might still put that at slightly high, but that is as close to regular as I have had it in many years, except perhaps once. That time was unsustainable however. The medicines absolutely wiped me out, and sleep requirements alone made the medicinal regimen untenable. The medical staff and myself where quite pleased. I suggested to the nurse (my usual nurse) that I probably deserved something for this and she agreed. I let my doctor know that I had been treated properly, to a rootbeer lollipop. Well, I had been good, sort of, mostly…

I have some plans for today, but I am not sure I will be able to carry them through. Nothing big, just important. This is the beginning of a realization of a day schedule and I am still a bit slow in the mornings. It is early and I am trying to figure out what it takes to drop ship my bottom to action, as always anyway though.

I have started computer gaming again, after six months to a year of not playing almost at all (minus the word game, which I now have a 52.7 million high score). It is something to do that costs nothing, is less compulsive than continually checking news and (mostly empty of late) blogs. Plus, it keeps me busy enough that I do not remember about my pipe (which I have cut to three times a day, maybe less in time, maybe not). There is not much else going on in my life.

I know my mother is arriving in a week and a half, give or take, and papers for school should be arriving soon, but most real things are future episodes. Oh, foot doctor later this month, which will be nice. As I have tried to become more active (actually have, just in a much more or a good bit more way), my feet have started to absolutely kill me. One thing at a time, I suppose. Might as well get that taken care of as soon as possible. Feet are more important than one likes to know. Eyes, sure, ears, of course, etc… but few think of feet… until they are a torture. They must have been killing me for years, I was just too out of it to know. They probably helped keep me down too. What is it, something about fixing one leak only to have a dozen more pop up after too long a wait? Yeah, ok. But I did what and when I could, so it just is. All in all, though, things are sailing along as smoothly for this re-commissioned out-of-mothball ship as can be expected. Toot-toot Toot-tooooooooooooot

Holy shishkebab, now I know why I have been lame about leaving the cave!

I did finally get going. I showered, dressed, and rolled out like a champ. I planned my needs, packed, and partially loaded the X. I went to each store on my list, purchased each item needed and then a few extras. I came home and began making a few things and realized, there is no way I am camping out tonight. The temp says 87 F as of a few minutes ago, at 17:20. Not blazing, but just not comfy. So, I call up my friend and explain the deal. Well, how about a campfire and just pay the fee if required? Yeah, I suppose that is manageable. So, part of the gig is still on.

Yeah, ok, I guess I have been hard on myself. Getting out in 90+ F weather just for kicks is not my thing. Oh, I had also been drinking a bit (lot) more sugar, with my iced teas. Being sugar problematic, that probably was not the wisest thing. It started slowly and innocently enough, however, that I just let go of watching it. Life has been better the last few days, regular hours, more active, a cleaner cave, yet the heat does keep me down a bit. The funny thing is, for July in Iowa, this is cool weather. We should be in the 100’s. I have seen 111 F days, for sure, maybe hotter. Add high humidity and, well, that is Iowa in summer. Wow, global warming has won a friend here! (do not attempt to make that into a logical statement from the given data for debate, you cannot be that ignorant, foolish, stupid, or bored (unless you work for the government or colleges, then go ahead))

I suppose I should finish a few things up and pack it on out. Ah, the menu you ask? Why fresh buns, spinach pesto hummus, fresh sour cream cole slaw, iced mint tea, delmonico (eye of chuck) steaks (her favorite, or beef rib on the bone), and some dessert she is supposed to bring. Oh, I am packing in a couple of fine apples should the bread and hummus not be satisfactory as a refreshing or cooling hors d’œuvre as I had anticipated. Well, I best get to it. Oh, I was almost freaked when I finally made it home. I had women darn neared pawing me today. Some I might have liked, some not. What is going on their? Dang.

I have been talked into it.

I will be going camping tonight, solo. I had been talking to a friend about this and that, regarding camping and hiking, and I should have seen it coming. My friend found a place that would be exactly what I had wanted. No information about hiking was to be had, however, the trails exist, it would be up to me to figure that out. Then, I am given a suggested date. Oh, wonderful! All I have to do is get in gear to go in a day and a half and figure it all out myself. No, indeed, I am informed. Here is the registration form.

I am laughing, as this is exactly what my intent was. It is funny to me because the plans one makes are sometimes just that, in some ways. And, yet, I am going. I set a trap for myself some time ago, and it sprung on me quite well, better yet it sprang when I was unprepared and disinterested. Perfect!

And, to be honest, it is not exactly a huge effort. Now that my gear is, essentially, at the ready, this will never be a complicated task again. Well, so long as the Q.O.D. is not disturbing the water with her chaos, slowness, and weakness. She sometimes takes forever to decide, get ready, move her gear, or beg me to do those things. The worst is when she wants me to choose merely to disagree. It used to work for her, now, not so much. If she says go left after she asked me to decide and I planned on going forward, I go forward. I figure she can walk when we get where I am going. Besides, the walk back to where she wants to go would be good for her big butt, I add. No rules in warfare, I add, should she protest. Oddly, she seems quite happy with that. hehehe Me too. Well, ok, there are times when she gets babied.

Anyway, a couple of delmonico steaks, a few ears of corn if the seller is out today, cole slaw, and perhaps some mint tea. I have asked my friend to bring desert if she decides to show up for the meal. I am planning on a European type of milk-yogurt (cannot remember what it is called, exactly) and granola for breakfast. I might even stay two nights, but it depends on how much I am able to explore and find out about the trails, the weather, and maybe some other things. I should probably take a can of tuna, my last mre, a couple of fresh baked buns, and a couple of gallons of water to be sure. I would hate to have to come back into town. It sort of ruins the effect. Well, I am off… to a very slow start. Oh well, I have 5 hours before I actually want to be there. But I have some things to buy and make, so, again, I am sprinting to it like a turtle. Again, I am off.

God. God? God!

I have been thinking about what God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, or to me the trinity, means. It is not an easy concern to contemplate. Answers come to mind immediately, some need sorting out, some do not. Some of the things that have been sorted are finely nuanced, others are bold, true, fact, to my mind. This is not a topic that is ever far from my mind and heart, yet it is rarely put all together in a single moment, or in this case, essay. I had wanted this to be done Sunday, as it came together in a final collection that day, yet I could not write, so it happens today.

God, the father, the creator, the divine man-being, has been on my mind the longest. Before I understood about the Son, I looked to the Father. I suppose, not having had a father in my formative years, I wanted to know what a father is or should be. I have the vision of the kindliness of a Santa Clause face, the physique of Zeus, and the power of all things. That has not changed much, yet who He is to me has changed, as it should be. From the simpler idea of a father, He has morphed more into a lord, the Lord.

I do see him as all powerful, however, I see, too, wisdom, justice, grace, love, and other attributes within which He confines Himself. This confinement might also be called wisdom or maturity. As a human father can do much a child cannot, yet restrains that power, hopefully, to righteous actions, words, and thoughts, so too does the Father restrain His power. He watches and knows, He sees and allows. We need to grow and in order to do that, we must make mistakes and attempt to learn and change and finally grow. The hope or wish He has is that we grow toward Him, I believe. The Father does not judge us. This was never His, He decided His Son would take this action, in a way. He simply decided, it was so, and we are. In a way, it is as He IS.

The Holy Spirit has been the most elusive Nature for me to comprehend. What is something that seems to be nothing? Is He a riddle or an answer? Finally, I have come to see him as simply the Spirit of God, literally. At least in form. He is what God, should he have been a normal man, hopes for, dreams of, wishes, and wants. As God, however, He moves mountain and earth through us in faith, He lives in our bodies and minds, He compels and rejects through us and all things flesh. To some extent, we are His embodiment. Perhaps more accurately, we and all flesh are open to His will.

As for what He means to us, this is a trifling more complicated. In baptism, He graces us and inducts us to God. He cleanses us and prepares us for our growing here, with God, through God, by God, and with the chance that God may live in us. He seems to have a great deal to do with fire. In baptism, though our priest might perform the ceremony, it is He who baptizes by fire. When we are set to enter heaven, it will be he who, once again, cleanses us with fire. As well, when hell is discussed as a burning lake in which Satan, perhaps the other fallen angels, and certain others will be cast, I have a suspicion that it will be a containment by the Holy Spirit rather than a place, planet, or plane unto itself. Hell will be a separation from God maintained by the Holy Spirit. As well, the bible discusses Christ always being cloaked, essentially, by the Holy Spirit. I think this is what is necessary now that Christ has risen to perfection. He, as the Father, may no longer come into contact with sin. Beyond these things, the Holy Spirit is the giver of divine gifts. From Charity, faith, hope, to speaking in tongues, the Holy Spirit offers these. Finally, I believe the Holy Spirit is what links the Father, the Son, the world around us, and we ourselves to both the Trinity and each other. No small tasks, no minor aspect, God indeed.

The Holy Spirit is still and always will remain, should my breath continue, a mystery. It is interesting to note, the one sin which is unforgivable is to sin against the Holy Spirit. Considering what I believe about the Him, this is a complicated thought. I can only imagine what actions might be construed as unforgivable, yet I think if I saw them, and I believe I have, that I know. I think those who have murdered their own nature of love are the strongest candidates, when they share this or enforce this, they become true kings of fools.

Jesus Christ has been, for me, much more simply understood. I believe this was meant to be. He came because we did not understand the written word. The Father saw that we were blind to the Holy Spirit, moving among us, and saw that we could and often did choose to be blind. He sent His Son to be a brother and absolute guide. He left no doubt in any who saw. Many turned away, many refused to believe, but more accepted. Simply understanding is not enough, however. Following is much more difficult. Accepting his simple grant of forgiveness is what took me the longest to manage. It is still a test, it is a heavy cross.

What Jesus Christ brought to us was a final chance at redemption and life. The laws had not failed, we had failed to abide the spirit of them. Christ fulfilled those laws, and set them straight. He spoke to us as brothers, men, sisters, or more, his family. I still think we miss much of the point. Yet, those who choose to abide as best they can, to surrender to God as they are able, and follow his tenets will find themselves where they should be. Many, however, are on the staircase to heaven with pockets full of fools gold. He is Love, yet make no mistake, He is also our Judge. He will arbitrate our very long life with or without God. He is our savior, our defense lawyer, our judge, and our prosecutor. These last three, however, I think are slightly incorrect, if not in action then in the performance of those actions.

I feel the need for a clarification. Does a prosecutor or judge, if honest in their performance and true to law and the spirit of law, that being justice, ever actually condemn a man? Does an honest defense attorney truly attempt to thwart justice? Does a father who scolds a child do so for his own actualized benefit? Does anyone but the accused and if guilty, pronounce their verdict by their actions? My answer is no. As it is in the flesh, in this manner, so to is it in heaven. Should one choose sin and not have remorse, if one cannot ask or give forgiveness, how can one wonder that he cannot be in fullness with a perfect God in the trinity? I think those who do not enter heaven will know this, themselves, when selfishness, greed, and lies are no longer available in which to hide.

I see Jesus Christ as the perfect brother. He is strong, wise, healthy, hale, and giving to his life and more. He lived with us, in flesh, with our desires, wants, limitations, and understandings. He also lived with choices. He had to choose, and chose perfectly, consistently, perpetually. I, too, see him now as a lord, as the Lord.

This is some part of what I think, some of what I feel, yet I could never write in such a manner as to encompass all. I felt the need to write this out, it has been on my mind, and it seemed to want to be written. No, not prophetic, simple praise I believe. A simple public acknowledgment.

Time is an odd device, it plays me a fool of late.

I have not been busy, nor have I been doing a thing or groups of things at all. I just am. I have several things in my mind, thoughts which I would enjoy forming into essays. I have activities I would like to do. Yet nothing is happening. Sleep is still off, the wrong times, too little, occasionally too much. Life is not bad in spite of that, as when I am awake, I am fully conscious, memory is good, and I can still get things done, necessary things like appointments, food prep, enough dishes and cleaning that I am not naked or eating with my fingers. Still, there is something elementally absent from my existence. I am empty, hollow, shallow in the ways of the flesh. It is at these times that I suspect when I died, not everything came back. I am just renting this apartment of flesh, yet some times, no one is home. I, myself, am just in the area and know where the apartment is should I need to rest, use the facilities, or such, but I am not staying there. Well, at least I am at peace with this now. Accidental transcendentalism is not all it is cracked up to be.

Oh, on the plus side, I had my first fresh bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich. It was worthy of the wait, as always. Thick cut bacon, bakery bread (yea, I know, I wanted it to be my bread, but this did well), a fresh tomato from my neighbor’s plant (with approval), and a nice glass of iced water. This, indeed, is one of the simpler things. And, by it’s nature, only happens once a year.