Can't say it all, sometimes.

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Some do not understand.  To the eyes of men, God's will has to seem brutal, vengeful, perhaps even wrong.  It is easy to suggest that the lion will lay with the lamb, that Christ is the King of Peace, that forgiveness is paramount.  Forgiveness is required to be offered in order to be received, but how that works is a bit... trickier than it seems.  They seem to forget what Jesus did the last time, what was done to Him.  They do not seem to understand what He will do next time.  There is much blood and death, here and forever, until the King takes His place, having to do with salvation and damnation, in life, and on the path. 

I can't always say exactly how I understand things.  At times, it feels as if I am speaking to people who either don't, perhaps can't, know.  I understand, perhaps.  Some days I am not feeling up to dealing with some truths.  No one wants to know, certainly not the hard parts.  Is there hope?  It depends on if you have hope.

Imagine how most people would question Death.  Why my cousin, or wife, or child?  Why not that criminal or evil politician?  Why?  There is, of course, an answer.  It isn't merely God's will, though that plays a part.  But when emotions are brought into it, reason is not available.  Further, much as a butcher understands why some cuts are more expensive, many people do not.  A butcher can, for example, suggest that a certain cut is in greater demand by portion available, so he charges more for that cut.  This makes no difference to a woman who arrived to buy that specific cut, but without enough money.  Why, she demands!?!  But even he may not be able to explain why that cut is in greater demand.  So it is with all creatures who have a task to do.  All men should know this, but when wrapped in emotion, even men may have difficulty understanding over their interest, or that those who do cannot always explain it to their emotional satisfaction, or even always fully understand themselves.  But all men know that a good son will do as his right father suggests, soon or late, with fewer or greater regrets.  And so it is.

Now, whether I am nephilim, perhaps even War, or not... I see through those eyes from time to time.  I write about it.  I explain some things.  I suggest some things.  But neither I, if I am just me, nor War, if he is another, know all things.  Only what is required, and a bit picked up here and there on the way.  Either way, I have to try to discuss some matters as if those things weren't true when talking to people in real life.  Most simply will not face the fact that what the bible suggests is more than just stories, if not even the actors understand.  Many angels no more consider the truth of their existence or actions than a pistol considers whether it really expels a projectile or not.  Some of the actors do consider, at least at times.  Nor can they handle the notion that one, right next to them, may have access to some of it.  Loony bin material, any such talk, to most men.  I've learned to not frighten the children, push too far.  I don't understand enough, for sure, yet, now.  Perhaps, of course, I am crazy.  Though that wouldn't preclude access.  That, access, itself, might well cause insanity, potentially.  How many prophets were considered insane?  How many others, who saw or did, became... different?  Still, it might all be false.  I have, myself, traveled that path, still do when the weight of it is too much, or on odd or even days, depending on need or want.

Unless, of course, I am what I see, and it isn't just visions.  But being the spirit of War, bound by flesh, is a difficult thing.  Christ never seems to have discussed it, save suggesting that in His form, He was limited in some ways, such as knowing when the end was to come.  If Jesus had taken the time to discuss it, I do believe He might well have described a terrible itch caused by being bound by flesh, at least in a fallen world.  Pouring an ocean into a thimble, somehow, would be an example.  Actually, it is more difficult for souls, than something like what I see.  The difference is, the soul is... pacified, before being put into flesh.  If your soul woke fully you might well explode.  My spirit is waking, or I am seeing into the wakefulness of such a being.  It itches terribly, either way.  But... madness has been placated.  At least as I see things.  Save when it gets too heavy and I escape into... denial.

Am I a living part of God's plan?  Who knows.  Is there a test for that, other than when the time is ripe?  Yeah, I didn't think so.  I am, actually, becoming more sure... if I am what I see, I won't act while in flesh, not fully.  My physical death, or his, is a minor seal.  Perhaps death will allow a truer, for the times, form.  Or it will allow a different mechanism for action.  That I don't know.  Who will see these things, and know them?  Most men, if they saw what was coming, even if they believed themselves to be Godly men, might well attempt to stop these things.  They won't be pleasant.  These times can only be delayed, through right action and prayer.  It has taken me ages to finally... acquiesce.  Every other path, I have suggested.  I looked for any other way.  I think God allowed it so that I would... hmmm... have no shame for my part.  So that I would understand that what will be is His will, and more.  It is simply the way it has to be.  Dark, bloody, terrible, as it may seem... be.  To feed the lamb, grains must be harvested.  To feed the man, the lamb must be slain.  To finish turning men into children of God, the men must be separated.  For each a harvest time.  As War, I understand, they must be the tools of their own devices and choices.  I will merely be the key to those many engines.  One small part of God's plan and man's decisions, if a terrible one.

"My redemption lies in your demise."  I understand Christ's reluctance.  I understand, too, His surrender.