I have not been busy, nor have I been doing a thing or groups of things at all. I just am. I have several things in my mind, thoughts which I would enjoy forming into essays. I have activities I would like to do. Yet nothing is happening. Sleep is still off, the wrong times, too little, occasionally too much. Life is not bad in spite of that, as when I am awake, I am fully conscious, memory is good, and I can still get things done, necessary things like appointments, food prep, enough dishes and cleaning that I am not naked or eating with my fingers. Still, there is something elementally absent from my existence. I am empty, hollow, shallow in the ways of the flesh. It is at these times that I suspect when I died, not everything came back. I am just renting this apartment of flesh, yet some times, no one is home. I, myself, am just in the area and know where the apartment is should I need to rest, use the facilities, or such, but I am not staying there. Well, at least I am at peace with this now. Accidental transcendentalism is not all it is cracked up to be.
Oh, on the plus side, I had my first fresh bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich. It was worthy of the wait, as always. Thick cut bacon, bakery bread (yea, I know, I wanted it to be my bread, but this did well), a fresh tomato from my neighbor’s plant (with approval), and a nice glass of iced water. This, indeed, is one of the simpler things. And, by it’s nature, only happens once a year.
oooh... a BLT (minus the T) on good bread. yum.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are back and apparently ok. Was a bit worried.
I never looked at it that way. Dying, I mean. I've been dead twice, so my outlook on life is altered. I get angry like everyone else, but it doesn't last. I don't really worry about anything, and most of my days are pretty good. I'm happy MUCH more than not. As for the rest? I like bacon/onion/mayo on bread. Yummy! I just can't do raw tomato's. Wierd, I know.
ReplyDeleteJean,
ReplyDeleteNot to worry, I don't think my time is all that close. Just a feeling. I really want to get going on things, but there is no go to go with.
Billiam,
Urhm, I think it is how one dies that affects that. Die with a knife in your back, you are never quite the same. Since that business is cared for, now even and finally in a Christian sense, I am not exactly sure why I am still here, I think. As a fact, I am not really here, somehow.
I'm glad your situations didn't cause you to lose your grasp of whatever this place is though. That's a good thing, I think, again.
No knife. 1st time drowned, 2nd allergic shock. Came close to a 3rd time when a gun was pulled on me. That one worked out well, though. No one who has died and been brought back is ever truly the same. There's no way you could go through it and remain unchanged. As to why we're here? I don't know either. I've helped some people throughout my life, even saved a guys life, from drowning of all things! Maybe that was it. I don't know. Sometimes, in the dark of night, I ask God what he still needs me for. I never get an answer, but, I keep asking.
ReplyDelete