When all else fails.

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Not that I wait until all else fails, merely, again, when all else fails I reach out in faith.  I do not seek relief from pain, or request more pain as some suggest... I don't think some knuckleheads know whatfor they chatter.  I merely look to God, as an old hound might look to his Master.  Remembering good and true things, times gone, now, and yet to be.

I understand that this suffering could be lifted.  I have absolute faith in my Lord.  Enough even to know that if neither surcease nor death is granted that it is both God's will and with purpose.  So, I seek deeper understanding.  While reading is limited there are other means.

The notion that humility is not a strong point keeps bugging me.  I greatly respect that grace.  I do examine methods to enhance it.  Some people do not advise well.  I greatly wonder if they follow their own prescriptions.  Doubts.  Visceral self-debasement... or turning one's self into a rug, neither is wise or good.  I do seek, and will find.  For now, knowing I have an unholy thorn in my side will keep me on the trail, and add to prayers.

In time the suffering has ended.  I believe sleep may happen.  Gratefully, but not just for the rest, but for the allowance of preparation for His will through the discomforts.  A dog, animal, I may truly be, but called to be His beast, somehow.  Amen and good night.  Blessings and prayers.