Long hard day.

.
.
With little sleep, only two hours yesterday, and two very long days, I had to get to the V.A.  An appointment with my doc.  A1C has dropped over three points, from 12 to 8.7.  There are still problems.  BP refused to go below 134/93, pulse was unusually high at 96.  As will, kidney function is still week, but stable.

I let her know of my frustration with incapacity.  She suggested psychiatry.  I told her they had been given decades and proved to be incapable, incompetent, and downright dangerous.  If they know how to help they refused doing so.  Besides, it's not a mood or mind issue.  It is simple exhaustion.  Something no antidepressant helped.  Most actually exacerbated.  So, no.  The only process that had any sat effect was the treatment of "ptsd - without cause" treatments.  But those did what they could.

I hurt all day.  A band about ther torso, as if belted with a baseball bat right after eating a large meal.  And as if something tore in there from that.  I often hurt early, but it fades.  This was all day.  It is back, after seven hours sleep, but less severe.  It may be gas, as unusual as that is for me.  Or part of it.

I ate nothing while out.  Waking at 4:30 getting back at 17:00, only drinking from a fountain once.  Blood sugar, with nothing but that sip, went from 129 after waking, to 110 at 8:14,  123 at 11:34 and finally 145 at 17:11 right before eating.  I crashed so hard after a bowl of menudo that no aftermeal read was possible.  it is 131 as a true fasting read.

She wants me to not use insulin if the read is as high as 180.  I initially agreed, but have changed my mind.  That is too high.  I will go with 150, for now.  Below 150 and no insulin.  Of course that means titrating down starting at 180.  Hmm... 180 - 150 = 30,  30 / 15 cc's = 2, so for every two points below 180 I shave a cc from the dose?  I think so.  Math...

As well, there is a very small addition to carvedilol.  I am thinking the slight elevation was due to a lack of sleep, over several days.  At first I wondered whether I had missed morning meds, but checking this morning that wasn't the case.  Just a bit more, two of the smallest doses.  I am right on the edge of capacity with those, so it's a hope that a bit more is possible.

On the way home, I did grocery shopping.  Much needed veggies, some meats, basics. Then to the car wash.  I asked them about two vehicles.  They have  a program that will work, possibly.  I haven't switched to it, but will when I am in better shape.  Finally, I went in for a hair cut.  Went with a flattop.  It will take some training, and may not work out.  But... it is done.

Today, from travel and business, my body is hurting.  Joints, muscles, some skeletal.  From pushing sleep as well.  At least I was able to see my doc for a last time.  They see so many of us, one probably makes no difference.  Especially a difficult one.  I see so few each has importance.  When one is stuck pretty much waiting to die, no matter how incapable of that, the value of those interacted with takes on new meaning.  You never live as while you are dying.  Later.