Rough day, in some respects.

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I am failing at being even partially in control of my flesh. My hunger and exhaustion are having their way with me. I was able to fast during the day yesterday, but I could not keep my fast. I tried some of my old tricks (back when I would run out of food and did not want to go to the store). No dice. The alarm clock was a nice idea but I do not remember it going off, even though I set it for what is a respectable sleep period. I guess I sleep until I wake and I eat until I am full, if that last is not possible. I am hungry right after eating. Ackh, some days are just that way, some weeks it seems.

I do continue to read. My concentration has taken a hit, though, too. Still, I think most of it is going in. I am just a few books or less from the Old Testament prophecies section. I hope to have a clear mind when I get there. Though, what I have been reading has been translated poetry, for a long bit now, too. That, even if it rhymed and was lyrical, is not my forte. Prose is what I prefer, if I did enjoy much of the poetic (more so than I thought I would, at the very least, and sometimes I simply intellectually and spiritual swam in that pool). Perhaps, as we age, our tastes change. Much as I did not enjoy cabbage when I was young, so too poetry. I know I enjoy cabbage now, so I might have to give poetry a second reading.

I have been really enjoying reading the bible. It is one of the other non-bread foods which sustain me. I know, I have been reading fairly quickly. As I said though, this is only prepwork for a more serious study of the New Testament. I may read through that, again, just to refresh before studying. The Old Testament has many aspects to it which are more vital that I remembered. For me, next, will be a study involving the Old and New Testaments, New Testament study versions of the books, the Catechism, and perhaps a few other texts, well, tomes actually.

I am not trying to find where the Church is wrong, or where the bible is wrong. I am looking for where I am wrong. I trust the Church more than any man, and much more than myself. That does not mean I trust any man in it completely, or often at all. But the structure is correct and true. I have looked in or been a part of many other churches. I have pursued wisdom outside of any church. But the calling I started receiving in my teens, a thing I rejected, avoided, tried to twist to my advantage, and finally obeyed lead me to this Church. I am not quite as bad as Saul who came to be known as Paul, nor as good as he became, but I did cast my share of stones. I did persecute the Church. And, in my own way, I saw the light and heard the voice. I feared, and still do, the Church, and God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit through it and on the Triumvirate's own and in parts. I know, in some ways, the house of the Lord is the house of an enemy... of flesh, or the will to flesh. It is a tricky frightening thing to honestly agree to give up ones life. And that, in absolute truth, is required.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Come on man, have some fun, lighten up, live a little. And, though I do enjoy life, I try to not live for simple joys either. I would rather enjoy seeing some one tended than to enjoy a party. I would rather enjoy a hungry man fed than enjoy some luxury. I have not seen myself into much of that, but I know that is something I would really enjoy. Linking up with the Church is not the only way to do that but, for me, it is the best way. I can be more sure that such activities are cultivated and seed in a more proper way. And, really, even when I am unable to do much, I have more joy in my sorrow than some wealthy men have in their most luxuriant relaxations. Just so you know.

I am hoping this week is a little better than last. The medicine has still not arrived. Be that as it may, whatever happens, I will do my level best. If paranoia strikes, when I am able to see it, I will tend to that. I seem to get lost sometimes. I also seem to have a fine compass for those times, when I remember I have it and then realize I need to use it. On my little boat in the great sea of life, I do my level best. Who knows, I may actually get somewhere.

Looking over what the local college offers, I think I may go with aeronautic or mechanical engineering. The electrical engineering offered seems to be computer based, perhaps even software based. If I was to go into electrical engineering, I would most likely have preferred either communications or standard. Though I enjoy computers, I do not love them. I am pretty sure the computer industry is at or is reaching the point of standardization, where little more will be done. I think aeronautics has the sky still as the limit, and mechanical engineering offers a path into firearm design. Though nothing is ever certain, whatever degree one might earn.

A food here, that I only occasionally consumed in Iowa, which I have grown to love is lamb. No worries, beef is still my preferred meat. And pork will not leave my larder either. It is simply pleasant to have one more good option for the table. I like chicken, but much of it in the store is somewhat questionable while that which is definitely good is far too expensive. In time, as I move in, perhaps I will find neighbors who raise chickens or do so myself (and rabbits?). This winter I start looking for a house. With the way things are going, that is quite a fear generating prospect. However, I do not wish to rent the rest of my life, to live in the city, I need a place to put down roots. My own castle, a place of safety, refuge, and relaxation. And lamb. Though reading the bible has sure increased my interest in lamb, I had the interest for some time now. It is so rich, sweet, and delicious!

Good night, D.C., Enemy, and whoever else might be out there.