Men and women in a Christian life.

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After figuring some things out, tending to questions, illness, and then settling into the right spot for marriage, I am starting to find what it is I think is required. There are lists of topics. There are right advisers. Their are ladies with good words. And of course there is material that should be tossed without more than a glance. And, if one has a mind to it, reading the New Testament of the bible would be the best start.

The one thing I am sure about preparing to look for a wife, regarding preparedness, is that one cannot be prepared in the most absolute of senses. I see it this way, I can only be versed in what the responsibilities of the husband are traditionally, and to some degree what to expect from a wife. A woman is a lot of work and responsibility on my part, and expensive in many ways. I can try to get in a position where I can handle those things but I will be struggling with another person, with her own ideas. That is as ready as I can be.

I do believe men and women have very different capacities and skill sets. I will never be able to be a mom, my ideas are abhorrent to women. If the child skins a knee, I think he or she should buck up and get back out to it. If a son comes home crying after being hit, I will teach him how to defend himself, and then some. If a daughter comes home crying from being hit, it depends on who hit her and why. Another girl? Meh, get used to it, though expect worse (your feelings and trusts later, ha!). If a boy, I might go hunting unless she started it by, well, being a girl. Ha!

As for cooking, diapers, cleaning. Well, if she can handle a man-sty, so be it. I am simply allergic to vacuum cleaners, most household cleaners, and baby poop. Besides, with an eye to sizes, shapes, and amounts, I am curious how much that diaper will hold before it explodes. I AM the curious sort. If she can handle that, I will pitch in as often as I notice messes, sort of, unless there is a rug handy. I used to think this was bad, now I have come to realize it is rather typical. While it might be bad, it is the way of it. The weather is bad sometimes too, I do not see anyone fixing that!

And, yes, education. I will teach my wife, using guile, fact, treasure, or barbs. She will learn my limits. I will only take a devoted Christian as a wife, and one who has shown a capacity to understand both God's commands, the bibles inputs, and traditional notions of the institution. And, I will reinforce these. The bible is quite clear that a woman should be as devoted to her husband as if he were her Christ, if Christ before all, which means the husband needs tend to bend to righteousness and God as well.

The only way a woman can be master, is to, like Christ, serve. The servant, as many songs, poems, and writings indicate, is the master. Fighting with me will yield naught, disobedience and lying are just as bad. A woman who works with me and for me in all things, without grumbling or dragging her feet will know a throne. A woman who fights me will know an intractable enemy who can use herself and her inner goodness to shame her outward nakedness. I was born to war, I swear it, she cannot compare in this field.

It sounds harsh, and perhaps it is. Such is life. But too, it is quite sweet. If women wish to surrender, fine, but do it to the righteous, not to the ugly, the deformed, the vile, and the wicked. Avoid the serpent and cling to man, especially the man who bows to the only true King. In doing so, a woman will find heaven on earth and will know heaven like few others. Turning away from that, a women will only know scorn, shame, the cold of night, and will consume herself as all revolutions do.

So, I begin to look. As health and vigor return, as life in the outdoors and perhaps in college open up to me again, and as time passes, I leave that door a bit open. That very door is just open a crack now, but as I become a stronger, surer, wiser man, the door will open more along with those things. I am not sure I will find a wife, I cannot be sure even if I do that I will have children with her, but this is what I pray to God. He knows my heart, I have opened all I am to Him. We will see. Of course, as ugly as I am, this might be testing my Lord. Ha! ;)

What about women teaching me? Meh, it could happen. But I am what is classified as an old dog. You must know that saying by now? I do wish her great luck with that though, Lord knows, I have tried myself. What about her rights? I think they are enumerated in that wise text as well.

Finding a wife, having children, and settling down? It could happen. Look too Abraham and Sarah. If you believe, there you go. If you do not believe you cannot be sure (about anything). The temporal visceral world of flesh offers nothing of surety.

Addendum:

There is something else I have been meaning to say about relationships between man and wife. One of the problems, as I see it, is want by women to feel loved. This, in some relationships past, has been a problem. A woman can no more be maintained in a loving feeling than a man can be in his wife's arms all of the time. I assume this false need comes from insecurity, a personal one not born of the relationship. For both men and women, marriage, in simple terms, will often be a grind. In part, because other parts of our life become difficult and we cannot expect our mate to pick that up, but we do. As well, our spouse cannot and should not be the sum total of our existence. They only should share in our existence, if too there are obligations, some joyful some odious.

The same goes for friendship between couples. It is good to be friends, but it is not terribly necessary. And to be sure, there will be days and longer when friendship is not possible. I am guessing, in our history and currently in other parts of the world, friendship is not even a factor in such relationships. Women in America have it very good, so good they often opt out due to boredom. This, I think, comes from a very misguided notion of marriage. It is fine to be friends when that is possible, when not, doing ones duty is required anyway. Do you always like to put money in the collection plate? Do you always like to pray? Do you always trust, absolutely, God? But if you continue on and do these things in faith, hope, or love, so should a man or woman with their perspective spouse.

Further, the relationship between man and woman called marriage, from what I have seen, can be quite contentious. The two parties, man and wife, father and mother, are natural adversaries in some odd manner, like cops and criminals (or even cops and citizens to a degree), priest or other ministers and the flock, politicians and citizens, and parents and children. Some groups have a natural angst toward one another. Most women seem to not know this, or at least how to deal with it.

Then again, few women I have been with have been solid Christians. Though, with divorce rates roughly the same, or close enough, I have to think Christian women are no better bets as a general rule. How dare a single man discuss marriage, it's intricacies, and it's problems? Ask Saint Paul or even Christ. Ha!