Up a bit earlier.

.

.

Not down until midnight?  Yea.  Got stuck in the game.  Up at nine thirty.  Will do better, I think, today.

Feeling better.  Rolled better, or something.  Blood sugar is a bit higher, at 142 fasting?  My guess?  Eating all through the day.  Not a lot.  Four eggs, fatted coffee, tonic vinegar, more eggs, another coffee, and a couple of fatted bone broths in there.  I was... strangely hungry.  But unable to cook.

Today, I am hoping to not eat until... say... fourteen hundred?  And, then, stop eating at twenty hundred at the latest.  Plus, eat larger groups, an entrée and fatted coffee or fatted bone broth.  Then, maybe, some eggs later.  But hit it, when I eat.  Eat to satiation.  I just couldn't, yesterday.  Didn't have enough supplies, and wasn't up to cooking.

I just took medicine.  This morning, it felt like my heart was pumping a bit higher, bp is up.  Taking the lessor dose, this morning though.  Switching those.  Will see.  I won't go just by today's readings.  I'll see over the next week.  Everything is still up in the air.  I just started eating more rightly, and am figuring out how to even stand with this stuff coming in.  So medicine is... being sorted.  Takes time.  Even so, these are the best numbers I have had in... decades.  Now... how to sort out the processes and functions.

Good enough, today, that for the first day in a while?  I won't be taking painpills.  There is some residual pain.  It's just not enough for me to feel the need to tend.  Mostly forward of my collar bone.

Nothing but water, until 14:00.  That's the goal.  So, no reason to do a blood sugar test until two hours after eating.  It's... all about food.  How much, what kind, when.  All of it, at least with type two diabetes.  But, many people, including me, try to fight it in a one-dimensional way, or even two-d.  Getting volume and type, but not the timing, or missing some sort that should be excluded... or included.  Fighting with hands tied behind our backs.

In part because our bodies have a literal addiction.  Partly because the information we are given is false.  Some of it it outright counterproductive.  Like telling someone to tend the wound on their head by banging it on a brick wall.  They have to know it is bad information.  But, their whole profession is now based on "fixing" what they break... with medicine and "professional" advice.  We live in a world of parasites.  I'm still not sure how many realized what they are?  Or which is worse, those who see and don't care, or those who can't see with the eyes God gave them.  This... isn't rocket science.

I'll keep at it.

Had a dream.  I was waiting for a mass.  Wasn't sure it was going to happen.  A small sanctuary in a medical facility?  I knew a nun or two was hoping for it to happen.  For reasons, masses had become scant.  Few priests, far spread.  I was becoming anxious, for that and other reasons.

As it turned out, the mass was happening.  But when I looked into the small sanctuary, there were... many nuns, not just a few.  I really thought to leave it to them.  I am sure it had been some time.  And, yet, it had been some time for me, as well.  So I went on in.

To the back of the church.

There was a nun back there.  She smiled brightly, then suddenly hid her face.  She was... not... pretty... in a worldly way.  But I... could not stop myself.  I asked her to look at me.  Slowly, she did.  I ensured I understood her wish not to do so, but then told her I saw her as God did.  That she was just as beautiful as any woman in these eyes.  More so for her prayerfulness.  We had a small conversation, and then enjoyed the mass together.

It was a lot more complex, simple, and beautiful.  It isn't just nuns, or homely nuns, I think of this regarding.  Most sisters have some form of ugliness.  And, yet, most have the potential for the most profound of caring and being.  To see them find that, as a mother, sister of various sort, teacher, lover?  Is a grace like none other.  A wonderful dream.

Well... on to something.  I was going to have coffee, but not until 14:00, unless just black.  I think I'll have water.  Got to get this sorted.  Will... get it sorted.  Good morning.