Weird.

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The last few nights I have simply been able to get to bed at a reasonable hour, and stay up during the day after rising early enough for my tastes.  I am not even trying, if I have been setting the alarm clocks just as a booster.  The days have been overcast and cool, too.  I am not getting much done but I did work a goodly bit (for me) for a couple of days in a row.  Further, I have cranked up the medicine.  I can't tell if this is a fluke, the medicine, more sun (even if I can't see it), or what.  I only know that this is the type of schedule that most of you do naturally almost every day.  For me to get that little bit of a taste of normalcy is like you finding $1k to $10k somewhere, or receiving something like that.  It is a rare, very rare treat.

I do hope to keep it going.  If I can find my feet while in a day schedule, I might begin planning to attend Mass again a bit more regularly.  I might be able to get my home in order again.  I could see myself to more work on the projects.  For right now I just want to cement this schedule into place as much as possible.  My first steps at beginning to use the day schedule, or even a regular schedule, will be Tuesday.

The plan that day is to go to town, preferably rather early.  Then to get the digger bar, return the hydrant, and get aspirin for my medicine regimen, have a lunch either in town or grab something on my way home.  Then, chill for a few hours after the meal and get to digging.  The digger bar would make it a lot easier for me to carve out the next step in the pit.  As is, the handled pick would be a little odd to wield in the tight space, down on the that first platform I dug down to create.  It might take me a day or two to dig that next step.  After that, I would like to continue by digging down into the hole.  I need about a foot, I should think, below the pipe, for gravel, to allow the hydrant to drain properly.  I am, I think, getting stronger.  Not by leaps and bounds but in a slow progression.  Stamina is a pain to increase.

The trash does not, it turns out, need to be put out tonight.  So, simply, I won't.  But I do plan to do that earlier in the day tomorrow.  I hemmed and hawed and now it is bed time.  At just a bit after 23:00 I am beyond ready for sleep.  I don't know why I am receiving this gift of good sleep and solid days.  I just know I am pleased as punch and grateful to know even this humble pleasure.  Something I realized, remembered, is that when I have a woman in my life, she has always regulated my days and nights to a great degree.  I have always liked sleeping with my woman.  And I won't be with a woman I don't like a fair amount of time together with during the day.  That last one was weened on a dill pickle, and showed it quite often.  If too I enjoyed even that, mostly. 

Yeah, a woman, a wife, would... help.  It's odd how much having a woman to love helps.  I like to think I helped them as much, and I think they would agree.  I honestly do.  I'm not always pleasant, and I won't tolerate bullshit or doublespeak, and even with that I'm solid to a woman.  Yeah.  Marriage, prayer, it's all coming together.  I've decided I don't have shame for even the worst of my sexual history (none of it was any worse than having a one-night stand with a married woman with a girlfriend/fiancee at home though (oh yes, there is much worse out there, if too that is quite bad enough)).  What I feel, oddly, is sadness.  I am sad that I missed out on having a long life with a woman, growing old with her, and having someone who knew everything and still mostly liked and loved me and me likewise.  It's sad.  So, I best get off my sad ass and get busy fixing that.

Good night.