Such strange dreams.

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The one most understood was the dream most recent.  But the subject was simple.  Death.  Or more correctly, shortly after.  It is if I was waking normally, but... there was no pain.  How long has it been?  I am so used to a significant level of it that I don't notice the majority of it unless I push, or try new meds, or fall off, then begin them again.

Often it feels as if I am tied into some contraption from the Saw movies.  Only it's purpose isn't to kill.  It's job is too cause excruciating pain.  The receiver never knows why, or when, or even how.  Trying not to move makes it worse.  Not moving, being active, enough can bring horrid waves of pain.  Just sleeping beyond some variable need hurts, though sometimes the sleep is needed but still hurts.  Anything to alleviate may work, for a while.  But other than heart medicine, when I can handle, and remember, it, has eventually proven to be short term or a placebo affect.

So waking to no pain was... amazing.  I checked, prodded the usual areas.  Kidneys.  I hear people who stutter dream of speaking normally.  They can sing without stuttering.  I guess I understand that a bit better now.  I didn't question it, though, at some point, I understood it was a dream.  In a way, that knowledge turned it into a nightmare.  Still, I... held onto the moments.
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The first dream was about commerce?  I'm not exactly sure how it would be termed.  The making and selling of products.  I imagined all of the things made, so much of which is never sold.  From bubble gum to soda to... shoes.  What do they do with the warehouses of items no one buys?

Recycling has proven a fiction.  Much of it is sent overseas.  When China was taking it, even they knew it's actual worth, thus dumped most of it in the ocean, so Mrs. Soccer Mom could feel good about her hyper consumer life.  Mr. Soccer Dad doesn't care, as long as he gets what he needs and some of his wants without too many questions.

It was a gross dream.  So much waste.  It is as if, most of it being unhealthy and inferior, as if someone is willing to lose fortunes to entice people to eat poorly, live unwisely?  Even the biproducts, poisonous ones like fluoride are turned into water additives and dental care.  Remember when doctors would recommend brands of cigarettes as being healthy?  Fluoride is that, and worse, for dentists and water distributers.

It was a horrendously busy, loud, dirty, ugly, dream.  The wilds are mean hard places to scratch out a living.  But this level of modern living, "civilization" (is this really civilization?), I...  Grubs would be better.  There is no good, right, way back.  Oh, I get the Uni-bomber.  But that isn't the way.  Surrender?  How about live as rightly as you are able.  And have some faith.  We can't change... much.  Our own mind, bent as well as we are able to God's will?  Humblingly fumbly?  Yes.

I have only seen one revolution do it correctly.  And that only lasted a few hundred years.  It has become Rome.  And will remain that way until it becomes Great Britain, then, quite possibly, England alone.  Thankfully her island cohabitents can't produce more children, especially now with muhammad being in the top ten boys' names.  Although, that also means their future isn't their own.  --  The first men of England were also mostly wiped out by invaders.  I wonder if those were welcomed as well?  I guess they are paying their dues?  It won't change history, or repair anything.  Same with America.  As one of the dying, I can tell you suicide, personally or civilly, isn't the way.  Not much I can do though.
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Dreams.  So intense.  Such strange things in such an odd little life.  Truths in them?  So... big.  I would rather have not had the commerce dream.  The other had, if shortly, a reminder of why I continue.  It hurt extra waking, but provided the realization of peace, true peace, in time.  It makes enduring tolerable.  A gift.  Later.