So very tired.

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.

I had hoped to get to a few things.  I just can't.  I did warm up some of the 'kraut and sausage left from yesterday, poured kefir.  Hoped that might help.  Nope.  It was 55 F outside, last time I looked.  I had the furnace up to 68.  I was initially warm enough but have become cold.

I want to sleep.  May.  I would like to fry a few eggs, bacon too.  But, no.  I... just can't stand.  So very tired, cold, weary.  Hurt?  Not on the surface.  Down below, pain returns.  When it is deeper in, not easily felt, it goes more to weariness or sleepiness.  Parts of the body shut down, so I don't feel them.  That somehow makes me tired.

Oh... music that showed... probably from... what was read yesterday.  I don't know what all he read, I do know... he read some things and didn't want to read what was read.  One part he read regarded the stigmata... problem... I once had.  I think she was an atheist.  She... saw the wounds.  But turned her head and would not look.  I even left it open, that they might be some... part... from a bad heart, or kidney failure, or... she... just stopped looking and would look no more.  She only said there is no medical cause of which she was aware.  While devotedly avoiding looking until I removed the wounds from her sight.

I only remember the conversation.  I have no idea what she wrote about this conversation, if anything.  Since it wasn't, to her mind, medical.  And because she has no faith and doesn't believe in... that which isn't "scientific", she may well have written nothing.  They fear far more than they accuse us of fearing.  Far more.

What else could he have read in there.  She wrote rather plainly, usually.  Using abbreviations and such, but usually saving what was in there already...  sort of like commenting, say, on heart failure, but then referring to it as h.f.  Though did all of them do that?  Some things, to, from back in 2013.  Since that wouldn't have been a part of what was sent to ssa, it must have been things she looked up?  

What did he read.  He didn't... like what he read.  He didn't discuss much of what he read.  He saw the heart and some other problems.  Even as a lawyer, if especially one who works with disabilities, seeing some of the things would show that I really shouldn't be alive.  That doesn't matter though.  There are other things in there, things he spoke about, must mostly things he didn't.  He... was... surprised.  He was upset.  He wanted nothing to do with what was in there, or me.

And... music.  Showing up.  Posts being visited, old songs popping.  A new one, two?  Someone is looking.  I... suspect who.  Play?  Sure, some.  Later.

What was it he saw?  Coded or otherwise?

I know what I saw.  I don't know if it was in the files though.

Fear?  Me?  No.  For the worldly?  It must be so terrifying they flee.

Someone sees, and puts things together.  Who?  Doesn't matter.

I don't think whoever does so is alone.  Some fear, some do not.  Amen.