.
.
The pseudo-migraine has been tempered. I fear calisthenics might undo any gains, so will be moving slowly and deliberately. No need to stir the hive. Sound and light were never a major problem, though too much sound, earlier on, was a bit of a tricky thing. Too fast or too loud and it hurt. Yeah, I test the edges of pains, to figure the limits, and the cost for exceeding them. Hey, you lick sore teeth. Perhaps you don't try to master all your pain, but then you probably see no reason for pain. Trust me, you wouldn't want to live in a painless world, not as you are. I have just had great need to taking that farther. So very much farther. I suspect those times are not yet over. And, when they are, I will be in a place where the need is greater still. I am not looking forward to that time. A duty, one I will fulfill. Some don't know what they have ahead of them, for a reason. Others do know, also for a reason. Odd, for some of the reasons, knowing and not knowing serve the same purpose. It is the beings that are different?
I keep thinking about some things. Light, embedded in a darkness, to shine for those who choose to see where no other light exists. A reason for the packaging, a need for specific packaging, hidden by the deceit of truth in eyes that cannot believe for those who might believe. It will be easy to enter. It will not be easy to leave. Not only will darkness deny exit, there will be no light to which to return. Not in the same way. Further, the darkness containing the light will have... hungers of it's own. Quite a trick. Behind Satan's lines. But God's plan always works. To the undying... a real death, and resurrection. If not... a ddos attack on hellion strength. All good. Still, I do believe in more. Convoluted for some. But it isn't for the lambs.
What all will be entailed, what darknesses will be unleashed, who will be along for the ride, who will be targeted and how, and the way out? Yes, I have some notions. I have full faith that these things will lead many to the river, and finally over it. After that? Then back to normal divine space, and the truth will be revealed then. None may know, for none living, or dead in my way, have yet seen. After some seals and before the Lamb, a time to choose, and a way to make way to the choice, all perilous in many ways. This is what I see. But it is not for you. Only for those of darkness, of flesh, of spirit, of soul... if only an opportunity, at that point, for some of those of spirit as I know things. The King will call those of soul, for the final army, but after my work. Such notions! For these, I must know pain. And be able to see blessings, and strength, and function, through it. Without fear, but with understandings of limits. Faith is fine, right action is good, each in it's time.
If you make it to heaven, pray that the mission... pleases God. In will, in works, in execution, and in truth. I have some belief that prayers will be much in demand.
Hmm, well, anyway, I am glad that you are currently feeling better. I saw in the post below that you had been head aching it.
ReplyDeleteYes, mildly better. Again this morning, it is back, but not so badly that Anacin is needed. I cut insulin by another 50%, but it seems that is still a bit steep. Need to not let that get too old in use. Just wish they would send three or four at a time.
ReplyDeleteOh, the music, perhaps ideas, aren't your favored. While sometimes they are just stories, other times I am almost sure. Neither side wishes to keep the toxin close to the vest. By the sounds, I don't think you quite get it. Just... don't worry. Even an undercover cop looks pretty nasty when working a biker bar. Urhm, if a hint was needed. Sure, used to be my group, but that was very long ago. At least one lifetime ago. I can understand why you may not have dug deeply enough to get the gist. Though, it is for another lifetime in a place and time that you probably won't know.
Yes, the mmm was due to a lack of understanding, I'vebeen dealing with sinus headaches and I have to admit I initially watched the last video first and then decided not to watch the rest. :-). (I have watched the rest now though. I'm kinda liking the first one there)
ReplyDeleteWith some women, from any distance, I can see hands on the hips, chin up, and a sour face. Oh, trust me. Some conditions and moods makes it even more difficult to even try. Deep waters can run cold.
ReplyDeleteJust know, if I must do hard things, it will be with songs to heaven in my head and a prayer in my heart. It is for a time after the lambs have been secured, too. Not even for this flesh, I don't think. Or just stories.
Oh, by the way, I did get in the correct size shoe. They are quite nice. Might take just a bit to fully break them in, but I am enjoying them. Now, when I push, I think I can do so a bit more easily. Oh... and I sort of think of them as Santa shoes... for when he doesn't want to bother with boots. :)
ReplyDeleteAh, right... the last song. Without a breaking of the tied heart I would have had no chance at choice. Such is the way of that born to darkness. As to being forbidden in heaven and useless in hell? Probably what gives you heartburn... things of darkness cannot die, nor are they wanted in hell. They would conquer hell. Denied heaven, true, until their hearts break, they then make a choice, and finally, that they do die... for good and all. Then it is in God's hands. Yeah... that's probably what stirred your pot.
ReplyDeleteWhile difficult, more so for one born against the Will, the path is not easy. These things, at least to me, offer hope. A hope for the otherwise lost. A bit... off the typical track, to be sure. But hope is what it is. And is much better than not having it. I doubt if I could convince you that these notions and songs are... actually joyous.
You come from light, I come from where these songs portray. My perspective is much different. As a woman who can't handle baiting her hook, or scaling and cleaning a fish... to a fisherman. Perspective.
Shee's lookin for ya:
ReplyDelete"Feeling schizophrenic as hell. Talking to the demons, telling them how stunning they look today...declaring my love to them. Joint bank account with them. Gettin' married to them. Gonna make a baby with them. Eat that baby with them. Sail away on a ship with them. Set fire to the ship with them. AAAMEN WITH THEM."
Nina
Nope! Even back in the... days... when such was all I knew, there was only one who was allowed darkness. Some of my domain was not shared, especially with debutantes who go so obviously off the rails. Dames were allowed a piece of me, just not pieces they couldn't handle. I think this one sounds far outside of even my most extreme lady friends. Or at least, when I got to them or when they were with me. If I usually had a way of causing them to get in line. Perhaps she just needs a giant to add perspective. But... not this giant.
ReplyDeleteBesides, sounds like she's mooning for you! Go get her, tiger. Just hide any children on blue and full moons or learn to crack that whip. She's a wild one.
By the way... if you are... going to go that way? Learn to watch the video I left, only looking into her eyes. You must learn to see what is real, ignoring the flesh. She will try to... bedazzle you, throw you off. If you play with wicked toys, best to be a master. Or she will eat you alive.
ReplyDeleteNope. She's a pretty li'l slip, but quite damaged. Alpha widow in a bad way, with his infant boy in tow. Hard like the cold bergs of her ancestral homeland, and quite daft.
ReplyDeleteWhat I see is works of the enemy, with little I can do to ameliorate.
Thanks for the guilt trip. Part of the reason I have tried to change my tune. She can only ever be partially managed by another alpha of the darker side, though will avoid such. She sees a queen in the mirror, and will seek those who will not disturb her psychic countenance, one way or the other. Orbit lovers, mostly. She fears alphas, now, and for good reason. If she might easily fall for one, few would be interested.
ReplyDeleteWise choice. Her path is probably quite dark. Though, too, she sought what she got. A wreck from some earlier time, just driven off a cliff as a means of dealing with it.
*grins*
ReplyDeleteJust another field exercise.
In her words:
"It's tough. It's not like i don't want to share and i know theres usually someone willing to accept, but my loyalties are all over the map now. The people i can communicate with aren't the ones that understand, and those that want to provide for me i don't trust, and the ones i love i can't be honest with."
Translation: "one I love" here being "the one my body arches up for, the one my kitty wails in the dark for". The ones that don't understand being anyone who has not dissected the inner workings of the pretty little lies.
You are quite right that only another Alpha can effectively manage her.
Also meant to add "can't be honest with" = "doesn't want to hear it, as he's long since NEXTed me..."
ReplyDeleteAs for orbit lovers, no. She's in a terrible bind. "Can't trust" = "feel vaguely nauseated by"
ReplyDeleteAs to mooning, I suspect she knows that I know all of this, including that my medicine can't cure her ill.
You sure can pick them! That you are even meeting these types should probably be telling you something. Oh, sure, friends status. If I don't think that is your problem. This last one, though, seems to see through you. She knew an alpha hard, as you suggested, and PUAs and the training won't cut it. Remember when I said that it was difficult to explain, because it is so dynamic, choices on the fly, even flying blind and just... hitting the target? You can't teach speed reaction any more than you can increase manual dexterity from a book. Or a state of being. And yet, you are, in writing no less, at least piquing curiosity from very specific eyes.
ReplyDeleteI could warn you, but... you've seen the velocipedes. You haven't seen what they can and have done. I suggested more than a few have considered killing me... out of a love-hate thing, because they don't like being bound, even because they do want to be bound but forever by keeping me in death. A mix of all of that. I do recommend caution. You attract the right wrong one and she will find you.
I am not sure you are safe in some game environments. A wrong answer can lead to tragic things. I survived because I played my hand just enough better than her kill instinct. Be careful. Remember, I was half hoping one of them would take me out, it was half of my enjoyment. But I couldn't just let it happen, I had to fight to my capacity, and that just seemed to be good enough.
Doom,
ReplyDeletere shoes,
I might try some of those shoes then. I'm at an age where comfy footwear is important .. :)
Dang .. That's quite a conversation you all have going on .. and I have no clue what it is about. Probably a good thing.
I can assure you madam, it is for the best.
ReplyDeleteThat photo of her is pretty compelling. As is the timing of when she posted it to her FB page. Your suggestion may have some merit, as it was the first thought I had when she posted.
ReplyDeletefoam,
ReplyDeleteGo for the shoes. At worst, about $6 in return. If you have Danskins, you probably know it takes just a bit to break them in. But I can tell already, that these will be fantastic house shoes. I could wear them outside, easily, but wanted a pair of easy, COmfy, home shoes. I hope, eventually, to be set up so that I take outside boots and shoes off at the door. The idea of, like say Japanese slippers or mens slippers, did cross the mind. But they are limited, in case of emergency.
As to the other discussion? Well, if you can't make heads or tales of it, good on you. You probably know domestic aspects of it, as a trained but still green foot soldier might know his pike, sword, or bow. Unless you travel the war circuit for fifteen or twenty years, at least, some things don't make sense.
Desert Cat,
Oh, aye, compelling. It is a challenge, a threat, and an offer, all in one. An alpha would stay away from that unless all exits were open, accessible, and one way. She may well end up killing some guy who just wants to play, pushes past her defenses, but doesn't know what he is doing, or her child, and will begin toying with her own life but... women usually don't go as far as actual suicide. I meant velociraptor, not velocipede, by the way. And she is the perfect picture of a predator, a female one anyway. Just... look.
The picture, if it popped for you as you suggest, was her trying to let you know what you would be dealing with. If it spooks you, that is good, not even dealing with what she wrote. If not, be very careful with the women you are attracting. If it doesn't give you notice, then you aren't seeing well.
foam,
ReplyDeleteBy the way... the song the upset you was a song I thought wouldn't bother you. The one you liked, sort of, threw me a bit. Then I realized that one seems... eternally hopeless... unless you understand that it's just a lament to the work needed. The song you like is very much a mixed signal, but keeps to the notion of mission, if I think it shows that the mission changes direction, as it did for me. From dark, to confused, to light.
Just... I thought you might enjoy that you threw me. :)