Fascinating.

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Sleep is still crazy off.  Fear of a negative blood sugar spike has kept me up.  That and chasing the last gasps of my capacity in order to wring every bit of work possible out of a day.  Between the two I simply am getting lost.  Stretching my day is stretching my body.  I'll down a fistful of pain pills with medicine this morning.  It feels like my body is cracked front the right shoulder to the left hip, with tears from the bellybutton out in other directions.  How is that kind of pain even possible?  What would do that?

Sleep was great.  I collapsed into a dog rag heap and, utterly spent, mostly just went dark.  I rolled a lot, more than usual, and fought something often.  And was with women through the night alternatively.  Women sure can be mean.  Good thing I don't care, and if far less frequently, am actually far meaner.  Oh the mean things we used to say and do.  Not... hatefully.  Just... well... it's part of the dark beauty of love.  Roses, thorns, pain of various sorts, and other whatnot.  Sweet though too.  War is a lot... less complicated.

Blood sugar is 139 fasting?  Wow, finally.  I can definitely take that.

Today?  Too late to get out.  A shower as soon as I can wake fully enough.  Then rinsing dishes, bacon and eggs, a fatted tea, and on to collecting and tearing down boxes.  As well, I may have enough for a load or two of laundry, plus changing and washing bedding.  The goal is to hit things quickly, knock them out fast, then sleep early in order to wake early.  Force the things, ignore or treat the pain as required.

While I have lost days, and dealing with controlling diabetes and fears in there were a legitimate part of that, reasons can't be allowed to become excuses.  I have to push back to days as hard and fast as possible.  I need to act as if I was in school or at work and couldn't afford to miss.

So.  Yeah.  Perfection isn't possible, not even for the healthy.  But getting back on one's feet, as soon as possible, is a choice.  I might get knocked down and dragged around far more often, but I just have to steel myself against it and to get back up.  No, life isn't fair.  Deal with it.

Later.