Awake, a bit late, but...

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Am I off, or do I keep running into being awake late because of attempts at getting things negotiated correctly?  A bit more of the latter, though some of the former.  I still believe, with a bit of effort and patients, I can steal daytime back.  I have never been able to do that before.  But... things have... changed.

Awake around noon.  It's already 13:30.  I haven't gotten to chores yet, but I did clean the cat litter.  Which... is staying amazingly good.  If nothing else, tending cat litter exemplarily really makes the world better for everyone in the house.  Fresh water, frequent feeding, treats, and personal attention is also good for all.

Eating, too, rightly.  Medicine, now that I have the right stuff.  I still slip, nothing I can do about that.  I am been taking medication, of all sorts, for the most part, so well, that I have only missed, say, four doses in a month?  Given that I am still rather crippled, lame, off, this is not bad.  That it is deep winter, dark, cold.  This is exceptional.  Summer has it's own problems, as do spring and fall.  High winter and summer are the most difficult.  Doing very well for December and into January.  Oh, but I need to reset medicine.  Today!  Out, otherwise.

I do believe, as well as tracking food, and creating limits, I will begin limiting fluid.  Currently, I may be drinking up to six or more 16.9 fl. oz. bottles of water a day.  Which, to one degree, is fine.  But to another, not so much.  Four is the goal, without stress for less.  I will allow tea and coffee, without consideration, since they are self limiting and parts of meals at times.  Some of it is financial.  These cost, much more than water, even through the reverse osmosis system.  Some of it is trying to limit that much hydration.  I'm simply not convinced it is necessary or good in some way.  I may even try to cut to three a day.

I have thought about fruit and vegetable infused waters, say cucumber and... something, or raspberry and lime.  But those would be an improbable mess to try to maintain, and expense.  The idea is wonderful, the practicality is nigh on impossible for a single cripple.  Even one a day, made, rotated, kept fresh, cleaned out as needed, would be a lot of work, and expense.  Though, there is the idea of vinegar waters, and such, which would be a good way to keep apple cider vinegar flowing and fresh.  Though, in winter, having that cold wouldn't be necessary.  So it can be made on the fly.  Only in summer, sometimes, would having a few quart jars of that in the fridge, be quite nice.

Blood sugar is still a bit high today.  I've been failing to monitor and manage blood sugar.  Why?  I... am just having difficulty functioning.  I'll keep at it, and will get back to it.  It is cold out there, and is staying cold.  It was 10 when I checked a bit ago.  I doubt it will warm today.  Oh, it was 157 fasting.  Sucks, but... has definitely been better.

Oh, well, and food is being tricky.  Hungry, too hungry for my allotted calories.  So, I have been eating, and after my food window.  Something has to give.  Perhaps I simply have to set weight loss aside, at some times.  As well, sometimes, perhaps, I won't be able to eat in the four, or even six, hour window.  Until I can... acclimate.  Or if the weather doesn't support the diet?  Sometimes things have to give.  Willpower is one thing, reality is another.  Currently I am exceeding too many limits.  So... so I eat, as needed.  I'll keep it keto.  I will aim at higher protein, lower fat, and even lower carbs.  I will keep my goals in tact, even as I exceed them.  But, I... need food!  Ugh.

I am not going to lie to you.  I am not going to lie to me.  I have hit... something.  And, currently, I can't get around it.  If I don't deal with it honestly, as able, I will end up just falling off completely.  I want to maintain an honest log, and dialogue... monologue actually... here, about this.  The truth may not set me free, but within it are the only possible mechanisms.  Is cold a limiting factor for a tighter diet?  Do I, with a bad heart, go through the same difficulties with a stricter diet that I do with simply taking meds, when health seems to stumble?  Things... like that.  Frustrating?  Sure.  But... I need to know, understand, work through, but in the light of truth... not some fancy of how I want it to be, how it could or should be... according to my ego or even intellect.  The truth might hurt, but it teaches, advises, and is a step toward wisdom.

Later.