How do I feel?

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You tell me.  I feel as if I am perpetually holding on.  Disoriented and a bit confused.  I was created, trained perhaps, to operate with these sensations.  And, with the givens, I still do.  I have no difficulty standing, and quickly, walking, or such.  Even with the feeling that I am perpetually recovering from what is in the video.  Not bad, on the one hand.  Not good, on the other.  I shouldn't feel that way, not without external reasons.  Has it been the last few days, week, two weeks?  I simply don't know.  While I am doing some things, I am not able to hang on to all things.  November, is it?  Yeah... Okay.


Stray thoughts have been collecting in my tumultuous time.  I don't... they...  There is no sense to them.  I just see, and feel, then time goes and then some other notion attracts or distracts.  I have no surety of any of it.  Windows into thought or emotion or memory or the future.  I kept thinking to post them it just didn't happen.  Now, I suppose, is as good as any other time.  Offered without comments.  Provide your own.  Some were dreams, others just thoughts.  I can't know which was which, now or then.







Mysticism?  Shamanism?  No.  Just Doom flying in the painless winds of time.  Share, perhaps.  Don't try to follow.  I was made to do this.  I do it... survive it... well enough.  If just a wee green about the gills.

A man, a friend and ally, once suggested I was... different.  He didn't quite know how to quantify his request for understanding, how to ask, or even what to ask.  I knew his question, the answer, and him.  He was not ready for the answer, so I gave him homework.  If he had completed it, I would have answered his question.  That one did not live long enough, though I am not sure he wanted to know.  My assignment probably got him closer to the answer than he actually wanted to know.  I saw it in his eyes that last bit of time.  The homework?  I asked him what he was using as a basis for reference from which to differentiate.  He was not a weak man, in any way.  But he was a man, and just that.

Later.