But some days are! I get into funks where I see the world as ending, everybody is against me (they are, but that is another issue:), and I have fears, doubts, and weakness. Goody, I am human. I really try not to spill that over, but as I think of things, sometimes I cannot stop them from rolling out. This, in truth, I regret. Even in these darkest of moments, I yet have faith, hope, and charity, even if these are not in evidence. And I would rather find a way to share these traits then my dark cloud.
Do I have certain fears, or taken from the emotional to the rational, realizations of serious potentials for doom? Yes, I see some things coming, already happening, and things that might be which are unnerving at best. But too I see hope for this world even in this world. I see people gift themselves, and their whole lives sometimes, to doing what they see is right. I see people killing and dying for goodness. And I see a whole world busy about life, delivering the beauty that is inherent in this very complex dance. A child born there, a marriage here, a graduation there, and little successes in people’s lives which allow them, and in a vicarious manner myself, to go on.
In other words, I survived my last snit with nary but a passing doubt toward hope. Yet, through the power of my words and emotions, I can and do harm others. This is not my intent. I suppose it is how I cry. I should say, it is another form of tears for me. I do cry, the big tears as Homer’s Iliad might say. Salty, bitter, bitter-sweet, and joyous droplets of life’s power roll down my cheeks. And, these I enjoy as an expression of my precious gift of life, love, loss, and ultimate hope. Yet there is a time for tears of all kinds, and a time to know when a crying room might be most proper. In the last post, I did not use the most appropriate venue for expressing my pain.
After my last post, I decided to rectify that harm with, hopefully, this gift of words. I wished to give people a hug, a rung on their ladder, a warmth, and really, love. Wherever you are, whatever your situation, find someone to leave warm and fuzzy in a true way. Do it often and any doubts or fears, unmet hungers and wants, anger, and hate fade into hope, faith, and charity. It might amaze you, but doing this will take care of all the rest. Blessings and kind thoughts.
I liked the upswing in the last paragraph in your last post.
ReplyDeleteI don't find you depressing or hurtful.
You are painfully realistic and determinedly hopeful. Extremes, perhaps, but not a bad thing.
...and, like many humans, you are hard on yourself and most generous towards others.
I hope you take some time to have some fun and let your mind relax.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. God, how I can relate.
ReplyDeleteEnemy,
ReplyDeleteI try to be a tool of God's, and fail to my understanding, if in truth that is probably his intent in a very simple yet intricate logic that escapes me. Like throwing a stone, but missing the rabbit... the stone still obeys the laws of physics (God's will) if it doesn't do what a the thrower wished it to do, it did indeed to what the hand sent it to do (which in the end was God's will).
I know I'm talking around the issue, in a way. But the physics of such things takes circuitous routs.
Sharing honesty and honestly and being hurt by it, again and again, may be a fruitless endeavor. However, I wish to share a touch of kindness in this sometimes brutal world. It is this, what you are trying to do, even should you fail and make mistakes, if your intent be pure, is more Christlike than a thousand thousand regular go-to-meetings. It may not be the only thing Christ wished us to do, but it's a top candidate. Truth, like love, is a gift to be shared. I hope you understand your sufferings, as mine, for this modernist "sin" is a prayer and sign of faith. Yeah, ok, it's still a heavy cross to bear, isn't it? Don't give it up, I won't, despite my words. *sigh* Well, tally ho, onward and upward.
Love and kind thoughts. A prayer for you as well.
I'm a bit confused on this, from real life, I think Jean. When speaking with my study partner, I said some things which I think of as fact. I realize more now how some of my beliefs are very out of mainstream liberalism, anathema perhaps.
ReplyDeleteNow, I did help my mother. She was a lifetime Dem. Finally, I asked her to do just a little reading. And, I suggested she read responses from her favorite little socialists, her Democratic congressmen and such. So, she took the bait and is now a Republican, if a weak one. After I found out, I looked at her, a little sadly and said, "It is too late, the America we knew, thought we knew, or hoped for is gone. Both parties are left and going lefter, just at different rates. She about cried, and I backed way off and just said, "You know me, I'm a pessimist. It'll be alright, Mum".
I guess those two things are weighing on me. I don't think I should discuss politics, mostly, anymore. I do believe it is too late. When a communist is on the left and a socialist is on the right, be looking for the door.