In the last week or two, I have been having a difficult time. Math is going fine, and I’m trying to dig into physics, which is fine I suppose. Yet, I get this feeling that time is slipping away. It isn’t the usual aging thing. I simply fear that change, harsh change, is in the air. I cannot put my finger on it, though there are things that come to mind. I just feel that something big is about to happen. As well, I have a feeling that the docile world scenery is not as it seems. Something down deep, underneath all the typical chaos of life, politics, and such as we understand it here in America is terribly wrong. No, it’s not the “Bush = Hitler” garbage. It is a giving out, giving in, or realization of an unfixable problem, a huge one. Every politician and wealthy “citizen” knows or feels it. They might even have some clues about what it means or how it will all come down. It’s a race against a clock that cannot be won. For some reason, it causes me sadness. Ah, perhaps I am merely slightly depressed. It is also not global cooling, warming, change, cooling, toxins, pollutants, etc. If that were even half close to true, Gore, Britain’s Royal (pain) Prince, and others would not be such CO2 pigs. As well, Kyoto would not have recommended taking CO2 producing plants out of the rich nations (where they are extremely tightly monitored) and sending them to nations where they aren’t monitored, while just allowing the fastest rising industrial nations to remain unaffected by constraints. Those two things tell me that the notion is fiction. But something has them going. Are they dancing on their graves? I don’t think that either, they are having way too much fun. Well, it’ll come to me (a bit too late, perhaps).
I am becoming tired again. Yes, the two might correlate, might not. It doesn’t always happen that way. I am back on medication, as well as a busy bachelor can follow a regimen. After speaking with my neighbor, it looks like geese season will begin the 20th, and I believe I will be going. Hopefully we will get a chance to target practice a time or two before then. On another note, he has brought up the idea of walking/hiking early in the morning a few times a week, three is his goal. Swimming would also be a thought, however, I have found it difficult to find reliable swimming times, especially early in the morning. Still, hiking for an hour could be fun, with some company. I need to get some exercise in, and I’ve always enjoyed the company of good people.
I have little else to say. I hope you find life simpler and less doubtful. I hope, in your doubts, you find succor. Should you not see the firsts and lack the second, I hope you can at least look inside yourself and find hope. Somedays that is all I seem to be, a walking bundle of hope with nothing of flesh. Still, it is enough. And, often in the tomorrows of those somedays, I laugh well and happily.
"...something is terribly wrong."
ReplyDeleteWhatever it is, it is fueling not a few people's thoughts that "The End Is Near!"
And for those of my particular eschatological bent, I'm looking at Tribulation, either already or very soon.
If you have any additional insights as to the specifics of that "something", I'd certainly be interested in reading about it.
Whenever.
Because in my personal paradigm I'm "rac(ing) against a clock that cannot be won", and I know deep down it cannot be won, but at least I hope to forestall the moment. Ultimately nothing will be outside the reach of the tendrils that curl outward from those iron jaws, and nothing will save us but the One we look to for salvation.
Desert Cat,
ReplyDeleteWhat I see is dark. I will say that if you stay with God in the way you understand, that is all you can do. And, I do see a few chances at hope in the world. But it's the slim hope that two police officers will somehow take the risk to spare you from the 40 gang members that are about to hurt then kill you. Can they do it, even if they try? Yes, with God's will.
Doom, Perhaps you were thinking of this piece? She put her finger on it.
ReplyDeleteMorenuancedthanyou
Yes, she, too, knows. It's beyond questionable, to me. Thanks, it is good to know someone out there sees it coming too. I live in a very "liberal" city. People here just think if Bush could be forced out, everything would be good and they would get more pay.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the money is leaving America. Either in prep for world wage equality, the wealthy are trying to ensure some humans who make it might have the tools to rebuild, or wealth is collecting, once again, into the hands of far fewer. Probably a little of each, but Bush could do no more than he is and Hillary would just make the money exodus happen faster. They fear her even as they are preparing to elect her. Perhaps she is being elected out of fear. Hoping she will spare them or something. Ha, some creatures have no pity, compassion, or mercy.
And, as for Bush, he really is the only human standing between these people and serious harm. I wish there was a way to get these people what they want without destroying what is left of America, and perhaps the world. I don't think that can happen and I am pretty sure which way this is going to go.
I am gearing up to get out. I'll finish my calculus III, probably physics, take those and other books and head for the mountains next year. There is nothing to be had by staying in a target city, and every city is a target. Pick your poison, chemical, bio, nuke, suicide bombers, the civil unrest which will follow, and the government itself at this point..
Just my thoughts.
Doom, I have a degree in engineering myself, so I have nothing against studying physics and calculus. But if you are planning to get out of the city next year, there are more practical skills you need to work on than physics and calculus (do you know how you will make a living out there?) My own lack of skills -- fixing things, raising and caring for crops, storing food and seeds, first aid, etc. -- scares me. If the balloon goes up, I hope to make it to a cousin's farm with other cousins. I've spoken with a couple of them about this. A group will have a better combination of skills. You need a group. Just some thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMorenuancedthanyou
Yes, well, I am not getting these skills so that I may use them to fend off a bear, or start a fire. :) I am just finishing some work on my way out of the door. I am just showing that I could have, barring my illness perhaps, made it through the rest of the work.
ReplyDeleteI realize a group is a good thing, short term, very short term. Long term adventuring doesn't work for groups (or alone, really). As well, neither would a group nor myself truly be interested in joining forces. I wouldn't trust them, and honestly, I don't trust myself initially to ask to be depended upon. I realize the risks of solo adventures. I just think that the risks here are greater than the risks there. I also believe I can begin getting the skills needed, in the interim between when I get there and the time of the social crash, much better there than here.
I won't be living in a tent 24/7, at least not at first. I would like to get used to doing it in the summer, renting a cheap place in winter and learning bits at a time about that, then, regardless if whether it is even legal today, finding a way to live out-of-doors there, if not entirely off the land. Even mountain men came in a few times a year, took advantage of trading when available out there, and needed some friendships and company. It won't be easy, I suppose. But even if nothing goes bad, is this "modern life" easy?