Time to... do something.

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Alright.  Nothing was done yesterday.  Further, I thought today was yesterday.  Calls all day, but I have to wake to sort them.  Never mind.  It's just the way it goes.

What happened and when?  Don't know.  I guess, somehow, I thought the part would be in Wednesday, so I based my calendar on the part being in?  Don't know.

The part is in, but as I suggested, I wish to dismantle the original part and... tinker with it.  Some more.  Why?  Well, because, I... hate to lose?  Because I love to tinker?  Because, while I am at it, I would like to learn and experiment, since it is a no-cost opportunity?  All of the above, and maybe more?  Yeah, last answer.  So I will begin messing with the thing shortly, after coffee and a chance to wake. 

The medicine that arrives in cold packs is in, and stored.  I need to, later, when I can walk, check the mail.  I am hoping the losartin is in.  While the carvedilol is the most important, by far, and the most dangerous to drop and restart, even after a few days (if *cough* some people do that fairly often), so I can see why it gets priority... the thing is I like to play with all the marbles or none.  And, while I have learned to bite my constraints and play anyway... that itches my cockles in a most unfavorable manner.  Especially when I had to be talked, and hand held, into playing the game, and then had the rules mandated to obsessive levels.  Meh... the military was like that too.  :p  Oh, and it looks like the supplements have kicked in.  Cramps in the legs are gone.  So there is that.

Oh, Lord forgive.  I do my best, and keep trying.  Half aware, sometimes, at best.  Especially when I push and keep that push up.  Even a long drive on what should be a day of rest... throws off the brain it seems.  Lost any awareness of time or events.  But... I'll keep pushing until some things are done.  Sense will have to make itself once I get some downtime and can allow it.  Most likely, however, I will not give it enough downtime.  Might take a week or more, and I have... things to do.  I will either break, and fall... very hard, or I will rise to the new and highest plateau of functioning I have, as yet, obtained since falling ill.  Then, before too long, break and fall anyway.  :p  The break and fall is guaranteed, at this point.  The question is, can I work through it, at least for a while?  Or... maybe... and this is just a slim possibility... work past the fall?  Don't know... scarily exciting.  Maybe on the verge of a little, or big, step.  Maybe...

Now, lets be honest.  Even if I reach that new level of function?  It will NOT be all that much.  It will simply mean I can do a little, very little to be honest, for longer periods of time, through a fog.  But I will be creating the fog, this time, not just falling into it.  Making confusion through effort.  The hope is, that in the mental fog, I can push focus so that I can see far enough into it, or through it, to do some very minor things... not worrying about the rest... as in a fog the rest of life has never mattered and still won't, can't, but I have been unable to do even little things in there.  This will be huge, if it happens as I hope.  But... in all truth, it will be the quadriplegic wiggling a toe, or finger, but without feeling.  It won't be up and dancing a full night of ballroom swing, let alone a single dance.  A finger, or toe, folks... that's all.

Still... I am excited.  It is, to my mind, possible.

Later.