Fighting for the day.

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Until last night, for the last three nights, maybe four, my night had been pushing into early morning.  Advancing in time.  Same with the morning, of course.  I was awake until 5:00 or 6:00 yesterday morning.  I don't want that.  Last night I was able to force a 1:00 bedtime, and tried for a 9:00 wake, but couldn't quite get out of bed until 10:00 and two snooze bar operations, if I did get out of bed before the last snooze bar sounded.  Oh, but at least I feel as good as debris left in the road to be run over by a line of rigs heading out full.  It wasn't just the early rise.  I dreamed, all night, of other people "turning".  I never saw what they turned into, I just knew it wasn't good.  It was really a series of dreams.  A first, then second, part, then a repeat with some variation.  Someone I thought I knew would "turn".  I would sort of be in danger by that.  It caused me to change not once, but twice.  This happened with many people.  On top of that, the girls, my cats, were trying to bash their way into my bedroom all dang night!  They usually don't do that.  I don't know if there was something outside spooking them or what.  All night, dreams and cats beating on my door.  I couldn't wake enough to chase them off.


Not goats in the dream, but the idea was the same.  And goats are on the list.  Don't even go all cross-eyed on me.  I didn't make the list, or force any to be a goat.  Choices.  Consequences.  There is only one arm that can send some forth.

Don't even ask me.  I have no more idea about dreams than anyone else, often.  Sometimes dreams seem to make exact sense.  And, this dream does too, if you believe in things you probably don't.  All I'm saying.  Do I believe?  I'm not even absolutely sure I believe in cancer.  Or, even if that happened to be true, that half the people who die of it, or less, actually do.  I'm started to strongly doubt black holes.  God, yes, the rest of it... I don't even care if it makes perfect sense from visuals and logic, theology, and really, true natural sciences.  Most of what we believe, me included, is just that and no more.  I can plainly see that the sun is up this morning.  But I don't know what percentage of the sun's energy is getting through to shine through the slight separation between the curtain and wall, and through the window, to actually find it's way (blindingly by the way) to the slash of light on my wrist.  Just as I have gotten sunburns on overcast days.  What do I even mean by "the sun is up and out"?  Dunno.  Belief?  God.  The rest of it is swinging in the wind.  Goin' commando at that.  *scha-wing*

I used to try to be a hard pagan "scientist".  Don't even believe in that "atheist" crap.  They don't.  A game.  It's not like I didn't give that a solid go, either.  I'm not some unlearned bumpkin.  I have, however, learned that being a bumpkin is the wiser part of valor.  Ah, but if you must try to chase it down, you will leave much good behind on the cutting floor.  Most of it, in time, you find out, was the better part of yourself.  So, if you are a bumpkin, do enjoy your honest life vicariously for the fools who thought they could know better.  Even if they end up doing good, the price is quite high.  Trading your soul for what you know is a false belief in your own, or even total human, "knowledge".  We simply don't know.  Can't.  And even the smartest among us knows this.  But for hubris, shame, and locking the doors and burning the bridges as some go.  Bah!  What's worse for these types is realizing... they can't survive without the system that was built up in the falseness of the truth that was sought.  Kick every professor out of his station and watch him flop like a fish out of water trying to just earn enough money to buy food to eat without a college to overpay his way.  Many of them couldn't keep a job at McDonalds.  Therefor, for those who can't understand, all they have is hate.  It's for themselves, but with a lack of truth, it's directed at those who live on their actual merits in life.  Worse, knowing they were picked as academics because their perversions and politics would make them... incapable of surviving real and broader life.  A preference, now, among and for academics.

Yeah, okay, those dreams made me a bit grumpy.  Even though I don't know what happened in the changes, they hurt.  The whole night was truly exhausting.  Over and over.  Just in the dream, I suppose, and up until some point, where I then lost track of what was happening.  But losing others, and normalcy, to such changes, was also troubling.  All but two of the pillows on my bed were gone.  That was a very... unusual night.  Grumpy... or at least rough... this morning.  On the good side, I'm doing better quickly.  Coffee, first thing, though.  And a fresh pot on the make.  Trying to leave the dust of sleep and dreams as quickly as possible.  Rocket fuel, boys and girls, and large doses of it.

Have a nice fall!  Later.