The machine is moved.

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Unlike what customer service suggested, my internet did not continue at the old place past noon today. My guess is, despite what he said, they merely switched the one off when the turned the new one on. My landlady had worried, since they have not had a land line here and this is dsl (over the phone lines) that it might not work. I figured I would worry about that when the time came. No problems, as I thought. When she voiced her worry, my mother's image overlaced her image, which usually tells me it is merely a feminine neurosis thing, and for the most part to be ignored. Not that she or my Mom are always wrong, it is just that they try and put monkey wrenches into men's work, and cause us psychic tics. Bah! It has taken me years to figure that out and move on through. Oh, and mothers out there, leave your kids alone this way! If you have a worry, let them find the problem if there is one and figure it out. Putting the icy fear of God of doing ANYTHING in your kid's heads is a crime!

I feel better.

Now, on the upside, losing the internet probably allowed me to get cracking. I am, after all, an addict of no small desire. From blogging to a game or two to researching things that mean nothing and I may forget tomorrow, but which expand my felt presence in the world whole, is something I do not like being without. Even if I should not deign to use anything, access is required. I now have the machine over and set up, a couple of loads of laundry done, and a good platform to jump off for my final big push to complete my move. Although I am going to call them and make sure I am not billed for a service I did not receive. If it all works, they will have done me a favor for nothing out of my pocket.

Dreams, dreams, dreams! Where are these things coming from? It is brutal. I am becoming a zombie from exhaustion. I seem to be plagued by so many diseases which are not supposed to be diseases, I really wonder what is truly wrong with me. Could it be spirits? I doubt it, I am clean with God, though a confession is in order and a bit past due. Could it all be sleep and dream related? More sleep, or less, does not change a thing. I simply dream too much. It probably is why I am tired so often. And, to be honest, exhaustion is the only thing wrong with me. There have been times when the dreams were so real that they confused me. Not that I was clinically insane because of it, just confused. Imagine if you dreamed you went to the store and bought many things. Upon waking, you were sure you had them so you did not check when planning a special meal. On that day, you look and find you have none of the things you were sure you had. Now add in more complex things and a few heavier things.

I have had a severe life. Having no roots, not knowing my birth family, not being even in one family but having been in seven different 'family evironments'. A lot of fighting, some acting out, a disinterest in school, some tougher family situations, and some real dangers in the service. That does not help, perhaps those are the fundamental causes of the dreams. I am not sure. But I have done as much, clinically, as is possible with those issues. I have tried prescribed and over-the-counter sleep aids. Those guarantee two things... one that I will sleep, two that I will only sleep about 4 hours. The one thing that did work was taken, Ritalin. It allowed me to overcome the exhaustion, and perhaps some of the confustion and ADD like symptoms from lack of sleep, and to become active enough to function. Though, perhaps, near the end, it was losing it's potency (or they really did put me on a placebo).

One of the really good things about the house I am now in is... windows! Lots of them, plenty of light all day. There is no need for lights until it turns dark. There is a great deal more light here in Utah, even in this northern part, then there is in Iowa. It always seemed dark there. Then again, and added to that, I had my shades pulled all of the time. Too many 'people' simply ignored anything like land rights, being told to keep off the lawn, or even the police (though they were about as helpful as neutered muzzled chihuahuas). I am doing better here, I must just assume this is a part of becoming accustomed to the area. In Iowa, as I am, I would not be moving stuff, with or without internet access, I would be sleeping and for days on end. This is truly the best of the worst times I have ever had. I had this before, here, but it is better yet.

Time will tell, and though I whine and complain, I know life has gotten much better.

Oh, someone asked about my Amazon wish list. I only meant that I had made one. And yes, the name is very personalized to this blog and ID. However, I was only saying I was pleased to have been able to create it, use some of the names I like, and such. It is obscure enough that is not meant to be found by others. If you are a gazzilionaire and would like to hand me a katrillion dollars, we will talk. Though I might even turn that down. Well, okay, I might not. Ha! But I did not mean for people to look, buy me stuff, or anything like that. I am sort of weird that way. There is something about pride being bad, but this is not quite that. If I needed to beg, or thought my writing was worth something, I would publish and sell it. If you ever feel bad for me and want to do something, do this: If you have a relationship with God, lend my name to His ear when you two talk; if you do not believe, then simply think kind thoughts my way. And know to, that I believe suffering is not a complete waste. It is not a waste at all. Through suffering joy is born, treasure is stored in heaven through it whether it is experienced because of His name or merely even if it is handed as a poor man's sacrifice as I do. Suffering for it's own sake is one thing, but my suffering is not that. And, I must add, suffering is only a small part of my life. There is much good.

I blather.

*poof*