Oh what a headache.

.

.

Like a pike, sent through the left side of the lower skull bump, at the base of my skull, up into the middle and forehead of my brain... if that could feel.  At first I thought I slept well.  But reviewing the nights logs... probably not.  I rolled, often, almost constantly, seeking to escape that growing pain.  There was no way to escape it.

Oh, I could, and did, lessen it, from time to time, if I could contort my pillows, neck, head, and body into just exactly the right position?  Rarely, but it did happen.  It was just that keeping it all in that position was impossible for any length of time.  No, it wasn't from dead sleeping.  It is probably from starting meds full blast.

I have tried sneaking up on the medicines, slowly titrating to full strength.  And, while that minimizes the impact, it also stretches it out.  The minimization is not more than a felt thing, it doesn't actually improve performance during the acclimatization.  So, instead of a bit more suffering and lethargy, and a month, the downstages can last two to three months, with little improvement, if any, in my ability to function.  So... if I can handle the bleeding, I take the whole thing the opposite of cold turkey... a solid plunge into the darkness.  It's the best bet if I am up to it.  This time, I decided to plunge in.  A headache is the least of my worries.

Down by 23:00, give or take.  Should have been to bed earlier.  More forgot, than wasn't tired enough.  Just... got lost in... nothingness and nowhere for a while.  I set the alarms, if I really didn't want to.  I woke at six, on my own, but it was so dark and cold, and I hurt.  Woke at seven, with the alarm, and pretty much repeated my groundhog assessment, and went back to bed.  But then, I started fearing the nine alarm.  Almost wanting to just shut it off, and let go.  But... I didn't.

I continued to obsess over it.  Hating the idea of waking to it, or worse... not waking even after it, or having to use the snooze, and listen to that f'ing beeping, constantly annoying me, in my pain and weariness.  Finally, I rolled, and checked.  It was 08:06, just beginning to lighten out there, but brightly.  In spite of pain, cold, and else, I turned off the alarm and got up.  So, here I sit.  The late alarm is set for nine, my obsession was worse than the alarm, if too, no beeping!

I had a morning snack.  Took medicines and a few painkillers.  And will feed the girls and do chores in a bit.  It reads 32 out there, but doesn't look like it froze?  The temp may be a temporary fact of morning winds off the mountains.  Either that or it stayed just that other side of 32, the wet side.  Odd how it can do that.

A shower before long.  It might help the headache.  Check if I have any laundry ready to go, and do that.  That will be enough for a start.  I'll figure the rest out as I go.  Later.