Better.

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In every way. Whatever has been wrong, and for weeks now really, it has broken. If this is momentary, I will take it and run with it as I may.

I realize clearly, at this point, how paranoid I have been. It is a sickness, sometimes with causes, sometimes without. Mine has causes, though those are all long gone for the most part. I actually have great empathy for people who become paranoid for no reason, or whose paranoia ruins their lives. One blogger, in particular, of late, has fallen to this dread disease. And, yes, I have prayed for him. If I write my paranoia out here, in very careful and small part (to my way of thinking, which itself is sometimes skewed, mind you), I do not address this to those I accuse nor really hold it against them in actuality (some part of my mind acts as an apologist for my fever inspired detractors). I suppose I simply know, too, even if it true, God is my witness in the end. That and I have doubts about my own assessments.

I also realize, from living such a hard life in illness, that some of my absolutism is an extension of that paranoia. Yes, thank you, I have been thinking about this. I am working at softening this. Prayer does not hurt. But the will to becoming soft of heart, without also becoming soft of mind, is a choice. A choice more difficult for some, like me, and easier for others, like you? I doubt if it will be as simple as that, either. Like living in faith, it is a daily struggle. Sometimes without giving a difficulty for days, weeks, maybe years if I am lucky, but the choice will return again and again.

I finished Daniel this evening. I thoroughly enjoyed the reading. I have to admit something, here, though. No, no, I do believe what is written, I just do not always believe all that is written is all that happened. The first dream, the one he had to figure out and first know since the king would not say, there may have been a trick to it. Who served the king but servants? Who were servants but slaves. And who were slaves, why, the Jews. Even if the king would not let the wise men know of his dream, he most likely let those he trusted closely know of it. Servants were ignored, and came and went as their duties demanded. They could easily have heard of this and passed it along. God does not always work as miraculously as some might suspect, though too He has done so. His ways are many. As with wisdom, works have their own way of just getting done. The details need not be included.

As well, thinking back on all the times God has told his people, go here, do this, and you will live holy and well forever in my kingdom, and they did so only to eventually be castigated in time. I had to think through that a bit. Then I realized two things. First, the requirement of the ordinances, statutes, and such had to be kept. Though this sort of fails because none of the people in all of the times were all perfect or even close to it. So, it might seem as if God was setting them up for a fall. Which, in truth, God might do to set up things in the future. Perhaps men simply are not ready for that next step until they pass through fire. Just as when we die, we will be subjected to the flames of the Holy Spirit before we can enter heaven, though hell and purgatory are quite open. Thus my theory that, when all is said and done, all will be heaven, the rest will be contained by the Holy Spirit so as not to be destroyed by the presence of God. The other notion I have arrived at is this. If God did promise that the people of Israel go do this and that and then they would live in glory in His kingdom for ever and ever, He was merely talking about that generation and those of their children who followed His laws.

I too, can see why it would be simple to merely say that these writings are foolhardy. Without faith, it would be a simple thing to cast the writings down. God seems to be amenable to suggestion, from Abraham (or was it Lott) who asked that if 50, then 40, then 20, then only 10 good men be found in Sodom, that it be spared? Moses surely asked God to spare his people many times as well, in spite of God's rage. There are countless ways one could attack the bible, the Old and New Testaments. And yet, even kings and those in power today are careful about doing so in spite of having little real faith and showing no real concern. It brings to mind the fact that most animals will avoid humans, actually more so if they have never been exposed to us. So it is with men of a beastly nature, I think. Despite, often, their minions.

I am almost feeling sprightly this morning. After reading Daniel, I tried to sleep but could only rest. I did so for only a short time before I decided to stir. I then thought this morning would be a good time to do laundry. It is a weekday, and early, so I should have few others there. I like having the place to myself. I do indeed need the laundry done. I would do it here at the apartments save that there is no coin machine. I really ought to pick up a couple of rolls of quarters from my bank, though, to have on hand. I might do laundry a little more often with that convenience.

I do feel good, and more, ready to action. I do not know what happened other than that I am not as I was yesterday. Breakfast first though. Drats, I may hold off on breakfast. I would like at least 8 hours of fasting before checking my glucose levels. Bah! That will not work either. I have already had a bit of juice with soda water. That little bit can throw the thing way off.

Good day.