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Some things, then more, today.  Woke into early morning yesterday, and today.  Was awake into midafternoon.  Made calls, picked up mail, and was coaxed to depart for a bit.  Asked a question to which I already knew the answer.  Received an honest answer.  Didn't like the answer.

Unlike many, despite my feelings, neither reality nor the messenger receive rebuff.  No cause or effect is damnable.  What is, is.  However, what remains is how reality may be altered.  That is what is on my mind.  To begin though?  I have a few options before me.  The paths are, probably, exclusive.  The choice  will depend on what is possible.

I have about a week to choose.  If I can begin work, cleaning the place, that is preferred.  To dig in, starting today, with Sunday a very light day, then back to it Monday.  If I can rip through the kitchen and bathroom this week, I will hold off increasing medication until I have burned as much work out of myself as possible.

If I can't work, focus, push, then I will continue increasing medication.  Then, when seeing the light of day again, burn through work when possible.  I must admit, if just for a break from the true horrors of titrating carvedilol, I am hoping to figure out how to work.  That, as a lash, is a terrible thing.  So, yes, work... a week or two, at least three to five solid, every other day, with laundry, car keys, cats and ducks, and grooming mostly on the side.  Hmm?  Shut up.

 ;p

I have been taking medicine extremely well.  I lost track of diabetes the last few days.  Ugh, always something.  It is 160 fasting this morning, so...  When I get low on meds I get stingy with them.  It doesn't make sense, but logic isn't the whole of me.  Instinct and emotion have to be negotiated, trained as possible.  Though negotiation and training require higher function, which isn't always itself available.  I do my best.

Another shower this morning.  A trim and shave as well, it is hoped.  Then a few small loads of dishes set, a single load of laundry put through, and then the bathroom getting started.  The hope is to hit the head, from starboard to stern, forward to aft, and hit the dishes... probably resetting to another soak, and finish the single load of laundry, to folding and putting up, before any other plans.

If dishes can be finished and another small couple loads set, and another load of laundry set to wash?  Great.  But I have to start small and burn through to completion, or it just... or I end up lost, getting nowhere.  Yeah, I either work or medicate.  I'd much rather work, if possible.  Choices?  Not really.  Hope.  Later.